****** By: Fashiongrrl ******
******Chapter 2: Vanilla Sky*******beep beep beep beep*
A very groggy Buffy Summers reached over to slam a fist into the alarm. Poor thing always took such a beating, yet somehow it always managed to wake her up, 6 AM on the dot, every damn morning. She sat up slowly, yawning and arching her back like a cat. Buffy glanced over beside her. There lay her fabulous fiancé, Angel. Sound asleep, not as easily roused. He slept like the dead almost, if it weren't for the slight bit of drool hanging from his mouth. Buffy shook her head, repeating to herself, It's not gross. It's just Angel. It's not gross. She hopped out of bed, pulling the covers back up over Angel before she made her way to the bathroom for her morning ritual.
She looked up, taking in the reflection held by the mirror over the sink. Long blonde hair, desperately in need of a cut she never had time to get. Brilliant green eyes, long and dark "maybe it's Maybelline" model eyelashes, and cute pink lips. But of course there were the dark circles, hanging under those brilliant green eyes. And that one monthly blemish, marring one cheek. She smiled, flashing her teeth, then stuck her tongue out, making faces at the mirror. She sighed, "good morning Buffy," time to get to work and write about everyone else's beautiful, dysfunctional, vibrant lives.
Angel had come over last night. She'd worked on her column, finishing it up. Being her fiancé, he knew of her identity, as did Willow and Xander. Other than Giles and a few select people at work, no one else was supposed to know she was the Joan Winters. She'd finished up the column and Angel had sat down to watch "Nightly News with Tom Brokaw" at exactly 6:30 PM like he did every weekday night. He'd shushed her when Tom began speaking after the commercial breaks, grunting a slight laugh whenever Brokaw said anything he found amusing. Angel would comment on the news stories, giving his own legal opinions, since he was a lawyer for the prestigious LA firm, Wolfram and Hart.
It wasn't that Angel was an ass, so much as he was vanilla -- and not as in ice cream. Every day the same show, every day the same lawyer talk over dinner. He was a good man, helping the helpless, always putting his neck out for others. Yet he'd never look into his own life. He was at best, simple. If Buffy was smiling, it would obviously mean everything was okay. If she wasn't smiling, he's ask. He'd ridicule the reason and tell her that everything in life was always black and white, no shades of color. Either you're happy and everything is okay, or you're not and you get over whatever ails you and then you're happy again. Simple, simple, simple.
To Angel, life was binary: you're right or you're wrong, you're good or you're evil, you're nice or you're mean, you're happy or you're sad, you're working or you're lazy, and so on and so forth. Of course he loved Buffy, but he didn't need to tell her every night, when she's ask. His response would be "You know I love you, how couldn't I? You're wonderful, and I'm supposed to love you." And she'd ask, "Yes, but why do you love me Angel?" And he'd always answer, "What kind of a question is that? Why? Because I just do. What's with all the emotions today?"
And so that's how life went. He'd come over after work on most days, she's finish up her work, he'd watch the news, and she'd partake in whatever "Must See TV" was on. Dinnertime, perhaps the most imaginative he'd ever get. Then they'd make love, he'd tell her she was beautiful or gorgeous; always those two words. Never anything new, but at least it was something. And it was comfortable, so Buffy didn't question. She accepted. She could definitely do comfortable. At 25, if she had comfortable, at least she had something. Then it'd be time for bed. He'd fall asleep within seconds, Buffy would be up for an hour reading before she finally drifted off. The alarm would ring. He didn't have to be up until 7 AM, she'd head to the bathroom, and the morning ritual would begin.
Jolted out her thoughts she quickly brushed her teeth, washed her face with some special girly foaming facial wash, and jumped into the warmth of the shower. Hot water cascading down, almost scalding her skin. But it was something, it was a feeling. It was real, it was tactile, it wasn't binary. Most days Buffy just wanted to feel. Something, anything, didn't matter what. She just wanted to feel.
She stood in front of her closet, wondering what her mood was today. Buffy decided to skip the casual slacks and shirt for one day. She wasn't in the mood for casual Friday. Instead she opted for a comfy yet stylish white cableknit sweater, an A-line gray skirt that flared at the knee, and a pair of long black high-heeled boots. She added some black dangly earrings to the ensemble, snapped on the requisite watch every working girl needs, threw on some natural makeup (eyeliner and a bit of lipstick), and grabbed her coffee.
Drinking it down, she looked over her column with a final discerning eye. She looked over the last letter. Buffy had responded to the advice in 5 minutes, knowing exactly what to say this time. But she had to make sure it was perfect.
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Dear Joan:
I've been dating "Mark" for about 5 months now. He's very caring and considerate, loves going shopping, helps me around the house, and has a great eye for style. Last week we went out to dinner, and without thinking I made a comment about how cute our waiter was. I was afraid Mark would be mad and get jealous like most guys. But he actually agreed with me and commented on how good the waiter looked from the back. A few nights later Mark asked me if I would mind involving another man in our lovemaking. I confronted him about the possibility that he's gay, and he broke down crying and told me that he thinks he is too. Joan, I really love this guy. Is there any way I could get him to fall for me again?
-Straight Eye for the Queer Guy
Dear SEQG:
Honey, I hate to break it to you. Mark is gay. He likes the boys, just like you. Now take a deep breath, and say it slowly. "Mark. Is. Gay." Good! Still breathing right? There's nothing on this earth that you can do to "de-gay" him. If you're thinking that you had something to do with this, you're wrong. You can't turn a person gay, and from what it sounds like, you two had a compassionate and strong relationship. You did everything you could, and it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, and you didn't make him fall out of love with you. He's not the right man for you, and you're definitely not the right man for him. Why involve yourself in a relationship where you're not going to get the love and intimacy you truly deserve. You and Mark both owe it yourselves to be happy. You may not see my point right now, but give it time and you'll understand. In the meantime, you may have gained a good guy-pal. Things may not be all "Will and Grace" right away, but in the end this might turn out to be a good thing. Above all, remember you're beautiful as you are, and the right man is definitely out there waiting for you.
-Joan
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Buffy had read that letter and sworn this could be a page right out of her life. The thing about writing an advice column, 25% of the scenarios she came across were outrageous, 25% were plausible, and 50% were things that could happen to just about anybody and probably already had. Buffy read the last line over again, and laughed in spite of herself. The "right man," she thought, shaking her head. A myth like the vampires and werewolves. Those things didn't exist. Oh well, another day on the job, another happy reader.
*Flashback* Junior Year, Sunnydale High School, Spring 1996
Buffy was walking down the hallway, stylishly dressed in a short plaid skirt, v-neck sweater, thigh-high socks straight out of "Clueless" and high heeled Mary Janes. She looked up to see her then boyfriend Scott Hope coming towards her, a serious look on his face.
"Hey Scott!" Buffy said cheerfully.
"Hi honey," Scott responded absent mindedly, watching the football team walk by.
"What's with the 'All My Children' face? Who died?" Buffy joked.
"Hmm? Oh nothing. I'm fine. Hey listen, could we skip the Bronze tonight? Would you mind if we just went out for a drive?" he asked.
"Not a problem! Oooh, we could talk about Prom! I was talking to Willow and Xan, and we were thinking of getting a limo together," Buffy replied.
"Yeah, sounds great. I'll pick you up around 7?" Scott said, grazing her cheek with his lips in a poor excuse for a kiss. "I've got to run. I can't be late to gym."
'That's weird,' Buffy thought. 'Since when does he like going to gym? He's always finding ways to skip unless they're playing tackle football or something.'
Later that evening Scott picked Buffy up. They drove around Sunnydale for a bit in silence, before finally stopping on Buffy's street. Then Scott turned to her and, "Buffy, we need to talk."
Damn, those 4 words can stop someone's blood cold.
And that night, Buffy had ice in her veins. We need to talk, he'd said. And talk they did. Scott began crying and rambling. He told Buffy how he'd been feeling isolated and different from everyone else for the past year. He'd been trying to suppress these feelings for so long, knowing they weren't right. His dad might hate him, he wasn't sure yet. His mom and his brother would understand in time. But he wasn't even sure if he did. He was hoping that by liking Buffy it would all turn out okay.
Up to that time, Buffy had been trying to follow Scott, but to no avail. As soon as Scott told her that he'd hoped everything would be okay once they started dating, it fell into place. She looked over at him, took his hand and encouraged him to go on. Her first serious boyfriend, and he was about to break up with her, but seeing the broken and scared look in Scott's eyes, she didn't have the heart to start subjecting him to the pain he'd probably get as soon as the closet doors opened in public. At least her mother had raised her to be kind, but dammit, what a time to be nice. Break ups are messy, and Buffy learned that first hand that night.
Scott was gay. There was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't do or say anything to make him love her. She told him it was okay, that they could still be friends in time, but it would take a while to heal. She needed time to deal with this. He'd asked if she still wanted to go to the prom, and she said that he should take someone he really wanted to go with. She'd be fine and so would he.
She'd learned to be good about hiding her feelings, especially ever since her parents divorce. They'd had such a strong marriage, and then her father had run off with his secretary leaving Buffy to be the strong one and take care of her mom and her sister Dawn. Buffy had grown up fast, learning to set aside her own pain in an instant when faced with the unknown. That night in the car, it was as if she was watching else say those strong and mature words to Scott. Like watching someone else's nightmare unfold. Buffy Summers had carefully detached herself in an instant. No pain in that moment, as she hugged Scott and acted like a good friend should.
But when Buffy got home that night, she crawled into her bed and cried herself into a dreamless sleep. Her first love, 16 candles down the drain.
*End Flashback*
She snapped out of her second daydream of the morning, and look at the time. 7:15 AM. Buffy grabbed her briefcase, stuffing her purse, her lunch, and her articles and discs inside. It had to be on Giles's desk before 8 AM. She snatched her keys off the kitchen table and made sure she had turned the coffee machine off. One last look to make sure she had everything, and she was out the door.
END CHAPTER 2
A/N: I hope you liked Chapter 2! Thanks to alexa19, buffsterangelicxws, Ultrawoman, BrownEyes, Moxie, Harm Marie, Sweet Bitter, Kubla Khun, daniluvsspike, MsBigBad, William's Girl, and whoever posted that anonymous review for your comments! I'm so glad you guys liked Chapter 1. I tried a bit of character development in this chapter, so we could all realize why Buffy's outlook on love is so screwed up. Afterall there's got to be something to fix once she finally meets Spike. He's got to serve his salty goodness purpose!*Spuffy love and Spike-shaped cookies for all!*
Stay tuned for more! Spike and Buffy meet in Chapter 3! *Enter screaming fans.* Will the sparks fly? Will they hate each other? Will they break into song? Did they really get the mustard out? Inquiring minds want to know! I guess you'll just have to wait until Chapter 3.
(Sorry if the formatting is screwed up, I couldn't figure out why ff.net didn't like MSWord formatting, grr arg!)