Decisions
November 18th
Mac had spent the weekend alone in her apartment. She had been trying not to think so much about what was going on in her life, but had failed totally. Though, in a way that was a good thing, because the thinking had given her some piece of mind. What had happened that night was irresponsible, and she had to admit, completely unnecessary. She should have talked to Harm directly instead of going to Sturgis even though she hadn't planned to spend the night with him. The situation was different now. For the sake of her baby she had to forgive herself for what had happened. If she couldn't, it would just hurt the baby and help no one.
When she had come into the office this morning, Harm was already there. Normally she would have checked in with him and teased him for being there before her. As it was she couldn't. She realized that she had hurt him Friday and suspected that when he found out about the baby, he'd be even more hurt. The least she could do was to at least tell him before everybody else found out about it. First she'd tell the admiral and than she'd tell Harm. She hoped that, with a lot of luck, they would eventually be able to restore a bit of their friendship, but she knew there were no guaranties for that ever happening.
It was close to lunchtime and Sturgis walked into her office.
"We need to talk. How about lunch?" he asked not wanting to give anything away to any undesired eavesdroppers.
"That's good. Shall we go straight away?"
"I can wait if you still have something to do before."
Mac shook her had and got up to get her cover. They walked out of the Headquarters without saying anything more to each other.
They had driven together to a restaurant they knew people from JAG never visited. This definitely wasn't a conversation they wanted anyone to overhear. They sat down and ordered, but they still didn't say anything about what they really needed to talk about.
"I did a lot of thinking during this weekend," Sturgis finally said.
"And?"
"Of course I'm not going to let my child grow up without knowing me. That was never a question," he pointed out to her. "Do you know how you want to explain this? There are who people will ask questions now and one day we'll have to explain it to the child."
Mac didn't say anything. She was so happy to know that he didn't blame her for getting pregnant, not that she had really thought that he would, but trusting people not to hurt or blame her had never really been her thing. At least she wouldn't have to do this alone.
"Do you want us to get married for the baby's sake?" Sturgis asked since Mac hadn't said anything.
"No," Mac said very quickly. "I think the baby will be better off with two parents who still like each other and get along, because that would probably not last very long in a marriage like that. Besides I almost got married once before for the wrong reasons and I promised myself not to do the same mistake again."
"I agree with you," Sturgis said with some relief. It was something he would have been prepared to do, but he was glad to know that they would solve it some other way. The waitress brought the food and Sturgis changed the subject; "So have you been to see your OB yet?"
"I have an appointment this Friday."
"Do you want me to come?"
"Only if you want to."
"I do."
"Then we'll go there together. The appointment is 3 o'clock."
"I guess it's best to let the admiral know before then so that we can both get leave," she added thinking about the practical stuff.
"What do you want to tell him?" Sturgis now remembered his earlier question.
"The truth. We're not in a relationship. We made a mistake and are now taking responsibility for it."
"And that's what we'll tell everyone else too. Even the child?"
"Yes, I think it's for the best. He or she would eventually find out anyway. Family secrets have a way of revealing themselves. Besides I plan to make sure that he or she knows that even though this wasn't planned or convenient when it happened. He or she is still very much loved."
"You have obviously had more time to think about this than I have."
"You still have seven months to get used to it. Do you think that you might be able to be a little bit happy about this?"
"Oh Mac, I already am. It's just it will change everything."
"Yes, it will. Are you seeing anybody at the moment?"
"No. Would you mind if I did?" he asked hypothetically.
"No, just because I can't doesn't mean that you shouldn't."
"This will mean problems with Harm, won't it?"
"I want to tell him before we tell anybody else. Is that OK with you?"
"I was planning on suggesting the same thing."
"Then I'll try to talk to the admiral this afternoon and ask him to keep it quite until we want to tell people. Is it OK if I talk to the admiral alone? I think I'd feel more comfortable that way."
"Yes, whatever you want to. I just want you to know that you don't have to feel like you have to do these things alone."
"I don't. Not anymore," she said and smiled at him. "We'd better get back to work before we're declared UA."
"Yeah, let's go," he said and smiled back at her. Maybe this wouldn't turn out so bad after all.
TBC
November 18th
Mac had spent the weekend alone in her apartment. She had been trying not to think so much about what was going on in her life, but had failed totally. Though, in a way that was a good thing, because the thinking had given her some piece of mind. What had happened that night was irresponsible, and she had to admit, completely unnecessary. She should have talked to Harm directly instead of going to Sturgis even though she hadn't planned to spend the night with him. The situation was different now. For the sake of her baby she had to forgive herself for what had happened. If she couldn't, it would just hurt the baby and help no one.
When she had come into the office this morning, Harm was already there. Normally she would have checked in with him and teased him for being there before her. As it was she couldn't. She realized that she had hurt him Friday and suspected that when he found out about the baby, he'd be even more hurt. The least she could do was to at least tell him before everybody else found out about it. First she'd tell the admiral and than she'd tell Harm. She hoped that, with a lot of luck, they would eventually be able to restore a bit of their friendship, but she knew there were no guaranties for that ever happening.
It was close to lunchtime and Sturgis walked into her office.
"We need to talk. How about lunch?" he asked not wanting to give anything away to any undesired eavesdroppers.
"That's good. Shall we go straight away?"
"I can wait if you still have something to do before."
Mac shook her had and got up to get her cover. They walked out of the Headquarters without saying anything more to each other.
They had driven together to a restaurant they knew people from JAG never visited. This definitely wasn't a conversation they wanted anyone to overhear. They sat down and ordered, but they still didn't say anything about what they really needed to talk about.
"I did a lot of thinking during this weekend," Sturgis finally said.
"And?"
"Of course I'm not going to let my child grow up without knowing me. That was never a question," he pointed out to her. "Do you know how you want to explain this? There are who people will ask questions now and one day we'll have to explain it to the child."
Mac didn't say anything. She was so happy to know that he didn't blame her for getting pregnant, not that she had really thought that he would, but trusting people not to hurt or blame her had never really been her thing. At least she wouldn't have to do this alone.
"Do you want us to get married for the baby's sake?" Sturgis asked since Mac hadn't said anything.
"No," Mac said very quickly. "I think the baby will be better off with two parents who still like each other and get along, because that would probably not last very long in a marriage like that. Besides I almost got married once before for the wrong reasons and I promised myself not to do the same mistake again."
"I agree with you," Sturgis said with some relief. It was something he would have been prepared to do, but he was glad to know that they would solve it some other way. The waitress brought the food and Sturgis changed the subject; "So have you been to see your OB yet?"
"I have an appointment this Friday."
"Do you want me to come?"
"Only if you want to."
"I do."
"Then we'll go there together. The appointment is 3 o'clock."
"I guess it's best to let the admiral know before then so that we can both get leave," she added thinking about the practical stuff.
"What do you want to tell him?" Sturgis now remembered his earlier question.
"The truth. We're not in a relationship. We made a mistake and are now taking responsibility for it."
"And that's what we'll tell everyone else too. Even the child?"
"Yes, I think it's for the best. He or she would eventually find out anyway. Family secrets have a way of revealing themselves. Besides I plan to make sure that he or she knows that even though this wasn't planned or convenient when it happened. He or she is still very much loved."
"You have obviously had more time to think about this than I have."
"You still have seven months to get used to it. Do you think that you might be able to be a little bit happy about this?"
"Oh Mac, I already am. It's just it will change everything."
"Yes, it will. Are you seeing anybody at the moment?"
"No. Would you mind if I did?" he asked hypothetically.
"No, just because I can't doesn't mean that you shouldn't."
"This will mean problems with Harm, won't it?"
"I want to tell him before we tell anybody else. Is that OK with you?"
"I was planning on suggesting the same thing."
"Then I'll try to talk to the admiral this afternoon and ask him to keep it quite until we want to tell people. Is it OK if I talk to the admiral alone? I think I'd feel more comfortable that way."
"Yes, whatever you want to. I just want you to know that you don't have to feel like you have to do these things alone."
"I don't. Not anymore," she said and smiled at him. "We'd better get back to work before we're declared UA."
"Yeah, let's go," he said and smiled back at her. Maybe this wouldn't turn out so bad after all.
TBC