Disclaimer- I own nothing. If you recognise it- it's not mine!
Thanks to all of you who reviewed.
Leah- we share a common problem. I hope that you're ok- well you know what I mean.
Laura- thanks- glad you think so. I want to keep this story as realistic as possible.
Wicklowe- thank you once again.
My head was pounding. I was moving; or rather I was sat on something that was moving. I was leaning on something soft...Legolas; his unique smell lingered on the fabric. A pang shot through my heart as the memories of last night returned to me.
I was in trouble, a lot of trouble.
'What have I done'? They're going to hate me. 'Umm...make up a lie, they didn't see the scars so it can't be that hard to make up a believable lie can it?' my mind was working overtime.
I felt the arms around me tighten and soft lips on my forehead. His hand stroked my hair soothingly; he knew I was awake.
I opened my eyes and looked up at his face. The shame was overwhelming me and I could hardly bare to look at him. I glanced around and my eyes met those of Glorfindel. His usual stoic expression was gone and hurt and pain was clearly etched into his features.
I turned my head away and buried it into Legolas' tunic. I felt safe but I didn't want to be here. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. Usually when I felt like crying, I would cut. But right now that wasn't an option.
I didn't want to be awake; I didn't want to feel like this. My eyes felt heavy and I gave into sleep.
---
We met Lorien's marchwarden just outside its boarders.
"Daro!" Haldir' s command drifted through the trees.
"Haldir, come down here", Glorfindel shouted. "I am afraid that we cannot tarry for long. We must reach the city".
Haldir dropped from a high branch and landed noiselessly in front of us. His eyes immediately went to Thalia's form in front of me. He arched an eyebrow in question. I didn't say anything and luckily he had picked up on the seriousness of our request to get to the city quickly.
The journey to the city seemed to take so much longer than usual. This time I took no comfort in seeing the age-old trees or hearing the harmonious singing that normally would have eased my heart. Thalia still hadn't awoken and I was beginning to worry.
The events of last night were continuously re-playing themselves in my mind and my heart wrenched as every time I saw her reaction. She looked terrified of me.
I felt guilty, I had known what she had done and I had foolishly believed that she was happy. She seemed captivated by the elves, she had constantly asked questions and she never tired of hearing the stories of the elves. Her favourite was that of the man Beren and the elf-maiden Luthien.
I had thought that she was content with her life. I had missed all of the many signs; she had been retiring early at night, she had become somewhat distant, and what of her fear of the other elves? Especially her inexplicable fear of Lord Elrond.
We had reached the Lord and Lady's Talan. I turned to Haldir and carefully and with great regret I handed her to him. My body already missed her heat. She looked so small and frail in his arms. Her face was pale and there were still faint, silvery tear tracks on her face. She looked like a child.
Haldir bowed to us and took his leave, Thalia safely within his arms.
"She will be fine. Haldir will stay with her and he will not leave her". Glorfindel tried to reassure me, but his attempt fell on deaf ears. I worried for her.
"Come, Legolas. We should not keep the Lord and Lady waiting for us".
And with that we started up the many stairs that would lead us to the Lady's council. I was unaware of our purpose for being here and I hoped that the Lady had answers to our many questions.
---
When I woke up I was being carried. I didn't open my eyes. What was the point? I couldn't face the hurt and guilt that I knew would hit me as soon as I opened my eyes.
I snuggled into the chest of the person that was carrying me. The fabric was different, it was slightly coarser and it was cooler against my skin. My eyes shot open and I found myself looking at the face of an unfamiliar elf. I stiffened in his arms and he looked down at me.
At first glance he appeared stern and unyielding. But underneath his stoic expression were stunning blue-grey eyes that held nothing but concern. His full lips spread into a comforting smile and he bent down and whispered something in elvish. I started to feel sleepy again. He nodded his head and smiled as I closed my eyes.
---
Legolas handed Thalia to me. She felt so small and fragile. As I had listened to Legolas and Glorfindel tell me of her problem, I had come to the conclusion that I had to help her. I understood how she felt. She had told neither of them of her reasons for her self-mutilation. I hoped that if I showed her what I done, she would open up to me.
After the death of my parents I had turned to a blade for comfort, it had not happened intentionally.
I had run from the burial of my parents and had gone straight to the training room in the hopes of expelling some of my anger and frustration. I was paying no attention to anything, as I spared alone, not even myself. I had accidentally cut myself on the sharp edge of the blade. I sat down, shocked by my mistake, I never made mistakes. As I watched the crimson blood run down my arm I felt strangely satisfied. It was as if all my problems had left me along with the blood. But later that night the feelings came back. I managed to ignore it for a few days but it was fast becoming impossible. I turned to a blade every night after that. I continued to use a blade for over five hundred years.
As I looked at her I could feel my raw emotions returning full force. I did not pity her. I felt only the deepest concern.
She stirred as she awoke and buried her head into my chest. I wondered how long it would take for her to realize that it was not Legolas that was carrying her but an elf that she did not know. I felt her body stiffen and her eyes opened in surprise, they were bloodshot from her many tears. I waited for a moment until I felt her relax. She had accepted me. I smiled down at her and whispered an old elvish sleeping spell. She smiled for a moment as her eyes closed.
Finally we reached the talan that was to be hers. I carefully opened the door and slipped into the elaborately decorated room. I moved the bed curtains out of the way and laid her down. She stirred as I removed her boots. I opened her wardrobe and selected a plain nightdress. It would be a while before she would wake and sleeping in her travelling clothes would not be very comfortable.
I carefully went about removing her garments. As I took off her outer tunic hideous scars, much like my own, were revealed.
"These were done with a knife, some with shards of glass", I whispered to myself. I could tell the difference. Glass was hard to use. Although it was sharp it was often only a single point and this makes it harder to draw across the skin, and the scar that it left behind was often jagged and thick.
I lifted her upper body and rested it on my chest as I removed her shirt. There was a faint cut on her shoulder. I gasped as my eyes looked over her torso. All of her chest; save for her breasts were scarred. Scars or physical marks cannot measure pain, but it was obvious that she was in more pain than anybody could have guessed.
I grabbed the nightdress and slipped it over body. Next was her skirt. As I slid the skirt down her legs fresh cuts were revealed. There were nine on her right thigh and eleven on her left. Did Legolas and Glorfindel know?
She must have been desperate.
I could feel tears flowing freely down my face. I could remember what it felt like to be so desperate. The fear of being caught was overwhelming and I had done everything I could think of to hide what I was doing. She had done the same. I had to help her. I was not going to inform Legolas and Glorfindel of her new cuts. I knew that if somebody had done that to me, it would have only made me cut more.
No, I would wait, and talk to her.
I lifted her up and with care put her into bed. She sighed and turned over onto her side.
I walked over and retrieved a chair from the corned of the room. I kept watch over her through the night. As I had promised I would.
Tomorrow, we were going to talk.