Disclaimer-again- I own nothing- not a thing…got it…good!
Ugh, I felt like shit. You know that feeling when you've slept really heavily and you feel even more tired than you did before?
But I was warm and comfortable. Sometime during the night I had rolled onto Legolas' chest. He didn't seem to mind, he was still asleep and his arms were still around me.
I had missed him, but until last night I hadn't realised how much.
I could feel all the feeling from the last few days begin to build up inside me, and they wanted releasing. I could wait, I was going to wait.
"There is nothing that you can not do. Ignore it, it will get easier as time passes, you are stubborn therefore I doubt that you will have much of a problem ignoring it. We both know that it will be hard and it will not always be successful, but if you want to recover. Then you will, but only you can decide".
Haldir had said. And I believed him, and still do. It's just getting harder. And knowing that later on I'd have to sit and tell Legolas and Glorfindel was driving me out of my mind. Haldir had reassured me that neither would be angry with me. Although a part of me would rather that they did yell at me instead of quietly sitting and accepting.
I rolled over back onto the bed, this brought Legolas back to the real world. He grinned at me like a child a Christmas.
"Sleep well?" He asked as I burrowed into his arms.
"Hmmm".
He chuckled as he sat up, "Come, it is time to rise. No doubt that you are hungry".
In answer to that my stomach growled, sending me into fits of giggles. I no idea what was so funny, it just felt good to laugh.
"We did not eat last night", he gestured to the tray of uneaten food. The poor maid had had to carry all of that over here only to find us flat out.
"I am going to bathe, while I am gone I suggest that unless you wish to run around Lothlorien in your night-dress, you get dressed".
I nodded.
"Umm, Legolas?"
"Yes?"
"Umm…nothing, never mind"
"Alright" he started to walk towards the door.
"No wait, Legolas, will you be free today? And Glorfindel as well? I need to talk to you."
He came over and hugged me. "If you need us, we will always be free".
I smiled and nodded. He left the room and I got dressed in record time. I was now wearing a light blue, almost silver dress. It had a modest neckline and long bell sleeves. It was perfect.
Now I just had to work up the courage to tell Legolas and Glorfindel. I grimaced as I thought about it.
I was brought out of my thoughts by a sharp tap on the door.
"It's open" I shouted.
It was Haldir.
"How do you feel this morning?"
"Not too bad, it's there, but I can ignore it for the moment. Now all I have to worry about is Legolas and Glorfindel. I'm going to tell them later. Umm…will you come?"
"Do you really wish for me to be there?"
I nodded.
"Then I shall be".
He hugged me tightly. He smelled so different to Legolas. Haldir smelled like the forest, almost like pine trees. It was a calming and refreshing smell. I'd never had thought that the elves would be so touchy-feely. I'm not complaining, at all. It just came as a bit of a shock.
I met up with Legolas and we walked down to the dining hall. He kept laughing at me, it wasn't my fault that the trees kept getting in my way while I was trying to think.
Lothlorien was beautiful. I'd never seen anything like it. We entered the dinning hall. I was beginning to feel sick. I was sweating and if given a good enough reason, I would've bolted, I felt seriously threatened.
I tried to keep my eyes in one fixed place and focused. Then my eyes were drawn to two people sat at the top of the table.
There was a male elf, he reminded me of Haldir. He looked powerful, but he had wise quality that shone through his eyes. He caught my eye and smiled warmly. Next to him sat a woman, I couldn't see her face as she was talking to someone next to her. She had long blonde hair that shone like gold, and she was wearing a pearl while dress- 'she seems familiar'.
She turned round, it was as if she had read my thoughts. She was the woman, the woman who came to me before I died. It had to be her, it was her.
I must have zoned out because when I 'came back' Legolas was standing in front of me shaking me. He looked concerned.
Before he or anybody else could catch me I ran from the hall. I was desperate to find Haldir. He was the only one that knew about her. He must've known.
Forgetting my fear of these new elves I quickly asked if they knew where he was. Finally I got the training room, currently he was sparing with another elf. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of leggings and his boots. His torso was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and his hair was quickly coming undone. I watched as an elf walked over to him and informed him of my presence. He looked at me and nodded. I turned away and waited for him to come over.
"Thalia?"
I tuned round and threw myself at him", he looked stunned and concerned at the same time.
"Whats wrong?"
At that moment I grew angry.
"How could you not tell me. You must've known it was her. The woman- she…they look the same…they're the same person…" I trailed off as my shouting turned to sobs. I didn't know what to think. Was it her? Should I be angry with him? Did he even know it was her? Did I have any right to be angry with anybody?
---
I saw Orophin walk towards me, I was about to shout at him when I saw the look in his eyes. He told me that a frantic young woman had come searching for me. It had to be Thalia. Immediately I left the room and went to her. She was leaning on the wall with her eyes closed and her arms folded across her chest.
"Thalia?" I asked tentatively, I didn't want to alarm her or distress her anymore than she already was.
She turned round and threw herself into my arms. I was slightly stunned by her response.
"What's wrong?"
At that moment something in her seemed to spark and she began shouting at me. I had known that the woman she had seen was the Lady, but I didn't want to alarm her by telling her before she met Galadriel. There were things that even I did not know the answers to.
She broke down. I didn't know to do or say. She sat on the ground- knees drawn up to her chest and her arms around them, she rocked herself back and fourth.
I sat down next to her and took one of her hands. She raised her head and gave me a soft smile. I knew what she had to do, it was not the best thing, but for now it was all she had and I was not going to take that away from her. I leaned over and kissed her brow, letting her know that I was there and I understood. I watched as she walked out of the door. She was confused. I would have to talk to the Lady. She had to know why she was here. It was killing her. She didn't know her place or purpose in the world. And she felt lost.
I would give her some time to be alone and then go and see her before lunch. She wanted me to stay with her while she told her two best friends what she had gone through. It would not be easy, we both knew this. And I wanted to give her all the support that I could.
I could remember how lonely I had felt. If I tried hard enough I could still feel the anger and the despair that I had felt for all those years. Not even my brothers had known. When I had told her how I'd kept my secrets she looked astounded. I had worn long sleeved tunics all year round and I had bathed alone. Elves would normally bathe together as we had no problems with our bodies. For five hundred years I had been in the very depths of despair and nobody had known. I had to save her from doing the same.
---
I left the training room and set off in a dead sprint to my room. I had to cut, my skin was itching like mad and I was going to explode.
I quickly found my bag and took out a razor. Without paying any attention to anything I entered the bathroom and locked the door. I lifted up my skirt and looked at my thighs. All the cuts had nearly healed and were now pink lines across my skin. With practised movements I brought down the blade and drew it across my skin. I took delight and solace in watching my blood bubble on the surface. By the time that I had finished I had twenty cuts altogether.
I washed up and put on a new dress, redid my hair and washed my face and left the bathroom