Disclaimer: I don't own Remus
Author's Note: I have been wanting to write this for a long time but never got the chance to do so. So here it is, Please don't Flame. It's a small, one-shot Remus fic.
~I need to run~
(Remus' thoughts)
All of my life, since I can remember, it had been present. The pain, the different course of emotions taking place every single month around the full moon. The growling that comes from a place so deep inside me that I can never find it to subdue it completely. The surge of energy that I get just before my time comes. The need to rush outside and run, forever, and to continue running… I need to feel the cold wind brush against my face and dry out the tears that are willing to fall. It hurts so much. So much that I would want to die. But I just continue. I get up from where I had been sitting, doing my homework but not being able to concentrate on anything except the plead of the animal inside me wanting to take control. My books fall to the floor. A breeze passes through the room making the pages turn, flowing through my hair. The feeling is getting stronger. My friends look at me, their gaze questioning. How can I explain what goes on inside me at that precise moment. Would they even understand if I tried? I get up, staring in front of me as I pass them and exit the common room. Their eyes follow me, I can sense them. I make my way through the castle, my pace quickening. Need to get out. I feel as if the air is going away around me, disappearing, leaving me panting for it. Breathless. My head is throbbing. Where is the exit? I turn another corner, and stop. Where do I want to go? Everything is spinning. I need to breathe. I start running again. I see the exit. It seems so far but it's there, waiting for me to pass through. I can't think straight anymore. I need to run. I hear my shoes slamming on the cold stone floor. I feel the wolf fighting inside me, beating it's way to the top, to where it can take over me and win. Struggling to be set free. The Pain flows
through all of my body, my head, my lungs, my heart… The ground changes beneath my feet. The rough stone of the pathway seemed so far away, but now I'm there. And I run. But It's not over. I still can't breathe, still can't stop my eyes from being blurred by the wolf's needs. I can't feel anything anymore. But I know that I'm running. I need to run more… further, without stopping. And then it's as if something breaks, the cold air of the night stings my face in a sudden force. It fills my nose and mouth, flows through me. I can feel the refreshing air going through my body. I start to see, to actually feel my feet pressing into the ground, running. I can hear myself breathe. And I run more. I don't stop. I can't. And I don't want to. And I notice one thing. Everything is gone. The constant pain, the never ending suffering. I used to feel as if the wolf had my heart imprisoned. As If it
was clutching at it. But, for the first time in my life, it agreed, it let me be. The wolf had stopped fighting for control, finding the release that I provided in running like this forever enough to satisfy his feelings. His hunger for control has dissipated. I take in a long breathe. Never have I felt like this. Looking straight in front of me, I Run. And I don't want
to stop, never. I know that it will come back, stabbing at me as it always has. I know that this release won't last long, that soon it will be over. But I can't let go of it now. A single tear falls down on my cheek. I am free. And I'm running. I want to run forever. I need to Run…
;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;
So How was it? Please leave a review but no flames. I want to know if the feelings were conveyed right… I will fix it up later because I think that most of it is not comprehendible… Thanks For taking your time to read!
~A.L.