AN: I hope this answers a part of your questions, Observer. I already have
pretty much the whole story mapped out in my brain, but I don't like to
give any spoilers to what will happen. However I can tell you that there
will be more explanations for both Harm's and Mac's behavior. Anyone who
feels up to beta-reading a part or two of this story, please mail me.
A Break?
December 27th 2002
Harm was waiting for the coffee machine, which was almost finished brewing, in the break room of JAG HQ. He had been early in anxious to get back to work after the holidays and the time he had spend away doing his quals. OK, he was willing to admit that those weren't the true reasons why he was here so early. The truth was he was really anxious to try to get close to Mac again.
He respected her for writing that letter and explaining what she had done and why she had done it. It must have been a hard and frightening thing to do and if she was willing to take a first step on the road back he wouldn't be unwilling to follow. The friendship they had had was more valuable than anything and loosing it over something like this just wasn't worth it. Regardless how much it would hurt in the process, he knew that it would be worth it.
When he had read the part in her letter where she had written about the fact that she hadn't betrayed him but rather herself, he had been forced to agree with her. They hadn't been in a romantic relationship at the time, so logically he shouldn't have had any reasons to be angry at her for seeing or even sleeping with someone else. That's the exact same thing as he had said to her when she had told him about it at first, but back then he hadn't really believed it deep down. It had just been a way for him to protect himself and his pride from the hurt. Even though Mac and Harm now both felt that it hadn't really been him or any promise to him she had betrayed, he couldn't help feeling like she had betrayed the possible "them". And that was what hurt him so much. They wouldn't get a chance at that now and they were both to a certain extent to blame for it.
He was awoken from his thoughts when he felt a presence in the room. He looked up and saw Mac looking a little worried at him. Even though Christmas Eve had had a very good atmosphere between them they hadn't really talked and she was still worried about how he was going to act around her.
"Hey Mac, did you have a nice Christmas?" Harm asked as he took down two cups from the shelf and started to pour coffee in them.
"You want coffee, right?"
"No thanks, I don't drink coffee," she said, but still took the cup he held out to her. She was terrified that she would say something to scare him off so she just didn't dare saying anything, instead she put the cup on the counter and started preparing some herbal tea.
"Since when don't you drink coffee? I thought you didn't like tea,"
She looked up at him and wondered what to tell him. She unconsciously put one hand to her stomach and the light bulb went up for Harm.
"Your not drinking coffee because of the. I forgot about that." He was beating himself up for forgetting about that. Here he was worried about how to rebuild the friendship with her after she had slept with his best friend, but that was just the beginning. That baby would always be there and remind them of what had happened. Was he really determined enough to work through all of that? Would it really be worth it? He wasn't sure to a hundred percent. Before he had always thought that a relationship with Mac would be complicated, but that was nothing compared to how things were now.
She was now looking straight at him and took a step towards him and put her hand on top of his. She didn't understand how she dared to do something like that when things were so strained between them. Harm enjoyed the feel of her hand against his and thought about what could have been, but those things weren't a possible reality anymore. He drew back from her and without a glance in her direction he walked out of the break room.
TBC
A Break?
December 27th 2002
Harm was waiting for the coffee machine, which was almost finished brewing, in the break room of JAG HQ. He had been early in anxious to get back to work after the holidays and the time he had spend away doing his quals. OK, he was willing to admit that those weren't the true reasons why he was here so early. The truth was he was really anxious to try to get close to Mac again.
He respected her for writing that letter and explaining what she had done and why she had done it. It must have been a hard and frightening thing to do and if she was willing to take a first step on the road back he wouldn't be unwilling to follow. The friendship they had had was more valuable than anything and loosing it over something like this just wasn't worth it. Regardless how much it would hurt in the process, he knew that it would be worth it.
When he had read the part in her letter where she had written about the fact that she hadn't betrayed him but rather herself, he had been forced to agree with her. They hadn't been in a romantic relationship at the time, so logically he shouldn't have had any reasons to be angry at her for seeing or even sleeping with someone else. That's the exact same thing as he had said to her when she had told him about it at first, but back then he hadn't really believed it deep down. It had just been a way for him to protect himself and his pride from the hurt. Even though Mac and Harm now both felt that it hadn't really been him or any promise to him she had betrayed, he couldn't help feeling like she had betrayed the possible "them". And that was what hurt him so much. They wouldn't get a chance at that now and they were both to a certain extent to blame for it.
He was awoken from his thoughts when he felt a presence in the room. He looked up and saw Mac looking a little worried at him. Even though Christmas Eve had had a very good atmosphere between them they hadn't really talked and she was still worried about how he was going to act around her.
"Hey Mac, did you have a nice Christmas?" Harm asked as he took down two cups from the shelf and started to pour coffee in them.
"You want coffee, right?"
"No thanks, I don't drink coffee," she said, but still took the cup he held out to her. She was terrified that she would say something to scare him off so she just didn't dare saying anything, instead she put the cup on the counter and started preparing some herbal tea.
"Since when don't you drink coffee? I thought you didn't like tea,"
She looked up at him and wondered what to tell him. She unconsciously put one hand to her stomach and the light bulb went up for Harm.
"Your not drinking coffee because of the. I forgot about that." He was beating himself up for forgetting about that. Here he was worried about how to rebuild the friendship with her after she had slept with his best friend, but that was just the beginning. That baby would always be there and remind them of what had happened. Was he really determined enough to work through all of that? Would it really be worth it? He wasn't sure to a hundred percent. Before he had always thought that a relationship with Mac would be complicated, but that was nothing compared to how things were now.
She was now looking straight at him and took a step towards him and put her hand on top of his. She didn't understand how she dared to do something like that when things were so strained between them. Harm enjoyed the feel of her hand against his and thought about what could have been, but those things weren't a possible reality anymore. He drew back from her and without a glance in her direction he walked out of the break room.
TBC