AN: Thank you Cria for beta-reading this!
Firing At Your Friends
February 24th 2003
Sturgis was sitting in his office waiting for his client to show up. Yesterday, Sunday, he had as usual spent with Mac. He suspected that something had happened between her and Harm, but she hadn't said anything and from Harm he wouldn't hear anything anyway. Sturgis was quite sure Mac would tell him when she was ready and there was something to tell, so he hadn't asked about it. Either way Mac seemed happier than he had ever known her and whatever was good for Mac was good for the baby and that was what was really important.
Last week he had run into Bobbie. He hadn't seen her since they had stopped seeing each other. She had told him about running into Harm and Mac at a restaurant and asked him about the father of the baby. He had of course told her about it and she had been shocked however not let on as much as she could have. All in all it had been a nice run in. Of course she telling him about seeing Harm and Mac at a restaurant had increased his suspicions about them, but he still felt that it would be better to not ask Mac about it yet.
He had just come out of a briefing with the admiral. He was prosecuting a case of friendly fire. Mac and Bud were going to defend and Harm was on the bench. How this case would turn out was hard to tell. It was just to wait and see and hope for the best. But if the way Mac and Harm had acted around each other just during the briefing was any indication on how it was going to go, it wouldn't go very well.
February 28th 2003
Mac was heading over to Harm's place. She wasn't as comfortable about it as she had been lately, before this week. She felt that the whole trial with Harm on the bench had been difficult and damaging for their relationship and friendship. Exactly how damaging she would find out tonight. They hadn't seen each other privately during the trial, but had already decided at the beginning of the week that they would see each other Friday, so here she was.
It hadn't been the smartest thing she had done, to question Harm as judge from the start, and then tell him he should step down and even request it in front of the admiral. Of course he had been friendly with her today in the office when the admiral had also offered her the job of judge for a period of time. It was something else though to be over it at the office and how they would be around each other alone.
"So you did come," Harm said when he opened the door and saw her.
"Hi, can I come in?"
"I did invite you," He said but the warmth in his voice she had gotten used to since their first date, or maybe even before that, was partly gone.
"Do you still want to?"
"I think we need to talk."
"Yes, we do. I'm sorry about not trusting you from the start. I should have known better."
"I would have hoped so and I was sad to see you didn't. Do you really think that we can build a relationship together if you don't?"
"I'm trying Harm."
"Yeah, I know you are and I don't think that will be our biggest obstacle to overcome."
"Then what is?"
"I can't have you that close and let you hurt me and then be expected to take you back like nothing has happened."
"This isn't just about the trial, is it?"
"No."
"Is that what you think. That I don't care about how this thing with me and Sturgis affected you and I will do something like that whenever we run into problems," Mac was hurt and shocked by the revelations and sat down on the chair beside her.
"How am I supposed to think anything else? When you had a problem with me at work you first brought it up in the courtroom and then went directly to the admiral. When you have a problem with me privately I know who you'll go to."
"This isn't going to work if you bring that up every time we have a fight either. If you're going to hold that against me forever, we can't continue this." Their voices were getting louder and louder and Mac had stood up from the chair again.
"So answer me this. Why did you do it? What were you thinking?"
"I didn't think that's why it happened. I was so hurt by what you said."
"What I said?" Harm was being provocative.
"Yes, when we were working on the O'Neil's trial and you talked to me about how I had slept my way into law school."
"But." Harm was starting to defend himself.
"I know that you didn't mean it like that. I know that now and at some level I already knew that back then. Most of all I felt like I would never have a chance to have you, because you didn't want me, not seriously."
"Are you blaming this on me?" Harm was getting angry again.
"No, I'm not. You asked me and I answered the best I could. I take full responsibility for what happened," Mac was so close to tears now and the anger was letting go to just be replaced by sadness. 'I should have realized that this couldn't last forever' she told herself.
"I've been so happy the last couple of weeks. You didn't make me feel like I owed you for giving me a second chance. We were on equal grounds in this. I knew you had reasons not to give me a second chance and I guess I should have known that you getting past it was to good to be true. I know that you're justified in not getting past it, but the thing is if you can't get past it then I'd better go now. I can't be in a relationship like that," Mac turned around and walked out the door.
She heard the door slam shut and a second later it was flung open again and Harm stormed out grabbing her wrist and swung her around.
"I don't want you to go," he said and crushed his lips on hers. They stumbled into the apartment and up the few steps to the sleeping-part of the loft without letting each other out of the passionate embrace. They fell onto the bed together and continued to kiss fiercely. All of a sudden a piercing pain from Mac's stomach ran through her whole body. Harm sensed her tense at once and tried to help her up. She was bending over in pain.
"My baby," she squealed.
"Mac, it'll be OK. I'll take you to the hospital," he lifted her up and carried her down to his car. The whole time he was mumbling about how sorry he was.
Twenty minutes later they were in the ER of the closest hospital. The nurse was setting up an ultra sound to check on the baby. Mac was however already doing much better and the pains were completely gone.
"We'll see what we have here," the doctor said as he walked into the room. He had a really calming sound to his voice and Mac felt even better just by seeing him.
"Everything seems to be quite fine with this little person," he finally said as he finished watching the screen. "Do you want to know if it's a boy or a girl?"
Harm looked blankly at Mac who shrugged and said "We haven't decided yet, but I think I want to know. Can you tell?"
"Yes, it's quite clear," the doctor looked at Mac who nodded affirmatively for him to tell her. "It looks like you're having a daughter."
"A daughter," Mac smiled thinking about the little baby girl who was growing inside of her and she was so relieved to know everything was fine.
"The pains you experienced were probably your body's way of telling you to slow down and not stress so much, it can be pretty dangerous. Have you had a rough week?"
"Pretty much," Mac said and Harm looked guiltily at her. She took his hand and squeezed it.
"You don't have to worry about sex and such activities it's not dangerous for the fetus and didn't cause the pains, I'm quite sure," the doctor added.
"We weren't." Harm protested.
"Maybe you should wipe that lipstick off of your face, son. It really isn't your color."
Harm blushed and began to rub his face furiously. Mac laughed, she hadn't noticed it before, being so concerned about the baby.
"You're free to go now," the doctor smiled and left the room. Mac got dressed and was ready to leave.
"Would it be OK if I stayed over?" Harm asked as they were driving out of the hospital parking lot.
"Just because the doctor said."
"No, I meant in your guestroom. In case something happens again, I'd like to be there."
"I was just kidding. I would feel safe with you there."
Well at the apartment Mac got out some sheets to make up the bed in the guestroom.
"So this will be the baby's room later, right?"
"Mm," Mac nodded "but I'll probably keep the big bed in here for when Sturgis comes."
"He'll be staying here?" Harm didn't really like that idea.
"I wouldn't want to leave him out of those sleepless nights and while I'm breastfeeding he can't take her overnight to his place," Mac explained and gave Harm the sheets "I'm off to bed now. Goodnight, Harm." She walked out of the room and this night they didn't share a goodnight kiss.
March 1st 2003
Mac was up making pancakes for breakfast and the smell woke Harm up.
"Good morning. How are you today?"
"Very well," Mac smiled at him. The phone rang and Harm answered as Mac was busy with turning over her pancakes.
"Colonel Mackenzie's residence."
"Hold on a second," Harm handed the phone over to Mac, who had finished the pancakes. "It's Sturgis."
"Hi."
"I'm fine, Sturgis," Harm cocked his eyebrow.
"The class starts at 3 o'clock. Can you be here by then?" Mac asked and Sturgis gave her a short answer.
"See you later," Mac hung up the phone.
"You didn't tell him about last night."
"No, I didn't want to do worry him over the phone. I think I'll tell him about it at the same time as I explain why you're answering my phone at seven o'clock in the morning."
"Sorry," Harm said apologetic.
"It's OK."
"So maybe we should talk about what happened yesterday." Mac turned away from him and just ignored what he had said.
"I'm sorry about all those things I said yesterday. I didn't mean them." Harm started to say. He knew she had heard him and just didn't want to talk about it, but he also knew this was something they needed to go through.
"You wouldn't have said them unless you'd meant them," Mac stated.
"I was under a lot of pressure and couldn't control myself. I don't want to hurt you, but at that time I think I did intend for it to hurt you and I brought all those ugly feelings from deep down out. I can just assure you that the person standing in front of you now doesn't feel that way. We said we needed to give this time and I know that with some time I would be able to overcome these insecurities," he paused hoping she would say something.
"But I don't want to put you and your baby at risk and I would if we kept seeing each other and maybe got into a fight like that again." Mac still wasn't facing him and it was hard for him to know how she was reacting to what he had said. If she had understood what he was getting at.
"So maybe we should postpone those dates for a later time." Harm took Mac's arm and turned her around so he could see her face. She was crying without making a sound. Harm started to put his arms around her, but she put her hands out in front of her to keep him on an arm's length.
"Is that what you really want?" she asked taking control of her tears.
"Of course not. I. I want this, but that price wouldn't be worth paying. What if something happened? You would resent me forever."
"I've been so happy these last weeks and loosing that again won't be easy for me," Mac said.
"Well, neither will it be for me."
"Then how can you want to hurt us like that? Unless you're planning on repeating those things again I don't think there's any way for you to hurt me more then by walking out that door."
"Mac, are you sure? 'Cause I can't make any promises," he paused "not yet. And I wouldn't walk out that door completely, I'd still be your friend."
"I think it would be hard to go back to that now, especially if we haven't found that it doesn't work and only postponed it. I'm suppose to be the one who worries about the baby not you and I'm sure that what's good for me will be good for her and I'm just as sure about you being good for me. Please Harm don't walk away from this," she had put down her arms again and he once again started to put his arms around her and held her quite tight when she also had her arms around him.
"Can we do this?" he whispered in her ear.
"If we just believe in each other, we can do anything," she whispered back.
TBC
Firing At Your Friends
February 24th 2003
Sturgis was sitting in his office waiting for his client to show up. Yesterday, Sunday, he had as usual spent with Mac. He suspected that something had happened between her and Harm, but she hadn't said anything and from Harm he wouldn't hear anything anyway. Sturgis was quite sure Mac would tell him when she was ready and there was something to tell, so he hadn't asked about it. Either way Mac seemed happier than he had ever known her and whatever was good for Mac was good for the baby and that was what was really important.
Last week he had run into Bobbie. He hadn't seen her since they had stopped seeing each other. She had told him about running into Harm and Mac at a restaurant and asked him about the father of the baby. He had of course told her about it and she had been shocked however not let on as much as she could have. All in all it had been a nice run in. Of course she telling him about seeing Harm and Mac at a restaurant had increased his suspicions about them, but he still felt that it would be better to not ask Mac about it yet.
He had just come out of a briefing with the admiral. He was prosecuting a case of friendly fire. Mac and Bud were going to defend and Harm was on the bench. How this case would turn out was hard to tell. It was just to wait and see and hope for the best. But if the way Mac and Harm had acted around each other just during the briefing was any indication on how it was going to go, it wouldn't go very well.
February 28th 2003
Mac was heading over to Harm's place. She wasn't as comfortable about it as she had been lately, before this week. She felt that the whole trial with Harm on the bench had been difficult and damaging for their relationship and friendship. Exactly how damaging she would find out tonight. They hadn't seen each other privately during the trial, but had already decided at the beginning of the week that they would see each other Friday, so here she was.
It hadn't been the smartest thing she had done, to question Harm as judge from the start, and then tell him he should step down and even request it in front of the admiral. Of course he had been friendly with her today in the office when the admiral had also offered her the job of judge for a period of time. It was something else though to be over it at the office and how they would be around each other alone.
"So you did come," Harm said when he opened the door and saw her.
"Hi, can I come in?"
"I did invite you," He said but the warmth in his voice she had gotten used to since their first date, or maybe even before that, was partly gone.
"Do you still want to?"
"I think we need to talk."
"Yes, we do. I'm sorry about not trusting you from the start. I should have known better."
"I would have hoped so and I was sad to see you didn't. Do you really think that we can build a relationship together if you don't?"
"I'm trying Harm."
"Yeah, I know you are and I don't think that will be our biggest obstacle to overcome."
"Then what is?"
"I can't have you that close and let you hurt me and then be expected to take you back like nothing has happened."
"This isn't just about the trial, is it?"
"No."
"Is that what you think. That I don't care about how this thing with me and Sturgis affected you and I will do something like that whenever we run into problems," Mac was hurt and shocked by the revelations and sat down on the chair beside her.
"How am I supposed to think anything else? When you had a problem with me at work you first brought it up in the courtroom and then went directly to the admiral. When you have a problem with me privately I know who you'll go to."
"This isn't going to work if you bring that up every time we have a fight either. If you're going to hold that against me forever, we can't continue this." Their voices were getting louder and louder and Mac had stood up from the chair again.
"So answer me this. Why did you do it? What were you thinking?"
"I didn't think that's why it happened. I was so hurt by what you said."
"What I said?" Harm was being provocative.
"Yes, when we were working on the O'Neil's trial and you talked to me about how I had slept my way into law school."
"But." Harm was starting to defend himself.
"I know that you didn't mean it like that. I know that now and at some level I already knew that back then. Most of all I felt like I would never have a chance to have you, because you didn't want me, not seriously."
"Are you blaming this on me?" Harm was getting angry again.
"No, I'm not. You asked me and I answered the best I could. I take full responsibility for what happened," Mac was so close to tears now and the anger was letting go to just be replaced by sadness. 'I should have realized that this couldn't last forever' she told herself.
"I've been so happy the last couple of weeks. You didn't make me feel like I owed you for giving me a second chance. We were on equal grounds in this. I knew you had reasons not to give me a second chance and I guess I should have known that you getting past it was to good to be true. I know that you're justified in not getting past it, but the thing is if you can't get past it then I'd better go now. I can't be in a relationship like that," Mac turned around and walked out the door.
She heard the door slam shut and a second later it was flung open again and Harm stormed out grabbing her wrist and swung her around.
"I don't want you to go," he said and crushed his lips on hers. They stumbled into the apartment and up the few steps to the sleeping-part of the loft without letting each other out of the passionate embrace. They fell onto the bed together and continued to kiss fiercely. All of a sudden a piercing pain from Mac's stomach ran through her whole body. Harm sensed her tense at once and tried to help her up. She was bending over in pain.
"My baby," she squealed.
"Mac, it'll be OK. I'll take you to the hospital," he lifted her up and carried her down to his car. The whole time he was mumbling about how sorry he was.
Twenty minutes later they were in the ER of the closest hospital. The nurse was setting up an ultra sound to check on the baby. Mac was however already doing much better and the pains were completely gone.
"We'll see what we have here," the doctor said as he walked into the room. He had a really calming sound to his voice and Mac felt even better just by seeing him.
"Everything seems to be quite fine with this little person," he finally said as he finished watching the screen. "Do you want to know if it's a boy or a girl?"
Harm looked blankly at Mac who shrugged and said "We haven't decided yet, but I think I want to know. Can you tell?"
"Yes, it's quite clear," the doctor looked at Mac who nodded affirmatively for him to tell her. "It looks like you're having a daughter."
"A daughter," Mac smiled thinking about the little baby girl who was growing inside of her and she was so relieved to know everything was fine.
"The pains you experienced were probably your body's way of telling you to slow down and not stress so much, it can be pretty dangerous. Have you had a rough week?"
"Pretty much," Mac said and Harm looked guiltily at her. She took his hand and squeezed it.
"You don't have to worry about sex and such activities it's not dangerous for the fetus and didn't cause the pains, I'm quite sure," the doctor added.
"We weren't." Harm protested.
"Maybe you should wipe that lipstick off of your face, son. It really isn't your color."
Harm blushed and began to rub his face furiously. Mac laughed, she hadn't noticed it before, being so concerned about the baby.
"You're free to go now," the doctor smiled and left the room. Mac got dressed and was ready to leave.
"Would it be OK if I stayed over?" Harm asked as they were driving out of the hospital parking lot.
"Just because the doctor said."
"No, I meant in your guestroom. In case something happens again, I'd like to be there."
"I was just kidding. I would feel safe with you there."
Well at the apartment Mac got out some sheets to make up the bed in the guestroom.
"So this will be the baby's room later, right?"
"Mm," Mac nodded "but I'll probably keep the big bed in here for when Sturgis comes."
"He'll be staying here?" Harm didn't really like that idea.
"I wouldn't want to leave him out of those sleepless nights and while I'm breastfeeding he can't take her overnight to his place," Mac explained and gave Harm the sheets "I'm off to bed now. Goodnight, Harm." She walked out of the room and this night they didn't share a goodnight kiss.
March 1st 2003
Mac was up making pancakes for breakfast and the smell woke Harm up.
"Good morning. How are you today?"
"Very well," Mac smiled at him. The phone rang and Harm answered as Mac was busy with turning over her pancakes.
"Colonel Mackenzie's residence."
"Hold on a second," Harm handed the phone over to Mac, who had finished the pancakes. "It's Sturgis."
"Hi."
"I'm fine, Sturgis," Harm cocked his eyebrow.
"The class starts at 3 o'clock. Can you be here by then?" Mac asked and Sturgis gave her a short answer.
"See you later," Mac hung up the phone.
"You didn't tell him about last night."
"No, I didn't want to do worry him over the phone. I think I'll tell him about it at the same time as I explain why you're answering my phone at seven o'clock in the morning."
"Sorry," Harm said apologetic.
"It's OK."
"So maybe we should talk about what happened yesterday." Mac turned away from him and just ignored what he had said.
"I'm sorry about all those things I said yesterday. I didn't mean them." Harm started to say. He knew she had heard him and just didn't want to talk about it, but he also knew this was something they needed to go through.
"You wouldn't have said them unless you'd meant them," Mac stated.
"I was under a lot of pressure and couldn't control myself. I don't want to hurt you, but at that time I think I did intend for it to hurt you and I brought all those ugly feelings from deep down out. I can just assure you that the person standing in front of you now doesn't feel that way. We said we needed to give this time and I know that with some time I would be able to overcome these insecurities," he paused hoping she would say something.
"But I don't want to put you and your baby at risk and I would if we kept seeing each other and maybe got into a fight like that again." Mac still wasn't facing him and it was hard for him to know how she was reacting to what he had said. If she had understood what he was getting at.
"So maybe we should postpone those dates for a later time." Harm took Mac's arm and turned her around so he could see her face. She was crying without making a sound. Harm started to put his arms around her, but she put her hands out in front of her to keep him on an arm's length.
"Is that what you really want?" she asked taking control of her tears.
"Of course not. I. I want this, but that price wouldn't be worth paying. What if something happened? You would resent me forever."
"I've been so happy these last weeks and loosing that again won't be easy for me," Mac said.
"Well, neither will it be for me."
"Then how can you want to hurt us like that? Unless you're planning on repeating those things again I don't think there's any way for you to hurt me more then by walking out that door."
"Mac, are you sure? 'Cause I can't make any promises," he paused "not yet. And I wouldn't walk out that door completely, I'd still be your friend."
"I think it would be hard to go back to that now, especially if we haven't found that it doesn't work and only postponed it. I'm suppose to be the one who worries about the baby not you and I'm sure that what's good for me will be good for her and I'm just as sure about you being good for me. Please Harm don't walk away from this," she had put down her arms again and he once again started to put his arms around her and held her quite tight when she also had her arms around him.
"Can we do this?" he whispered in her ear.
"If we just believe in each other, we can do anything," she whispered back.
TBC