One of the Consequences of the Audit
March 20th 2003
"Did you hear about the audit?" Mac asked Harm as he walked into her office. She motioned for him to close the door.
"Yeah, the admiral told me about it," Harm answered her.
"I was thinking, maybe we should tell him about our relationship now. What if the investigator somehow figures it out?"
"Mhm. There's no need to risk that the admiral finds out from someone else and especially not public like that. It won't make him happy and who knows what he'll do then."
"Besides we know what to tell him now too. That helps."
"I'll talk to Tiner about seeing him sometime today," Harm finished the conversation and left her office.
Later the same day Harm and Mac were leaving the office together. Their meeting with the admiral had been a bit tense, but they hoped it would all work out. He had seemed a little surprised about them dating, probably mostly because of Mac's current condition. He had been there right from when they first met and seen their attraction to each other. Back then and up to quite recently he had thought it was only a matter of time until something happened. Not that it was something he went around thinking about, but he had thought that after Mac got pregnant with Commander Turner's baby nothing was going to happen between the two of them any more.
The timing, to figure this out right before the office is being audited, maybe wasn't the best, but the admiral still had to deal with it. There wasn't any regulations against them dating, but he decided to prevent them from working as opposing councilors of the same case or presiding over each other's cases just to make sure there would be no accusations of impropriety. That would have hurt both the office and their careers. Hopefully it would work out and neither one of them would have to transfer out of JAG HQ.
Harm and Mac were happy about this arrangement, since they hoped that would keep them longer together at JAG. They drove together to Mac's place, where they both changed into some more comfortable cloths before going for a walk. Mac wanted to get some exercise and since they both wanted to spend as much time together as possible and couldn't always fit that into their schedules, they had decided to try to do as many of those must-do things together. After the walk they would have dinner and do some laundry and then Harm would spend the night on the guest bed. The bed was put up in the living room since the former guestroom was still in no condition to live in. They hadn't quite finished painting the walls yet even though they had started a whole week earlier.
March 24th 2003
"You seem to be working through all of the men that are working here. Is that specific to this office or do you do that everywhere you're assigned?" Lindsey asked Mac. He was working on the audit and was now interviewing her. Bud had said something about how awful it had been yesterday for him, but Mac hadn't realized how much of her past he would really draw up.
"First you're engaged to one of your former colleagues, then you get pregnant with an other and start dating yet another and this was just in the last two years here at JAG," Lindsey continued to point out to her when she didn't answer him. She was tightly clutching the armrests of the chair she was sitting in and trying to concentrate all of her strength into staying calm and to not run out of the room.
He continued to draw up the relationship with Colonel Farrow, the death of her husband and her alcoholism. At the end she couldn't control herself and when he had touched her she had informed him that if he did that again the consequences wouldn't be very pleasant for him. At last the interview was over.
When Mac finally left the office at the end of the workday, she rushed home very angry and upset. She was supposed to meet Harm at his apartment, but she wasn't planning on going anymore. The people at JAG, all the officers and enlisted personnel, all knew about Harm and Mac dating now and with only a few exceptions they had stared at her throughout the whole day. It was worse then after they found out about her pregnancy, which most people had accepted or at least stopped gossiping about by now. She felt like everyone was looking at her and seeing a slut, just like Lindsey had pointed out. Someone who jumped between the beds of her colleagues, and in this case even worse, the beds of two best friends. She couldn't stand the stares of them. Why had she gotten involved with Harm and risked her reputation like that?
Even though all of the things they were thinking weren't true. She hadn't slept with Harm. She still felt they were correct in their assumptions about her character. What would her daughter think of her when she was old enough to understand? How could she have thought that she would make a good mother? Not just because of her relationship with Harm, there were all of the other things she had done in her past. She wouldn't even make a good role model for her daughter.
She didn't regret deciding to tell the admiral and everybody else about them. It had only been a matter of time until they had found out anyway. Harm was great and wonderful and she was so happy whenever she was with him, but had that been worth ruining their whole lives over. She had convinced him that this was a good idea to do now. Why hadn't she been able to wait? Now when he saw what everyone else was thinking about her, he would start thinking of her as a slut just like the rest of them and it would have all been for nothing. Mac collapsed on her bed still dressed and cried herself to sleep.
Three hours later Harm had been standing outside her door for fifteen minutes knocking, but he still hadn't gotten an answer. He needed to talk to her and make sure she was OK. The worrying had started when she was late for dinner and had gotten even worse when Sturgis had called him and asked if he knew if Mac was OK. Sturgis had seen her walking out of the office very upset and been worried. Harm had decided right then to go over and see her. The spare key to her apartment was with him, not because he had considered entering her apartment without her permission. He had never used it before like that, but he since he had gotten there he felt that now was such a time where he should do that.
He walked into the quite apartment and heard deep breaths coming from the sleeping room. As he entered the room and saw her lying there in her wrinkled uniform and face all messed up from crying, his heart broke. It hurt him so much to see that she had been hurting and crying and he hadn't been there with her. Now she seemed to be sleeping restfully, but before he could leave the room he sat down beside her and brushed the last remaining tears away with his hand. He couldn't leave her like that and let her wake up alone again. He managed to lie down beside her and wrap his arms around her without waking her up. Eventually he fell asleep as well and they slept through the night in each other's arms.
March 25th 2003
Harm woke up when he felt her stir in his arms.
"What are you doing here?" she asked him confused.
"I... I came here last night and you wouldn't open so I used my key and when I saw you I couldn't leave you alone. I'm sorry if I intruded on your privacy," his apology was sincere and he was preparing for a quick retreat in case she'd be mad at him.
"It's OK," she said in a tone that didn't make him feel like she was either especially happy or angry with him for spending the night there.
Mac got up from the bed and went over to her bathroom. Fifteen minutes later she emerged from the bathroom. Harm was standing in her kitchen making breakfast.
"Are you still here?" Mac asked. She had hoped he would leave before she was finished with her shower, but she should have known he wouldn't leave. Harm nodded and gave her a plate with scrambled eggs.
"Do you want to talk about last night? About why you were so upset?"
"I wasn't upset," Mac quickly told him.
"I could see you had been crying, Mac. Was it something Lindsey said?"
"Hm," she just answered him.
"If you don't want to talk about it, it's OK, but maybe you will feel better if you do."
"No, it's all over now anyway. I was just a bit oversensitive, you know," she decided not to tell him why she had been so upset yesterday. It would just hurt him. She was calmed down now and thinking more clearly. She wouldn't let what the other people thought of her destroy her. She would just try to keep Harm at more distance so she wouldn't be so hurt when he left her. Because she was still sure he eventually would and she couldn't be angry with him for it either.
Harm didn't believe that it was all over what had hurt her yesterday, but decided to let her have some time to deal with it the way she wanted to. He left to go home to his apartment and change before he went to work.
March 27th 2003
Lindsey stepped into Harm's office. Harm was still infuriated with Lindsey for whatever he had done that was hurting Mac, even though he still didn't know exactly what it was. Mac was still not back to herself and seemed distanced and cold when it came to Harm. At times she would be just like she had been before, like when he had told her about why the case with the Vietnamese refugees affected him so much, and then something would happen and she'd treat him like they hardly knew each other. He tried to stay patient with her, but it was hard when he didn't know why she was upset.
He had promised himself not to show Lindsey how angry he was with him and try to stay calm throughout the interview. It wouldn't be easy, but for Mac's sake he would try. He didn't want to cause any more damage to her and their relationship than there already was and he also knew that if he caused a scene with Lindsey over her, she'd be really mad at him. Lately it seemed like all she wanted to do was to disappear through the ground whenever someone looked at her and more attention would probably only make it even worse.
"I won't rehash incidents like you turning your hallowed halls of justice into a shooting gallery. Or the fact that you personally burned through a quarter of a billion dollars worth of flight equipment nine tenths of which was after you left flight status to become a lawyer," Lindsey started off. "I already have enough information about this office and its personnel. This office will be split up. You are too close here and you'll be reassigned. Sooner rather than later, you will be on the other side of the world from your girlfriend," Lindsey made a small pause again. He hadn't said girlfriend in the way that Harm and Mac had started to use the term, like the most wonderful endearment there was. Lindsey had said it in the most sarcastic voice he could.
"I guess the only question left is how long it will take until she finds a new officer to keep her bed warm," Lindsey had gotten to speak without any interruption from Harm, but this was more than he could take.
"If you ever talk about Mac like that again," it took all the restrain he could bring up to stop him from going after Lindsey physically with all of his rage.
"You'll do what?" Lindsey was trying to provoke him.
"I think it's time you leave now," Lindsey decided that now was indeed a good time to leave and did so. Harm guessed the reason why Mac was so upset. He thought Lindsey had implied something in that manner to her as well and she was feeling like it was true. That would explain why she had been so distanced to him lately.
At least the audit was now over and Harm could go over to Mac's apartment and spend a nice evening with her alone. When they were alone, they would mostly get better along and she would be happier. He didn't think it would make a difference if he brought up Lindsey's comments and wasn't going to ask her again what was bothering her, he felt that all he could do was to try to show her how much he loved and respected her.
TBC
March 20th 2003
"Did you hear about the audit?" Mac asked Harm as he walked into her office. She motioned for him to close the door.
"Yeah, the admiral told me about it," Harm answered her.
"I was thinking, maybe we should tell him about our relationship now. What if the investigator somehow figures it out?"
"Mhm. There's no need to risk that the admiral finds out from someone else and especially not public like that. It won't make him happy and who knows what he'll do then."
"Besides we know what to tell him now too. That helps."
"I'll talk to Tiner about seeing him sometime today," Harm finished the conversation and left her office.
Later the same day Harm and Mac were leaving the office together. Their meeting with the admiral had been a bit tense, but they hoped it would all work out. He had seemed a little surprised about them dating, probably mostly because of Mac's current condition. He had been there right from when they first met and seen their attraction to each other. Back then and up to quite recently he had thought it was only a matter of time until something happened. Not that it was something he went around thinking about, but he had thought that after Mac got pregnant with Commander Turner's baby nothing was going to happen between the two of them any more.
The timing, to figure this out right before the office is being audited, maybe wasn't the best, but the admiral still had to deal with it. There wasn't any regulations against them dating, but he decided to prevent them from working as opposing councilors of the same case or presiding over each other's cases just to make sure there would be no accusations of impropriety. That would have hurt both the office and their careers. Hopefully it would work out and neither one of them would have to transfer out of JAG HQ.
Harm and Mac were happy about this arrangement, since they hoped that would keep them longer together at JAG. They drove together to Mac's place, where they both changed into some more comfortable cloths before going for a walk. Mac wanted to get some exercise and since they both wanted to spend as much time together as possible and couldn't always fit that into their schedules, they had decided to try to do as many of those must-do things together. After the walk they would have dinner and do some laundry and then Harm would spend the night on the guest bed. The bed was put up in the living room since the former guestroom was still in no condition to live in. They hadn't quite finished painting the walls yet even though they had started a whole week earlier.
March 24th 2003
"You seem to be working through all of the men that are working here. Is that specific to this office or do you do that everywhere you're assigned?" Lindsey asked Mac. He was working on the audit and was now interviewing her. Bud had said something about how awful it had been yesterday for him, but Mac hadn't realized how much of her past he would really draw up.
"First you're engaged to one of your former colleagues, then you get pregnant with an other and start dating yet another and this was just in the last two years here at JAG," Lindsey continued to point out to her when she didn't answer him. She was tightly clutching the armrests of the chair she was sitting in and trying to concentrate all of her strength into staying calm and to not run out of the room.
He continued to draw up the relationship with Colonel Farrow, the death of her husband and her alcoholism. At the end she couldn't control herself and when he had touched her she had informed him that if he did that again the consequences wouldn't be very pleasant for him. At last the interview was over.
When Mac finally left the office at the end of the workday, she rushed home very angry and upset. She was supposed to meet Harm at his apartment, but she wasn't planning on going anymore. The people at JAG, all the officers and enlisted personnel, all knew about Harm and Mac dating now and with only a few exceptions they had stared at her throughout the whole day. It was worse then after they found out about her pregnancy, which most people had accepted or at least stopped gossiping about by now. She felt like everyone was looking at her and seeing a slut, just like Lindsey had pointed out. Someone who jumped between the beds of her colleagues, and in this case even worse, the beds of two best friends. She couldn't stand the stares of them. Why had she gotten involved with Harm and risked her reputation like that?
Even though all of the things they were thinking weren't true. She hadn't slept with Harm. She still felt they were correct in their assumptions about her character. What would her daughter think of her when she was old enough to understand? How could she have thought that she would make a good mother? Not just because of her relationship with Harm, there were all of the other things she had done in her past. She wouldn't even make a good role model for her daughter.
She didn't regret deciding to tell the admiral and everybody else about them. It had only been a matter of time until they had found out anyway. Harm was great and wonderful and she was so happy whenever she was with him, but had that been worth ruining their whole lives over. She had convinced him that this was a good idea to do now. Why hadn't she been able to wait? Now when he saw what everyone else was thinking about her, he would start thinking of her as a slut just like the rest of them and it would have all been for nothing. Mac collapsed on her bed still dressed and cried herself to sleep.
Three hours later Harm had been standing outside her door for fifteen minutes knocking, but he still hadn't gotten an answer. He needed to talk to her and make sure she was OK. The worrying had started when she was late for dinner and had gotten even worse when Sturgis had called him and asked if he knew if Mac was OK. Sturgis had seen her walking out of the office very upset and been worried. Harm had decided right then to go over and see her. The spare key to her apartment was with him, not because he had considered entering her apartment without her permission. He had never used it before like that, but he since he had gotten there he felt that now was such a time where he should do that.
He walked into the quite apartment and heard deep breaths coming from the sleeping room. As he entered the room and saw her lying there in her wrinkled uniform and face all messed up from crying, his heart broke. It hurt him so much to see that she had been hurting and crying and he hadn't been there with her. Now she seemed to be sleeping restfully, but before he could leave the room he sat down beside her and brushed the last remaining tears away with his hand. He couldn't leave her like that and let her wake up alone again. He managed to lie down beside her and wrap his arms around her without waking her up. Eventually he fell asleep as well and they slept through the night in each other's arms.
March 25th 2003
Harm woke up when he felt her stir in his arms.
"What are you doing here?" she asked him confused.
"I... I came here last night and you wouldn't open so I used my key and when I saw you I couldn't leave you alone. I'm sorry if I intruded on your privacy," his apology was sincere and he was preparing for a quick retreat in case she'd be mad at him.
"It's OK," she said in a tone that didn't make him feel like she was either especially happy or angry with him for spending the night there.
Mac got up from the bed and went over to her bathroom. Fifteen minutes later she emerged from the bathroom. Harm was standing in her kitchen making breakfast.
"Are you still here?" Mac asked. She had hoped he would leave before she was finished with her shower, but she should have known he wouldn't leave. Harm nodded and gave her a plate with scrambled eggs.
"Do you want to talk about last night? About why you were so upset?"
"I wasn't upset," Mac quickly told him.
"I could see you had been crying, Mac. Was it something Lindsey said?"
"Hm," she just answered him.
"If you don't want to talk about it, it's OK, but maybe you will feel better if you do."
"No, it's all over now anyway. I was just a bit oversensitive, you know," she decided not to tell him why she had been so upset yesterday. It would just hurt him. She was calmed down now and thinking more clearly. She wouldn't let what the other people thought of her destroy her. She would just try to keep Harm at more distance so she wouldn't be so hurt when he left her. Because she was still sure he eventually would and she couldn't be angry with him for it either.
Harm didn't believe that it was all over what had hurt her yesterday, but decided to let her have some time to deal with it the way she wanted to. He left to go home to his apartment and change before he went to work.
March 27th 2003
Lindsey stepped into Harm's office. Harm was still infuriated with Lindsey for whatever he had done that was hurting Mac, even though he still didn't know exactly what it was. Mac was still not back to herself and seemed distanced and cold when it came to Harm. At times she would be just like she had been before, like when he had told her about why the case with the Vietnamese refugees affected him so much, and then something would happen and she'd treat him like they hardly knew each other. He tried to stay patient with her, but it was hard when he didn't know why she was upset.
He had promised himself not to show Lindsey how angry he was with him and try to stay calm throughout the interview. It wouldn't be easy, but for Mac's sake he would try. He didn't want to cause any more damage to her and their relationship than there already was and he also knew that if he caused a scene with Lindsey over her, she'd be really mad at him. Lately it seemed like all she wanted to do was to disappear through the ground whenever someone looked at her and more attention would probably only make it even worse.
"I won't rehash incidents like you turning your hallowed halls of justice into a shooting gallery. Or the fact that you personally burned through a quarter of a billion dollars worth of flight equipment nine tenths of which was after you left flight status to become a lawyer," Lindsey started off. "I already have enough information about this office and its personnel. This office will be split up. You are too close here and you'll be reassigned. Sooner rather than later, you will be on the other side of the world from your girlfriend," Lindsey made a small pause again. He hadn't said girlfriend in the way that Harm and Mac had started to use the term, like the most wonderful endearment there was. Lindsey had said it in the most sarcastic voice he could.
"I guess the only question left is how long it will take until she finds a new officer to keep her bed warm," Lindsey had gotten to speak without any interruption from Harm, but this was more than he could take.
"If you ever talk about Mac like that again," it took all the restrain he could bring up to stop him from going after Lindsey physically with all of his rage.
"You'll do what?" Lindsey was trying to provoke him.
"I think it's time you leave now," Lindsey decided that now was indeed a good time to leave and did so. Harm guessed the reason why Mac was so upset. He thought Lindsey had implied something in that manner to her as well and she was feeling like it was true. That would explain why she had been so distanced to him lately.
At least the audit was now over and Harm could go over to Mac's apartment and spend a nice evening with her alone. When they were alone, they would mostly get better along and she would be happier. He didn't think it would make a difference if he brought up Lindsey's comments and wasn't going to ask her again what was bothering her, he felt that all he could do was to try to show her how much he loved and respected her.
TBC