Chapter Three
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His sudden gentleness enticed her to relax her death drip on his back, where she knew that if he hadn't been wearing that leather jacket of his and she hadn't been wearing her gloves, he would have been sporting against the flesh covering the upper portion of his back shoulders the perfect imprints from the tips of her nails. As it was, she felt the way her covered fingertips pulled over the black leather, sending small vibrations from the unique sensation fluttering up the muscles in her slender fingers, and knew that he had also felt the pressure… even through the thickness of his jacket's skin.
She brought her hands inward, and placed them between them. Pressed into the front of his chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart under one of her palms.
The sharp edge of the kiss was gone, and his lips moved ever so gently over hers. Giving comfort in the only he could, as he continued to taste her tears on his tongue.
But it didn't comfort her. It just made it worse. She could feel the muscles in her face tightening up as a shudder ran through her, and she knew she was only a moment away crying out openly. She had been prepared for many things, but the sudden disarming tenderness of his touch hadn't been one of them. And she didn't know how to save herself from it now.
He held her like she was the most precious thing in his life, he touched the sides of her face like her skin was made of the finest of silks, and he kissed her like she tasted of light and warmth. An addiction that would never be sated.
He kissed her like he loved her… and she kissed him back in the same way. God help her, but she did.
And then even that moment came to its end, and they both stilled. Still reluctant to pull away. To break the contact. Their lips lingering against one another hesitantly. Both knowing that when this ended, it ended. There would be no second chances. Not tonight. Perhaps not ever.
But that still didn't mean she wasn't going to try and convince him to stay.
When she felt his lips finally leave hers, she slowly opened her eyes. Momentarily disoriented after having them closed for so long. Almost as if she wasn't even sure what sight was anymore after having been submerged in the depths of all her other senses for the past few minutes.
She knew they must have been getting looks… She knew that tomorrow the gossip mill would be fully operational and that there wouldn't be a single person in this town that wouldn't know of what had just transpired, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She couldn't find it in herself to do anything else except look into his eyes from just an inch or two away. So close to her that they were the only part of his face that she could see.
The distance between their lips was but a fraction… but in that moment it felt like an ocean. One she knew she may never cross again.
"… Rory…" he murmured. Voice hoarse and unrecognizable as his... But she still recognized the regret, if nothing else… And something close to panic welled up.
"If it's true," she said, the words coming out in a rush and thick with emotion, as she struggled to steady her voice. "If what you just told me is true… if you love me, then stay." She pulled her head back enough to look him in the eye. Hands coming up to frame the sides of his face, even as hers crumpled slightly as the tears began to fall again. "Stay, damn it. Don't leave me again. Just stay."
She saw the flash of pain come across his all-too-bright eyes, and he swallowed. "I can't." He replied. The turmoil he was enduring echoing in his tone.
Rory shook her head slowly, pulling a little farther away. A glint of anger surfacing in her eyes. Making the wet blue depths glow in startling contrast.
"Why?" she challenged. "Why can't you? Damn it, when will you stop running away? Why do you always have to throw everything good that happens to you away? Why can't you just let yourself be happy?"
His gaze dropped at the same time both of his hands came up and grasped her wrists. Pulling her hands away from his face, and breaking their contact as he distanced himself. He didn't answer her. But at that point, he didn't have to. She knew the answers to those questions. She knew why it was that he was leaving her. And her having that knowledge should have made it easier. It should have been enough for her to keep him at her side.
But this wasn't about her coming to terms with him… it was about him coming to terms with himself. And as much as she wished otherwise, she couldn't do that for him. She couldn't be the one to heal him. Only he could do that. Only he could find himself.
She just hoped that he would one day figure out that regardless of where he went, or how fast he ran, he would never be able to escape that one simple fact. One day he would have to face himself whether he liked it or not. And when that day came, no amount of running away was going to fix it. He would have to do that all on his own.
But it wasn't going to be tonight. No matter how much he loved her, no matter how torn he was about leaving, it wasn't enough.
He wasn't ready to come home.
Her tears had already stopped, and she felt cold, so cold. She stood there, facing him, hands empty. Resisting the urge to wrap her arms around her torso defensively. She knew that not even that small protection could help her now, so what would have been the point?
"I love you, Jess." She admitted slowly. Knowing that her eyes must have looked as dead to him as they felt to her. "I do… I always have. But I can't keep going through this. I can't do this again… I don't want this night to turn into something else that I have to survive, so don't let it. Don't do this to me again." She knew her words were useless at this point, but knowing it, and truly 100% believing it were two different things. Maybe because a part of her believed that it couldn't end like this. That he couldn't actually walk out of her life after a kiss like that.
Even after everything, there was still apparently a small part of her that still believed in fairy tales.
"I can't be what you want me to be, Rory. I wish I could… but I can't."
"Yes, you can. You can be who I need you to be by not leaving."
Her final declaration was worthless, though. He was leaving… She could see the truth of it, shining there in his eyes.
In a way he was already gone.
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The final chapter to Broken Paths will hopefully be finished soon… in the meantime, please review and let me know what you thought of this newest part!
