Hentai?

by SadanVana

Two old war friends of Hilde's decide to seek her out to see if she is still alive. They're in for a surprise when they find her living with the five gundam pilots. 1x2 3x4 and more couples later.

1. Meet the girls

Sada: Do we even have a plot for this?
Vana: *thinks really hard* *grins* NOO!!!!!!
Sada: *sweatdrop* *sighs* Anyway... well, Vana what are you doing?
Vana: *squeezing Duo plushie* I WUV HIM!!!!
Sada: Uh, right, on with this pointless story!
Vana: Wuv him, wuv him, wuv him!!!!!
fades to black
VANA: Sada wuves wufei!*laughs hysterically running away as Sada chases her with a frying pan* heehee! Sada wants Wu-chan! Sada wants- ow! *falls over anime-style when Wufei appears out of no where and hits her in the face*

Warnings: EW did not occur; MASSIVE OOC.
Disclaimer: Neither Vana nor I claim to own GW, we do however own any and all original characters.

Pointless Chapter 1 a.k.a. Meet the twins
It was a quiet day on L2 in Hilde's junkyard. She was working diligently in her office on some paperwork, blissfully unaware of the dangers that were about to come. The five ex-gundam pilots were there for an anniversary gathering and were currently, well uh four of them were currently engaged in "physical activities" while Wufei was trying to ignore the sounds coming from the shared bedroom of Quatre and Trowa.

A knock came to the door and realizing that everyone else was "busy", he grudgingly stood to open the door, prepared to shout at the people knocking. With a mutter about hormone driven couples, he opened the door to be come face to face with a raised fist, ready to knock again.

The long haired brunette pulled her hand back and gave a confused look before a cheesy grin crossed her face. "Are we at the right place?"

The short haired brunette sighed, rolling her eyes. "Do you know of any other junkyards on L2, my dear sister?"

"Well, no, but he's, he's," both turned to look at Wufei again before shouting simultaneously, "A GUNDAM PILOT!!"

The shout brought the attention of everyone in the house. Trowa and Quatre stumbled from the bedroom, sheets gripped tightly both blushing madly. Heero and Duo poked their heads out from the kitchen, shirts mysteriously missing. Hilde came running upstairs, glaring at Duo and Heero, "You do know that's where I cook all my meals."

Duo shrugged, "But Hilde, we're mixing the two greatest things: food and pleasure."

The long haired brunette ogled at the chest she was shown from Heero and Duo, but then her eyes turned to Hilde. "HILDE YOU BITCH! YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING GUNDAM PILOTS AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?!"

Her sister had to restrain the shouting woman, giving an apologetic smile. "Sorry about that shout. It's just, Hilde, you're keeping guys, GUNDAM PILOTS, Vana's just a little, overwhelmed." Sada: We're making them sound like things to be possesed. Vana: *innocently* Well aren't they?

"I so am not Sada, she's been keeping the five sexiest men in the whole galaxy from us-" the long haired girl, dubbed Vana looked at all the guys before slinking behind Sada, "you never heard that..."

Sada sighed pulling Vana up from behind her, "what am I going to do with you?"

Hilde's mouth was agape, "Sada, Vana I haven't seen you guys since, forever!"

Sada clamped a hand over Vana's mouth before she could say anything stupid. "10 years, Hilde. Since the defeat of Treize. When you just kinda left."

Hilde's mouth readjusted as she pointed to Duo. "It was his fault!"

Vana and Duo crossed their arms. "Fine, blame it on me," Duo said.
"Fine, blame it on the sexiest one," Vana said before she blinked and again hid behind Sada. "I never said that."

Hilde and Sada rolled their eyes. "She never changes does she?" Hilde asked.

Sada nodded, putting her head in her hand. "Never, unfortunately."

Vana stuck out her tongue and turned her back on everyone. "Fine, talk about me like I'm not here. See if I care!"

Quatre and Trowa had slowly begun to back away while Heero had turned bored and went to amuse himself by typing aimlessly on his keyboard. Sada: hey that's kinda what I'm doing. Vana: That's not nice. Sada: I know. Back to the story. Duo was watching with great attention, thinking about how he finally had found someone weirder than him. Vana: Actually, we found him. Sada: Vana, just stop. Wufei was just leaning against the wall thinking about stupid onnas.

"So what are you doing here?" Hilde asked looking at both sisters.

Sada sighed. "Well we're visiting you. What else would we be doing? I mean I only searched all the old OZ files and broke the security code for the Preventers Headquarters to find you."

Everyone stared and Heero's attention was back on the two girls. "You broke the security code?"

Sada nodded. "Yeah it wasn't that hard."

Heero glared. "Omae o korosu."

Sada glared back. "Whatever shorty."

"Do you even know he is?" Duo asked, looking at his lover.

Sada was too engaged in the glaring contest with the ex-wing pilot to even notice the question. Vana was lost in thought, 'I never had a chance.' The question brought her back from her musings and the smile returned. "I'll do the introductions."

Hilde glared at the seemingly happy girl, knowing she was faking it, but pushed it aside as Vana started off the introductions.

"That's Duo. The one leaning on the wall, muttering about women is Wufei. The one locked in the staring contest with my sister is Heero." Her voiced turned to a mutter. "Duo's lover." The grin returned full force, Hilde looked about ready to kill Vana. "The two that have locked themselves in the room to screw are Quatre and Trowa, always knew they were gay." She pointed to Hilde. "This is Hilde, I'm Vana." She then pointed to Sada. "And this is my year and two week older sister, Sada. She likes guys who know how to use their sword and has an obsession with dragons."

Everyone turned to face Wufei, who's face turned down with a slight blush as he started to mutter randomly in Mandarin. Duo's face sported a huge grin, as he glanced over at Sada. "Really, guys who know how to use their sword? I'm sure Wu-chan can help you in that area."

Vana burst into laughter, clutching her stomach in hysteria. Sada was blushing bright red, while looking at Wufei from the corner of her eye.

Hilde smiled broadly, "I bet you've been doing quite a bit of research on that laptop of yours."

Sada looked up and tried to glare at Hilde, which wasn't working seeing as she was blushing massively. "Damnit Hilde, can you shut up for five seconds. You're about as bad as Vana."

Duo grinned. "So are you two going to stay?"

Vana blinked. "Do you want me to stay?"

Hilde nodded. "Of course we do Vana. You're no intrusion at all. As long as you can handle living with two gay guys, two bi guys, and a justice-loving-male-supremacist-work-crazed-ex-gundam-pilot," Hilde paused, "who knows how to use a sword and likes dragons." Vana burst into laughter again, Sada blushed and glared and Wufei simply glared and muttered.

Duo grinned. "Aw man I've never seen Wu-chan so messed up before! You guys are great, please. Stay."

Vana grinned, mind working double time. He had complemented her! And he was bi! All hope was not lost! Hearing Heero typing she sighed, deflating again. But he was taken. Ah well.

Sada had recovered from her embarrassment, the blush only a lighter shade of pink as she digested the first part of Hilde's comment. "So, not to sound intrusive, but which guys are bi and which are gay?"

Duo smirks. "Heero is bi, I like to think of myself as just horny. Sada: *laughs* It's so true so stop glaring Vana! And Trowa and Quatre just seem to like each other."

Sada smirks, "I knew someone so sexy could not be for just one gender." Vana glared at her but she merely defended herself. "What? I'm only saying what's on your mind!"

Wufei cracked a slight smile, the blush on his cheeks having had faded as well. "So I suppose you are bi Sada," but the comment was drowned out by Duo's own comment.

"So, Vana you go both ways as well I suppose."

Vana blushed. "What gave you that idea?"

Duo smiled. "Well like your sister said, 'someone so sexy could not be for just one gender'."

Heero was still trying to stare down Sada who was looking semi-discreetly at Wufei, so he didn't catch the little flirt. Not that he would have minded of course.

Vana was blushing madly; Duo was becoming more confused by the second, but still looking damn sexy; Hilde was rolling her eyes while trying to ignore all the weird people; and Wufei was totally NOT catching the flirting glances from Sada. Sada: SHE'S NOT TRYING TO FLIRT! SHE'S TRYING TO LOOK DISCREETLY AT HIM! Vana: Well it's still flirting.

There was a moment of silence before a shout in pure pleasure of, "QUATRE!" was heard resonating through the house.

Everyone looked at one another and Wufei slowly lowered his head. "Welcome to my world."

Vana looked confused. "Wait, what? Who just shouted Quatre? Oh wait that was Trowa, I don't even want to know. I'm going to try and not think like that." Vana: *randomly smashing head against wall, trying to get images out of head.*

Again there was silence before Wufei pushed himself from his leaning postition on the wall. "I'm going to train."

Vana and Hilde looked at each other then at Sada. "SADA CAN JOIN YOU!" They shouted simutainously.

Sada blinked. "Uh, wait, why?"

Hilde nodded. "Yeah he's going to be sword training."

"Yeah I'm sure Sada can help him with that," Vana muttered.

"Vana you little-"

"I didn't say it! I didn't say it! You thought it not me! Who's thinking dirty thoughts now Sada!?" Vana screamed, cutting her sister off.

Wufei turned to Sada. "If you do fight with swords, I could use a sparring partener."

Everyone had started to tamper off into their own groups; Heero to fix the security code for the Preventers; Hilde to go do paper work; Wufei and Sada to train. Vana was still ranting and Duo was cheering her on, giving the occasional "yeah!" They were both oblivious to the fact that no one was listening anymore.

Vana suddenly stopped and heaved a heavy sigh. "No one ever listens to me! It's because I'm young isn't it?"

Duo looked at her. "How young are you?"

Vana looked at him. "I'm 24."

"Only a year younger than me!" Duo exclaimed.

Vana pouted. "Don't rub it in."

Duo smiled that sexy smile of his. "Do you know how to bake?"

Vana looked confused. "Well not without a cook book."

He grinned. "PERFECT! You can help me bake!"

"What? Should we really be doing this? I mean shouldn't we be telling Hilde?" Duo and Vana ponder for a second before looking at each other. "Wait, Duo, do we ever listen to her rules anyway?"

Duo shook his head. "I don't." They grinned and Duo grabbed her hand. "Let's go!"
*~*~*~*~*~*
"I got you onna!" Wufei screamed.

"The HELL you did you male supremacist!" Sada screamed back, tightening her hold on the practice sword.

"No I felt the pressure under my blade. I definatly hit skin!"

"Yeah the skin of my arm BAKA!"

"No it was soft! There was no bone under it!"

"So I still didn't feel it!"

"If this was a real sword you would be spilt in half."

"Even if you did cut off my arm, I could still beat you!" Sada screamed at him.

Wufei glared. "You wanna see about that?"

"I'll do you anywhere, anytime!" was the challenge Sada fired back.

"You couldn't match me in a real fight! I've been going easy on you!"

Sada fumed. "I HATE IT WHEN GUYS DO IT THAT WAY! I HATE IT EASY! I WANT THEM TO BE HARD DAMNIT! IT'S ALWAYS BETTER WHEN THEIR HARD!"

Wufei glared, "WELL MAYBE ONNAS DON'T MAKE ME WANT TO BE HARD!"

"WELL YOU SHOULD BE HARD WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME! IN FACT I WILL MAKE IT MY MISSION TO GET YOU HARD!"

Wufei smirked, "well if you think you can handle it, I'll be hard with you."

Sada smiled, satisfied that she got him to admit she made him desire to fight harder. They picked up their swords again. Sada: Wow, that whole scence was just one big innuendo. Vana: I know! Sada: Why do I let you talk me into these things? Vana: *innocent eyes* Because I'm your sister? Sada: *sighs and puts on headphones* I really should stop listening to you. Vana: But, but. *Pouts* Fine let's go on! Meanie. I'm telling ada!
*~*~*~*~*
Vana growled. "The damn bag won't open!!" She was wrestling with a bag of flour.

"Oh here. Let me," Duo said, taking it from her and pulling hard.

"DUO! N-!" Vana was cut off as the bag ripped open, exploding flour everywhere. As it slowly settled down, Vana and Duo blinked at each other, big and innoncent eyes shocked.

"Umm..." Duo was at a loss for words for once.

"I don't think Hilde's gonna be too happy Duo," Vana whispered, looking around at the mostly white kitchen then back at the white, flour covered, now-violet eyed pilot.

Duo blinked in surprised, then grinned. "But the bag is open!" He said happily pouring out the last cup they needed and throwing out the bag.

Vana couldn't help but grin back at him and add in the last ingredient before starting to mix it all together.

They waited for the cookies to finish cooking- they had little mishap after the flour incident -and luckily for them, Hilde had gone up to her room.

"They're done!" Vana trilled, grabbed a pot holder, and took the cookies out while Duo put away the timer and got thier tubes of decorative frosting.

"What are we doing?" he asked as he watched her set the final batch out to cool; taking the cooled cookies and placing them on two plates.

"We're going to decorate them with whatever words or designs we want!" Vana said happily, picking up the blue frosting and smirking. "So we can make these edible hints."

Duo looked confused as she painstakingly started writing. A few minutes later she held up the cookie for the intrigued Duo to see. He grinned and laughed as she set the cookie reading "Wufei's LONG" on the empty plate, letting it dry as she started another, but with red frosting as Duo claimed the green. Their work was just beginning. Sada: *Sighs* I should NEVER have told you what long meant in chinese. Vana: *innocent eyes* I meant it as a dragon! I swear it! *after Sada looks away: evil snicker and not innocent look*
*~*~*~*~*
Sada slid down against the wall, taking a sip of the water Wufei had offered her. She looked over to where he was standing, sipping his own water. He looked over at her.

Sada smiled. "Was I worth being hard with?"

Wufei nodded. "Very worth it. Maybe I should be harder next time."

Her smile widened and she quickly hid it in her bottle so he couldn't see. Her next words came out muffled, "Maybe. I'm sure your experienced enough to be able to knock me up more than you do normally."

He smirked. "Sounds like fun. Maybe I can teach you dragon style next time."

Sada grinned. "I'd like that. It sounds very... enjoyable."

Wufei sniffed the air. "Do you smell cookies?"

Sada sniffed and nodded, slowly sliding up the wall, unaware of Wufei's eyes on her. "Yea. It must be Hilde or Vana. Since I don't think that any of the others can cook. Can they?"

Wufei shook his head. "Possibly Duo, but I really don't think anyone would let him in the kitchen."

Sada nodded. "Well then I'll see ya in the kitchen." They walked to the door, Wufei opening it for Sada. "I never knew you could treat a woman."

Wufei smirked. "You'd be surprised at the things you don't know about me."

"I'd like to find out these things about you so you don't keep shocking me."

"What about you? You surprised me with your skills."

Sada smiled, surprised he had a complimented her so soon after he had met her. They didn't notice that their hands had somehow intertwined until they were walking away, their hands pulling, trying to stay together. They looked back at one another and blushed, pulling them apart.

They said goodbye to each other one last time but after three steps they stopped again. They slowly turned and looked over their shoulders at each other, the full impact of their former conversations finally hitting them. They both turned bright red and turned, bolting off away from each other.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Vana and Duo had finally finished decorating each of the cookies with 'implications', except Vana's, Heero's and Duo's of course. Quatre and Trowa appeared, taking two cookies not even looking at the design.

"What smells so good?" Sada asked coming into the kitchen, changed into a different outfit. Sada: A note, our clothes and stuff randomly appeared, just to tell you. Vana: Yep they did! Sada took a look at the flour covered kitchen and sighed. "Hilde isn't gonna be too happy with this."

Vana and Duo smiled and nodded. "Yep we know. Try a cookie Sada!" They said simultaneously. Vana held up a cookie and her grin widened as she looked over Sada's shoulder. "Hey Wufei! Try a cookie."

Sada looked at her cookie and raised her eyebrow but Wufei's eyes widened and his jaw seemed to unhinge from his skull. "What's the matter Wufei?" Sada asked looking at his cookie that read, 'Wufei's LONG.' She blinked, "Wufei's dragon? You have a dragon?" She blinked a few times before it clicked, what with Wufei's blush and the snicker coming from the two people on the other side of the room.

Wufei blinked and took a bite out of the cookie. "Asides from the message it's pretty good."

Sada took a bite from her cookie as well, smiling at the taste. "Yep it's pretty good."

Vana smirked, very proud at her skills. Duo was smirking as well, proud of himself, though he did nothing more than dirty up Hilde's kitchen.

Wufei shot Vana and Duo one last look before turing to Sada. "Want to go spar again?"

"Unless you want to get beaten again."

Vana's eyes widened then she smirked, giving them a sly look. "Sparring and beatings? Wow you two have gotten kinky fast. I wasn't aware those two went together when you've just met."

Duo burst out laughing as Sada blinked in confusion a moment then blushed darkly while Wufei colored and glared.

"Go fuck someone you stupid onna," he muttered.

Vana blushed and glared. "What did you say Wu-chan?!?"

He growled, and took a step towards her, both of their eyes flaming with unconcealed anger. Vana stood straighter, as if daring him to do something, unaware that Duo had taken a protective step closer, narrowed eyes warning Wufei. Wufei looked back at him then growled again and whirled back to Sada.

"Let's go play a card game," he said, storming out of the kitchen. Sada winced and followed him out, after a glance back at Vana and the still-protective Duo.

"COME AGAIN!!" Vana screamed defiantly after them. Unaware that Duo had ever been protective since he was casually and loosely dropping back into a relaxed pose.

"You really shouldn't provoke them Vana, one of these days he might actually do something," Duo warned, eyes studying her, as if waiting on her answer to figure something out.

"I dare him to try. He so much as makes a move to touch or hit me and I'll scream "rape" before using that to justify me beating the shit out of the stiff asshole. I swear if it weren't for Sada..." She glared out the door as if trying to actually stab Wufei with the daggers. Duo chuckled, his question answered.

"Well with that settled, do you think we should go offer cookies to Hee-chan?"

Vana smiled and picked up two paticular cookies Vana: *random snicker*, then walked out into the living room with Duo where Heero was sitting at his laptop as if he hadn't heard a word of the fight a few moments before. Sada and Wufei were sitting at the table holding cards in what looked like Go Fish... but Wufei wasn't that childish, was he? Vana held in a snicker, remembering her anger at him, before turning back to Heero and holding out a cookie innocently.

Heero paused in his typing, looked up at Vana's overly innocent face before looking down and reading the inscription on the cookie. His eyebrows shot up in surprise and he looked up at her again, Duo looking over her shoulder at it in cat-like curiousity.

"'Stiff me?!'" Heero asked, voice practically a shout in surprise. Vana smirked and handed Duo the other one before walking out of the room to go do- something.

Duo looked down and practically choked. On his innocent chocolate chip cookie, of which he had thought none of them could have pertained to him at all, bright yellow writing stared up at him with 2 words he hadn't ever expected.

"Threesome anyone?"

* * *

Sada: I would call that the end of chapter one, don't you think Vana?
Vana: *busy pouting* He has Heero. He won't want me.
Sada: Vana, Vana, Vana. That isn't the end of the story. You still have plenty of time to get with Duo. I mean we have so many random ideas that occur.
Vana: So true, so so true! *Does little happy dance*
Sada: Please review.
Vana: For Duo's sake, review! For Duo... oh and to keep the story going.