Author's Note: Okay I kinda got on a roll with this one, so look back to back chapters! Already I see a new reviewer out there! Thanks RougeCrayon and welcome to the reviewing masses! Look I'm so excited to put up another chapter that I'm not going to badger you for reviews (they still are appreciated, and still make me write quick like a bunny!).

You'll never see - the courage I know
It's colors' richness won't appear within your view
I'll never glow - the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you
But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you.
You'll say you understand, but you don't understand
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie.
You'll never touch - these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown - to you.
You'll say don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is promise and you can't afford to lie.
You'll never live the life that I live
I'll never live a life that wakes me in the night
You'll never hear themessage I give
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight.
But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now to smart to mention - to you.
You'll say you understand, you'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie. -'Never is a Promise' by Fiona Apple from the album 'Tidal'

I knew where she'd be. I didn't even have to follow her scent trail. For some reason I just knew, it was like a homing becon in the night or some rubbish. I walked once I got to the cemetary. I was aware that on my way to her I might have to do some slaying on her behalf, but it was unusually quiet. 'm not complaining about that, I had bigger fish to fry.

She was in my old crypt. I guess it was still my crypt, but I hadn't been there in days. I could hear the muffled sobs when I first walked in, but I knew she wasn't in the upper area. I went down the ladder, she was curled up on the floor in the burnt out remains of my subterranean lair.

"Come on love, you'll get yourself all mussed up, don't want to ruin your pretty things." I held out my hand to her.

"No, this is where I should be. In ashes, covered in ashes. Some day this is all that will be left of me."

I picked her up. She struggled a bit, but not as much as she could have. "Bollocks. I won't hear any of it." I set her down on her feet and she followed my lead up to the crypt. Her face was smeared with charcoal dust and tears. She looked so small. I hadn't seen her look this bad since she came back, and we had spent so many nights together with her just venting in silence or in shouts, venting to me about how unfair it all was, how she didn't want to be here, things she could never tell her real friends. And now once again here she was, with me, in the shadows, in the dark, looking for comfort. Looking for someone who could just accept what was in front of them. I remember those nights of watching her sob until she was out of tears, and wanting so badly to stop the pain.

She walked up to me, and looked me straight in the eye. It was then I could really feel how throughly this shook her. Slowly she raised her hand and pulled at the neck of her sweater, revealing bite marks that might as well have been from another life. "Just do it. I might as well get it over with." I pushed her back.

"You know love, I'm more of a right biter, and I'm not so fond of working through scar tissue. Plus, I'm not taking advantage of a bad situation. We'll take you home, and we'll call Angel. I'm sure he'll rush to the rescue when he hears what needs to be done. Then at least you'll be taken in love."

"It won't work that way." She said quietly as she backed away. She sat on the sarcophogas. "He's really busy, he's got a whole world to save. I could barely steal him away for a few hours when I came back, I doubt he'll be rushing up here to kill me. He's got a kid now, plus I think he's in love with Cordelia. Things have changed between us."

"Well he'd have to be be an even bigger poof than he already is if that's the case. I mean his magnificence should be able to take the time to drain the love of his bloody unlife."

"You'll do it for me won't you?"

"You know how I feel about you. I'd do just about anything you needed me to."

"What if I told you I wanted you to do it, that I didn't want Angel involved at all."

"I'd wonder when you went bonkers."

"Things are different now. Everything has changed so much, I've changed so much."

"Dyin'll do that to a person I hear."

"You've always been here for me. For the last couple of years anyways, I think you know me better than just about anyone. You promised me when you first came to Sunnydale that you were going to kill me. You said that when I had given up you were going to step in and have yourself a real good day."

"Love, I used to say a lot of crazy things. Think Drusilla rubbed off on me for a while there."

"You remember when you came looking for me to make that truce? When Angel opened up that hell sucking guy?"

"Yeah, I remember, pet."

"That was the day I realized you weren't like other vampires. I didn't like it, I hated it actually cos you made me think that vampires really could love someone. You loved Drusilla so much that you were willing to side with a mortal enemy just to get her away. I was so crushed because I knew that even though Angel loved me, and was trapped inside of Angleus, that Angelus could never love me."

"But he did. That's why he did all of those things to you. He's got a sick way of showing it but Angelus was bloody well consumed by you. You were all he thought about day and night."

"But it wasn't enough to stop him. He wanted nothing more than to put me six feet under."

"Angelus sort of has a kill the things you love theory on love."

"But you don't. You took care of her, and you take care of me. I know you'll take care of me, soul or no soul. I know you'll take me away if I'm dangerous to Dawn, I know if I go crazy you'll help fix me. I know you love me."

"That I do." I couldn't help it, when I said it, I'm pretty sure my voice dropped about 4 octaves. It came out almost as a whisper, a low rumbling whisper. She was going to break my heart into a million unfixable pieces, if she hadn't already. The demon in me wanted nothing more than to take her right at this moment, to suck her dry, to feed her, to make her mine. But the man in me couldn't, not just yet at least. "Come on slayer, I need to get you home." I shooed her off the sarcophogas.

"I don't think I can go there. I can't face Dawn with this. It'll break her heart."

"Love, I don't think she really cares whether you're walking amongst the legions of the undead or with humans, I think what matters to her is that you're around."

"She did fine without me."

"Only because she had all of us, and even so, when they weren't around she fell apart. S'not easy to lose your mum and big sis in a few months time. Once she even asked me why I didn't turn you, if only to keep you around for her. That broke my heart. She loves you more than you will ever know, and she needs you, desperately."

"I don't think I can do this to her, or any of them." We were walking through the cemetary headed towards Revello Drive by now. I lit a cigarette as she continued. "It's not fair. It's not fair to any of you."

"Are you including me in this senario?"

"Yeah. I mean imagine how unpopular you are gonna become when they find out you turned a slayer?"

"Pretty sure I don't care what my fellow undead Americans think."

"I don't know, maybe I should just die. Maybe Faith can get out on parole and resume slaying duty. I mean she's got a couple of years left before she starts dying. She's got to be like 19 by now. Then they can start all over with some new girl."

"I really won't hear any of this. At your house you have the most powerful witch that I have ever met, and I've met plenty. Red's got mojo that I haven't felt since those gypsies who cursed Peaches."

"Yeah, but she's a Wicca that Won'ta. She can't do magicks, it might push her over the edge."

"If it was to save you I'm pretty sure that she would risk it. She did before to bring you back."

"And we all saw how well that worked out."

"They'll figure something out, they always do. And you're not dying yet, I'd know, I could feel it if you were." I would know, as I had felt it in Nikki, and even when we were in the dream state I knew that ugly bird was dyin'.

"It'll be easier if we get this over with sooner rather than later."

"Are you going to tell them?"

"Yeah." We were on her front porch by now.

"Then how about this, I'll see you on Saturday."

"What happens on Saturday?"

"I kill you."

"Okay. That gives me a couple of days to get this all straightened out."

"And a few days for Red to figure out a way to stop it."

"Sure. Whatever you say." She walked up to me and tentatively wrapped her arms around me, she was bloody well hugging me! I hugged her back, I knew she needed this. "Thanks Spike."

"For what love? My manly arms?"

"For putting some sense back in me." She didn't let go of me, she just sort of stood there, holding on. "Oh god! Giles!" She quickly let go of me. "Oh man, Giles probably hates me. I was kinda a bitch to him wasn't I?"

"No, I think 'Get out of my house' is the sort of thing that screams of love. It's alright, I'll go talk to him."

"You don't have to come back here to be locked up like an animal or anything. I think I can trust you to not eat anyone, well anyone I know at least."

"I don't plan on eatin' anyone. Got plenty of pigs blood back at my crypt, and once you get used to it, it's not so bad."

"Okay. See you Saturday?"

"Of course, unless I need to see you sooner. Or if we find a way to fix you up good and proper. Know one thing love, I promise if I have to turn you, I'll never leave you. You'll always have me, for as long as you'll have me at least."

"Night, Spike." She smiled a small smile at me.

"G'Night Buffy." I so rarely used her name that it almost felt alien coming out of my mouth. She turned and went in the house. I could hear the girls ambush her as she walked in. Loads of 'I'm sorry's and 'we'll figure something out's. I'm pretty sure that they could find some way to stop all of this, and if not, I guess I'm the pinch hitter now aren't I?

I headed towards the Sunnydale Motel. I stopped off and picked up a good bottle of bourbon on the way though. I figure after a day like today, Rupert's gonna need the good stuff.

They really did their best to comfort me. But the amount of satisfaction I had after talking to Spike was slowly slipping away, and they really weren't helping. I mean I was going to die, whether by choice or by destiny, I was going to die. It's not everyday you get a warning like that. I sort of know the way that a cancer patient must feel when they are told, 'sorry, but there is nothing more we can do, you're gonna die, here would you like some morphine?' Only I don't get morphine.

Tara feels guilty, like she should have told me sooner or something. But how do you bring that up? I can hear it 'So Buffy, see I'm a guardian and I was sort of sent here to watch over you, and man do I have some bad news. You're gonna die cos what makes you the slayer also is what makes vampires, vampires. So now you've gotta choice, be a vampire or die. By the way, lovely weather we're having isn't it?' Somehow, I don't think she could have told me sooner than today.

Willow wants to get Xander and Giles over here for emergency Scooby research. She even wants Anya to help, which means she thinks its really bad. But she doesn't say it. None of them can bring themselves to say it. Buffy you are going to die. Hell, I can barely say it to myself. Willow thinks she can work some spell or something to make it better, she even thinks that if she goes to Rack and gets juiced up with the combined powers of her Tara and Amy they can make me a real girl. A real girl, no super powers, no super healing powers, just a girl. I don't know if I can be just a girl, and I don't think Willow should go near Rack again. If I had half a mind I'd go over there and kill him myself.

Dawn was strangely silent through most of their ranting. Finally Willow and Tara left to start making phone calls, and I was left alone with Dawn. Dawn, who in the last year had been through so much for someone who technically speaking was barely a year old. She's scared and I can tell. She knows I don't have a hell of a lot of options. She also doesn't have issues with me being a vampire. Apparently Spike knows my little sister better than I do.She just wants me around. I can see it in her though, she's got some fantasy in her head about Spike and me, about us, I don't know becoming vampire mates or something. See she's got all sorts of ideas in her head thanks to finding out about Connor. I'm not Darla, and Spike's definately no Angel.

I went up to bed before anyone could stop me. I locked the door behind me, but I opened the window. Willow had mentioned wanting to call Angel and Wesley, ot see if we could use some of their resources. I told her flat out no, under no circumstances are they to be told about this. That was an hour ago, now I'm wondering if I shouldn't call them, invite them up for a 'last chance to watch Buffy breathe party' or some shit.

Surprisingly, it's easy for me to fall asleep. It shouldn't be, but somewhere deep inside of me, there was a certain understanding that came over me. On Saturday I will die. But on Sunday I will be reborn. Everything will be okay. Somehow I felt safe in the fact that it was Spike who'd save me. Somehow I knew this was right. And sometime during the night while I slept someone crept in, closed the window, and pulled the shades closed. And later that someone crawled into my bed, and wrapped his cool arms around me, and kissed my forehead. All I know is I felt safe, and like I'd never be alone again.