Author's Note: I am going to use some character exposition to clear up the blood/soul concerns some of you have expressed. (see if you don't tell me what concerns you I can't fix it!). I hope this clears things up (cos to be honest I hadn't even thought about something like her losing a lot of blood to an injury or something). I also am soooo sorry that this took an age to produce. I was all sad about Angel being cancelled, and attempting to apply to grad school. I don't recommend applying to grad scool. Instead all my young readers, just go to university for a usable degree, not Anthropology. ;) Welcome to my new readers, I promise to be more floriferous a writer in the coming weeks!

Giles arrived within a haf an hour, looking disheveled and half awake. Dawn did have the sense not to call Xander, who most likely would have used this as a prime opportunity to stake Spike. Spike, well he had wavering in an out of consciousness. He was yelling one minute and crying the next. Apparently even half a soul was a bit too much on him. Giles ended up tranquilizing him, as he couldn't bare watching him like this anymore. To be honest I think all of us felt sorry for him. I guess though his lack of chip didn't matter so much now.

The rest of us sat at the table and talked about what may have happened.

"So Willow, tell me about this spell. By the way, next time, let's let Buffy in on all the details."

"Sorry about that. So this spell, we bound your soul to your blood, sort of a one time shot. You could lose the blood as long as you got it back. I think we sort of generalized and figured that any blood returning would bring back your whole soul not a percentage equivalent to what was given back. We were going for insurance with the whole Childe thing." Willow explained.

"Yeah tell me about that Childe thingy."

"Now Buffy, your average fledgling vampire when turned recieved basically enough blood to turn them, and that's about all. When a master vampire wants to make a Childe, they return nearly half of what they took. It's a very dangerous proposition for the vampire, as they are weakened afterwards. It makes the young vampire stronger, with less of an initial blood lust. They do this so that they are more likely to survive the fledgling stage, so assumably they can teach them everything they need to know. Stanard fledglings are just sent out into the world, and if they make it back to who made them they just become underlings. A Childe begins their time as something equivalent to a prince or princess to a king or queen. It is done because the master vampire sees this individual as someone worth investing the time in." Giles explained.

"Worth investing in?"

"Someone who may be a potential mate, or a fierce warrior, or even someone who seems to have the ability to become a master vampire themselves one day. Darla chose Angelus because she wanted a mate, someone she could keep around forever without growing tired of. Angelus most likely chose Drusilla because she had the sight, and would be very useful."

"And Drusilla wanted a mate so she made Spike. All of them are Children?" I was starting to get this.

"Childer."

"Great, I turn into a vampire and all the lingo changes."

"Had Spike not turned you into a Childe you wouldn't have enough soul to be worthwhile, and he'd most likely be in even worse shape than he is now."

"Is there anything else I need to know about this Childe thing?"

"Well, from what we know, which is very limited, a Childe has a certain bond with their Sire."

"A certain bond?"

"Yes."

"Isn't that a little vague?"

"I told you what we knew was limited."

"Great." This was just perfect, 'a certain bond' could it get more vague? "Okay back to this whole soul thing. I thought as the slayer that I would keep my soul even if turned, sort of one of the benefits of the gig?"

There was dead silence, I'm talking pin-drop silent."Well guys? Any ideas?"

"I-I-I think that the spell may have ruined that." Tara finally spoke up.

"What?" If I was a breathing member of society, I'm pretty sure I would have gasped. Considering my Undead American status, instead I kind of growled.

"What Tara means, is if it were true, then the spell over-rode it. But it was always pretty much only a rumor. We have few accounts of slayer's being turned. Actually there was only one, but she didn't last long enough to ask. The Council staked her within 24 hours." Giles added.

"What, the Council didn't want to dissect her to see what vampirism did to her insides? I mean isn't that the sort of thing they would be into?"

"They would have, had she not eaten her watcher."

"Oh. Terrific." I had no more words. Spike started twitching on the couch. "I think he's waking up. Someone needs to explain what's going on to him."

"Of course." Giles said and stood up.

"Someone who's not you Giles. Someone that's me." I got up and walked away. I picked Spike up and carried him upstairs to my room. The thing is, I usually would have felt bad leaving things unfinished with them, but for some reason I just couldn't care.

I laid him on the bed, not really knowing what to do. I wanted to help him, I just didn't know how. Spike would kick my ass for saying so, but I remember when Angel came back from hell, and how crazy he was, I didn't want Spike to have to go through that alone. I couldn't help Angel but I could help Spike. I just, I guess I sort of blamed myself. I screwed up Angel and he turned evil, and then had to go to hell, and then had to come back only to go away, because of me. Now what should have been a simple siring, had royally fucked up his life. Buffy plus vampire never equals anything good.

I blacked out. I think. Although I'm not sure thinking is a word I should throw around as not much of anything was making sense. One minutes I was in my crypt, the next I was in Buffy's house. And now, I was in her room. I think I was. It was dark, and stank like her, and I could see the little flowers from her wall paper everywhere. It was then that it dawned on me that I was staring at a wall. I never claimed to be a rocket scientist.

My head was fuzzy. Patches of missing time I raced to fill just weren't there.

"Spike? Are you awake?" Buffy asked hesitantly.

"If being awake gets me staked, then no." I groaned and rolled over to face her. She looked mildly concerend but mostly irritated. "What's wrong, pet?"

"Do you want it alphabetically or in order of importance?"

"That bad? Is there another apocalypse, I could have sworn we had about 3 months until the next one."

"Here, you might wanna eat." She handed me a mug of blood. "I already ate." I must have looked shocked, "Not my friends, pigs blood just like you."

"Good. Er, how're you doing? Think I've been out of it a bit."

"That's the understatement of the century. I'm as good as dead." She laughed. Already cracking dead jokes, that had to be a good thing.

"So what's going on? I've got a head full of fog and plenty of missing time on my hands."

"We tranquilized you. You were thrashing, and I, we, were worried you'd hurt yourself in a dusty way. So we knocked you out."

"Oh, good. Why again?"

"You've been freaking out, screaming and well, sounding a lot like an Angel back from hell slash Drusilla hybrid."

"Lovely."

"I need to tell you something, but you've got to promise two things. One, that you aren't going to freak out and do something stupid."

"I think I can do that."

"Two, you need to answer some questions for me. Think of it as an exchange of information."

"I don't like the sound of this."

"You haven't been lucid enough to be of much help to me Mr Slayer Sire."

"Okay." She was testier than usual. I'd have blamed it on female trouble, but that just wasn't possible anymore.

"The spell that the Scoobies did, well it had an interesting counter effect."

"An unplanned sort of effect? Bloody magicks! I told you nothing good ever came of it!"

"Well, it's only half good."

"Half-what?"

"There is no easy way to say this, so here it goes. You have half my soul. Well, roughly half my soul. And apparently I am half soul-less. Together we make a whole soul."

"Soul? I-I-I have half a bloody soul?!?" I could feel the anger boiling up in me.

"Only half, and it's my soul, not yours. It's not really a big deal. Except you seem to be going through what I think Giles called a 'soul imposed purgatory period.' I think that's Watcher talk for guilt."

"Stupid fucking witches! I should have known not to trust them. I should have known! Now I'm all a bit of a mess aren't I? That's the holes in time in'it? Sod this, I'm leaving." I got up to go.

"You aren't going any where. Remember, the 'no stupid Spike moves' agreement? Yeah, me and my vamp-slayer strength are gonna have to enforce it. And trust me, that little piece of soul-less Buffy really is itching for some violence. It won't end pretty." She said dryly as she pushed me back down. I could sense she wasn't joking.

"Well I hope the lot of them are working on a way to get rid of this, soul."

"What? My soul isn't good enough for you?"

"No, it's not that, it's just, well, it's your soul. You should have it."

"Well, consider yourself lucky, had you not turned me into your kid or whatever you'd have almost all my soul!"

"My kid?"

"Yeah, you're.., shit, what's the word..?"

"Childe. That's the word." I sighed. Did her watcher have to know everything?

"Yeah, what the hell does that mean?"

"It means I took a bit of responsibility."

"Oh terrific. So what, now I'm your pet project? Or was this some sick way to make me your love slave for all eternity? Cos if that was your plan, you've got another thing coming mister! Half-souled or not, I'll stake you for that kind of thing! I mean that's just inscestuous if your like my father!" She was furious. I could hardly blame her.

I closed my eyes and started slowly, quietly. "You are the first. My first childe. I'd never met anyone that I could consider worthy of such a station." I could feel her anger subsiding, and her eyes fixed on me. " You can't stake me. Sort of one of the benefits of childer. They can't stake their sire. Just as I cannot stake you."

"Is that it? Insurance against staking?"

"No, there is more. It is my duty to teach you things about where we come from, all that philosohpy of being the undead crap. We are connected forever. I will always know where you are, and vice versa. If you are in danger I will feel it, I feel your pain, your anger, your emotions. I know you don't think we have any, but we do, and you'll learn that too. In the event that Angel, Dru and myself are killed, you will be responsible for the line. Only childer can take over a clan, or line, and now you are a part of that. I guess we're all a bit of a mockery now though, considering Angel's soul and mine and yours."

"What else?"

"Well, no one else in the line can hurt you."

"But Angel went after Darla..."

"But Angelus didn't. Just as Angelus had plenty of opportunities to dust me, Angelus can't hurt either of us. Angel's soul will stop him from knocking us off now cos we're half breeds. Drusilla, well she could go after us, with the soul having and all but she's still delusional she can save 'daddy' so I'm sure 'sweet Willy' would fall into that catergory now as well. Darla's gone. Master too. So that pretty much wraps up that. Other vampires, well they can kill you, your own fledglings can too, they don't carry enough of the blood line to stop themselves."

"The blood line stops you?"

"Self preservation and all that rot. Watch." I grabbed a stake and plunged it at her chest, it stopped not centimeters from her skin. "See? I couldn't do it if I wanted to. Even half a soul prevents that. The whole soul will override the blood thus Angel can happily kill off his childer and sire."

"Childer? I though Drusilla was it."

"Dru, an' me."

"Oh. This is a lot more intensive and confusing than I thought." She put her head in her hands as she sat down. There was more than this, but it could all be revealed slowly, she didn't need all the details immediately.

"Have you slept at all? You aren't up to full strength yet, you're probably stretching yourself a bit thin right now."

"Yeah, and you haven't gone all 'oh the pain' in nearly a half hour. I'm not losing this opportunity to figure out what's going on. To figure out what I am." She sounded strangely lost.

"Buffy? Are you okay?"

"It's like I'm being torn in two. I feel guilty that you are suffering yet am disgusted by both yours and my soul. My temper, well I never had much of one before, and now I'm like a damn powder keg waiting to blow."

"You'll learn to control yourself. It'll come. Eventually keeping yourself under control will come as easily as breathing did." I patted the bed next to me, "Come here." She slid off her chair onto the bed. She started crumbling before my arms were around her.

"I feel really fucked up Spike. I don't know what's right or wrong, and I'm just confused. I thought this was supposed to fix things. I thought I was just going to stay the same, but it's all screwed up."

"Shh... it'll get better." I held her, until my head started spin and ache. "Buffy?" I barely got the words out beofre I pinched my eyes closed and saw them. All of them, hundreds maybe thousands of them were there, inside my head. People I killed. People Buffy's soul now had to feel guilty for.