Title: Worth It?

Author: Bunnie

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: I don't own Sailor Moon or any of the characters that I'm acting like these people are.

Warnings: Implied shoujo-ai (Femalexfemale relationship), lots of internal conflict, and Angsty!Bunnie "discusses" suicide. Don't read if any of this offends you.

~~~~~

Bunnie sat at her desk, looking at a blank piece of paper. At first glance, you'd think she was just staring off into space, as usual. However, upon further investigation, or if you knew her really well, you'd notice her right hand as it furiously scratched her left wrist beneath the cover of her desk. She winced as she scratched her wrist raw, covering it in welts and red marks. After long, grueling minutes passed, she grasped her sore wrist, as if to say she must stop, and let out a small half-whimper, half-sigh. She stayed like that for a moment before slowly sliding her eyes open. She lifted her wrist to her face and looked at it. Disgust seeped onto her features, a frown growing on her face. How can you keep doing this to yourself? She shook her arm roughly, forcing her sleeve to fall over her self-inflicted wounds.

You have to stop this, The rational part of her brain scolded.

Why? Does anyone really care? I mean, I know my mom loves me, and my brother cares about me, but wouldn't it make everything a lot easier? she argued with herself.

Of course it may be easier, but that doesn't mean they'd like that! Just think about all the people that'd be affected by that! All of your family, not only your parents and brother, but also your friends! Think of them, too! She told herself, trying to be reasonable.

Friends can be made, and friends can be lost. That's how the world works, she argued stubbornly.

What about her? Don't you care what she thinks?

Not anymore, no. She gave up her influence over me when she left and betrayed me, she told herself, cringing. She knew it was a lie, but she had to keep telling herself that. How else would she be able to keep seeing her, and talking to her, and just hanging out with her?

Bunnie shook her head, stopping the internal conflict. She stood and walked over to her bed, flopping onto it unceremoniously, and curled up with her back against the wall. Still in her all black attire she closed her eyes and, for once, welcomed sleep.

In a rush of sound, Bunnie suddenly finds herself spiraling downward. Memories molest her in her dreams, bombarding her with things she'd rather forget…

A hallway littered with kids, a dark-haired beauty throwing a bag away, glaring at an upset blonde girl in a doorway. "FUCK YOU!" the enraged dark-haired girl screamed at the timid blonde girl, then stomped off. The distraught blonde girl scurried into the room, hoping no one will see her tears. Her own thoughts at the time whirl through her head in a tumult of sound: "How could she do that to me…? And here, even...?"

The memory fades, bringing on a much different one…

Outside in the grass. The same dark-haired girl as in the last flashback was sitting cross-legged in the grass, moonlight shining down on her and the other girl, the blonde girl from the previous flashback, sitting on her knees in front of the dark-haired beauty. The girls' lighter-haired companion leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the darker-haired girl's shoulders, pulling her into a semi-hug, the dark-haired girl's forehead resting between the other girl's collar bones, the blonde resting her head lightly on her dark-haired companions head in return. The dark-haired girl sniffled, tears forcing themselves from her eyes. "I want to protect you," she tells the blonde. The blonde's thoughts to that once again bombard her. "No you don't… You can't… You don't love me…"

The next thought comes…

The same blonde as from the other scenes was talking into a phone in her room, tears flowing down her cheeks. A pause as a response is given from the girl on the other line, it something along the lines of, "You lie to me, too, right?" A shocked, mortified expression befalls the poor blonde, her free hand falling limply to her side with her mouth falling open, shocked at the accusation she just received. "Only that once… And it was the biggest mistake of my life," she hears, her thoughts, again, echo in her mind.

A fourth memory fades into her minds eyes…

An all too familiar scene replays through her head, again unwillingly. Her blonde figure, the same as in the last three scenes, hugging her secret love as they lay in bed together, she on her stomach against her love's right side. "Don't you ever do that again," the dark-haired girl pleads with her friend. "I won't… I promise," finally words – a promise once made and broken - and a silent vow never to break it, and her loves heart, again. Her delicate hand rising to the dark-haired girl's right cheek. Slowly pressing her soft lips to the girls' right cheek - the girl that meant more to her than life itself.

Bunnie bolted up from her troubled sleep, panting and in a cold sweat. She cursed herself mentally. This is why you don't sleep anymore, she told herself, your ex-lover plaguing your every thought - waking and otherwise. And at least waking I can slightly control what's happening. She sighed audibly to herself and stood up to stretch, not used to being balled in the fetal position while sleeping.

After stretching, Bunnie sat back onto her bed and thought out loud, asking herself the same question she's always asking herself:

"Well, Buns, is it worth it?"

She sighed again. With the answer quite obvious, she responded to herself after only a moment's pause. "I wouldn't trade in all the wonderful moments we had together for anything, so of course it was… Though now that all I feel is cold and empty, I don't know what to do…" She trailed off.

Bunnie's stubborn side spoke up, "Really? Are you sure? What about all the cold stares and hurtful, hateful remarks?"

Bunnie shook her head. "Even though those hurt me more than anything, I still love her… She does that," she tries to rationalize with herself, "just so she doesn't get hurt… Why else do you bite back?"

She pinched her eyes shut again, trying to hold back tears. "And to think, just a few precious days ago you were sleeping next to her in your bed, your arm draped cautiously over her back…"

And you were going to kiss her, too! she spitefully thought to herself.

She shook her head again, falling back onto her bed. Was it really worth it…?

~~~~

Okay, this is kinda a sequel… Just more rambling, I think, but let's see what you guys think, shall we? ^^; R/R, please. If you'd like to flame me, please don't. I didn't force you to read my story.