Author's Note: (aka: where I attempt to give readers hints at understanding
my thought processes, which I rarely understand myself) A second
instillation in my Zabuza/Haku fic (who'd a thunk it). Again with the
weird, alternating points of view, and again with feelings of inadequacy on
my part. My basic experiment in writing this is to have much of the story
lie not in what is said, but what is left unsaid, where the most
fascinating components of this relationship lie. I, however, lack the
necessary skill to develop this subtext. I would be incredibly interested
in where and why readers feel I have failed to attain this goal, and any
instances where you may have caught something beyond the words of the text.
Summary: Home has a whole new meaning now.
Getting Home by Katty
Home. The low structure, a practical rectangle building, like a single room erected next to a large garden and a split-wood fence, has always been home to me. Not for any sentimental 'home is where the heart is' reason, but because 'home' can within a single word imply not only the land and surroundings of the building, but also because it becomes clear, simply by virtue of the word, that it is mine. I take pride in all my possessions, my home not being an exception.
When I come to the fence I simply hop right over it, as I have since the day I built it. A gate defeats the purpose of a fence. But kid slips through the cross-beams feet first. Even for such an emaciated body it's a tight fit, and the kid nearly looses...his shirt.
That's the quick, dirty way of answering the gender question, it's always so hard to tell...when they're kids at least.
I walk in the door, quickly taking in everything and comparing it to the mental picture I had taken when I left...nothing's moved an inch. Never can be too careful and when someth...
I tense and nearly grab for a shuriken, until I remember the breathing behind me, would be the kid.
I sigh and consciously relax slightly, reluctant to break the silence, but knowing I have too.
"Alright kid, this is where I live. You will be staying with me, unless I can think of something better to do with you. Understand?"
A pause, then a nod. He stares up at me like he has never seen something so incredible in short, but unsheltered life. I'm understandably reluctant to let go of this impression.
The kid needs to learn to shut his mouth, gaping like a fish out of water...
"Shut that mouth," a click of teeth, "it makes you look slow. You're not slow, are you kid?" A quick shake of the head. His speedy reaction assures me that the first meaning of slow isn't lost on him, but if he can understand what I implied as the meaning...
"I have little patience or time for worthless things. I'm not convinced you're going to be worth it for me. If you prove as useless as you look, I'll leave you on the first bridge I find. And believe me when I say I'll cast you off in worse condition then I found you."
A small, but clear voice cut the silence that had fallen between us.
"I'm not...I'm really not stupid Onii-chan."
...
He looks at me with such eyes, not at all afraid of me.
The kid really is stupid.
But certain things can be taught.
------***------
Onii-chan, I...
This place is very nice. It's far from the other places where people live, just like home is...
I'm not...Onii-chan, I'm not.
That's not home anymore. I think this house is going to be home.
Home will be with Onii-chan, and Onii-chan is so warm.
It took us a long time to get here from the bridge. We always stopped to go to bed when it was night, and it got to be night four times.
See Onii-chan I can count real good.
One time we even stayed in a room with a bed. The other times were always on the ground outdoors, but Onii-chan always let me sleep next to him, because Onii-chan is nice and warm.
"Oi, Kid?"
"Hai."
Onii-chan grabbed a blanket from the bed and threw it in the corner.
Itai...
Onii-chan didn't try to hit me, but a bit of the blanket wiped me in the face as it went by.
"You'll be sleeping over there, kid. I'll get you a mattress for the floor soon enough."
The corner where the blanket was looked cold and dark. Why aren't we sleeping in the bed? I don't understand, Onii-chan.
The room suddenly darkened and Onii-chan started to get on the bed and...
no... No, Onii-chan! Don't go away from me!
If I latch on to his arm, if I keep hugging it close to me... If I keep holding on to Onii-chan's arm he can't go away.
I won't let go. I won't. I'll hold on forever.
"...no no no no no NO! Onii-chan!"
I flew then, I flew across the room just the like the blanket. Onii-chan threw me like he threw the blanket, but I hit the wall before falling in a little heap right beside the blanket.
It hurts. It hurts so much, Onii-chan, hurts when I breathe too hard, and this blanket is cold and scratchy. The wet on my face make it colder. My chest and throat are so tight I have to breathe hard, and it hurts, Onii- chan.
Onii-chan didn't try to hit me. I must have scared him when I grabbed him. He just wanted me away.
But away from Onii-chan is cold.
------***------
What the hell did I bring home with me?
I thought I picked up something useful, something that could help fulfill my goals, something that could be trained as a weapon. But that something, that has yet to prove to be any of those things, is currently keeping me awake.
Hitting the lights before I crawled into bed was a terrible idea, as it redoubled the sobs form the corner. There is nothing positive about the situation I have put myself in, and everything about it that makes me wanna hurt something.
I don't think the kid's actually hurt, just being a crybaby.
I hadn't meant to shrug him off so hard...hit the far wall before crumpling to the floor. I just meant for a little push, but...well...I was angry.
The kid needs to start learning right now there are consequences for making me angry.
He's showing no signs of crying himself to sleep. This isn't getting me anywhere.
"Oi. Kid."
"...hai"
I have to strain my senses to hear the faint reply even in the silent house.
"Get over here."
He gets to his feet slowly and hobbles a bit on the way over. Shit. Must have hurt him more then I though. I had planed to start on some basic training exercises tomorrow...I probably still will, toughen the kid up bit, but...the injuries will slow him down.
The kid quakes before me, but still meets my eyes. Holding in his sobs and trying not to sniff too loudly. Such potential.
I lift the covers a bit. "Here, get in," he hesitates, I sigh in frustration, "I won't hurt you, just get in."
He complies, but in his every move, his every twitch, I sense the inner conflict of both want and fear. The desire for something that becomes a nearly palpable thing and the terror that prevent actualization... He'll learn soon enough the sense of living with that feeling; which never truly goes away.
There's a lot of shifting...for minutes it seems. This was a bad idea, but he's settling down. The kid's latched on to me again, pulling at my shirt, and no doubt rubbing his snotty little kid nose all over it. Definitely a bad idea.
"You can sleep here from now on. It's a lot easier then getting a mattress. Goodnight, kid." That reminds me, "Oi, kid. Do you have a name?"
He sniffs hard, then swallows thickly, "My name is Haku." The sound comes out of his throat nearly impossible muffle, distorted by clogged nasal cavities and muffled by my shirt and chest.
"Haku, eh? Do you have another name Haku?" Not that I expect the young orphan to remember his surname, if he ever knew it. A tiny shake of the head, still buried in my side confirms my expectations. "All right, I'll just call you Haku then."
"Hai, Onii-chan."
I wince just a bit at the overly familiar address. Just too close for comfort. We'll have to fix that.
"My name is Zabuza. You may call me Zabuza-san."
"Hai, Zabuza-san."
"Arigato, Zabuza-san," he cluches in a little harder, "You're so warm."
"Haku..."
"Hai?"
"Shut up and go to sleep."
Summary: Home has a whole new meaning now.
Getting Home by Katty
Home. The low structure, a practical rectangle building, like a single room erected next to a large garden and a split-wood fence, has always been home to me. Not for any sentimental 'home is where the heart is' reason, but because 'home' can within a single word imply not only the land and surroundings of the building, but also because it becomes clear, simply by virtue of the word, that it is mine. I take pride in all my possessions, my home not being an exception.
When I come to the fence I simply hop right over it, as I have since the day I built it. A gate defeats the purpose of a fence. But kid slips through the cross-beams feet first. Even for such an emaciated body it's a tight fit, and the kid nearly looses...his shirt.
That's the quick, dirty way of answering the gender question, it's always so hard to tell...when they're kids at least.
I walk in the door, quickly taking in everything and comparing it to the mental picture I had taken when I left...nothing's moved an inch. Never can be too careful and when someth...
I tense and nearly grab for a shuriken, until I remember the breathing behind me, would be the kid.
I sigh and consciously relax slightly, reluctant to break the silence, but knowing I have too.
"Alright kid, this is where I live. You will be staying with me, unless I can think of something better to do with you. Understand?"
A pause, then a nod. He stares up at me like he has never seen something so incredible in short, but unsheltered life. I'm understandably reluctant to let go of this impression.
The kid needs to learn to shut his mouth, gaping like a fish out of water...
"Shut that mouth," a click of teeth, "it makes you look slow. You're not slow, are you kid?" A quick shake of the head. His speedy reaction assures me that the first meaning of slow isn't lost on him, but if he can understand what I implied as the meaning...
"I have little patience or time for worthless things. I'm not convinced you're going to be worth it for me. If you prove as useless as you look, I'll leave you on the first bridge I find. And believe me when I say I'll cast you off in worse condition then I found you."
A small, but clear voice cut the silence that had fallen between us.
"I'm not...I'm really not stupid Onii-chan."
...
He looks at me with such eyes, not at all afraid of me.
The kid really is stupid.
But certain things can be taught.
------***------
Onii-chan, I...
This place is very nice. It's far from the other places where people live, just like home is...
I'm not...Onii-chan, I'm not.
That's not home anymore. I think this house is going to be home.
Home will be with Onii-chan, and Onii-chan is so warm.
It took us a long time to get here from the bridge. We always stopped to go to bed when it was night, and it got to be night four times.
See Onii-chan I can count real good.
One time we even stayed in a room with a bed. The other times were always on the ground outdoors, but Onii-chan always let me sleep next to him, because Onii-chan is nice and warm.
"Oi, Kid?"
"Hai."
Onii-chan grabbed a blanket from the bed and threw it in the corner.
Itai...
Onii-chan didn't try to hit me, but a bit of the blanket wiped me in the face as it went by.
"You'll be sleeping over there, kid. I'll get you a mattress for the floor soon enough."
The corner where the blanket was looked cold and dark. Why aren't we sleeping in the bed? I don't understand, Onii-chan.
The room suddenly darkened and Onii-chan started to get on the bed and...
no... No, Onii-chan! Don't go away from me!
If I latch on to his arm, if I keep hugging it close to me... If I keep holding on to Onii-chan's arm he can't go away.
I won't let go. I won't. I'll hold on forever.
"...no no no no no NO! Onii-chan!"
I flew then, I flew across the room just the like the blanket. Onii-chan threw me like he threw the blanket, but I hit the wall before falling in a little heap right beside the blanket.
It hurts. It hurts so much, Onii-chan, hurts when I breathe too hard, and this blanket is cold and scratchy. The wet on my face make it colder. My chest and throat are so tight I have to breathe hard, and it hurts, Onii- chan.
Onii-chan didn't try to hit me. I must have scared him when I grabbed him. He just wanted me away.
But away from Onii-chan is cold.
------***------
What the hell did I bring home with me?
I thought I picked up something useful, something that could help fulfill my goals, something that could be trained as a weapon. But that something, that has yet to prove to be any of those things, is currently keeping me awake.
Hitting the lights before I crawled into bed was a terrible idea, as it redoubled the sobs form the corner. There is nothing positive about the situation I have put myself in, and everything about it that makes me wanna hurt something.
I don't think the kid's actually hurt, just being a crybaby.
I hadn't meant to shrug him off so hard...hit the far wall before crumpling to the floor. I just meant for a little push, but...well...I was angry.
The kid needs to start learning right now there are consequences for making me angry.
He's showing no signs of crying himself to sleep. This isn't getting me anywhere.
"Oi. Kid."
"...hai"
I have to strain my senses to hear the faint reply even in the silent house.
"Get over here."
He gets to his feet slowly and hobbles a bit on the way over. Shit. Must have hurt him more then I though. I had planed to start on some basic training exercises tomorrow...I probably still will, toughen the kid up bit, but...the injuries will slow him down.
The kid quakes before me, but still meets my eyes. Holding in his sobs and trying not to sniff too loudly. Such potential.
I lift the covers a bit. "Here, get in," he hesitates, I sigh in frustration, "I won't hurt you, just get in."
He complies, but in his every move, his every twitch, I sense the inner conflict of both want and fear. The desire for something that becomes a nearly palpable thing and the terror that prevent actualization... He'll learn soon enough the sense of living with that feeling; which never truly goes away.
There's a lot of shifting...for minutes it seems. This was a bad idea, but he's settling down. The kid's latched on to me again, pulling at my shirt, and no doubt rubbing his snotty little kid nose all over it. Definitely a bad idea.
"You can sleep here from now on. It's a lot easier then getting a mattress. Goodnight, kid." That reminds me, "Oi, kid. Do you have a name?"
He sniffs hard, then swallows thickly, "My name is Haku." The sound comes out of his throat nearly impossible muffle, distorted by clogged nasal cavities and muffled by my shirt and chest.
"Haku, eh? Do you have another name Haku?" Not that I expect the young orphan to remember his surname, if he ever knew it. A tiny shake of the head, still buried in my side confirms my expectations. "All right, I'll just call you Haku then."
"Hai, Onii-chan."
I wince just a bit at the overly familiar address. Just too close for comfort. We'll have to fix that.
"My name is Zabuza. You may call me Zabuza-san."
"Hai, Zabuza-san."
"Arigato, Zabuza-san," he cluches in a little harder, "You're so warm."
"Haku..."
"Hai?"
"Shut up and go to sleep."