Title: A Letter

Author: Bunnie

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, please don't sue me!

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Bunnie sighed as she thought about what to write in a letter to her dark-haired love. Currently she was balancing her pencil on her nose, thinking of how to finish it. So far, the letter read:

Dear Rei,

I know you don't want anymore of these letters, and I want to stop writing them to you. However, I can't do that. You're just too damn confusing. One minute I think you hate me and would give anything not to talk to me, and them next I think you'd like to be good friends, like the old times. I just don't know what to think anymore…

This letter is to inform you of a few things. The first being this: I don't know if you think I'll try and commit suicide again, and I don't know if you'll believe me this time, when I say I never will, but Rei, I never will try and take my life again. You alone have made me feel the two worst feelings in the world. The first when I made you cry. I've done it a couple times, that I know of, and I never want to do it again. It's just like a wrench goes and twists up all of my insides, and I don't know what to do. So, both times I was there, I did the only thing I could do: hug you. Tell you I'll never do it again, and think to myself how much I love you, and what a wretched person I must be to have made such a wonderful person like you cry. Then again, on the flip side, the other worst feeling I've experienced, thanks to you, is betrayal.

I've always loathed betrayal. In movies or books, when a person betrays one person or group to another person or group, I automatically hate them. You know me, Bunnie the pacifist, always trying to do things peacefully (Not counting with you and the girls or my brother, though. But we all know that's different). But I tell you, as soon as someone betrays, I hate them. And that's what you did when you sold me out. My best friend, my girlfriend, my love. You knew how I felt about you, and you told my mother. And before that, you lied to me about the knowledge of the meeting. You flat out lied about it. Then you accused me of lying to you when I confronted you about it! What was I supposed to do then? I couldn't talk to my mom, she was in on it. And my life line, you, had cut off all means of communication to you. Wait, that sounds familiar… Is that what happened the night I tried to kill myself? And then you… You had the nerve to tell me I would never do it again! And of course, I won't. I'm a hopeless romantic. I love you, and will do whatever it is you ask of me…

So, you've betrayed me, you've made me feel lower than the scum of the earth, and I still love you unconditionally? Yep, pretty much. I don't know why you don't love me… Am I too fat? Too loud? Not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Too ditzy? Too dependant, maybe? Too needy? Too bratty? Too bossy? I don't understand… I'd do anything for you, but you don't feel the same…

Bunnie stared at the letter on her desk, then suddenly recalled the phone conversation from earlier. The phone conversation that had been the reason this depressing letter had been started. She held her pencil firmly, to minimize the shakiness of her hand, and began to write again, her script filling line after line on the paper in front of her. She continued the letter.

"I don't know if you still know of my feelings toward you. However, you have once again broken my heart. And you probably don't even care. You're not sure what I'm talking about, I'm sure… Well, it's the fact that you're taken - you have a boyfriend. And you tell me about it. You didn't have to. Hell, I was the first out of all the girls you told! I can't believe you. I bet you don't even know you hurt me! Geez, you're so naïve, Rei. You always seem so smart and mature compared to most of us, but you're not," she whispered as she wrote, tears dripping onto her lap.

She jumped as the front door downstairs slammed shut. She mentally scolded herself for being so jumpy, then set back to her letter. She wiped her tear-stained cheeks, then got out another piece of blank stationary. She looked at the little bunny winking in the bottom right corner and sighed, wishing she could be happy like before.

"This letter was to address some things I've been thinking about," she continued, mumbling as she scribed the rest of her letter. "I have yet, however, to discuss something you've asked me before. 'Was it worth it?' you asked me. Only you can answer that for me. If I ever once made you feel special, made you feel like the only thing you wanted was for me to be with you, then yes, it was. If ever you thought that you'd like nothing more than for me to touch and kiss and caress you lovingly, then yes, it was. If ever you wanted me to be right there with you as your girlfriend and not just a friend, yes, it was. If ever you wanted me, even a little, then yes. It was."

She closed her eyes and rubbed them, the scribbled one last paragraph. "Now you know my feelings. I've laid everything out on the table before you - including my heart. If I predict you correctly, you will probably walk away from me, acting like this never happened. You quarantine yourself from me, and never tell the girls anything about us. You'll tell you your family, and I won't be able to come around you because they'll all hate me. Hate me for telling you the truth - my feelings - again. If I could tell you one last thing, something you'll remember forever, it'd be this: You're a wonderful person, and I love you a lot. I hope you're forever happy, and love treats you kindly. I hope everything works out for the best for you."

She read over her letter again, trying to catch all the grammatical, mechanical and other stupid mistakes she might have made. Once satisfied with the letter, she set it down. She stared at it for a long time, not sure how to sign it. She finally scribbled "Eternally Yours, Buns" and folded the two pieces of paper. She slid them into a plain white envelope. She sealed the envelope with a kiss, lightly kissing the flap once it was sealed. She placed a heart-shaped sticker over her kiss and turned it over. She scribbled Rei's address onto the envelope and her name in the upper left hand corner, as if nothing was wrong. She silently cursed herself as a tear slid off the tip of her nose onto the letter. Hoping Rei wouldn't notice, she put stickers all over the envelope. She smiled sadly to herself, noting her façade still held up on an envelope. She licked a stamp and placed in on the upper right corner of the envelope and stood up.

She calmly walked downstairs and through the front door, not pausing to speak to her family when they questioned her. She walked straight to the mailbox. She calmly opened the mailbox and slid the letter in, closing the box and putting the flag up. Heading back inside, her placid features did not change. They did not change until lunch, when she finally emerged from her room, content that the mail had been taken. She ate lunch with her usual vigor to not raise suspicions, then went back upstairs, lying and saying she was busy.

Once in her room, she picked up the knife she had been using earlier, and again attempted to slash open her left calf. She pressed the knife to her pale skin and grinned, a frightening glint in her eyes.

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A.N. Okay, I think I'm done. Please R/R, though. I appreciated all the feedback I received. Thanks!