Meant To Live
By: Sparrows Mistress
Degrassi
Sean/Emma
Chapter 1 – Breaking Ties
The sunlight dashed away behind the trees as it sunk into the horizon, leaving this side of the earth for another day.
Sean Cameron lay on his bed, his indigo eyes searching the ceiling in thought. Taking a deep breath, Sean rolled over onto his side and stared out of the window.
The sun had just set behind the trees, and with its disappearance Sean felt relieved that he'd survived another day.
It wasn't that he felt he was in physical danger, but he did feel as if he had suffered emotional damage that could never be fixed.
I've been such a fool, he thought angrily. He'd been through this before; the anger and hatred he felt towards himself and towards his past. If he had only seen the good thing he'd had before he'd gone off and lost it. He still felt it was all his fault.
Emma had done nothing to provoke him, nothing to cause him serious anger...and yet he still had moments when he couldn't stand to be with her. And why? Because of his godforsaken past and the way he felt about it.
Sean still couldn't believe that Emma had loved him, it wasn't possible. How could anyone love someone so...juvenile and careless? Sean felt he was a bad boy, and that that was all he would ever be.
But, at the same time, he knew that with Emma, he had become a new person, someone with integrity and a future. With Emma, he had seen what his life could be. Yet, now that she was gone, he couldn't see anything in his future except perhaps prison.
Sean rolled onto his back, his hands clutching his face in desperation. The heat in his room seemed unbearable, and all he wanted was to escape.
The phone rang suddenly, causing Sean to jump. Reaching for the phone, he picked it up and grumbled "hello?"
"Hey...it's me." The voice on the other end said. "I was wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow...it's Sunday, remember? And I have nothing to do."
Sean winced at the sound of her voice. "You know what; I'm busy tomorrow...why don't you call Marco?"
"Oh...okay, sure. Bye Sean."
Reaching over and dropping the phone on the hook, Sean rolled his eyes as he lay back down.
He and Ellie had been dating for about a month now, and although it had seemed almost perfect at first, Sean was really starting to dislike her.
It wasn't that she was mean, she was far from it. It was just that...she couldn't compare to Emma...no one could compare to Emma.
Ellie was too like him, and she was too willing to let him ruin his life. He wanted, and needed, someone to tell him what to do, someone who could give him credible and educated advice. He knew what was best for him, and he knew that Ellie wasn't it.
He'd never realized how important environment talks and late night kissing we're to him, until he didn't have them any longer. He couldn't believe how terrible his life was, now that she wasn't a part of it.
"Sean! C'mon, dinner's ready!" His brother called from downstairs. Sean sighed as his stomach began to grumble. He hadn't eaten all day...in fact, he hadn't been eating much at all for two weeks. He missed her...he missed her so much.
~
"So, what are you doing Sunday?"
"You mean tomorrow?" Emma responded, annoyed.
"Uh, yeah, I guess." Chris replied, grinning at his girlfriend as he put his arm around her. Emma smiled weakly and clutched her purse tighter in her hands.
As they walked home, conversation seemed tough. Chris could tell something was wrong, and he had a bad feeling he knew what it was.
"Emma, what's wrong?" He asked, stopping and turning her to face him, his hands clutching her shoulders. "You've seemed so...distant lately."
Emma found she couldn't meet his eyes without laughing at the comment. If only he knew, she thought irritably.
"I'm fine...I'm just stressed about Jack and my mom and stuff...it's nothing big."
"Are you sure?" Chris ensued, hoping to at least get some sort of hint out of her. When Emma only nodded and receded from his grasp to keep walking, Chris grabbed her arm gently. "Look, Emma...this isn't working out."
Emma furrowed her brows in shocked confusion as she stared at him. "What do you mean?" she asked quietly, her annoyed demeanor gone.
"I mean that if your just going to keep thinking about...him...then it's never going to work between us." Chris knew what he was doing was hurting him and Emma both, but if he didn't then they'd both be stuck only slightly happy for who knows how long. He couldn't have his girlfriend pining after her ex.
Emma found she was having trouble responding. Her eyes were transfixed on his. She knew he was right, and she knew what he was doing was for the best. When Chris looked down from her gaze and cleared his throat, Emma took a deep breath.
"Your right, Chris...it isn't working, I'm sorry..." Emma said quietly, biting her lip. "I'm just...I'm not over Sean."
Chris looked up at her again, nodding in agreement. He leaned over and kissed her cheek gently, causing her to let out a soft sob.
Turning to leave, Chris smiled at her, blowing her a peace sign. "Friends forever, Emma, just friends." He called out before turning around and walking down the street.
~
The night air crept up through Sean's window as he tried to sleep. He'd been tossing and turning for hours now, and couldn't find the will to fall asleep.
His mind was racing with wild ideas, ones that scared him as they excited him. He didn't think Ellie was very happy, and he knew for sure that he wasn't happy...so why stay in the relationship?
Groaning, he rubbed his face vigorously and took a deep breath. He had to do it, if he didn't, then it would never happen.
Leaning over, he tried to not to think as he picked up the phone and dialed Ellie's number.
"Hello?"
"Ellie? I need to talk to you..." He said softly, laying back onto his bed and covering his eyes with his free hand.
"What is it?"
Clearing his throat, Sean tried to find the right words to say to her. Biting his lip, he tried to decide whether or not he was doing the right thing. What would become of him after Ellie?
"Sean?"
"Yeah...sorry...I just—"
"Look, I think I know what you're going to say...and, before you say it...I just want you to know that I understand...in fact, I more than understand."
"What do you mean?"
There was a pause on the phone, and Sean felt slightly confused.
"I'm not over Marco." Ellie said softly, almost in a whisper. Sean's eyes grew wide with surprised shock. A smile grew over his face as he thought of it all.
"Ellie...Ellie, thank you..." was all he could muster up the courage to say. He could almost hear Ellie smile over the line as she said goodbye and hung up the phone.
Leaning over and placing the phone on the hook, Sean nearly leaped out of bed with accomplishment. He managed to break it off with Ellie without breaking her heart! And, he was now free...
Free to do what? He thought as he sat back down on his bed. What could he do now that he didn't have Ellie around?
Emma would never take him back...not after what he'd done. Well, he thought, at least I'm open to a wide range of options.
His "friends", or the hoodlums he'd been associating with, had been nearly expelled, and Sean found the courage to break away from them quickly. He knew quicksand when he saw it.
If he hadn't broken it off with them when he had, he would have sunk so far in that it would have been impossible for him to escape.
He'd done it for Emma, in the last bit of hope that she could possibly want him back. But, more than anything, he'd done it for himself.
If she wasn't going to help him be a better person any longer, than he was going to have to help himself.
~
By: Sparrows Mistress
Degrassi
Sean/Emma
Chapter 1 – Breaking Ties
The sunlight dashed away behind the trees as it sunk into the horizon, leaving this side of the earth for another day.
Sean Cameron lay on his bed, his indigo eyes searching the ceiling in thought. Taking a deep breath, Sean rolled over onto his side and stared out of the window.
The sun had just set behind the trees, and with its disappearance Sean felt relieved that he'd survived another day.
It wasn't that he felt he was in physical danger, but he did feel as if he had suffered emotional damage that could never be fixed.
I've been such a fool, he thought angrily. He'd been through this before; the anger and hatred he felt towards himself and towards his past. If he had only seen the good thing he'd had before he'd gone off and lost it. He still felt it was all his fault.
Emma had done nothing to provoke him, nothing to cause him serious anger...and yet he still had moments when he couldn't stand to be with her. And why? Because of his godforsaken past and the way he felt about it.
Sean still couldn't believe that Emma had loved him, it wasn't possible. How could anyone love someone so...juvenile and careless? Sean felt he was a bad boy, and that that was all he would ever be.
But, at the same time, he knew that with Emma, he had become a new person, someone with integrity and a future. With Emma, he had seen what his life could be. Yet, now that she was gone, he couldn't see anything in his future except perhaps prison.
Sean rolled onto his back, his hands clutching his face in desperation. The heat in his room seemed unbearable, and all he wanted was to escape.
The phone rang suddenly, causing Sean to jump. Reaching for the phone, he picked it up and grumbled "hello?"
"Hey...it's me." The voice on the other end said. "I was wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow...it's Sunday, remember? And I have nothing to do."
Sean winced at the sound of her voice. "You know what; I'm busy tomorrow...why don't you call Marco?"
"Oh...okay, sure. Bye Sean."
Reaching over and dropping the phone on the hook, Sean rolled his eyes as he lay back down.
He and Ellie had been dating for about a month now, and although it had seemed almost perfect at first, Sean was really starting to dislike her.
It wasn't that she was mean, she was far from it. It was just that...she couldn't compare to Emma...no one could compare to Emma.
Ellie was too like him, and she was too willing to let him ruin his life. He wanted, and needed, someone to tell him what to do, someone who could give him credible and educated advice. He knew what was best for him, and he knew that Ellie wasn't it.
He'd never realized how important environment talks and late night kissing we're to him, until he didn't have them any longer. He couldn't believe how terrible his life was, now that she wasn't a part of it.
"Sean! C'mon, dinner's ready!" His brother called from downstairs. Sean sighed as his stomach began to grumble. He hadn't eaten all day...in fact, he hadn't been eating much at all for two weeks. He missed her...he missed her so much.
~
"So, what are you doing Sunday?"
"You mean tomorrow?" Emma responded, annoyed.
"Uh, yeah, I guess." Chris replied, grinning at his girlfriend as he put his arm around her. Emma smiled weakly and clutched her purse tighter in her hands.
As they walked home, conversation seemed tough. Chris could tell something was wrong, and he had a bad feeling he knew what it was.
"Emma, what's wrong?" He asked, stopping and turning her to face him, his hands clutching her shoulders. "You've seemed so...distant lately."
Emma found she couldn't meet his eyes without laughing at the comment. If only he knew, she thought irritably.
"I'm fine...I'm just stressed about Jack and my mom and stuff...it's nothing big."
"Are you sure?" Chris ensued, hoping to at least get some sort of hint out of her. When Emma only nodded and receded from his grasp to keep walking, Chris grabbed her arm gently. "Look, Emma...this isn't working out."
Emma furrowed her brows in shocked confusion as she stared at him. "What do you mean?" she asked quietly, her annoyed demeanor gone.
"I mean that if your just going to keep thinking about...him...then it's never going to work between us." Chris knew what he was doing was hurting him and Emma both, but if he didn't then they'd both be stuck only slightly happy for who knows how long. He couldn't have his girlfriend pining after her ex.
Emma found she was having trouble responding. Her eyes were transfixed on his. She knew he was right, and she knew what he was doing was for the best. When Chris looked down from her gaze and cleared his throat, Emma took a deep breath.
"Your right, Chris...it isn't working, I'm sorry..." Emma said quietly, biting her lip. "I'm just...I'm not over Sean."
Chris looked up at her again, nodding in agreement. He leaned over and kissed her cheek gently, causing her to let out a soft sob.
Turning to leave, Chris smiled at her, blowing her a peace sign. "Friends forever, Emma, just friends." He called out before turning around and walking down the street.
~
The night air crept up through Sean's window as he tried to sleep. He'd been tossing and turning for hours now, and couldn't find the will to fall asleep.
His mind was racing with wild ideas, ones that scared him as they excited him. He didn't think Ellie was very happy, and he knew for sure that he wasn't happy...so why stay in the relationship?
Groaning, he rubbed his face vigorously and took a deep breath. He had to do it, if he didn't, then it would never happen.
Leaning over, he tried to not to think as he picked up the phone and dialed Ellie's number.
"Hello?"
"Ellie? I need to talk to you..." He said softly, laying back onto his bed and covering his eyes with his free hand.
"What is it?"
Clearing his throat, Sean tried to find the right words to say to her. Biting his lip, he tried to decide whether or not he was doing the right thing. What would become of him after Ellie?
"Sean?"
"Yeah...sorry...I just—"
"Look, I think I know what you're going to say...and, before you say it...I just want you to know that I understand...in fact, I more than understand."
"What do you mean?"
There was a pause on the phone, and Sean felt slightly confused.
"I'm not over Marco." Ellie said softly, almost in a whisper. Sean's eyes grew wide with surprised shock. A smile grew over his face as he thought of it all.
"Ellie...Ellie, thank you..." was all he could muster up the courage to say. He could almost hear Ellie smile over the line as she said goodbye and hung up the phone.
Leaning over and placing the phone on the hook, Sean nearly leaped out of bed with accomplishment. He managed to break it off with Ellie without breaking her heart! And, he was now free...
Free to do what? He thought as he sat back down on his bed. What could he do now that he didn't have Ellie around?
Emma would never take him back...not after what he'd done. Well, he thought, at least I'm open to a wide range of options.
His "friends", or the hoodlums he'd been associating with, had been nearly expelled, and Sean found the courage to break away from them quickly. He knew quicksand when he saw it.
If he hadn't broken it off with them when he had, he would have sunk so far in that it would have been impossible for him to escape.
He'd done it for Emma, in the last bit of hope that she could possibly want him back. But, more than anything, he'd done it for himself.
If she wasn't going to help him be a better person any longer, than he was going to have to help himself.
~