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Standard disclaimer applies! Read on!!!

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Chapter 4: The madness ensues! Shippo scarred for life!

Inuyasha: Now what?
Morphius: As the author, I should probably know that, shouldn't I? ^_^
Kagome: Yeah you should.
Morphius: However, if you check the title, this is Going Nowhere Fast: A Pointless Fanfic.
Sango: Yeah. So?
Morphius: As in there is no plot, so therefore, I write random crap and you have to deal with it.
Liz: Then write some crap that we have to deal with!!
Shippo: Or don't.
Morphius: You forget, Liz, that I am the author. You do not boss me around. I boss you around. Got it?
Liz: Yeah, yeah. I got it.
Morphius: *chuckling* Well, Liz, I honestly don't think your puny brain can comprehend the extent of my power in my realm and in my story. *aims Raigekijin at Liz and gives her a quick jolt* Now maybe you'll understand better.
Liz: . . .
Miroku: *pointing at Morphius* You're insane! I have no idea why I ever liked you!

Sango grabbed Miroku and they kissed for the second time in this fanfic. This hot love fest went on for about two minutes, but then Sango appeared nauseous and about to throw up while still kissing Miroku and Morphius stopped them to keep things from getting really disgusting.

Morphius: That's why.
Miroku: *grinning like an idiot* Oh. Could you remind me again, please?

Morphius was about to seriously injure Miroku when Hiten came flying in.

Hiten: Morphius?
Morphius: Yes?
Hiten: May I have the Raigekijin back?
Morphius: No! Mine!
Shippo: Oh yeah! Without it, Hiten is wide open!

Shippo jumps and tries to hit Hiten but falls about 20 feet short. Hiten gets extremely irritated by this and electrocutes Shippo with lightning energy from his hand.

Morphius: Forgot he had that, didn't ya? Didn't ya?
Shippo: Yeah. . . I guess so. *falls unconscious*
Hiten: Now then, I want the Raigekijin back and I want it now!
Morphius: But this is like the coolest weapon in the whole series! Oh all right. *tosses Raigekijin to Hiten* Wait a minute! I'm the author! I can have anything I want! *produces identical Raigekijin from thin air* Cool!
Jess: Uh Morphius?
Morphius: Yes?
Jess: Now that you have the Raigekijin, you don't really need Hiten do you, because you can attack people yourself.
Hiten: *looks nervously at his lord and master* Uh. . .
Morphius: True. On the same note, I don't really need you either. *stares off into space like she's plotting something*
Jess: *senses her time in this fanfic is short if she doesn't shut her mouth* Uh, good point. Just pretend I didn't say anything. . .
Morphius: Ok. Now, Hiten, punish Jess for defying me and questioning my total authority.
Jess: But I thought you were going to forget I said anything!
Morphius: Well. . . I lied.

Hiten shocks the crap out of Jess.

Morphius: Don't kill her though. I just brought her back to life and I don't like doing things for nothing. *files nails and whistles* And that's. . . on second thought keep going. *staring at nails* I seriously need a manicure.
Jess: Stop! I'm begging you! Please! Make it stop!

Hiten finally stops because he's not supposed to kill Jess.

Morphius: Nah, screw it. I don't need a manicure. My nails are perfect. *looks up* Sorry Jess, did you say something?

Jess convulses violently and passes out.

Morphius: Jess? Honestly, you should have told me to stop or something.
Jess: Ugh. . .
Morphius: *kicking Jess* Quit whining. Be thankful I didn't kill you.
Liz: *on knees looking at sky* Dear God, kill me now.
Morphius: I'm over here, stupid. And no, I won't kill you, because you wouldn't be suffering and that wouldn't be any fun for me.
Liz: Oh fuck.
Morphius: Watch your mouth. If you fucking curse one more fucking time, I will fucking hit you so fucking hard you'll be in fucking pain for the rest of your fucking life.
Sango: That's ironic.
Jess: Are you sure? Because it might not be.
Sango: *bludgeons Jess with the hiraikotsu* Yes. . . *SMACK*. . . I…*SMACK*. . . AM!! *SMACK*

Jess once again collapses on the ground.

Sango: Oops. Sorry Morphius.
Morphius: It's OK.
Shippo: Hey, Kagome.
Kagome: Yes Shippo?
Shippo: What does 'fuck' mean?

Time skids to a halt. Everyone turns to the kawaii kitsune who has just uttered his first ever curse word. The awkward pause continues as no one has any clue how to explain this to him. Everyone shoots a glare at Morphius, who shoots an even eviler glare right back. The Inuyasha gang looks away in terror as they remember who they're dealing with.

Kagome: Well uh. . .
Sango: You see. . . it's like this. . .
Miroku: It's something Miroku'd like to do a bit more often. . . *looks at Sango*
Sango: *hits Miroku with the hiraikotsu* You pervert!!!
Miroku: Ow. . .
Inuyasha: Crap! Morphius! Why did you have to say that?
Morphius: What? He'd would've picked it up sooner or later, and better sooner than later. Besides, you said it first.
Inuyasha: What? No I didn't!
Myouga: *holding copy of the fanfic* She's right, milord. On page 7 section 1 line 29 column 5, you said it for the first time in the entire fanfic.
Inuyasha: No way! Gimme that! *scans fanfic*
Liz: Can he read?
Jess: *glazed look in eyes* Nope. But he's still so hot. . .
Liz: Oh good God.
Morphius: *suddenly appearing upon hearing her name* Need something Liz?
Liz: I said good god, not evil demon child who's writing a fanfic that she's in total control of.
Morphius: I'll get you for that later, but I have to deal with them first.
Kagome: Inuyasha?
Inuyasha: *looking up* What?
Kagome: You're holding that upside down.
Inuyasha: Feh. I knew that.
Miroku: Sure.
Inuyasha: Do you want me to kill you, you stupid monk?
Miroku: What a hothead. Perhaps if you groped a girl more often than once every 50 years, you wouldn't be in such a foul mood all the time.
Inuyasha: *vein throbbing* Grrrrr. . . DIE, YOU PERVERTED SON OF A BITCH!!!

Inuyasha runs around trying to kill Miroku. While this has been going on, Morphius was reading Shippo something off a computer screen. Shippo's eyes widened a bit and he sat there, eyes glazed over, face pale as a ghost. Liz, Sango, and Kagome stop watching the fight and went over to check on Shippo. Jess, however, continued to cheer for her beloved Inu-chan as the battle raged on.

Sango: *tapping Shippo* Are you OK?
Liz: What happened to him?
Morphius: Nothing too devastating. He just learned a little more than he really wanted to know.

The girls turn around to see Morphius, walking towards them with her laptop under one arm and an amused grin on her face.

Kagome: You. . . you told him?
Morphius: Actually, I read it off of here.

Morphius turns on the laptop and opens her electronic dictionary. She types in the word 'fuck' and the girls stare in horrified fascination at the thoroughness of the definition (definition removed to keep it PG-13) and how horrible it must have been for Shippo-chan to hear.

Kagome: This is awful! Right, Sango?
Sango: *staring mesmerized at the screen* It's so thorough. *snaps out of it* I mean, yeah! How could you do that to him?
Morphius: I know. I'm ashamed. This definition's nowhere near as complete as it should be. Doesn't mention its use as an adverb or adjective.

Kagome: That's not what I meant. You scared him half to death. *hugging him* Shippo-chan. . . are you ok?
Shippo: K-Kagome?
Kagome: *holding back tears* Yes, Shippo?
Shippo: Fuck off.

Sango, Kagome, and Liz gasp in horror.

Liz: What did you say?
Shippo: Gah! *covers tiny mouth with hands*
Sango, Kagome, and Liz: Morphius. . .