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Standard disclaimer applies.

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Chapter 5: Miroku's death and Morphius' twisted plot!

The girls advance on Morphius, who stands her ground. But before Morphius can administer an appropriate punishment, a loud thud is heard. Miroku lands on the ground in between the vicious pack of girls and Morphius.

Sango: Miroku!

Everyone rushes to Miroku's side.

Morphius: *checking pulse* He's. . . dead.
Kagome: Inuyasha, how could you?
Inuyasha: That's what he gets. Lousy pervert.
Liz: Actually, it was probably Morphius who did it.
Jess: *getting up and standing really close to Inuyasha* Yeah. But still. Miroku was nowhere near as cute as my Inu-chan.

Inuyasha moves away from Jess.

Sango: *holding Miroku's corpse in her arms, tears in her eyes* Miroku, I, I can't believe you're dead. The last thing I did was call you a pervert. If I could take it back, I'd. . . oh Miroku!

Tears run down Sango's cheeks and splash Miroku's face. He opens his eyes, which causes Sango to jump back in surprise.

Sango: Miroku! You're alive! But. . . *turns to Morphius* You! You tricked me!
Morphius: *putting away video camera* That was oh so good! *chuckles* The things people say when they think the one they love is dead.

Sango: The one I. . . why you!

Sango charges at Morphius. Morphius holds up her hand (Matrix style) and Sango freezes in mid swing. A good look around shows that time has stopped all together.

Morphius: *walking around and doing things* God, the Matrix was the best movie ever. Oh right, unfreeze.

Sango's swing misses and she plunges to the ground. Inuyasha mysteriously finds himself hugging Kagome and Shippo is French kissing Miroku. Jess and Liz are in their underwear. Morphius is now up in a tree surveying the events about to occur.

Morphius: That never gets old.

A brief silence, then all hell breaks loose.

Kagome: What do you think you're doing?
Inuyasha: What am I doing? You're the one that hugged me, you animal!
Kagome: Sit boy!
Miroku: Holy shit!! *throws Shippo into a lake*
Shippo: *gets out and scrubs his face with water* I'll never be clean again!
Miroku: *throws up* That was sick, Morphius! That was sick!
Jess and Liz: Ahhh! *desperately throw clothes on*
Miroku: *notices girls* On second thought. You're wonderful, Morphius! You're wonderful!
Morphius: Indeed I am.
Miroku: Hey, Morphius?
Morphius: *jumping down* Yes?
Miroku: Can I have that tape?
Morphius: No. But you can watch it.

Morphius plugs the camera into her computer and pushes play. Miroku stares in fascination as Sango weeps over his dead body, then looks over at the real Sango, who is bright red and wants nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die.

Sango: Oh fuck.

Liz covers Shippo's ears.

Morphius: At least you're not the only one, eh Inuyasha?
Inuyasha: What. . . what are you talking about?
Myouga: At the end of episode 10, milord. Surely you remember.
Inuyasha: Right. And you were the one who told me she was dead!

Inuyasha approaches Myouga menacingly.

Myouga: Uh. . . *zips away*
Inuyasha: Bastard ran off!
Liz: You know you have the cutest ears, Shippo-chan.
Kagome: What does that have to do with anything?
Jess: I know. Besides, Inuyasha's ears are much cuter.

Inuyasha moves farther away.

Inuyasha: *grabbing Morphius and shaking her* Why? Why did you have to make your sister a frickin' fan girl?
Morphius: *pulling him off* Because it's fun. Don't worry, she'll eventually do something stupid and get killed off.
Jess: *dragging him back* Come on, Inu-chan. Don't wander off like that.
Kagome: Grrrrr. . . Inuyasha. . .
Inuyasha: Make it soon. Please, make it soon.
Jess: What were you two talking about?
Morphius: Nothing. Nothing at all. . . But now that that's all done, what can I put you through next? I need something that's high stress, loud, annoying, and can make money to fill my almost empty wallet.
Jess: How 'bout a game show?
Morphius: Perfect!

Morphius snaps her fingers and they're on the set of a game show.

Kagome: *eyes sparkly* Wow!
Shippo: Cool!

Morphius: Don't get comfy. You'll grow to hate this so fast; your head'll hurt. Now then, here's your host. . . me!
Inuyasha: *trying to open door* Get me outta here! Get me outta here!
Morphius: Too late. This is a closed set. There's no way out. The only way you'll be allowed to leave is to win the game.
Miroku: And in the event we should lose. . . Morphius: *game show voice* You'll be tortured in ways you can't imagine!
Everyone: *sweat drop*
Liz: Relax. What do we get if we win?
Morphius: Then. . . you. . . get to leave without being tortured in ways you can't imagine! So go for the prize! Ahem. Here's how it works. I'll ask you a question, and if you get it right you earn points. Get it wrong and you are punished. At the end of each round, the one with the least points is sent off to be tortured in the way I see fit. So it should be a lotta fun! Now there are 4 different categories of questions *each category lights up on a board as it is spoken*; "Mad Hard"; "Elementary School level"; "What is 2+2?" and other questions that are easy as shit"; and finally "Questions that even Inuyasha can get right"
Inuyasha: Hey!
Morphius: *the glare* Shove it. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, the easier the question, the fewer points are received and the more punishment is given if someone answers wrong. Now then, we'll start with a quick question to decide who goes first. And the question is. . .
Voice: Well, well, Inuyasha. . .
Morphius: Who dares interrupt my game show?
Naraku: Game show? What is this nonsense? Matters not. I came to kill Inuyasha and his pathetic friends, steal the Shikon shards, and then probably kill you as well, for good measure.
Morphius: Kill me? You must be joking. They've been trying all day. *jerks head in direction of Inuyasha gang*
Naraku: You. . . you've defeated Inuyasha?
Morphius: Uh, yeah. Piece of cake.
Naraku: Well then, perhaps we can form an alliance and destroy them.
Morphius: And why should I team up with you?
Naraku: Because if you don't, I'll kill your sister. *thinking* that keeping a relative hostage thingy works every time.
Morphius: Go ahead. Knock yourself out.

Naraku grabs Liz and begins to strangle her.

Naraku: There is still time if you wish to rethink your decision.
Morphius: No. First of all, that ain't my sister.
Naraku: *dropping Liz* What?
Morphius: If you want my sister, she's the idiot in the hat. Oh, and secondly, I hate my sister's guts and nothing would please me, and her, more than if you killed her. But sadly, she's in this fanfic and she'll stay until I say so, are we clear? Now as punishment for storming my set, you will become a contestant.
Naraku: And why should I, the great demon Naraku, listen to a pathetic human such as yourself?
Morphius: Simple. One, I'm the author and two, you're only half demon.

Everyone gasps at this.

Inuyasha: Aren't you the one always making fun of me 'bout being half demon, you asshole?
Naraku: *sitting down accepting his fate* I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Inuyasha: Huh?
Kagome: He's calling you an idiot.
Inuyasha: Why you! *leaps at Naraku*
Miroku: *holding him back* Cool it.
Sango: Morphius will kill you if she sees you.
Shippo: Yeah.
Morphius: And how exactly do you know this? You psychic? In that case, *cracking knuckles* you can predict the punishment I'll give you for dissing me behind my back.
Everyone: *sweat drop* Ah!
Morphius: Don't forget, I know all, see all. Bwah ha ha! And now for the show. We'll start with. . .
Security Guard: Yo Morphius! There's someone here to. . .

Guard is cut off and suddenly falls over, revealing the dreaded Sesshomaru.

Morphius: No! Dozer! Damn it, Sesshomaru! If you wanted to make an appointment, you could have just called my secretary.
Sesshomaru: Be not a fool. I've come to kill you once and for all.
Morphius: *back to game show voice*And it looks like we have another contestant!
Sesshomaru: Fuck this. I'm outta here. You cannot force, I, Sesshomaru to stay in the company of these fools.
Morphius: I can and I will. So let's play. We'll start with Kagome, because she's an annoying whiny bitch.
Kagome: Hey! Fine! If that's how you want to play, I'll take a "mad hard" question.
Morphius: Ooh. Mad hard, risky. So here is your question. What is the quadratic formula?
Kagome: Uh. . .
Morphius: You learned this last week in school. Come now. Surely you paid attention in math class. . . oh, that's right! You were with Inuyasha in Feudal Japan! However, I'll still need an answer.
Kagome: Is it. . . a+b=c?
Morphius: Hey, I ask the questions! But to answer yours, no, you stupid bitch, that's . . . uh. . . something else. Now then, Kagome, you got that wrong. So you will be punished.

A bomb goes off under Kagome's chair, blasting her into the air. But before she plunges to her death, Kouga, who appears from out of nowhere, catches her.

Kagome: Uh. . . thanks Kouga.
Kouga: It was nothing, my love.
Kagome: *sweat drop*Uhhh. . .
Inuyasha: *leaping from his chair* I'll kill you!
Morphius: Will you assholes cut it out and let us get back to the game?
Kouga: Ooh. A game! Yet another opportunity for me to show up Inuyasha! So how do I get in on this game?
Morphius: *stroking chin* This is rather unusual. Normally I'd have to force you against your will, dragging you here kicking and screaming, but. . . hell, why not?
Kouga: Yay!
Morphius: *snickering* You have no idea what you've just gotten yourself into.

Kouga takes a seat next to Kagome while receiving nasty glares from Inuyasha, who is sitting on the other side of her, thereby making for a high stress situation. Cool.

Morphius: Now then, since Kagome got that wrong, does anyone else wanna try?

Everyone looks nervous since none of them were very wise in the ways of mathematics, save Kagome. In fact, of the contestants from feudal Japan, only Sango and Miroku could count past 10.

Morphius: Anyone? Anyone? Ok, guess not. Well the quadratic formula is. . . screw it. You idiots'll never understand the nightmares it can bring. *shiver*. But on with the show. The next question goes to our newest arrival Kouga. Kouga, please choose a category.

Kouga: I'll take an 'elementary school level' question.
Morphius: Not bad for someone who probably can't spell elementary. And ironically, that's your question!
Jess: Are you sure that's. . . *shuts up after receiving glares from Sango and Morphius*
Morphius: So Kouga, please spell 'elementary' for us.
Kouga: Easy. L-U-H-M-E-N-T-R-E-E.
Morphius: *game show voice* That's totally wrong.
Kouga: But that's how it sounds!
Morphius: *ignoring him* And it sounds like someone is in for a punishment! Hiten! Come forth!

Hiten comes and shocks the crap out of Kouga. Kouga twitches for a bit before slumping over in his seat.