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Chapter 6: Unending cruelty! Morphius' diabolical torture continues!
Morphius: Oops. My bad.
Kagome: This is sick, Morphius! You're going to kill someone, you demented psycho!
Morphius: . . .
Kagome: Huh? W-w-why aren't you saying anything? Come on! Say something! Threaten to kill me or tell me to shut up before you sic something on me! The silence is deafening!
Morphius says nothing, but continues staring off into space. No, more like glaring off into space. Then suddenly. . .
Morphius: *coldly* I win.
Kagome: Huh?
She turns in her seat and sees Inuyasha looking right back.
Inuyasha: How do you win?
Morphius: Simple. You blinked.
Inuyasha: I so did not blink.
Morphius: Fine then, we'll forget about your malicious cheating and keep going.
30 seconds later. . .
Morphius: You know your brother's trying to steal Tetsusaiga.
Inuyasha turns to see that Sesshomaru is still in his seat at the opposite end of the row.
Morphius: Now I win.
Inuyasha: But. . . but. . . you cheated!
Morphius: No I didn't.
Inuyasha: I demand a rematch!
Morphius: Ok, fine.
Miroku: Actually, I'd rather continue with this game so we can all go home.
Everyone: Yeah.
Kagome: Exactly. So let's forget this childish nonsense and. . . oh god.
Inuyasha and Morphius have resumed their contest and are ignoring everyone else in the room.
Morphius: Your brother's stealing Tetsusaiga.
Inuyasha: Oh no you don't! I'm not stupid enough to fall for the same trick twice!
Morphius: *looking away* Fine, you win, but I'm seriously not kidding. He's actually taking the Tetsusaiga.
Inuyasha turns to see that Sesshomaru is back in his seat.
Inuyasha: Ha! I knew you were lying. You dumb bitch! You really thought you could pull a fast one on me? Feh! I knew even the first time you were lying. . .
While Inuyasha is saying this, Sesshomaru draws Tetsusaiga, which was hidden in that fluffy tail thingy of his.
Morphius: Naughty Sesshomaru. You know you can't hold Tetsusaiga without being electrocuted.
Sesshomaru: Wrong, foolish girl! This is a human arm! With it, I can wield Tetsusaiga and kill Inuyasha once and for all!
Morphius raises the Raigekijin and shocks Sesshomaru. He drops Tetsusaiga and it flies back to Inuyasha.
Morphius: Hate to say I told ya so.
Sesshomaru: . . .
Morphius: On with the game! And so far, no one has been able to correctly answer a question. So sad. But let's see if we can break that streak with our next contestant. . . ok. . . maybe not.
Miroku: And why is that?
Morphius: *game show voice* Because fool! Your next question is going to. . . INUYASHA!!
Inuyasha: I have the feeling that I'm being insulted here.
Morphius: Don't worry. You are.
Inuyasha: Ok then. . . hey wait!
Morphius: Inuyasha, why don't you just choose a category before I torture you some more?
Inuyasha: I'll take. . . me questions.
Morphius: Wait. What the fuck?
Inuyasha: *pointing* That one, the one with my name on it.
Morphius: I see! Inuyasha can't read anything with the exception of his own name. You're referring to 'questions even you can get right' are you not?
Inuyasha: Uh. . . yeah. Guess so.
Morphius: Ok, for like half a point, which would put you into the lead. And your question is this, "What is your name?"
Inuyasha: Is this a trick question?
Morphius: No, you dumbass. *sigh* Now then, Inuyasha. All you have to do is say your name. And, oh crap; I've already given you the answer. So now you just have to repeat it back to me. *speaks slowly* Inuyasha. That's your name. For the love of god, just say Inuyasha.
Inuyasha: I. . . don't know.
Morphius: O_O Uh. . . Guess we'll have to change the name of that category.
Morphius walks over to the board and crosses out "questions even Inuyasha can get right". She replaces it with "questions that are so fucking easy, but Inuyasha still gets them wrong" Morphius then walks back to her podium.
Morphius: Now then, since that was so pathetically easy and you got it wrong, I'm gonna torture you right now.
Inuyasha: Huh?
Morphius: Your punishment is. . . you must learn to read!
Everyone falls over anime style.
Miroku: That's your idea of a punishment?
Kagome: You gotta be kidding me.
Shippo: Dumbest punishment I ever heard of.
Naraku: What happened to that arrogant bitter wench from before?
Sesshomaru: She was at least fun in an evil twisted sort of way.
Sango: Yeah. Is this some kind of joke?
Morphius: Nope, and you'll see how diabolical a punishment this really is when you get a good look at the person I picked to tutor him. So let's bring them out now!
Kikyo steps out of the shadows.
Inuyasha: O_O K-Kikyo?
Kagome: Huh?
Miroku: This is gonna be good.
Sango: Oh yes.
Liz: Boy, am I gonna love this!
Jess: No! Inu-chan!
Morphius: *in game show voice*That's right! Inuyasha, you get to spend a couple of hours in a dimly lit room with your dead girlfriend teaching you how to read, probably attempting to drag you into the depths of hell between lessons, While this is going on, your living girlfriend will get all bitter and bitchy.
Kikyo grabs Inuyasha and drags him towards a dimly lit room.
Inuyasha: *desperately clawing the floor* NO!!! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!! THIS AIN'T RIGHT! IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT!
Kikyo is about to pull him in to the door when she falls over, blood gushing from a wound in her chest. Everyone turns to see Jess, holding a smoking revolver.
Morphius: Holy crap. . .
Naraku: Hmm. So there is hope for some of you foolish mortals.
Shippo: Huh? You. . . you killed Kikyo?
Liz: Jess. . .
Miroku: Goddamn.
Sesshomaru: 'Bout time the dead bitch left us the hell alone.
Sango: *nods*
Inuyasha runs over to Kikyo as she died. For the second time.
Inuyasha: KIKYO!!
Kagome: *vein throbbing* Grrrrr. . . sit boy!
Inuyasha falls to the ground.
Morphius: Jess, why the hell did you shoot Kikyo?
Jess: She was getting too close to my Inu-chan.
Kagome: Your Inu-chan?
Jess: Yes, you dolt, my Inu-chan. *hugs Inuyasha* And you'll be mine forever and ever and ever and ever, won't you?
Inuyasha: O_O Uh. . . uh . . .
Kagome: Grrrrr. . .
Kagome grabs a shotgun that I keep around for no real reason at all and blows Jess to kingdom come.
Inuyasha: Whoa.
Naraku: Such power. I must get hold of one of these killing devices.
Sesshomaru: *to Morphius* Oy! Human filly! Where is it possible for I, Sesshomaru, to obtain one of these powerful weapons?
He receives no response, but gets a good shock from the Raigekijin.
Miroku: Inuyasha, she must really care for you if she would be willing to go to such lengths.
Morphius: Hmm. . . Now we have complete mayhem here, people dying right and left, idiots who still need to learn to read, and evil villains who could pull something any minute now. I like it.
Shippo: Well I don't! It's not safe here for a kawaii kitsune!
Morphius: Guess your right about that. Everybody get your ass in a chair before I kill you! You have 5 seconds.
Everyone immediately runs to their seats except Jess and Kikyo, who are dead on the floor, duh.
Morphius: That ain't good décor. Smitty! Come hither!
A janitor runs out onto the set, grabs the corpses, and runs back.
Morphius: That was Smitty, the caretaker. His job is to deal with shit like this, so he'll just go put those two into their final resting place.
A wood chipper is started, something is ground up in it, then it is shut off.
Morphius: Rest in pieces. . . I mean peace. Now, on with our competition. We still have a ton of people who need to be tortured. . . uh. . . who need to take their turn, so let get this show on the road. Our next contestant is. . . Shippo-chan!
Shippo: Uh oh.
Morphius: Now then Shippo, pick a category.
Shippo: I'll take "what is 2+2" and other questions that are easy as. . ."
Morphius: Ok. . . enough of that. No more profanity from you, Shippo. And here's your question. "What is 3-1?"
Shippo: Two!
Morphius: And I'm sorry but that's wr. . . wait. Say that again.
Shippo: I said the answer is two!
Morphius: Holy shit! That's correct! Shippo, you earn the first point of the game!
Confetti pours from the ceiling. Balloons fly into the air and it seems for the first time like a normal game show as opposed to the death trap it really is. Morphius was pondering how the hell Shippo knew that when a little pink thing rolls across the floor.
Morphius: *picking it up* Ooh gum! Wait, this ain't gum! This is an earpiece! *the glare of doom* Shippo. . .
Voice from earpiece: Shippo? Did you get the answer? Shippo-chan? Speak to me!
Morphius: That's Liz!
Morphius pulls back a curtain to reveal Liz hiding with transmitting equipment.
Morphius: I was wondering where you went.
Liz: Oh no.
Morphius: Liz, you know the punishment for cheating is death.
Liz: But. . . but. . . *tears welling in eyes* I didn't want you to torture Shippo-chan!!
Liz bursts into tears.
Morphius: Your intentions were good; I'll give you that. . .
Naraku: What the hell is this?
Miroku: Morphius is going to let her off the hook?
Sesshomaru: This cannot be.
Morphius: But I still punish anyone who pisses me off. Farewell, Elizabeth.
A trapdoor opens beneath Liz and she falls into a pit of spikes.