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Standard disclaimer applies! Read on!!!

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Chapter 7: Enter the Matrix: Inuyasha learns to read and Kouga is tortured!

Morphius: And I guess that's that.
Miroku: Now that's the Morphius we know and fear.
Liz: Ow! Help! I've been impaled, but I'm still alive! Ahhh!
Morphius: Why won't you die?

Morphius pulls out a .44 magnum and shoots three times down into the pit. The screams stop.

Morphius: *holsters gun* And that's that.
Inuyasha: How can you do that, you psycho? This is wrong! No one should be punished like this!
Morphius: *snaps fingers* Oh silly me. I forgot about your punishment.
Inuyasha: Huh?
Morphius: We still didn't teach you how to read! And I've gotten another tutor for you! Come on out!

Yet another middle school girl, in green pajamas with blond pigtails, runs out onto the stage and hugs Inuyasha.

Morphius: Amaya, uh, Amaya? Could you please stop canoodling for a second so we can talk?
Amaya: No, because he's my Inu-chan. Jess, that silly girl, thinking she could have him.
Kagome: *vein throbbing* Grrrrr. . .

Morphius, sensing another slaughter, grabs the shotgun off her podium and whacks Kagome over the head with it. Kagome falls over unconscious.

Morphius: Someone remind me why the hell I picked another deranged fan girl to teach Inuyasha to read.
Naraku: Simple. It would torture both Inuyasha and his human filly, thereby killing two birds with one stone.
Morphius: Oh, that's right.
Inuyasha: *inching away slowly* I'm strongly reminded of Jess.
Morphius: You shouldn't be. Amaya is much worse.
Inuyasha: NO!

Amaya drags him into the dimly lit room and shuts the door.

Morphius: Now then, on with the show. We have seven contestants who are still fighting for the prize of not being killed. So let's carry on with. . . Miroku!
Shippo: You're dead, monk!
Morphius: No Shippo-chan, you are. Don't forget it takes two to tango. . . or cheat in this case. . .
Shippo: O_O You. . . you don't mean what I think you mean?
Morphius: Yes, I do. Shippo, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

Morphius pushes a button and Shippo falls too. But instead of loud screams, only the sound of a small fox child being stuck through the head with a spike is heard.

Morphius: So, Miroku, pick a category.
Miroku: Hmmm. I will take an 'elementary level question'.
Morphius: Ok. Here is your question. "If I have three apples, and you ask me for two, how many apples would I have left?"
Miroku: Simple, you would have one apple.
Morphius: WRONG!! I would have three apples left because hell would freeze over before I'd share with you! But since your answer was technically correct, I'll ask you another question.
Kouga: No fair! You didn't give me a second chance!
Morphius: That's because you spelled elementary with a 'u'!! Moron!
Kouga: Uhhh. . .
Morphius: Now Miroku, why don't you take a shot at the question Kouga totally screwed up? Spell 'elementary'.
Miroku: E-L-E-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y. Elementary.
Morphius: Correct!
Kouga: How the hell did he get that right?
Miroku: Because I'm not an idiot.
Morphius: Actually, you just read it off of the category board, didn't you?

Miroku breaks out in a sweat.

Kouga: Ah hah! You cheated! Death for the monk! Death! Death!
Morphius: No, because I never said you couldn't read off the board.
Miroku: Ha! Take that, Kouga!

Miroku does a victory dance.

Morphius: Cut it out before I change my mind.

He gets back in his seat.

Morphius: Now then. . . hell let's end the round now!! I'm sick of this!
Sango: But not everyone went!
Morphius: Tough! Now then, Miroku is in the lead with. . . one point. The rest of you have zero, so I'll just pick someone.

Miroku lets out a loud cough that sounds suspiciously like "Naraku!" Naraku glares at him. Morphius glares at the both of them.

Morphius: Thanks for the suggestion, but no. I think we'll go with Kouga!!
Kouga: O_O What! I. . .I can't believe this!! This isn't fair!
Morphius: You're right. I'm only doing this because you piss me off. Now then, about your punishment. *thinks for a moment* I got it! Yes!
Kouga: Not more electrocution. . .
Morphius: Nope, this is worse. Much worse. Trinity! Come forth!

Trinity steps out in a form-fitting black jumpsuit and walks over to Morphuis' podium.

Miroku: *gawking* She is hot!
Sango: *hitting him with the hiraikotsu* You pervert!
Miroku: Ow.
Morphius: Trinity. What's up?
Trinity: Not much. So, you called, Morphius?
Morphius: Yes, I need you to do me a favor.
Trinity: Shoot.
Morphius: Take our little friend down into the basement, and. . . entertain him.
Trinity: Certainly. Hey, wolf boy. Come with me.
Kouga: You must be kidding! Like this little wench could. . .

He is cut off as Trinity karate chops the back of his neck, knocking him out. She grabs his arms and drags him out of the room.

Kouga: *mumbling* Get away from me! Ah! No! Not the Hamburglar! Not him!
Miroku: He's afraid of the. . . what?
Morphius: He said the Hamburglar, the most ass-kicking thief of all time. Always tryin' to steal hamburgers from Ronald. Hence his name.

Trinity stops dragging the unconscious wolf demon and stops at Miroku's seat.

Trinity: You know. . . you're kinda cute.

She kisses Miroku for about 30 seconds before letting go.

Miroku: *blushing deeply* W-was I just dreaming? Because if I was, I don't wanna wake up.
Morphius: No, not a dream. Trinity just has a thing for ugly, brainless men.
Trinity and Miroku: Hey!
Voice: You whore!

Everyone turns to see Neo walk onto the set.

Trinity: N-neo?
Neo: Damn straight, you bitch! How could you do this to me?
Morphius: This shall be tons of fun.
Neo: Hey, you! This is your doing, isn't it?
Morphius: Huh? You talking to me?
Neo: Yeah, I am. Now, who are you and what kind of twisted operation are you running here?
Miroku: This is Morphius.
Sango: And it's her job to make our lives a living hell.
Neo: You're not Morphius.
Morphius: Yes I am.
Neo: No you're not. Morphius was a black guy with a gap between his teeth. You're just some high school kid.
Morphius: That's a different Morphius. And if you keep this up, I'll kick your ass.
Neo: No you won't, cuz I know kung fu.
Morphius: Actually, you don't.
Neo: Yes I do.
Morphius: Then prove it.

Neo runs in and kicks Morphius square in the stomach. She flies back and crashes into the wall.

Neo: And that's that.
Morphius: *slowly getting up* You're kidding. . . right? You actually thought I could be defeated so easily?
Neo: That attack should have finished you!
Morphius: Woulda, coulda, shoulda. All that matters is now I'm gonna kick your ass.

She throws a punch that Neo blocks an inch from his face.

Neo: What was that? You didn't even hit me! That was the girliest…

He was cut short as a spinning hook kick hit him right in the jaw. His head jerks violently and he falls to the ground. Blood gushes from his lip.

Morphius: Tae kwon do can beat kung fu's ass down any day of the week.
Neo: What. . . what are you?
Morphius: I'm just the author.
Neo: You're the author?
Morphius: Uh, yeah. I control this whole story.
Neo: Whoa.
Sesshomaru: Can we get back to the game show?
Miroku: Yes. I'd much like to finish this.
Morphius: Very well. Neo. You and Trinity go torture wolf boy. Maybe then the two of you'll kiss and make up.

Trinity and Neo drag Kouga out of the room and down the basement stairs. A loud thud is heard as Kouga's head hits each stair.

Morphius: Back to our game. Now we have four contestants left.
Kagome *sits up and rubs her head*: Ugh. Where am I?
Morphius: My mistake. We have five people remaining. So our next question will go to. . . Naraku.
Naraku: About time. I will take a " questions that are so fucking easy, but Inuyasha still gets them wrong" question.
Morphius: If you get this correct, you will be in second place.
Naraku: A mere second?
Morphius: Yeah. Miroku'll be in first.
Naraku: Not for long. Kukuku.
Morphius: Try anything on him and you're dead.
Naraku: Like you could stop me.
Morphius: I could, but we really have to get to this moving. For ½ a point and 2nd place, answer the slightly harder question, "What is my name?"
Naraku: Pardon?
Morphius: What is my name? Come now, you should know this. I've been making your life a living hell for the past twelve pages. I've been called by name eight times. I have a nametag on.

Zoom in on nametag.

Naraku: Uh. . .
Morphius: Oh and time is up. The correct answer is Morphius. Good god, you half demons are retards.
Inuyasha: Hey!

Inuyasha comes out of the dimly lit room a changed man. Amaya doesn't come out of the room at all. Blood trickles from underneath the door.

Miroku: Inuyasha, what happened to your tutor?
Inuyasha: I. . . uh. . .
Morphius: It doesn't matter. I've never liked her anyhow. So, Inuyasha, you learn anything?
Inuyasha: Sure did.

He hands Morphius a piece of paper.

Morphius: *reading it* DyE MOrFeEuS u SiK fReEk. I hOp u cHoK 2 Deth aNd roT in hELL 4evur. fRuM, Inuyasha. *folds letter up and puts it in pocket* Not bad. Though I'm not a fan of the content and you can't spell to save your soul, it's a start. At least you got your name right. Tell me, Inuyasha. She didn't teach you anything, did she?
Inuyasha: No, not really.
Morphius: I surmised as much. But since you're out of the game, you can just go sit in the audience.
Inuyasha: What? No fair!
Morphius: Look at it this way Inuyasha. I could a) continue torturing you with something worse than last time, or b) you can do as I say and watch the suffering of others.
Inuyasha: *sitting in the audience* Hell. Why not? Uh. . . where did Kouga go?
Morphius: He's getting tortured in the basement. Feel free to go watch.

Inuyasha goes downstairs.