This is it! Standard disclaimer applies!
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Chapter 8: Closing time! The fanfic comes to an end!
Morphius: Ok, moving on. And our next question goes to. . .
Inuyasha: Ah!!!!!!
Inuyasha flies back up the stairs green in the face.
Morphius: Now what?
Inuyasha: *pointing downstairs* They're. . . they're. . .
Morphius: They're making out again, aren't they? *sigh*
She walks to the door.
Morphius: Hey! Get a room! That's. . . not my basement. . .
She runs down the stairs and runs back up dragging Kouga. Trinity and Neo follow.
Morphius: All right. You two go home and. . . do whatever the hell you want. I don't care. Neo, put your damn shirt on.
Neo and Trinity leave.
Morphius: Now what? We don't have anyone to torture Kouga.
Inuyasha: I'll do it.
Morphius: Nah. We need an expert for this. Plus you still have to learn to read.
Inuyasha: Damn!
Morphius: Kagome, you wanna teach him?
Kagome: Uh. . . I don't know.
Morphius: It's either that or possible torture from me.
Kagome: *tugging on Inuyasha's shirt* Let's go.
Inuyasha: But, but.
Morphius: Listen to me. Like it or not, you're learning to read. And at least she ain't a fan girl.
Inuyasha: Come on. We're outta here.
They run into the dimly lit room and lock the door behind them.
Morphius: That's better. Now then. . . about Kouga. . . I got it. Tank! Come here!
Tank runs out onto the stage.
Morphius: Take him and hook him up to the Matrix. Use these.
She hands Tank two programs on disks.
Tank: Let's see. We got "Inuyasha and Kagome" and "The Hamburglar". This is your idea of punishment? Damn, you're losing your touch. I got a "Medieval torture" program lying around somewhere.
Morphius: Trust me. These are much worse. But if you can, throw that in.
Tank: You got it.
Tank drags Kouga into another dimly lit room next to Inuyasha and Kagome's.
Morphius: Now that that's over, let's continue. I think our next question will go to. . . wait!
Sango: What?
Morphius: It appears, that in light of all that happened; I forgot to torture Naraku.
Naraku: Very well. Give me your worst.
Morphius: You'll rue saying those words. Remember, I know your worst fear.
Naraku: Impossible. You lie.
Morphius: No, I don't. So bring out our torturer.
A small kitten bounds onto the stage.
Naraku: O_O But how did you. . .
Morphius: *in a creepy British accent* I know all your secrets.
Miroku: You're joking!
Sango: Naraku's afraid of kittens?
Sesshomaru: *eyes darting* Get it away from me.
Miroku: Not you too.
Sango and Miroku burst out laughing.
Sesshomaru: Ahhh!
He runs into the basement. Naraku follows him and shuts the door. Morphius walks over and locks it.
Morphius: They do know that's where we keep the kittens, don't they?
Loud screams emit from the basement as well as pounding on the door.
Morphius: Well, they do now. So now then. . . I'm sick of this game. Miroku wins!
Miroku: I do?
Morphius: Yes. You do.
Balloons and confetti rain from the sky as Miroku does a frightening victory dance. Kagome and Inuyasha come out to see what's going on.
Inuyasha: What the hell?
Miroku: I won! I won!
Inuyasha: Feh. I coulda won too, ya know.
Kagome: Calm down, Inuyasha. You should be happy for him.
Inuyasha: No I shouldn't. And you can't make me!
Kagome: Sit boy!
Inuyasha falls to the ground.
Inuyasha: Ow.
Morphius: Settle down. Settle down. Now then, Sango, as the loser for that round, you must be punished.
Sango: What? But I never even got to go!
Morphius: Tough. And I know the perfect punishment too. Sango, you must go out on a date with Miroku!
Sango: No!!!
Miroku: Yeah! This is the best prize ever!
Morphius: So you two have fun.
Miroku drags a green-faced Sango out the door.
Inuyasha: Five bucks says Miroku comes back black and blue.
Morphius: You're on. So, game show's over, Sesshomaru and Naraku are locked in the basement forever, and Kouga is. . .
A loud scream is heard from Kouga's room.
Kouga: Keep your hands of my woman! Ahhh! Get away from me!
Kagome: What's going on in there? What are you doing to him?
Morphius: Judging by the screams, he's watching a video of you and Inuyasha kissing while being subjected to medieval torture by the Hamburglar.
Inuyasha and Kagome: O_O
Morphius: Don't worry; I taped it off the show. I forget which episode. Now then, I guess everyone's accounted for. . .
Voice: Wait!
Shippo walks onto the set, bruised and bleeding
Inuyasha: How come you're still alive?
Shippo: Simple.
He pulls out a tape recorder and pushes play. The sound of a small fox child being stuck through the head with a spike is heard.
Kagome: Wow, Shippo-chan. Very clever.
Morphius: Not really. Foolish boy, had you been thinking sensibly, you wouldn't have come back here at all!
Kagome: Hey, she's right. Shippo-chan, you're an idiot.
Shippo: That's not nice.
Morphius: Well, in case you haven't noticed, we're not very nice people.
Her hand inches towards another button when Kouga staggers from the room. Tank follows, keeping him upright.
Morphius: *ignoring button* How'd it go?
Tank: Good. I managed to combine the three programs and you were right. He took to them quite well. *snickers*
Morphius: You did a fine job, Tank.
Tank: Thank you.
He leaves.
Morphius: So Kouga, did you have fun?
Kouga: *breathing heavily* Are you insane?
Morphius: Only when I forget to take my pills, but continue.
Kouga: It was. . . horrible. I had to watch dog turd kissing my woman over and over again. Then I was strapped to a table and beaten until my kidneys bled. And guess who was beating me?
Shippo: Who?
Kouga: The Hamburglar!! The Hamburglar!
Morphius: Hmm. Shippo! Come here!
She whispers something in Shippo's ear. Shippo listens for a second, nods, and walks off stage. No one notices his absence.
Inuyasha: If only I had been there to see it. That would've been so. . .
Morphius: *fake shock* Oh my god! What the hell is that!
Shippo, disguised as the Hamburglar, runs out onto the stage. Although the "Hamburglar" sports a furry foxtail, the phony thief receives a loud girlish scream from Kouga.
Shippo: *in flat dull tone* Gobble gobble.
Morphius: You idiot! It's 'robble robble'!
Shippo: Oops. I mean. . . robble robble!
In spite of this poor performance, Kouga runs and cowers behind a chair in terror.
Kouga: Mommy.
Inuyasha, unable to contain himself, rolls on the ground with laughter. Kagome and Shippo burst out laughing, and even the fairly unemotional Morphius snickers while filming the entire incident for Sango and Miroku to see.
Morphius: Enough.
Shippo turns back into his real form and laughs like crazy.
Kouga: You little raccoon!!
He chases Shippo off stage.
Morphius: So. . . I guess this is it.
Kagome: You can't mean what I think you mean.
Inuyasha: She's going to do it!
Kouga: *holding Shippo in headlock* Do what?
Shippo: She's gonna end the fic, stupid! Could. . . could you please get off my head?
Kouga drops Shippo onto the ground.
Shippo: Ow.
Morphius: But first we have to see what happens to Miroku and Sango.
At that very moment, Miroku and Sango walk in. Miroku, as anticipated, is black and blue.
Inuyasha: I win. . . hey! Where'd she go?
Everyone looks around to see Morphius is gone. The set has vanished and the entire cast is in shock as they wake up and find themselves lying in the clearing where they had that first fight. Sesshomaru, Kouga, and Naraku are gone and it's as if none of it ever happened.
Kagome: Was all that. . . real?
Miroku: *gazing at stars* I don't know. I honestly don't know.
THE END
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So what'd ya think? Well fear not, my loyal followers. More to come. Later.
Your Supreme Lord and Master,
Morphius