Much to Riff Raff's confusion and discomfort, a strangely knowing smile slowly lit up Frank's face. Riff Raff recognized that expression, and the faintest tinge of fear began to work its way through his alcohol-fogged brain. Whenever Frank smiled that way, it meant he knew something Riff Raff did not…and that "something" invariably meant trouble for Riff Raff.
Finally, Frank spoke. "That is, indeed, quite an inspiring story. You should be proud. I am certain the videodisc images of your heroism captured by the security system will be broadcast throughout Transylvania time and time again. I do hope you are prepared to deal with the rigors of fame."
Riff Raff relaxed a bit. Yet again, Frank wasn't as smart as he thought he was. "Unfortunately, as I have reported back to Transsexual during my last few communiqués, the cameras trained on the ballroom have been…malfunctioning, so it is doubtful there is any visual record of what transpired. Quite unfortunate, really."
Frank's smile, however, didn't falter. "The cameras have been malfunctioning? How did you manage to make that determination?"
Riff Raff did not find Frank's apparently unshaken confidence the least bit reassuring. In a slightly hesitant voice, he replied, "Well…I reviewed the videodisc, and found it had recorded nothing but static."
Frank's smile was now openly victorious. "Now did you? How…interesting. However, these cameras are considerably more advanced than any you have likely encountered before. They possess an interesting capability of which you are apparently unaware."
Riff Raff tried to sound unconcerned. "What capability would that be?"
Frank crossed his arms. "As an additional security measure to prevent tampering, they also transmit the images and sound back to Transsexual, and they are recorded to videodisc there as well." Frank turned and waved in the direction of the cameras, then turned back to Riff Raff with an expression of mock disappointment on his face. "I forgot…my image cannot be picked up by the cameras. What a pity…" He sighed in resignation, but the smile quickly returned to his face. "So, my dear servant, I believe you have a problem. A record of what truly happened is enshrined on videodisc back on the very planet toward which you are heading even as we speak. And to make things even more difficult for you, the Security Coordinator for the Royal Family, the person responsible for storing the transmissions from the cameras, just happens to be a very dear friend of mine, so he cannot be bribed or coerced…and I cannot believe even you would be foolish enough to attempt to harm him. Even if you did, he does not work alone…and, trust me, you would never be able to find the proper videodisc without assistance." Frank shook his head. "I must admit, I failed to realize you were capable of such detailed planning. Your idea to report a non-existent 'malfunction' to make sure nobody would be suspicious if there were no videodisc of what actually happened in that ballroom was quite impressive. You know what they say about the best laid plans, however…"
Riff Raff, pale to begin with, lost what little skin tone he had. With a highly unconvincing laugh, he said, "You are just saying that to frighten me, because you cannot bear the thought I will not only get away with killing you, but will actually profit from it."
Frank's smile faded. "I cannot deny the thought of you getting away with what you did is not a particularly enjoyable one." He paused and tried to steel himself for what he was about to do. This task was even harder than he thought it would be. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, "However, that being said, I am offering to help you. Just say the word, and I will tell my friend to describe the events recorded on the videodisc just as you described them to me. My mother trusts him implicitly. If his version of what happened agrees with your own, you will escape punishment."
Riff Raff looked at him in complete shock and disbelief. "Why would you do that?"
Frank wasn't about to offer an explanation to Riff Raff. "I have my reasons."
For a long moment, Riff Raff sat in silence. When he spoke, however, his voice rang with anger, not gratitude.
"You're bluffing. There is no second videodisc on Transsexual, and you know it. You merely want me to fall down on my knees before you, degrading myself, sobbing in gratitude for this supposed 'favor' you are going to do me. I hate to disappoint you, but that is not going to happen. My days of humiliating myself before you are most assuredly over." He sneered. "I greatly appreciate your offer of assistance, but I must turn you down. I do hope you understand."
Frank was not entirely surprised by this reaction. In an uncharacteristically soft voice, he said, "Oh, yes. I understand. Riana told me you would likely be resistant to accepting assistance from me."
Riff Raff's eyes widened. "Riana? Her Divine Goddess?"
Frank nodded. "Yes."
Riff Raff shook his head angrily. "Now I know you are bluffing. Surely Riana would not waste Her time with the likes of you."
Not for the first time during their conversation, Frank was sorely tempted to just give up, admit failure, and leave Riff Raff to his fate. No…I have come this far. I cannot allow him to defeat me again."
He looked at Riff Raff and said, "You are willing to bet your life that I am, as you put it, 'bluffing'?"
Riff Raff looked back at him defiantly. "Yes."
Frank smiled slightly and nonchalantly played his trump card. "And you are willing to bet your sister's life, as well?"
That question briefly stopped Riff Raff in his tracks. "My sister's life?"
Frank rolled his eyes. "Of course. Whatever your fate will be – good or bad – I can guarantee Magenta will share it." He smiled suggestively. "Everyone knows you and she are partners in all respects."
Riff Raff's shoulders sagged, and he slumped down into the throne. Merely by his body language, Frank could read his thoughts…If it turns out Frank isn't bluffing, and my refusal to accept his assistance costs not only my life, but Magenta's as well…I will blame myself for all of eternity.
At last, Riff Raff repeated the question he'd asked earlier, but with a new seriousness. "Why are you offering to do this? Why are you willing to save Magenta and me? Such behavior is…not like you."
Frank could not help but smile at such a monumental understatement. After giving it some thought, he finally answered, "It is a matter of salvation, for myself as much as for you, and that is all you need to know. So…do you wish me to speak with my friend, or do you wish to take your chances?"
Riff Raff's facial expression was that of a trapped animal. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no sound emerged. At last, he said quietly, "I would greatly appreciate your speaking with your friend."
Frank struggled to hide a triumphant smile. He'd done it! Bring on the nymphs and satyrs! However, the more he thought about Riana's words, the more that feeling of triumph began to fade. He engaged in a brief debate with himself, and finally decided if he were going to play savior, he might as well do it right. He had no particular desire to do any more favors for Riff Raff, to put it mildly, but he never liked to leave things half finished. And this way, if Riff Raff did eventually wind up in the throes of eternal torment – which, knowing Riff Raff, was hardly out of the realm of possibility – at least nobody could say Frank hadn't given him fair warning.
And, well…perhaps I was a bit overly hard on him and his sister.
"I stand corrected…there is one more thing you should know."
Riff Raff looked at him warily. "What, pray tell, is that?"
Frank caught the suspicious tone in Riff Raff's voice and prayed for patience. You just can't do a favor for some people…
Taking a deep breath, he said, "According to Riana, unless you take this opportunity to change your ways, my saving you now is merely a temporary reprieve from a far worse fate later. If you do not begin to treat people with decency and respect, you will be condemned to eternal torment…and those are not my words, they are Riana's." He shrugged. "Whether you believe me or not is your choice…but I have no reason to lie."
Riff Raff considered Frank's words. If Frank had told him to be as vicious and underhanded as possible in his dealings with others, that would have been one thing…but surely no harm could come to him from treating people well. Perhaps Frank really was telling the truth.
At last, Riff Raff said, "Thank you for the warning." His tone of voice made it clear that sentence had cost him dearly.
Frank smiled faintly and nodded. Should I offer an apology for how I treated him and Magenta?
No. That wasn't going to happen. Saving the two of them had been difficult enough; if they expected any more from him, well, that was too bad. He wasn't going to humble himself even further by apologizing. On some level, deep down, he was vaguely sorry…surely that was sufficient.
Instead, he looked at Riff Raff and said merely, "You're welcome. Good luck." And, in the blink of an eye…he was gone, leaving a perplexed – and still inebriated - handyman in his wake.