Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Remember, this is in Kurama's POV.
Thankee for the reviews!
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I turned over in my bed for the umpteenth time to look at the clock sitting on my desk. It was still far too early for me to get up to complete my daily acts and to visit my mother in the hospital. I buried my face into my pillow and moaned quietly. I was unable to sleep for more than half an hour because of what I had done. Guilt was heavy on my conscious. I was implying completely the wrong idea to Yukina. Every time I thought about it, I cringed. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the sink with cold water. I splashed the water on my face, hoping that it would somehow eradicate the shame I felt or at least freeze it to a point where it would be of easy removal.
Freeze? Yukina is an ice apparition.
I looked into the mirror and watched as the water dripped down my face and back into the porcelain sink. I looked terrible. My human mother once told me that she had only to look into my eyes to see what was ailing me. My eyes spoke more than I physically did. What if Yukina looked into my eyes and saw that which would wound her happiness? I looked away from my reflection. Why did I not argue my point to Hiei more strongly? I truly wanted Yukina to be happy, but now that I agreed to take her on a date, as the humans called it, there was only calamity in the end. It would crush her to know the truth.
I bowed my head and emptied the sink of the cold water and dried my face. Perhaps I was being far too selfish and only thinking of myself. I went to my room. I sat on the bed and stared thoughtfully at the rose vine that grew up the trellis that led to my window. Carefully, I calculated the facts of what I had to do. The plan I devised was rash and had many flaws, but I didn't want Yukina to be so terribly heartbroken that she was going to commit suicide or something just as serious. I would make her very content this afternoon, then if she gave any indication of wanting to go further in our supposed relationship, I would easily give her the truth of both Hiei and I wanting her happiness, but that I wanted to be only a comrade to her instead of a lover. There was a chance that she took it the wrong way, but it was the only way.
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Soccer practice. It was hell in its own demonic light. The practice itself was fine. Because I was a fox spirit, I enjoyed using skill. It was the human females that bothered me. It was almost as if they had a tracking device on me, making me an easy target for them to track. I wanted nothing to do with them, but they chased me constantly. It was maddening.
After practice, I went by the hospital. I walked down the long hallways and went into the room that had a sign that read "Minamino".
My human mother was sitting up and drinking water from a glass. It was wonderful to see her recovered more than yesterday's visit. She looked towards me and smiled. "Suichi, I was wondering when you'd come," she said. Her voice was still rather hoarse. She held an arm up, beckoning me to come to her.
I did so and embraced her. She kissed my cheek. "How can your skin stay so soft at this age? It's amazing." She stroked my cheek lightly. "You make a woman feel so old, you evil child."
I sat by her side on the bed. I took her hand and squeezed it gently. "You seem to be feeling much better, Mother."
"I do, but the doctors said that I had to stay for a few more nights just incase." She frowned at the thought, then smiled again. "It isn't so bad, with you to visit me. You've helped me to heal."
I smiled at her. I was very happy to see her well but my thoughts continued to drift back to Yukina. I felt my mother's probing gaze. "Dear, is something the matter?"
My thoughts returned to the present. "No. Of course not."
"You seem more distracted than usually." She was teasing me in a way, but just he same, she knew.
"I have a date with a girl and I'm nervous," I replied truthfully. I was surprised by a hug.
"I was afraid that you'd never find a girlfriend. Is she pretty?"
I sighed. "She's beautiful." Yukina was beautiful, but Botan. . .Botan was beyond it. There was no proper word to describe her.
"What time is the date?"
"Around four."
"Five more minutes. Why don't you run along. You'll make a better impression."
I had no choice but to go to Yukina.
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"Kurama, you're early!" Yukina looked cute in black pants with a light knit sweater that clung to her slim body. The sweater was a faint shade of blue that made her hair seem to glimmer like silk. Her hair was taken down from her usual hairstyle and was brushed straight. Two small braided strands of hair on each side were tied to the back of her hair. It left her bangs free to frame her face. Her cheeks were pinked from blushing. She looked very pretty indeed.
I mentally shook my head. She was pretty, but I cared for Botan. I smiled weakly and offered her my arm. She took it and blushed darker.
"I was afraid that you weren't going to come," she said shyly. "At first I thought it was just a dream."
"Where would you like to go?" I asked her, gently changing the subject.
"What do the humans do? It would be nice to be normal."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I want to live normally and be accepted. I can't be accepted in Makai because they just want my tear jewels to sell to the Black Market. I can't be accepted in Ningenkai because being able to freeze things isn't considered normal. I can't be in Reikai because I'm not dead or an ogre." She sighed sadly and touched the fabric of my shirt as she thought.
I listened with silent consideration. I didn't know that Yukina felt this way. She always seemed so shy and thoughtful; always happy to just be with Hiei and the rest. It never occurred to me that she felt this way.
"How do you do it?"
"Do what, Yukina?"
"Live in Ningenkai as a demon and human?" She looked up at me, her eyes full of thoughtful sadness.
"It's difficult to explain. Youko is a shape-shifter so I was able to take a human body as my own. It isn't as wonderful as you think it is. I have to hide the fact that I'm a demon or a fox spirit. When I get frustrated, my energy escapes and managed to manipulate plants to die or anything. It isn't easy." I blinked as I replayed what I just said. I had never told anyone any of this before. I realized that I felt comfortable with her, but part of me knew that even if we knew one another's deepest secrets, I could never truly love her.
I walked with her down the sidewalk. Perhaps the date wouldn't turn out so bad. Or maybe I was wrong. . .
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A/N: I know it seems like Kurama is falling for Yukina but I PROMISE that it is a Kurama x Botan fic! PROMISE!