REGRET (the aftermath of the 5th year)
Chapter 6
Harry was still missing, it had been a week and Harry was STILL missing. Searching for Harry hadn't been easy for Lupin and the Order. They could only tell certain people that he was missing, they needed all the help they could get in finding him, but they couldn't get much. His disappearance needed to remain a secret to the public, because they weren't sure how they would react to Harry being gone. They also needed to make sure none of Voldemort's followers were aware of it, for Harry's own safety.
Lupin had probably gotten about 7 hours of sleep in the past week. He'd try to sleep, but with his mind constantly racing, trying to think where to look for Harry, it was difficult. He and the Order checked out every sighting of a boy with dark hair and glasses in England, all lead to nothing. When he arrived at number 12 Grimmauld Place that morning, Mrs. Weasley forbid him to stay.
"You are not working today!" she said pushing him back out the door, "You need your rest, you've been working too much lately."
"I can't rest, Molly." He replied, stopping and turning to her, "We still haven't found Harry, I'm needed here."
"I think we can handle you not being here for one day, we're not children. Now go home and rest."
"But, Molly, honestly-"
"Goodbye, Remus." She said with a smile and closed the door on him. He didn't go home though, because he couldn't imagine sitting doing nothing all day. So he went to talk to one of the wizards who he'd told to keep an eye out for Harry, he'd seen nothing. Then around noon he got hungry and he remembered something he'd desperately needed since he's found out Harry was gone, a drink. So he apprated to an alley about a block and a half down from the Leaky Cauldron so no one would see him, then walked the rest of the way 'til he was at the entrance. He opened the door, walked in and felt the familiar warmth that always seemed to linger in here.
"Hello, Tom!" he said, trying to sound cheerful, but his tiredness overcame him and it came out kind of lazy.
"Remus?!? Is that you? You haven't been in here in ages." Tom, the innkeeper of the Cauldron, always treated everyone as if he'd known them all his life, that's why this place always felt to welcoming. He was surprised at how empty it was, especially now. There were two wizards talking at a table in the corner and another wizard in a black cloak sitting at a table by himself.
"How've you been?" Tom said, catching Lupin's attention again.
"Uh," he replied, trying to think of an answer besides "horrible, tired, and frustrated," "fine," he continued, "just fine." Then put on a fake smile.
"You don't look fine." Said Tom, frowning at him. He let out a quick laugh that said "you're probably right."
"Haven't had much luck sleeping lately." He responded, "'fraid it's taken a bit out of me."
"Expect it would." Said Tom and then gave Lupin a sympathetic smile. Lupin walked over to the counter as Tom turned away from it. When he sat on the stool in front of the counter, he could see Tom was cutting slices from what looked like a large piece of roast beef.
Tom turned back to the counter and looked past him to the man in the black cloak, "Hey Cedric, you want anything else with this?" he asked
"No, thank you." He replied timidly, not looking up from the table. He sounds young, probably just out of school, he thought. Tom gave the boy a kind smile even though he wasn't looking. He came out from behind the counter with the plate of roast beef, a knife and a fork, and placed it in front of him, then patted him on the back.
When he was back behind the counter, he continued to look at the boy, sadly. "Poor lad," he said, "he's always by himself, no one ever tries to talk to him. Guess it's because he never really shows his face, never tries to talk to anyone himself. But he's a good kid once you get to know him, real good kid. Just think something happened to him that made him want to push people away." Lupin realized that he too was looking at the boy sympathetically and turned away.
He reminded him of Harry; always pushing people away, except Harry wouldn't let anyone in, probably not even Tom. He turned to look at the boy again; he was keeping his head down and slowly eating his food, it was sad to see him all by himself.
"Why don't you go talk to him, Remus." Said Tom and Lupin turned to face him, "I'm sure he'd like the company, even though he would never admit to it."
"What would I say?" He replied, "I don't even know him." He didn't was to say it out loud, but he was also intimidated by the fact that he wouldn't show his face, he felt guilty for doing what so many other people had done to the boy, Cedric.
"Go on." Said Tom, motioning his head toward Cedric. "Just say hello, introduce yourself." Lupin turned to look at him again, guess I could just say hello, he thought, then stood up. He took his time walking over and when he got to the table he hesitantly sat down across from him.
"Mind me sitting here?" Lupin asked, but Cedric didn't respond or even react to the question, so he just assumed it meant it was ok and stayed sitting.
"Um, well, let me introduce myself," he said extending his hand across the table to shake hands, "My name's Remus Lupin, nice to meet you." The boy lifted his head up slightly, and looked at Lupin's hand, examining it. Then slowly he put down the fork and reached out to shake Lupin's hand. He noticed that Cedric had quite a large cut over his knuckle that was partially healed.
"What happened to your hand?" he asked.
Cedric quickly pulled his hand away and said "nothing," then looked back at the table.
"So," he said, changing the subject, "how long have you been staying here?"
"Two weeks." He replied quietly, after a moment's hesitation. Still he didn't look up and continued to eat slowly.
"Really? Well, that's quite some time. Why so long?" he said, thinking that maybe he could start to have a conversation.
"That's none of your business." He replied, coldly. Lupin was running out of things to say. What was Tom talking about, he thought, this kid really doesn't want company. He thought maybe he could joke around with him, get him to smile, or even just show some emotion.
"What are you hiding under there anyway?" said Lupin with a smile and a slight laugh. "I'm sure it isn't anything I can't handle." Then he began to reach toward the hood to flip it back, but right before he reached it, Cedric grabbed his wrist tightly.
"Don't ever try that again!" he said threateningly, digging his fingertips into Lupin's wrist, then letting go by pushing his arm away from the hood. He was looking straight up now, right through the hood at Lupin. He examined what he would see of the boys face, it seemed familiar, yet not.
"Could you please leave me alone, sir." Said Cedric, still looking straight at Lupin. He was defeated; he took a deep breath in and out and stood up.
"I'm sorry if I've bothered you-"
"You have." Interrupted Cedric "Now please leave." He went back to eating his food again, and acted like Lupin wasn't standing there. I tried, he thought, then walked back over to Tom.
When he got back to the counter, Tom was smiling and shaking his head slightly, "Hard to crack, that one. Probably didn't help that you went for the hood, should've warned you about that." He said, as if it was nothing. Lupin gave a quick laugh that said "you think?"
"So he's been here two weeks? That's quite a while."
"Two weeks?" Tom said, surprised, "Nah, he's only been here a week, you must've heard him wrong."
"What?!?" he said, a week? He continued in his head.
"Ya, came in here, late, asking for a room. 'Course I said sure, asked his for his name, said it was Cedric Black." That last name caught Lupin's attention and he began to listen even more intently. "When I asked how long he'd be staying he said 'until I leave, but I'll pay before I go." Thought he'd be all serious like that the whole time, but like I said before he's a good kid once he opens up a bit." Lupin wasn't looking at anything, but his head was tilted down and his eyes were darting back and forth, placing facts together.
"What-what about that cut on his hand, on-on his knuckle," he said pointing to his own hand, "was that already healing before or did it look like it was a new cut."
"Oh, that," Tom said remembering, "That cut was new when I saw it, he had blood all over his hand. Asked his about it but he said he didn't want to talk about it."
The mark of Harry's wall, thought Lupin, it was from his hitting it, and he must of split open his knuckle on accident. He probably was hiding under that hood, hiding his scar and his eyes, hiding from everything. He turned to look at Cedric, or Harry or whoever, but saw that the table he was sitting at was now empty. He searched all the other tables, and then saw that he was going up the stairs. Lupin practically fell of the stool he was sitting on to go after him.
"Harry?!" he said when he caught up, but there was no reaction and "Cedric" kept walking, Lupin continued to follow. When they got to the hall Lupin said, "Harry, I know that's you."
"I'm sorry," said "Cedric" stopping, "but I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone else." Then he continued to walk, Lupin raced after him and grabbed his arm, but "Cedric" quickly pulled it away, then turned to Lupin.
"Don't EVER touch me again!" he said through his teeth. Lupin's need to know if this was or wasn't Harry overpowered him and before "Cedric" could react, he reached for the hood and threw it back.
Lupin also had no time to react when he was slammed into the walled next to him. When he recovered, he saw that the person who had slammed him into the wall was, in fact, Harry. He didn't say anything, just kept a grip on the front of his robes so Lupin couldn't move, and stared him in the eyes with a look of pure hatred.
"Why?!?" he finally said, "Why did you have to go and show up again? Every time I think that maybe, MAYBE I have a chance at being happy, someone always comes along to screw everything up. EVERY TIME!" he was looking at Lupin as if he loathed him.
"I'm sorry Harry, but I needed to know if it was you, we've been trying to find you for-"
"I DIDN'T WANT TO BE FOUND!!" he yelled, interrupting Lupin. "I wanted to be left alone, but no you couldn't do that could you."
"Harry, listen-"
"NO! I'm talking, you listen. Now, if you ever come here again and try to get me to go back to the Dursley's, or the headquarters, or Hogwarts or whatever," He paused, and then continued, "I can't be responsible for my actions."
"You wouldn't do anything to me, I know you better than that." Lupin replied, his voice shaking a bit.
"Do you really? Tell me, what have I got to lose by hurting you; killing you?" he paused again, as if he was letting Lupin think about it. Then he continued, "Nothing, absolutely nothing. So if I was you, I'd leave, and forget you even saw me, understand?!" he stared Lupin down, waiting for an answer, but he didn't respond. Lupin couldn't believe it, but right now he was scared of Harry, of what he might do. Harry must have seen this in Lupin's eyes, which had opened slightly wider, and opened his hands to let go of Lupin's robes, then he took a step away from him.
"Now, leave." He said coolly, then threw his hood up again, walked down the hall to his room, and went in, slamming the door behind him.
Lupin didn't move for a moment, he was still paralyzed from a mixture of shock and fear from what had just happened. He stared at the door to the room Harry had just walked into, half expecting it to open again, but it didn't.
"My God, Harry," he said, after regaining a bit of his composure, "what have you turned into?" Then he stepped away from the wall and walked slowly toward the stairs.
***
Chapter 6
Harry was still missing, it had been a week and Harry was STILL missing. Searching for Harry hadn't been easy for Lupin and the Order. They could only tell certain people that he was missing, they needed all the help they could get in finding him, but they couldn't get much. His disappearance needed to remain a secret to the public, because they weren't sure how they would react to Harry being gone. They also needed to make sure none of Voldemort's followers were aware of it, for Harry's own safety.
Lupin had probably gotten about 7 hours of sleep in the past week. He'd try to sleep, but with his mind constantly racing, trying to think where to look for Harry, it was difficult. He and the Order checked out every sighting of a boy with dark hair and glasses in England, all lead to nothing. When he arrived at number 12 Grimmauld Place that morning, Mrs. Weasley forbid him to stay.
"You are not working today!" she said pushing him back out the door, "You need your rest, you've been working too much lately."
"I can't rest, Molly." He replied, stopping and turning to her, "We still haven't found Harry, I'm needed here."
"I think we can handle you not being here for one day, we're not children. Now go home and rest."
"But, Molly, honestly-"
"Goodbye, Remus." She said with a smile and closed the door on him. He didn't go home though, because he couldn't imagine sitting doing nothing all day. So he went to talk to one of the wizards who he'd told to keep an eye out for Harry, he'd seen nothing. Then around noon he got hungry and he remembered something he'd desperately needed since he's found out Harry was gone, a drink. So he apprated to an alley about a block and a half down from the Leaky Cauldron so no one would see him, then walked the rest of the way 'til he was at the entrance. He opened the door, walked in and felt the familiar warmth that always seemed to linger in here.
"Hello, Tom!" he said, trying to sound cheerful, but his tiredness overcame him and it came out kind of lazy.
"Remus?!? Is that you? You haven't been in here in ages." Tom, the innkeeper of the Cauldron, always treated everyone as if he'd known them all his life, that's why this place always felt to welcoming. He was surprised at how empty it was, especially now. There were two wizards talking at a table in the corner and another wizard in a black cloak sitting at a table by himself.
"How've you been?" Tom said, catching Lupin's attention again.
"Uh," he replied, trying to think of an answer besides "horrible, tired, and frustrated," "fine," he continued, "just fine." Then put on a fake smile.
"You don't look fine." Said Tom, frowning at him. He let out a quick laugh that said "you're probably right."
"Haven't had much luck sleeping lately." He responded, "'fraid it's taken a bit out of me."
"Expect it would." Said Tom and then gave Lupin a sympathetic smile. Lupin walked over to the counter as Tom turned away from it. When he sat on the stool in front of the counter, he could see Tom was cutting slices from what looked like a large piece of roast beef.
Tom turned back to the counter and looked past him to the man in the black cloak, "Hey Cedric, you want anything else with this?" he asked
"No, thank you." He replied timidly, not looking up from the table. He sounds young, probably just out of school, he thought. Tom gave the boy a kind smile even though he wasn't looking. He came out from behind the counter with the plate of roast beef, a knife and a fork, and placed it in front of him, then patted him on the back.
When he was back behind the counter, he continued to look at the boy, sadly. "Poor lad," he said, "he's always by himself, no one ever tries to talk to him. Guess it's because he never really shows his face, never tries to talk to anyone himself. But he's a good kid once you get to know him, real good kid. Just think something happened to him that made him want to push people away." Lupin realized that he too was looking at the boy sympathetically and turned away.
He reminded him of Harry; always pushing people away, except Harry wouldn't let anyone in, probably not even Tom. He turned to look at the boy again; he was keeping his head down and slowly eating his food, it was sad to see him all by himself.
"Why don't you go talk to him, Remus." Said Tom and Lupin turned to face him, "I'm sure he'd like the company, even though he would never admit to it."
"What would I say?" He replied, "I don't even know him." He didn't was to say it out loud, but he was also intimidated by the fact that he wouldn't show his face, he felt guilty for doing what so many other people had done to the boy, Cedric.
"Go on." Said Tom, motioning his head toward Cedric. "Just say hello, introduce yourself." Lupin turned to look at him again, guess I could just say hello, he thought, then stood up. He took his time walking over and when he got to the table he hesitantly sat down across from him.
"Mind me sitting here?" Lupin asked, but Cedric didn't respond or even react to the question, so he just assumed it meant it was ok and stayed sitting.
"Um, well, let me introduce myself," he said extending his hand across the table to shake hands, "My name's Remus Lupin, nice to meet you." The boy lifted his head up slightly, and looked at Lupin's hand, examining it. Then slowly he put down the fork and reached out to shake Lupin's hand. He noticed that Cedric had quite a large cut over his knuckle that was partially healed.
"What happened to your hand?" he asked.
Cedric quickly pulled his hand away and said "nothing," then looked back at the table.
"So," he said, changing the subject, "how long have you been staying here?"
"Two weeks." He replied quietly, after a moment's hesitation. Still he didn't look up and continued to eat slowly.
"Really? Well, that's quite some time. Why so long?" he said, thinking that maybe he could start to have a conversation.
"That's none of your business." He replied, coldly. Lupin was running out of things to say. What was Tom talking about, he thought, this kid really doesn't want company. He thought maybe he could joke around with him, get him to smile, or even just show some emotion.
"What are you hiding under there anyway?" said Lupin with a smile and a slight laugh. "I'm sure it isn't anything I can't handle." Then he began to reach toward the hood to flip it back, but right before he reached it, Cedric grabbed his wrist tightly.
"Don't ever try that again!" he said threateningly, digging his fingertips into Lupin's wrist, then letting go by pushing his arm away from the hood. He was looking straight up now, right through the hood at Lupin. He examined what he would see of the boys face, it seemed familiar, yet not.
"Could you please leave me alone, sir." Said Cedric, still looking straight at Lupin. He was defeated; he took a deep breath in and out and stood up.
"I'm sorry if I've bothered you-"
"You have." Interrupted Cedric "Now please leave." He went back to eating his food again, and acted like Lupin wasn't standing there. I tried, he thought, then walked back over to Tom.
When he got back to the counter, Tom was smiling and shaking his head slightly, "Hard to crack, that one. Probably didn't help that you went for the hood, should've warned you about that." He said, as if it was nothing. Lupin gave a quick laugh that said "you think?"
"So he's been here two weeks? That's quite a while."
"Two weeks?" Tom said, surprised, "Nah, he's only been here a week, you must've heard him wrong."
"What?!?" he said, a week? He continued in his head.
"Ya, came in here, late, asking for a room. 'Course I said sure, asked his for his name, said it was Cedric Black." That last name caught Lupin's attention and he began to listen even more intently. "When I asked how long he'd be staying he said 'until I leave, but I'll pay before I go." Thought he'd be all serious like that the whole time, but like I said before he's a good kid once he opens up a bit." Lupin wasn't looking at anything, but his head was tilted down and his eyes were darting back and forth, placing facts together.
"What-what about that cut on his hand, on-on his knuckle," he said pointing to his own hand, "was that already healing before or did it look like it was a new cut."
"Oh, that," Tom said remembering, "That cut was new when I saw it, he had blood all over his hand. Asked his about it but he said he didn't want to talk about it."
The mark of Harry's wall, thought Lupin, it was from his hitting it, and he must of split open his knuckle on accident. He probably was hiding under that hood, hiding his scar and his eyes, hiding from everything. He turned to look at Cedric, or Harry or whoever, but saw that the table he was sitting at was now empty. He searched all the other tables, and then saw that he was going up the stairs. Lupin practically fell of the stool he was sitting on to go after him.
"Harry?!" he said when he caught up, but there was no reaction and "Cedric" kept walking, Lupin continued to follow. When they got to the hall Lupin said, "Harry, I know that's you."
"I'm sorry," said "Cedric" stopping, "but I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone else." Then he continued to walk, Lupin raced after him and grabbed his arm, but "Cedric" quickly pulled it away, then turned to Lupin.
"Don't EVER touch me again!" he said through his teeth. Lupin's need to know if this was or wasn't Harry overpowered him and before "Cedric" could react, he reached for the hood and threw it back.
Lupin also had no time to react when he was slammed into the walled next to him. When he recovered, he saw that the person who had slammed him into the wall was, in fact, Harry. He didn't say anything, just kept a grip on the front of his robes so Lupin couldn't move, and stared him in the eyes with a look of pure hatred.
"Why?!?" he finally said, "Why did you have to go and show up again? Every time I think that maybe, MAYBE I have a chance at being happy, someone always comes along to screw everything up. EVERY TIME!" he was looking at Lupin as if he loathed him.
"I'm sorry Harry, but I needed to know if it was you, we've been trying to find you for-"
"I DIDN'T WANT TO BE FOUND!!" he yelled, interrupting Lupin. "I wanted to be left alone, but no you couldn't do that could you."
"Harry, listen-"
"NO! I'm talking, you listen. Now, if you ever come here again and try to get me to go back to the Dursley's, or the headquarters, or Hogwarts or whatever," He paused, and then continued, "I can't be responsible for my actions."
"You wouldn't do anything to me, I know you better than that." Lupin replied, his voice shaking a bit.
"Do you really? Tell me, what have I got to lose by hurting you; killing you?" he paused again, as if he was letting Lupin think about it. Then he continued, "Nothing, absolutely nothing. So if I was you, I'd leave, and forget you even saw me, understand?!" he stared Lupin down, waiting for an answer, but he didn't respond. Lupin couldn't believe it, but right now he was scared of Harry, of what he might do. Harry must have seen this in Lupin's eyes, which had opened slightly wider, and opened his hands to let go of Lupin's robes, then he took a step away from him.
"Now, leave." He said coolly, then threw his hood up again, walked down the hall to his room, and went in, slamming the door behind him.
Lupin didn't move for a moment, he was still paralyzed from a mixture of shock and fear from what had just happened. He stared at the door to the room Harry had just walked into, half expecting it to open again, but it didn't.
"My God, Harry," he said, after regaining a bit of his composure, "what have you turned into?" Then he stepped away from the wall and walked slowly toward the stairs.
***