OK.. this takes place during Hermione's first year, before
she makes friends with Harry and Ron.
Disclaimer: Not mine. J.K's.
The Curse of the First Impression.
They tell you first impressions stick. They are important.
When you first meet someone, you have a window of chance. An opportunity. Do or die. Say the right things, laugh at the right jokes and you never know, you might just land yourself a friend or three.
See, no one was never nice enough to inform me of this little fact of life until after it really mattered.
It was never like that for me. I couldn't just say "hi" and get a conversation going about how much I hated this teacher, or blush awkwardly and say how cute so and so was or anything like that. I didn't mix well with girls, and lets face it, boys didn't really want that much to do with me.
I call it the Curse of the First Impression.
People seem me; they see bushy, unmanageable hair, large front teeth… oh alright, buckteeth… People hear me; they hear never-ending facts, nagging and scolding.
This is my impression, Hermione Granger, bookworm, teacher's pet and all round pain in the backside.
That's me.
I'm scrabbling up the sides of the hole I have dug for myself, and sliding back down into my pit of darkness. I can't break free. This isn't the sort of thing you learn in books. They don't teach you how to make friends or break the stigma. They tell you things like when the first Goblin Rebellion was or they show you things like joy, sorrow, apprehension. Loneliness. They let you believe in friendships, that they are possible, but all books come to an end. A final full stop. Books don't poke fun at you. They don't call you "Bucktooth" or "Freak" or even "Know-it-all" (insert a customary eye roll here).
Hermione "You can't do that you'll break a rule!" Granger. It's all people see. They don't see a lonely little girl riddled with insecurities and desperate for approval and acceptance. How could they? This is, after all, the side of my personality I never show. The blemish that I hide. My weakness.
A few words to a few people on a train speeding towards the unknown and my choice was made for me. I hadn't had a friend before and now because of that blasted first impression, I feel like I won't ever have one. I wonder what it feels like, to trust and share with another soul. I may be top of the class, but in the wide scheme of things, does that really matter? I don't think it does. Anyone can do that if they try hard enough.
I'm jealous of the people who have friends, the people who laugh and take everything for granted, the people who run freely, the ones that made that impression. Them and me. Me and them. I feel as if we are two different races. I scramble to find hidden meanings in anything that is said to me, they just take it like it is.
They have each other, they have each other.
And I, lonely little first year that I am… have my books.
~
ok, well this was written just after I started a new school and was finding it
hard to make new friends. Two of my good friends went to a different school,
and the one friend I have that does go to the same school as me is not in any
of my classes and I was just feeling a little… down. It's all good now though.
Meh. Why did I just tell people that I don't know that? Eh.
Anyway… please review and tell me what you think.
If I get an idea I might write a second part to this, about after
Hermione makes friends with Harry and Ron.