Thanks for the reviews! =^~^=
I think you know who's POV this is by now, right?
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I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
-LINKIN PARK (Hybrid Theory ~ In the End)
I noticed that I was in Yusuke's house. I noted the posters of girls on the wall from magazines, the titles of which were far too suggestive for me to want to pry deeper. I glanced at Yukina to avert my embarrassed gaze at the graphic pictures.
(A/N: What you think the pictures are is probably true. Let your imagination tell you what it is. Just remember that Yusuke is a typical teenage boy with raging hormones.)
"These don't bother you?" I asked, partly needing a reason to stall my meeting with Botan. I knew what the outcome would be. Why not prolong the inevitable?
Yukina blinked and looked at the poster. She looked away and gave me a curious look. "He's a human boy. It'd be weird if he didn't have those, right? Why? Do they make you feel uncomfortable?" Her eyes seemed to probe my thoughts. That was too much like Hiei for me to feel comfortable.
"Erm . . .I was just wondering," I murmured. I didn't know how to respond to that. If I said that it didn't, she'd find me to be like a typical human adolescent. If I said that it did, she would begin to question my masculinity despite the proof that I wasn't to be swayed. Then again, why was I so worried about what she thought about me? Was I afraid that the things we discussed would be relayed to unreliable ears?
"You're stalling," she noted in a low voice. A clouded look passed over her eyes momentarily.
"S-stalling?" It was amazing that she seemed to read my thoughts. She didn't possess a Jagan eye. At least not to my knowledge.
"You don't want to meet Botan, but in a way you do. I think you're afraid of what she's going to say."
I stood in silence. "Yes." It took forever to allow myself to say even that. "I don't know why," I added. My voice came out choked when I said that.
She sighed deeply. "You want to know what I think of her? I think that . . ." She stopped. Her ruby eyes widened in shock of what she almost said. Her hands were cupped over her mouth. She shook her head suddenly. "No, never mind. Please, just go."
"What were you going to say?"
"It's nothing. Really."
"I can't say it. It isn't nice."
I cocked my head to study her. Not nice? Yukina thinking things like that? It was a rare thing—a rare thing indeed. "If you put it that way, then you must tell me," I insisted. "Who would I tell?"
"Kazume. Hiei. Maybe even Botan if things work out for you." The last sentence was spoken with a hint of venom that was quickly covered by her gentle shyness.
I opened my mouth to reply but quickly closed it. It wasn't right of me to force her. The last thing I needed was for her to be worked up over something avoidable. "That's fine. I'll be on by way then, shall I?" I gave her a brief nod and turned to leave.
"No, I-I'll tell you. Just don't tell anyone no matter what, okay?" Her eyes burned into mine so imploringly that it made me stop and think. I nodded quickly.
"Okay then," she replied and wrung her hands in a nervous motion. "W-what I was thinking was this. I know that you love Botan but you did so much for her and she won't stand by you." She seemed afraid of the words that came from her mouth. "I mean, I don't know how she'll react after . . .after what you did when Youko took over. You deserve someone who'll forgive you for everything and be loyal to you like you've been doing to Botan. I-I'm not saying that I'm that perfect person. I'm far from it, but . . .but that's just what I was thinking." She stopped and seemed to reconsider her words. "Don't take it too seriously. I'm just talking gibberish." She blushed and lowered her eyes to her lap.
The selfish part of me had thought those similar thoughts, filling me with dread. I pushed the thoughts that agreed with her away. I walked towards her and laid a hand on her shoulder. "It wasn't gibberish. Don't put yourself down. Thank you for telling me, though."
She nodded briefly.
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It took the better part of an hour to pinpoint Botan's location. My mind and senses weren't as powerful as they had been. They were now just fragile windowpanes that had shattered with the happenings lately.
"Suichi! You haven't been to school in a long time!"
Wonderful. A female. A human female at that. Could things get worse? Of course they could.
I continued to walk, choosing to pretend as if I hadn't heard the giggling voices.
"Suichi? Oh, maybe he can't hear us. Let's catch up!" Their footsteps followed me to the corner of the street. I had to stop for cars to pass by. I waited anxiously for the light to change so I could cross the street. Luck wasn't my best attribute. The girls caught up with me. They clutched their purses shyly; flashing me what they thought was an undeniably attractive look.
"Hi Suichi! Are you feeling better?" one girl asked. She was blonde. That's the most I could allow myself to take in. I averted my eyes.
"Pardon?" I asked, trying to keep my voice low and polite.
"They said you were sick. Are you okay now?"
"Not completely, but I'm feeling better. Sort of." Urgh! I blurted 'sort of' out without thinking.
"Huh? Sort of?" The blonde gave her friend a look. The two of them shared a smile and jumped me at the same time. Both their arms went around me in a pincer-tight grip, crushing my already weakened body. I didn't have the energy to throw off two perfectly healthy females off of me.
"We'll be your nurses! We can play doctor!" the friend squealed.
Why did that sound too suggestive for my own good? I had disturbing visions of myself sitting on the bed with nothing but a bath-towel to hide my body. I shuddered involuntarily.
"You're such a cutie! I'm going to make you supper right now! Come on!"
With the last ounce of willpower I owned that was sane, I threw them off and ran for my life.
"Suichi! Where are you going?!"I ignored the voices and stopped once I reached the corner of the next street. I closed my eyes briefly and concentrated on calming my thudding heart. I slowed my breathing to a slower rate and took in the scents around me. My brow furrowed as I sorted them out. I smelled the fast food restaurant on the next block and the hundreds of humans. I separated the human scents, testing each one. At last I found Botan's scent and followed it blindly, not caring if I ran into someone or not.
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"Botan?" I spoke to the motionless figure that sat in front of a river. Her slender shoulders rose up, hopefully not in fear of me. I inched towards her. My hands were deep in my pockets, afraid that my touch would frighten her away.
"Botan? Please talk to me," I begged silently.
She said nothing and continued to sit stationary before the rush of clear water. Her arms were wrapped around bent knees close to her chest. I sat beside her. "Botan?" I repeated.
"Go away," she murmured in a flat tone. She wrapped her arms tighter around her legs. "Please, just go."
The monotone pained me more than anything else she could have done. I'd rather have her screaming at me than . . .than this. But I did deserve it, did I not? My hands clenched into fists.
'Look at this. No respect for you. Kill her here and now,' Youko commanded.
No, I snapped at him. I focused my attention once more to Botan. "Why do you want me to go away?"
Her hand went to the junction of her neck and shoulders, rubbing absentmindedly at the place Youko had ripped into. I noted a scar after she lowered her hands. What Youko had done must have been much deeper than what Yukina's amazing healing techniques could do to fix it completely.
"Because. You can't control yourself," she continued in the same trance-like monotone. She glanced at me for a moment. I noted a semi-glazed over look in her amethyst eyes. I reached for her and pulled away in a nervous reflex. "I can control myself," I corrected slowly. "It's Youko I can't control sometimes. It wasn't me ripping your esophagus out. Not completely, anyway." I frowned. That wasn't the best way to put it.
"Just go away so I can think."
"What are you thinking about?"
She shook her head and continued staring across the river. Her body looked so tense, it was amazing to me to see how her muscles didn't contract and paralyze her.
(A/N: I doubt if that can happen . . .or maybe it does? I dunno!)
I drew enough courage to place my hands on her shoulders. I pressed my thumbs lightly below her shoulder blades to use a calming technique I had mastered. I first used it to loosen my opponent's muscles so much that they resembled only blobs of jelly. I had lowered the amount of energy used to kill to only calm. Her shoulders lowered and relaxed. Her eyes closed and her head drooped. I watched in amazement how I was able to make her look alive compared to the zombie-like stage she had been in.
I kissed the graceful arch of her neck. I felt her body stiffen at my touch. "Shh," I murmured quietly, kissing her cheek. I moved my hands from her shoulders and wrapped my arms around her, taking needed comfort from her body. She relaxed again and seemed to melt against me.
For a moment, I felt that I had her. I felt that she belonged to me again. Her eyes opened suddenly. She struggled against my grip and pulled away. She touched her forehead and cheek. "Oh, Kurama," she whispered. "I want to kiss you."
"Then why did you pull away?" I demanded in hurt confusion.
"Because. Because." She repeated this in a slow, thoughtful chant. She stood up and gazed at the river once more. "I'm just confused. I don't know what to do with myself."
"About . . .what, exactly?" I wasn't a psychic. I'm not going to pretend like I knew what she was thinking.
"You." She paused and added in an afterthought, "and Hiei."
"What do you mean by that?!" I stood up.
"You know what I mean!" She buried her angelic face into the sanctuary of her hands. "You saw what happened in that forest."
"What I did wasn't intentional," I insisted.
"Not that. You heard what Hiei said and you know how you feel about me. I don't want to have to choose between you. Your friendship will be ruined."
I stared at her in awe. I had never thought of it that way. She was right. She obviously gave this quite a bit of thought. "Oh," was all I managed to say.
She nodded. "Now you see what I mean? It isn't as easy as it looks. Sure, I can say 'Hiei, I like you better' or 'Kurama, you're the one,' but one of you will walk away feeling bad. I don't want that kind of responsibility!"
"But, you must decide one way or another," I replied evenly. "If you don't, Hiei and I will fight over this without end until you do."
"I know," she moaned. "I'll think of something and get to you two tomorrow." She gazed sadly at me. "I'm sure there's something I can do to make this a fair trial for both of you." She took my hand briefly and turned to leave.
I watched her leave, feeling dread well up within me. I swallowed and turned to leave as well. I felt the sudden rush of wind and a familiar Reiki.
"Fox, I want to talk to you about Botan."
"What's there to talk about?" I asked, continuing to walk.
"We will decide who gets her. Right here, right now. You're not going to walk out on this," Hiei said, his arms crossed comfortably across his chest.
I stopped, knowing that he would pursuit me if I continued to walk. "What is your proposal on this, then?" I said with a reluctant sigh.
He reached for his katana and drew it out. He held it up. The sun's rays filtered through the trees made the blade glint.
"Hiei!" I exclaimed. "You're not going to kill me over this, are you?"
He said nothing and continued to burn into me with his ruby eyes.
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It's a cliffie again! This is probably another boring chapter, isn't it? * sigh * Pretty please review and wait for the next chapter!