ROUND I: The Party
As soon as all the men were in the back yard, Minerva made a break for her room upstairs. She dropped her hat onto the bed and flopped down upon the coverlet. She was tempted to cry. Who were all these men? These were not the knights in shining armor that she had imagined. She was tempted much more to bow out of this silly competition right here and now. She had been single all this time, another few decades without a man wouldn't kill her would it? Then she thought of that man who called himself Moody. He had been wonderfully polite, not to mention charming, and then there was that last one. What did he call himself? Ah, yes, Dumbledore. Minerva fought a nervous giggle. Such an odd name. She wondered at length what it meant.
On the other hand, there was the dwarf, and that giant fellow, and the obnoxious git who called himself Lockhart. Minerva shuddered. Mrs. Lockhart didn't sound like a good title for her. She knew that she would have to choose three of these men to leave the show tonight and this for some reason comforted her. Three of them were going out of her life as quickly as they had come. Taking a deep breath, Minerva decided that the best course of action would be to allow each of them at least a chance. She lifted herself up off the bed and replaced her hat on her head. She approached the gardens and looked out of the glass doors at them. They were all talking, laughing and having fun. Minerva was filled with a sudden desire to be out there with them. She needed a little fun tonight. Bravely, Minerva opened the door and entered the gardens.
As the commercials started to roll over the screen, several students ran for the lavatories, making haste to make sure that they had time to get back before the show came back. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco and Ginny stood to stretch and refill their popcorn bowls. As Ron fought Madam Hooch for the rest of the large bag of popcorn, the others mused as to who would be the first to leave the show.
"I'm not quite sure she was amused by Flitwick or Hagrid," said Hermione.
"Hagrid didn't do half as badly as I expected him to. I'm rather impressed!" Harry replied.
"That sodding piece of shit, Lockhart got to go!" said Draco stolidly. Ginny gave him a dirty look but Draco fired back with both barrels.
"The nancy boy gave an entire exam based on himself!!" Draco continued. Harry laughed. Ron was on the floor now, wrestling Madam Hooch as the popcorn flew like fluffy white rain through the air. Madam Pomfrey was shaking her head. She shouted to everyone that the show was coming back on and Madam Hooch immediately relinquished her hold on the popcorn, sending Ron sprawling on the floor covered in popcorn, butter and salt. He threw a few handfuls at Harry, Draco and Ginny as they laughed, and then joined them in front of the television again.
For the next fifteen minutes, there were scenes of Minerva talking and laughing with her new guests. Most of the men told their stories simply and took turns. Minerva tried very hard not to laugh while Flitwick told her about his love of muggle hot tubs, and then tried very hard not to cry as Moody told stories about his career as an auror. She thought Remus Lupin was charming, for a werewolf, and even managed an respectable conversation with Lucius Malfoy. Though Hagrid's height was intimidating, she loved his sensitivity, and Dobby stumbled through a polite conversation himself. Minerva even surprised herself by managing to hold a conversation with Lord Voldemort. As it turned out, he too had attended Hogwarts as a child. He had been a Slytherin, though, and Minerva was quite sure that had she gone to school with him, she would not have associated with him.
Minerva spent most of the night with Severus and Albus, the two men that quite possibly fascinated her the most. Severus, despite being a Slytherin, exhibited many qualities that Minerva seemed to find endearing. Severus had come from a troubled family, and but spoke sincerely about this family, and Minerva sensed a deeply contemplative, heartfelt man was hiding somewhere beneath that pale, hardened exterior. Albus however, had no such experiences to hide. He spoke candidly with Minerva about his whimsical interests and hobbies, as well as about being the headmaster of Hogwarts. He introduced Minerva to his favorite sweet, sherbet lemons, and Minerva found that they held much in common. At least for now, Minerva felt confident that Albus and Severus were not going to be among those that would be leaving the show tonight. As Minerva said this to the camera, many in the lounge clapped. Most were pulling for their dear headmaster to win, but feared that Professor Snape or Professor Moody would give the white warrior a run for his money. Only the elimination round would tell.
After another commercial break, the show returned to show all of the men lined up in the gathering space inside the house. Mild tension showed on each of their faces as Minerva entered the room. The music on the show swelled a bit with the looks on the men's faces changing as she came to a stop before them and gave them a serious, stiff lipped look.
"I've enjoyed meeting all of you tonight and I want you to know that I could never have asked for a more wonderful group of gentlemen. However," Minerva said, watching as some of the men cringed. "I must eliminate three of you tonight. This was not an easy decision, but it needs to be done." Several of the men shifted their weight or fought to keep from looking at one another. They knew that any of them might be going home tonight.
"With that in mind," said Minerva, taking a deep breath. "Dobby, come here please." Minerva knelt to the ground to bring herself eye level with the little creature who, despite only having known her for a few hours, was already weeping a bit. Minerva took one of his knobby hands in hers and gently held it.
"I'm glad I got to meet you tonight, Dobby, but I'm afraid that a relationship between us just would not work out. You do understand, don't you, Dobby?" Minerva asked.
"Dobby understands, ma'am," the house elf replied. "You must do what you must do." Dobby blew his nose on his pillowcase tunic, which he had vigorously washed and ironed for this occasion. Tears welled like puddles in his eyes as he walked, hunched over and weeping, toward the door. Several of the remaining men looked at one another. This Minerva woman didn't mess around! She went straight for the little guy! No mercy. Lupin swallowed a lump of fear that had been stuck in his throat as Dobby left the house. The camera panned across the drive as Dobby climbed back into the Knight Bus and proceeded to sob, too heartbroken to comment further. When the camera returned to the gathering area, Minerva had stood and smoothed her robes in preparation for the next elimination. The guys held their breath.
"The next person going home tonight is...Hagrid," Minerva said, hesitating a little before she said the name. Hagrid nearly knocked Moody and Lupin onto the floor as he made his way from the back of the row of men. This time, Hagrid knelt and Minerva stood on her tiptoes. Her hand looked like a fairy's against Hagrid's face as she stroked his cheek.
"Hagrid, I love your spirit and your endearing gentleness, but I'm afraid that our height difference, among other things, would make a meaningful relationship very difficult. I know that there is a woman out there for you, Rubeus, but I'm not that woman. I want you to be happy, and you never could be with me," said Minerva.
In the lounge, it was silent again. Hagrid began to quietly cry fat teardrops as he gave Minerva a kiss that I'm sure was both wet and particularly scratchy due to the texture of his beard before he, too, made his way back out to the bus.
"Oh, poor Hagrid!" whimpered Hermione. Ron tightened his arms around her and kissed her cheek.
"He'll be okay, Hermione. He still has Madam Maxime after all," said Ron. Hermione nodded and the group refocused their attention on the screen for the third and final elimination.
Minerva looked at the remaining men. This last decision was not a hard one what-so-ever. She knew from the moment he got off the bus that this man had to go.
"The last elimination tonight is Gilderoy Lockhart," Minerva said, nearly all in one breath. The other men looked at Lockhart and he seemed to snap out of a trance.
"What? What do you mean? Minerva, we were getting along so well!" Lockhart argued.
"You tried to sell me your personal line of hair care products instead of trying to win my heart. It's a good thing we were out in the garden or else no one else would have fit into the room. Face it, Gilderoy, you're done." Minerva stated firmly. Gilderoy remained flabbergasted. By now, a few of the men were starting to stifle laughter.
"But!"
"Goodbye, Gilderoy."
Forlornly, Gilderoy conceded defeat and left the house, occasionally turning back to wait for Minerva to change her mind and see what a mistake she was making. Unfortunately for him, she knew exactly what she was doing. Once he was gone, the men released the breath that they had been holding. The rest were to continue to the next round. Minerva smiled as her men shook hands and clapped one another on the back in congratulations. The men took turns bidding Minerva goodnight and then they all retired to the guest house that they were all staying in for the duration of the show.
The first of many challenges to win Minerva's heart would begin the following day.
As soon as all the men were in the back yard, Minerva made a break for her room upstairs. She dropped her hat onto the bed and flopped down upon the coverlet. She was tempted to cry. Who were all these men? These were not the knights in shining armor that she had imagined. She was tempted much more to bow out of this silly competition right here and now. She had been single all this time, another few decades without a man wouldn't kill her would it? Then she thought of that man who called himself Moody. He had been wonderfully polite, not to mention charming, and then there was that last one. What did he call himself? Ah, yes, Dumbledore. Minerva fought a nervous giggle. Such an odd name. She wondered at length what it meant.
On the other hand, there was the dwarf, and that giant fellow, and the obnoxious git who called himself Lockhart. Minerva shuddered. Mrs. Lockhart didn't sound like a good title for her. She knew that she would have to choose three of these men to leave the show tonight and this for some reason comforted her. Three of them were going out of her life as quickly as they had come. Taking a deep breath, Minerva decided that the best course of action would be to allow each of them at least a chance. She lifted herself up off the bed and replaced her hat on her head. She approached the gardens and looked out of the glass doors at them. They were all talking, laughing and having fun. Minerva was filled with a sudden desire to be out there with them. She needed a little fun tonight. Bravely, Minerva opened the door and entered the gardens.
As the commercials started to roll over the screen, several students ran for the lavatories, making haste to make sure that they had time to get back before the show came back. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco and Ginny stood to stretch and refill their popcorn bowls. As Ron fought Madam Hooch for the rest of the large bag of popcorn, the others mused as to who would be the first to leave the show.
"I'm not quite sure she was amused by Flitwick or Hagrid," said Hermione.
"Hagrid didn't do half as badly as I expected him to. I'm rather impressed!" Harry replied.
"That sodding piece of shit, Lockhart got to go!" said Draco stolidly. Ginny gave him a dirty look but Draco fired back with both barrels.
"The nancy boy gave an entire exam based on himself!!" Draco continued. Harry laughed. Ron was on the floor now, wrestling Madam Hooch as the popcorn flew like fluffy white rain through the air. Madam Pomfrey was shaking her head. She shouted to everyone that the show was coming back on and Madam Hooch immediately relinquished her hold on the popcorn, sending Ron sprawling on the floor covered in popcorn, butter and salt. He threw a few handfuls at Harry, Draco and Ginny as they laughed, and then joined them in front of the television again.
For the next fifteen minutes, there were scenes of Minerva talking and laughing with her new guests. Most of the men told their stories simply and took turns. Minerva tried very hard not to laugh while Flitwick told her about his love of muggle hot tubs, and then tried very hard not to cry as Moody told stories about his career as an auror. She thought Remus Lupin was charming, for a werewolf, and even managed an respectable conversation with Lucius Malfoy. Though Hagrid's height was intimidating, she loved his sensitivity, and Dobby stumbled through a polite conversation himself. Minerva even surprised herself by managing to hold a conversation with Lord Voldemort. As it turned out, he too had attended Hogwarts as a child. He had been a Slytherin, though, and Minerva was quite sure that had she gone to school with him, she would not have associated with him.
Minerva spent most of the night with Severus and Albus, the two men that quite possibly fascinated her the most. Severus, despite being a Slytherin, exhibited many qualities that Minerva seemed to find endearing. Severus had come from a troubled family, and but spoke sincerely about this family, and Minerva sensed a deeply contemplative, heartfelt man was hiding somewhere beneath that pale, hardened exterior. Albus however, had no such experiences to hide. He spoke candidly with Minerva about his whimsical interests and hobbies, as well as about being the headmaster of Hogwarts. He introduced Minerva to his favorite sweet, sherbet lemons, and Minerva found that they held much in common. At least for now, Minerva felt confident that Albus and Severus were not going to be among those that would be leaving the show tonight. As Minerva said this to the camera, many in the lounge clapped. Most were pulling for their dear headmaster to win, but feared that Professor Snape or Professor Moody would give the white warrior a run for his money. Only the elimination round would tell.
After another commercial break, the show returned to show all of the men lined up in the gathering space inside the house. Mild tension showed on each of their faces as Minerva entered the room. The music on the show swelled a bit with the looks on the men's faces changing as she came to a stop before them and gave them a serious, stiff lipped look.
"I've enjoyed meeting all of you tonight and I want you to know that I could never have asked for a more wonderful group of gentlemen. However," Minerva said, watching as some of the men cringed. "I must eliminate three of you tonight. This was not an easy decision, but it needs to be done." Several of the men shifted their weight or fought to keep from looking at one another. They knew that any of them might be going home tonight.
"With that in mind," said Minerva, taking a deep breath. "Dobby, come here please." Minerva knelt to the ground to bring herself eye level with the little creature who, despite only having known her for a few hours, was already weeping a bit. Minerva took one of his knobby hands in hers and gently held it.
"I'm glad I got to meet you tonight, Dobby, but I'm afraid that a relationship between us just would not work out. You do understand, don't you, Dobby?" Minerva asked.
"Dobby understands, ma'am," the house elf replied. "You must do what you must do." Dobby blew his nose on his pillowcase tunic, which he had vigorously washed and ironed for this occasion. Tears welled like puddles in his eyes as he walked, hunched over and weeping, toward the door. Several of the remaining men looked at one another. This Minerva woman didn't mess around! She went straight for the little guy! No mercy. Lupin swallowed a lump of fear that had been stuck in his throat as Dobby left the house. The camera panned across the drive as Dobby climbed back into the Knight Bus and proceeded to sob, too heartbroken to comment further. When the camera returned to the gathering area, Minerva had stood and smoothed her robes in preparation for the next elimination. The guys held their breath.
"The next person going home tonight is...Hagrid," Minerva said, hesitating a little before she said the name. Hagrid nearly knocked Moody and Lupin onto the floor as he made his way from the back of the row of men. This time, Hagrid knelt and Minerva stood on her tiptoes. Her hand looked like a fairy's against Hagrid's face as she stroked his cheek.
"Hagrid, I love your spirit and your endearing gentleness, but I'm afraid that our height difference, among other things, would make a meaningful relationship very difficult. I know that there is a woman out there for you, Rubeus, but I'm not that woman. I want you to be happy, and you never could be with me," said Minerva.
In the lounge, it was silent again. Hagrid began to quietly cry fat teardrops as he gave Minerva a kiss that I'm sure was both wet and particularly scratchy due to the texture of his beard before he, too, made his way back out to the bus.
"Oh, poor Hagrid!" whimpered Hermione. Ron tightened his arms around her and kissed her cheek.
"He'll be okay, Hermione. He still has Madam Maxime after all," said Ron. Hermione nodded and the group refocused their attention on the screen for the third and final elimination.
Minerva looked at the remaining men. This last decision was not a hard one what-so-ever. She knew from the moment he got off the bus that this man had to go.
"The last elimination tonight is Gilderoy Lockhart," Minerva said, nearly all in one breath. The other men looked at Lockhart and he seemed to snap out of a trance.
"What? What do you mean? Minerva, we were getting along so well!" Lockhart argued.
"You tried to sell me your personal line of hair care products instead of trying to win my heart. It's a good thing we were out in the garden or else no one else would have fit into the room. Face it, Gilderoy, you're done." Minerva stated firmly. Gilderoy remained flabbergasted. By now, a few of the men were starting to stifle laughter.
"But!"
"Goodbye, Gilderoy."
Forlornly, Gilderoy conceded defeat and left the house, occasionally turning back to wait for Minerva to change her mind and see what a mistake she was making. Unfortunately for him, she knew exactly what she was doing. Once he was gone, the men released the breath that they had been holding. The rest were to continue to the next round. Minerva smiled as her men shook hands and clapped one another on the back in congratulations. The men took turns bidding Minerva goodnight and then they all retired to the guest house that they were all staying in for the duration of the show.
The first of many challenges to win Minerva's heart would begin the following day.