I'd blown them up.
Twenty one city buildings. All residential areas within a 1.5 kilometer radius destroyed. Repercussions reaching up to an 8 kilometer radius. Gas, water and sewage pipelines affected. Telephone and electricity cables down. Blackouts in sections 13, 14, 26, 28 and 29.
An estimated 5609 civilian casualties.
Gundam Pilot.
Five thousand six hundred and nine lives destroyed. Five thousand six hundred and nine people dead and they hadn't finished counting.
And it was because of me.
I closed the browser window, went through the shut down process, and slowly lowered the screen of my laptop until it latched shut.
I don't even know that many people. I don't think I can actually comprehend it. It's...I racked my mind for something to compare it to, something....it's....five thousand metres, five thousand bolts, five thousand....
The door burst open. I swung around, pulled my gun out, flicked the safety off and pointed it at the intruder before I could stop myself.
He froze. Sort of.
"Heero! Man, are you ok? Where've you been? Are you all right? You look like hell. We got Wu Fei patched up yesterday and Quatre woke up early in the morning but we were beginning to wonder if you'd managed to get yourself captured. We were about to go out looking for you." How did he talk so much? "Oi Heero! You're bleeding buddy. You'd better let me take a look." Five thousand guns. Five thousand doors. Five thousand words.
I chuckled slightly.
"Heero?"
Five thousand buildings.
Five thousand mobile suits. He walked towards me slowly holding out his hands.
Five thousand people dead. How could he stand to be near me? Why wasn't he afraid?
My finger tensed on the trigger as his hand closed over my own.
Five thousand little girls and their dogs....
I was vaguely aware of him talking, always talking as he led me to the bathroom, stripped me down and made me wash. Forcing me into some clothes, he bandaged my arm and stitched up the gash running along the back of my shoulder. He left. He came back. Down the stairs. Trowa appeared. Quatre with food. It made no sense. They were helping me as if I was worth more than a manufactured soldier. More than a set of successful scientific experiments. More than a sentient weapon.
I was acting like some sissy who couldn't handle a bit of pain. I was weak. I was wrapped up in a blanket with a bowl of soup sitting on my knees.
Where was the pain? Where was the punishment? What happened to the Perfect Soldier?
I leapt up and threw the plate at the wall.
Yeah, how perfect is that? I just murdered five thousand fucking people and left enough witnesses to populate a colony. Why hadn't I just killed the whole fucking lot of them. That would've made it Perfection.
Fuck the Mission.
Fuck J.
Fuck the whole bloody lot of them.
I'm not having them dancing around me like I'm some fragile, fucking lunatic who can't cope.
I headed for the stairs. Duo tried to....No. Pilot 02 tried to stop me. I snarled at him and pushed past.
You don't exist. You are nobody. You are nothing. Your only worth lies with your ability to comprehend and carry out the mission.
You are the Perfect Soldier.
And you will act like it.
Twenty one city buildings. All residential areas within a 1.5 kilometer radius destroyed. Repercussions reaching up to an 8 kilometer radius. Gas, water and sewage pipelines affected. Telephone and electricity cables down. Blackouts in sections 13, 14, 26, 28 and 29.
An estimated 5609 civilian casualties.
Gundam Pilot.
Five thousand six hundred and nine lives destroyed. Five thousand six hundred and nine people dead and they hadn't finished counting.
And it was because of me.
I closed the browser window, went through the shut down process, and slowly lowered the screen of my laptop until it latched shut.
I don't even know that many people. I don't think I can actually comprehend it. It's...I racked my mind for something to compare it to, something....it's....five thousand metres, five thousand bolts, five thousand....
The door burst open. I swung around, pulled my gun out, flicked the safety off and pointed it at the intruder before I could stop myself.
He froze. Sort of.
"Heero! Man, are you ok? Where've you been? Are you all right? You look like hell. We got Wu Fei patched up yesterday and Quatre woke up early in the morning but we were beginning to wonder if you'd managed to get yourself captured. We were about to go out looking for you." How did he talk so much? "Oi Heero! You're bleeding buddy. You'd better let me take a look." Five thousand guns. Five thousand doors. Five thousand words.
I chuckled slightly.
"Heero?"
Five thousand buildings.
Five thousand mobile suits. He walked towards me slowly holding out his hands.
Five thousand people dead. How could he stand to be near me? Why wasn't he afraid?
My finger tensed on the trigger as his hand closed over my own.
Five thousand little girls and their dogs....
I was vaguely aware of him talking, always talking as he led me to the bathroom, stripped me down and made me wash. Forcing me into some clothes, he bandaged my arm and stitched up the gash running along the back of my shoulder. He left. He came back. Down the stairs. Trowa appeared. Quatre with food. It made no sense. They were helping me as if I was worth more than a manufactured soldier. More than a set of successful scientific experiments. More than a sentient weapon.
I was acting like some sissy who couldn't handle a bit of pain. I was weak. I was wrapped up in a blanket with a bowl of soup sitting on my knees.
Where was the pain? Where was the punishment? What happened to the Perfect Soldier?
I leapt up and threw the plate at the wall.
Yeah, how perfect is that? I just murdered five thousand fucking people and left enough witnesses to populate a colony. Why hadn't I just killed the whole fucking lot of them. That would've made it Perfection.
Fuck the Mission.
Fuck J.
Fuck the whole bloody lot of them.
I'm not having them dancing around me like I'm some fragile, fucking lunatic who can't cope.
I headed for the stairs. Duo tried to....No. Pilot 02 tried to stop me. I snarled at him and pushed past.
You don't exist. You are nobody. You are nothing. Your only worth lies with your ability to comprehend and carry out the mission.
You are the Perfect Soldier.
And you will act like it.