Disclaimer - It's not mine. Never was. Characters belong to Rowling. Lyrics belong to Parton. Plot -what there is of one, anyways- belongs to me.
A/N - Nothing much to say right now…… So just enjoy.
Chapter 4
Of course, Sabine apologized to Lily the next day, blaming the outburst on a nonexistent bout of PMS, and an all around annoyance of James being late when they needed him the most for a prank. Lily had accepted the apology with her usual grace, but Sabine knew that she had not bought the lame excuse. Although Sabine really could not have cared any less, to be honest. Her anger now was towards James, not Lily.
The one thing that did seem to bother her though, was James' animosity towards her since she had snapped at Lily. It had been a while after New Year's Eve night before they even started talking again. It had actually taken Sirius prodding around before they had sat down and had a decent conversation again, even if it had been forced on her part.
During the time that James and Sabine were avoiding each other, Remus and Sirius had finally figured out what was going on between the two. Sirius had been voted to confront Sabine after voicing his opinion, but had not gotten the reaction he had been expecting.
"Sabine, we need to talk." Sirius said grimly, sitting down across the table in the Common Room from her one night, after most of the House had went to sleep.
"What is it, Padfoor?" she asked. "I'm kinda busy at the moment." she was in the middle of some particularly hard homework, not really paying attention to her long time friend. Unfortunately, his next sentence pulled her attention to him completely.
"I want to know what the bloody Hell is going on between Lily, you, and James." he said gruffly. Sabine's hand instantly stilled, her quill poised over her homework. Sirius saw her gulp unconsciously and take a deep breath as though she was calming her self.
"What are you talking about, Sirius?" she asked, not looking at him for fear of him seeing the hurt in her eyes. "Nothing's going on."
"Damn it all to Hell, Sabine!" he growled. "You and James have hardly spoken since New Years Eve night! You avoid each other like the plague! Both of you have been sulking for weeks! And you keep shooting Lily death glares any time you see her, whether she's with James or not! Now tell me again that something isn't going on and I'll see if I believe it!"
"Nothing is going on, Sirius." she said firmly, still staring at her papers. "You're imagining things." Sirius looked at the girl and frowned. He had been watching her carefully since the episode New Year's Even night, and the conclusion he had reached was somewhat startling.
Sabine was in love with James, and it was slowly torturing her to see him chase after Lily. He'd been around girls long enough to know the signs, and she was showing all of them. 'Although she does a damn good job of covering them up most of the time!'
Of course, Sirius had wanted to kick his own arse for not realizing it sooner. But with Remus' insistence, Sirius had come to confront his childhood friend about her behavior.
"You love him, don't you?" Sirius asked, for once living up to his namesake.
"What are you babbling about, Sirius?" Sabine murmured.
"James. You're in love with James, and it's tearing you up watching him go after Lily day after day."
"You've lost your mind, Padfoot." she answered, quickly stuffing her parchment into her book bag in an attempt to get away from him.
"No, I haven't'." he stated simply. "I've just been observing the painfully obvious."
"I'm outta here. I don't have to listen to this." she said, picking up her bag and turning to leave.
"He doesn't realize, Sabby-kitten." Sirius said quietly, using the nick name he had given here years ago when they were children. "He doesn't know how you feel about him." Sabine's shoulders visibly sagged, realizing that Sirius knew. He knew that James' pursuit of Lily was slowly killing her inside.
"And he never will." she said slowly.
"Tell him, Sabine." Sirius said gently. "Tell him what you feel and try to resolve the tension you guys have created around each other."
"No." she said firmly, putting her emotions in check. "I can't face him. I can't tell him how I feel, knowing good and well that his heart belongs to Lily. I won't put him in a position where he has to choose between a childhood friend and the woman he's head over heels in love with."
"Just because he's in love with Lily doesn't mean he's going to forget about you." Sirius said. "You're the only other woman besides his mother that knows everything about him. Hell, to be brutally honest, you probably know things even me and his mother don't know about."
"And that's exactly why things shouldn't change. I'm his friend and confidant." she said sadly. "I won't risk my friendship with him."
"You're scared." Sirius said suddenly, looking at the dejected girl in front of him that usually held a fire for life that could not be matched by anything in the magical or Muggle worlds. He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him. "You're scared of what could happen if he did find out."
"You're right, Padfoot." she said sniffling back the tears that threatened to escape. "I am scared. Scared of risking what I have with James when I know what the outcome will be, at least for my part. I'll never have his love the way Lily does, and I know that. To James, I'm his sister and friend, nothing more. And as that, I want him happy, even if it means he's with Lily, and not me."
"He has the right to know, kitten." Sirius said, looking at her carefully.
"He also has a right to be happy." she said. "It's not that I don't like Lily, quite the opposite actually. She's a strong willed witch who can match James' wit and sarcasm. And he loves every minute of it. I just feel kind of cheated, you know? But I'm too scared of the rejection I know I'll see in his face if he ever finds out."
"So, you'll sacrifice your happiness for him?" he asked.
"In a heartbeat." she said, looking him in the eyes. Sirius frowned, shaking his head.
"You're setting yourself up for a heartache, Kitten." he said.
"I'm going to have a heartache whether he ever finds out how I feel, or not." she answered with a sad smile.
"But…"
"Leave him be, Sirius." she said. "He's better off not knowing."
"What about you, Sabine?" he asked. "Are you going to keep up the façade of a friend, and just ignore your own feelings?"
"Yes." she answered. "I've been doing it for nearly two years now, and I don't see a reason to stop now."
"Two years!" Sirius exclaimed. "You've been putting yourself through this torture for two bloody years!!"
"Yes, two years." she said firmly. "I'm going to apologize to James soon, anyway, for New Year's Even night. Then, I'm going to set things right with Lily, and sit back and let James do as he pleases."
"You sure heave a way of complicating things." Sirius growled.
"I'm a female." she grinned. "It's my nature to complicate things." She turned around and nodded to the boy.
"You're a nut." he said finally.
"I know." she said sadly. There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again. "Keep this between us, please, Sirius. I want him happy. And if he knew….he'd be anything but that."
"Kitten,…. I can't see you struggle like this. You deserve to be happy, too." he said, pulling her into a hug, and mentally damning James for putting her through this.
"My happiness will come when I see James happy." she sighed, turning to climb up the stairs to her dorm after breaking out of his friendly embrace. When she was finally out of sight, Sirius sighed.
"You unselfish wench." he said to an empty Common Room. "Quit trying to play the innocent martyr and just be a human girl. Maybe you need to take some of your own advice and look to see what's in front of you instead of chasing after a dream."
Sirius tried to go to sleep that night, but listening to the mumbles of Lily's name from James' lips and the soft snores from Peter and Remus kept him from finally falling into the land of dreams. His thoughts lingered on Sabine, and her reluctance to share her feelings with James. He tried to go to sleep, but just could not settle down knowing that Sabine was probably crying her eyes out in her dorm, clutching the little black dog plushy he had given her after a trip into Muggle London one day. He knew that she had a tendency to cry into the worn dog when something was the matter with her. He had already caught her doing it on the few times she had actually allowed someone to catch her crying. In fact, the last time he had found her crying, he had taken the plushy from her, transformed into his Animagi dog form, and stayed with her until she finally calmed down. He still had not figured out why, but Sabine seemed to unconsciously draw comfort from any dog, whether it be a plushy, or a friend in an Animagi form.
Turning over in his bed, he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He would not tell James anything, mainly because he knew Sabine had been correct when she said James would be in somewhat of an awkward position if he found out. 'I'll keep quiet for now.' he thought. 'But if this gets any worse, I'm going to do something about it. Sabine may have a strong will, but she's till a woman under all of that steel and nerve, and she does not deserve to be hurt because James won't open his eyes….'
As promised, Sabine finally apologized to James and set things straight with lily. James was ecstatic to have his friend back at his side, and Sabine quickly retook her position as the fifth Marauder and James' close friend.
As the weeks passed by, it seemed that James was actually making some sort of significant headway with Lily Evans, due mostly to Sabine's instructions and suggestions to him on what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.
Of course, during this time, Sirius watched as Sabine acted the part of a devoted friend flawlessly. It surprised him most to see that Sabine actually took pleasure in helping James with 'Operation Lily', as she had dubbed it. When James was happy, so was Sabine. But when James was depressed and doubting his sanity in the Evans' department, Sabine would make him snap out of it some how or another. Sirius was never really sure what she did to get the boy back on track, but whatever it was worked every time.
The final straw for Sirius had been broken on a Saturday morning right before a Gryffindor Quidditch game against Ravenclaw. The bustle in the Great Hall had been deafening, and Sirius -still recovering from his night time ramblings in the girl's Ravenclaw dorms the night before- had took off to the Gryffindor locker rooms to prepare for the upcoming game.
He'd spotted someone in the stands when he'd come out to do some warm up laps. Peering down from his position in the air, he'd seen Sabine, writing in a journal of some sort. She had waved, closed the book, and left before he could finish his warm-up lap. During her haste, she had not noticed that the very page she had been writing on had slipped out of the book, and was flattening in the stands. Sirius, curious as ever, had waited until she was out of sight, before landing on the stands and picking up the paper. When he read the words she had penned, he felt his heart break into a million tiny pieces.
You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again.
He's the only one for me, Jolene.
I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you,
And whatever you decided to do, Jolene
'She's driving herself batty…' he thought angrily. The words on the paper were making sense, especially when he remember that Lily and Sabine had been having little heart to heart talks as of late, undoubtedly about James. As well as the past few Hogsmeade weekends when he knew that Lily had turned down at least half a dozen boys that had asked her to go with them.
"This has bloody well got to stop!" he said vehemently, stuffing the parchment into his pocket. "I've had enough of this…"
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A/N - Okay, here we go. Now, I've got Sirius into the fray. Wonder what he's going to do about this? Hmmm?
Well, please remember to review, I really want to know what you think about it.
Later,
A.A.