Just trying to get over this writer's block. I wrote this a long time ago after Art of Attraction. Influenced by my favorite Hoobastank song from the CD "The Reason," ironically. This is a one shot, only one chapter. Jesse/Lexa pairing.
* * *
"I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do.
But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you.
And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know."
Jesse ran his fingers up and down the glass, his fingers getting wet from the condensation. His blonde locks hung in front of his face absentmindedly. The fiery brunette sat next to him speaking of her past.
"No one knew about Leo's problem when we were kids, even our parents. They just thought he was going through some teenage crisis with his depression," she explained. Lexa didn't even know why he was telling Jesse this, no one ever cared about her brother before. No one. The Dominion just saw her brother as a way to gain a covert operations' employee. But Jesse did-still does, ever since he died Jesse had been asking her questions about his life. Probably because she was mourning his death, and not celebrating his life. How short it was. "In the five years that I was searching for him, the Dominion made me do so many things that I wasn't sure were right. Making promises to people and breaking them, killing people that I wasn't sure what they had done that was so wrong . . . my life didn't belong to me."
"I understand why you did it then," Jesse finally spoke after ten minutes of listening. "Why do you trust the Dominion's word now?"
"The age-old question I've been asking since Leo died," she said with a small smile, looking at her drink. 'I don't want to talk about this now', she thought. "I'm sorry . . . "
Jesse was surprised to say the least, he jerked his head to toss the rogue lock of blond hair away from his face and his stunning blue eyes captured hers. "Sorry for what?" he asked.
Lexa tore her gaze away, she was never afraid to tell the truth or tell lies for that matter. But this was different. "For Blake."
Jesse looked away for a second to grasp his thoughts then he thought about what he was really feeling. "We both know that what you did with him, wasn't part of the mission. That's what I'm angry about . . . but it was your decision."
'How about the other way around, Jess' she thought, knowing better than what he was saying. 'Well, I don't feel like arguing . . . this story is much easier to apologize for'. "It just happened," she explained. "It wasn't planned or anything, I'm sorry I hurt you, and you're right it wasn't part of the mission."
Jesse nodded, taking the gratitude of being right and scratched his hairline for a second. "You told me that personal feelings shouldn't get in the way that it's about survival," he quoted.
Lexa nodded. "And when I said it, it was. But maybe I was taking it the wrong way, I mean, it's about survival yes. But you have to be sure that your teammates are going to protect you when you need it and be behind you all the way, and without personal feelings it's not possible."
Jesse grinned. "Now you see it my way!" he rubbed in.
"I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new, and that reason is you."
Jesse stood up from the stool and held out his hand. "May I have this dance."
Lexa gave him a teasing look. "You dance?" she asked.
"Oh yes, I dance and occasionally read a book. But where would the mystery be if I tell you everything?" he teased back.
Lexa grinned and took his hand and he lead her to the dance floor as a slow song came on.
"Watch those hands, mister. I'm not easy," she warned.
"I might not know everything ... but I know that," he said she came into his arms.
"I'm sorry that I hurt, it's something that I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through. I wish I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears that's why I need you to hear."
Lexa rested her head on his shoulder and took pleasure in their closeness. "Anything else you need to know, Jess?"
Jesse paused to think and then spoke. "How come you are still here? With Mutant X, I mean."
It was Lexa's turn to pause. "It's not like I like you," she stated before she knew what she was saying. Jesse twitched away from her. "I mean, in a way I do," she recovered.
"I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know.
I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new and the reason is you.
And the reason is you."
Jesse got closer to hear her story. Lexa took a breath. "Working for the Dominion, they didn't care about me. Didn't give a damn about me, actually. If I was sick, the only thing they would say was if I was ready to take on another mission after giving me a day to be well. But when I got here, even though I was set on finding Leo, you–and Shalimar and Brennan in time–saved my life, helped me when Leo was in trouble, and did give a damn about me. That's why I stayed because I knew that I'd never find that anywhere else."
Jesse knew it was hard for Lexa to open up like this, especially being closed off to everyone in the last five years. But he was glad she was finally opening up to someone, especially to him. "Especially with your cockiness," he joked, gently squeezing her to show her that he was kidding.
Lexa laughed a little.
"I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And that reason is you"
The song ended and Jesse gently stepped away. "See? It didn't kill you to have a drink and dance with me, did it?"
Lexa made a face. "Not totally, did mortally wound me, though."
"Ha-ha-ha," he laughed sarcastically. "We have to get back to Sanctuary."
"Why? To see what the Dominion wants?" she asked.
"Yeah! I want to see if they can get me a new basketball hoop since Brennan broke it," Jesse joked.
"A reason to start over new, and that reason is you."
* * *
"I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do.
But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you.
And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know."
Jesse ran his fingers up and down the glass, his fingers getting wet from the condensation. His blonde locks hung in front of his face absentmindedly. The fiery brunette sat next to him speaking of her past.
"No one knew about Leo's problem when we were kids, even our parents. They just thought he was going through some teenage crisis with his depression," she explained. Lexa didn't even know why he was telling Jesse this, no one ever cared about her brother before. No one. The Dominion just saw her brother as a way to gain a covert operations' employee. But Jesse did-still does, ever since he died Jesse had been asking her questions about his life. Probably because she was mourning his death, and not celebrating his life. How short it was. "In the five years that I was searching for him, the Dominion made me do so many things that I wasn't sure were right. Making promises to people and breaking them, killing people that I wasn't sure what they had done that was so wrong . . . my life didn't belong to me."
"I understand why you did it then," Jesse finally spoke after ten minutes of listening. "Why do you trust the Dominion's word now?"
"The age-old question I've been asking since Leo died," she said with a small smile, looking at her drink. 'I don't want to talk about this now', she thought. "I'm sorry . . . "
Jesse was surprised to say the least, he jerked his head to toss the rogue lock of blond hair away from his face and his stunning blue eyes captured hers. "Sorry for what?" he asked.
Lexa tore her gaze away, she was never afraid to tell the truth or tell lies for that matter. But this was different. "For Blake."
Jesse looked away for a second to grasp his thoughts then he thought about what he was really feeling. "We both know that what you did with him, wasn't part of the mission. That's what I'm angry about . . . but it was your decision."
'How about the other way around, Jess' she thought, knowing better than what he was saying. 'Well, I don't feel like arguing . . . this story is much easier to apologize for'. "It just happened," she explained. "It wasn't planned or anything, I'm sorry I hurt you, and you're right it wasn't part of the mission."
Jesse nodded, taking the gratitude of being right and scratched his hairline for a second. "You told me that personal feelings shouldn't get in the way that it's about survival," he quoted.
Lexa nodded. "And when I said it, it was. But maybe I was taking it the wrong way, I mean, it's about survival yes. But you have to be sure that your teammates are going to protect you when you need it and be behind you all the way, and without personal feelings it's not possible."
Jesse grinned. "Now you see it my way!" he rubbed in.
"I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new, and that reason is you."
Jesse stood up from the stool and held out his hand. "May I have this dance."
Lexa gave him a teasing look. "You dance?" she asked.
"Oh yes, I dance and occasionally read a book. But where would the mystery be if I tell you everything?" he teased back.
Lexa grinned and took his hand and he lead her to the dance floor as a slow song came on.
"Watch those hands, mister. I'm not easy," she warned.
"I might not know everything ... but I know that," he said she came into his arms.
"I'm sorry that I hurt, it's something that I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through. I wish I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears that's why I need you to hear."
Lexa rested her head on his shoulder and took pleasure in their closeness. "Anything else you need to know, Jess?"
Jesse paused to think and then spoke. "How come you are still here? With Mutant X, I mean."
It was Lexa's turn to pause. "It's not like I like you," she stated before she knew what she was saying. Jesse twitched away from her. "I mean, in a way I do," she recovered.
"I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know.
I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new and the reason is you.
And the reason is you."
Jesse got closer to hear her story. Lexa took a breath. "Working for the Dominion, they didn't care about me. Didn't give a damn about me, actually. If I was sick, the only thing they would say was if I was ready to take on another mission after giving me a day to be well. But when I got here, even though I was set on finding Leo, you–and Shalimar and Brennan in time–saved my life, helped me when Leo was in trouble, and did give a damn about me. That's why I stayed because I knew that I'd never find that anywhere else."
Jesse knew it was hard for Lexa to open up like this, especially being closed off to everyone in the last five years. But he was glad she was finally opening up to someone, especially to him. "Especially with your cockiness," he joked, gently squeezing her to show her that he was kidding.
Lexa laughed a little.
"I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And that reason is you"
The song ended and Jesse gently stepped away. "See? It didn't kill you to have a drink and dance with me, did it?"
Lexa made a face. "Not totally, did mortally wound me, though."
"Ha-ha-ha," he laughed sarcastically. "We have to get back to Sanctuary."
"Why? To see what the Dominion wants?" she asked.
"Yeah! I want to see if they can get me a new basketball hoop since Brennan broke it," Jesse joked.
"A reason to start over new, and that reason is you."