Chapter 12- Welcome to the Hellmouth
It was a relatively 'normal' night in the Summer's household. The Scooby Gang and their respective hangers-on were crowded into the lounge room researching the latest nasty ewwy killer demon thingy. And, well, Oz was there, even though Willow was now, to be frank, gay and had no interest in him. He was there because they were his friends who lived in the town he grew up in; hence, he was there in his full Oz understated cool glory. As I said, they were researching when, all of a sudden there was a giant 'pop!' like a cork in a bottle of champagne except multiplied several hundred times. Xander, of course, said the golden words of truthfulness, "What the hell?"
For, in the Summer's lounge room there was a smug looking Spike and three teenage look-alikes. Needless to say this somewhat freaked out the occupants of the lounge room at that time.
"Shit!" exclaimed Dawn.
Oz merely kept his characteristic cool and raised an eyebrow at both the out of character swearing from Dawn and the four smirking blonde haired blue eyed boys in the room.
"What? How? What?" Buffy said, looking from Spike to the boys.
"Hello Buffy, my dear. How has Sunnydale possibly managed without my presence over the past few days?" said Spike in a falsely concerned voice.
"Spike? Umm. who are they?" Buffy pointed to the three rather smug looking teens.
"Buffy, Scoobies, Andrew, I'd like to introduce you to my three sons, Dally, Draco and Ariel."
Buffy fainted.
Willow went and stood over the unconscious Buffy and said simply, "Oh." She looked around at the rest of the people in the lounge room and shrugged. Andrew knelt down beside Buffy and lightly slapped her.
He looked up at Spike in a disapproving way and said in his whiney voice, "What did you do to her?"
Spike shrugged. Xander walked up to him, determined to get some answers about his sudden arrival, instead, he began to insult him, "How did you, a vampire, have kids? Let alone a girlfriend."
Spike smirked and explained the soap opera twist, "They're also Harmony's kids," he paused as everyone involuntarily shuddered at the thought of the blonde bimbo, "she his them in another dimension, I went and got them. And hey," Spike turned to Xander, "if Angel can have a kid, why can't I?"
While this was going on Dally, Draco and Ariel had been conversing among themselves when Draco, being the womanizer he was, suddenly realized that the room was full of females. He looked around the room and remembered that Spike had said that everyone in this room had been connected romantically with someone else in the room. Draco decided he would have a bit of fun with that. The only woman he wouldn't go after would be Buffy. Draco wasn't as stupid as that dumbass Connor. He knew that you didn't go after your father's girl. It just wasn't to be done. Besides, Draco didn't particularly want to play mind games with the Slayer anyway, too much work, and she could just kick his ass anyway.
Draco took another look around the room and his eyes fell on the short man we all know and love as Oz. But Oz was watching someone else. Draco followed Oz's line of sight and found himself looking at a pretty red-head who Draco felt power radiating off of. Draco smirked evilly; he would be having a fun time at the Summer's household.
Draco tuned back into reality and watched the reactions of the people around him when they heard the usual 'blonde bimbo sent my kids to another dimension.' He saw that Dally was just looking around the room, bored as, he was probably looking for stuff to steal, which he would find lots of. Ariel appeared to be concentrating very hard on something, in particular, the woman with blonde hair (Anya). Draco saw the stranger's faces flash through momentary disbelief and then relax back into normalcy. Draco wondered why they were taking it all so easily, it wasn't every day a situation like this came along.
Across the room, Willow and Andrew were still kneeling over Buffy, who was now stirring. Buffy opened her eyes to see an anxious Andrew and a not too worried Willow. Andrew looked to everyone else excitedly, threw up his hands and cried dramatically, "She's alive!"
Everyone just looked. Dally said, "She was never dead."
Andrew hung his head and looked at a confused Buffy who was sitting up he said in a very small voice, "Oh."
Buffy looked at Spike and his sons, "What are you doing here? And who the hell are they?" she pointed somewhat accusingly at Spike's sons.
Spike sighed and rolled his eyes.
Five minutes later she was sitting on the lounge, rocking back and for, looking as if she were about to cry after Spike had explained everything again. "You had three kids with Harmony," said Buffy, her voice shaking with unshed tears.
Draco suddenly felt very sorry for the Slayer, "Umm.are you okay?" he asked sincerely.
"Who the hell do you think you are?!" Buffy shrieked, "Don't talk to me!"
The Scoobies looked at each other. Giles spoke up, "Buffy, I think we need to talk."
Buffy turned to Giles, still teary eyed and said, "What do we need to talk about?"
Giles looked at Spike and his sons uncomfortably, "Just a few things." He got up and left the room, with Buffy following him like a little lost lamb.
Spike looked at Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow and Andrew, "So, who's in charge now that the Slayer has finally lost it?"
They looked around at each other and shrugged. Oz stepped towards them and said, "I am."
Everyone looked at him in surprise. Oz began to feel uncomfortable and shrugged, "Well none of you were volunteering to do it."
Spike snorted, "So, little wolf-man wants to lead eh?"
"Oz, are you sure about this?" asked Willow.
Xander answered for him, "Well Willow, we could always let Captain Peroxide here lead," Spike's sons tried to cover their laughter unsuccessfully, "but that's sure to turn out bad."
"What's wrong with me in the lead? And, by the way, isn't it obvious that the hair is natural?" Spike gesture towards his rather bored sons.
There was a derisive snort from all. Draco took a step forward, "So, we're bunking down here. Who's going to show me to my room?" he turned to Willow with a cheeky look on his face.
Andrew realized that he was about to be ripped off a room, "Hey! How come he gets a room and I'm still a hostage?"
Oz turned to him and said, "Because."
"Because why?" replied Andrew.
"Because I said so."
"Besides," cut in Anya, "I thought you considered yourself 'guestage.'"
Andrew pouted and walked into the kitchen and sulked.
"Well? Isn't anyone going to get us food?" asked Dally, looking around.
"They're exactly like you Spike," said Dawn, "I love them!"
Spike looked down at the too stupid and overexcited Dawn and rolled his eyes.
But meanwhile.
Giles took Buffy into the kitchen and immediately began grilling her, "What was that out there?" he asked tersely.
Buffy looked at him blankly. She asked ignorantly, "What was what?"
Giles was building himself into an irate state and replied, "What was that crying and screaming fit you just had over a vampire?"
"I did not!" Buffy appeared to have no recollection of what had just happened.
"Are you stupid?!" Giles exclaimed angrily, "You just fainted, woke up, started crying and shouted down a guest in your house. And you're telling me that you did not?"
Buffy eyed Giles suspiciously, "Is this something about Spike?"
"Yes this is bloody well about Spike! He told you he had three sons and you fainted. Then he explained it again and you freaked out. Buffy Anne Summers, are you in love with Spike?"
"Uhhh."
"Hi Buffy!" Andrew piped up, "Hi Mr. Giles!"
They looked at him. Buffy and Giles hadn't realized that Andrew was in the kitchen. "So buffy, you're in love with Spike?"
"Umm."
Back in the lounge room, everyone had dug up some damn good (note: sarcasm) karaoke. Ariel was in the middle of the room, singing his heart out, "I been to Hollywood/ I been to Redwood/ I been a miner for a heart of gold."
Everyone seemed to be getting into it, except two sullen, blonde haired males standing in the corner. Dally and Draco watched their brother make an absolute mockery out of himself while Dawn watched on, drooling. Spike was having a good belly laugh, Willow was giggling and Oz was preparing himself for his moment of glory. Draco looked at Dally and said, "Do you think they'll notice if we drag out a bit of alcohol?"
Dally replied nonchalantly, "No, they'll probably join in."
Draco smirked and went in search of liquor with his older brother.
The two went up stairs and started searching through the bedrooms. In one they found a case of beer and in another there were two bottles of wine. Dally and Draco took the grog and then snuck down to the basement. That was there they hit the jack pot. Down in the basement there were six bottles of whiskey, three of port and another case of beer. Dally and Draco grinned and took all of the alcohol they found back into the lounge room. Buffy, Giles and Andrew had returned to the rest of the group and Buffy was now singing a love song which had apparently been dedicated to Angel which would explain why Spike was looking so pissed off. Dawn saw the two blonde arrive in the room carrying alcohol, "BEER!" Dawn screamed, "They've got beer, give me beer!"
Buffy looked at Dawn, alarmed and with wide eyes, "Since when did you drink beer?"
Dawn looked around, shifting from one foot to the other. She replied slowly, "Since.uhh.a party! Yeah, a party I went to." Buffy stared her down, knowing that Dawn had never been to such a party as she always hung around the Scoobies. Dawn sighed, defeated and confessed her sins, "I've liked beer ever since I found a case of it in your room."
Everyone turned to Buffy, watching the family soap opera. Buffy tried to deny her love of beer, "I don't drink alcohol, I don't need it." This unfortunately went on for some time, with Dawn accusing and Buffy denying until, Buffy broke her denial, with a scream, and "I'm an alcoholic!"
"Join the club," said Willow.
"What do you mean?"
"Buffy, you're telling me you haven't noticed? Everyone in this household is a closet alcoholic. I am, you are, Dawn is. Hell, even Andrew is."
"Alrighty," called out Draco, "Since you're all alcos it's okay to drink, so I say we all get mind numbingly drunk."
"That's my boy, you're Spike to the core," Spike said proudly.
"Okay since I have now been made leader of the group," said Oz, "I say we go with Draco's idea of getting drunk and then singing karaoke."
A/N: the story is now in the hands of our crazy and completely nonsensical imaginations. Since nobody (except one wonderful person) likes this story, it shall go wherever we want it to, so no complaints. (by the way, it's not pencil gal who's talking to you, it's ginger ninja! Mwahahahahaha!!)
It was a relatively 'normal' night in the Summer's household. The Scooby Gang and their respective hangers-on were crowded into the lounge room researching the latest nasty ewwy killer demon thingy. And, well, Oz was there, even though Willow was now, to be frank, gay and had no interest in him. He was there because they were his friends who lived in the town he grew up in; hence, he was there in his full Oz understated cool glory. As I said, they were researching when, all of a sudden there was a giant 'pop!' like a cork in a bottle of champagne except multiplied several hundred times. Xander, of course, said the golden words of truthfulness, "What the hell?"
For, in the Summer's lounge room there was a smug looking Spike and three teenage look-alikes. Needless to say this somewhat freaked out the occupants of the lounge room at that time.
"Shit!" exclaimed Dawn.
Oz merely kept his characteristic cool and raised an eyebrow at both the out of character swearing from Dawn and the four smirking blonde haired blue eyed boys in the room.
"What? How? What?" Buffy said, looking from Spike to the boys.
"Hello Buffy, my dear. How has Sunnydale possibly managed without my presence over the past few days?" said Spike in a falsely concerned voice.
"Spike? Umm. who are they?" Buffy pointed to the three rather smug looking teens.
"Buffy, Scoobies, Andrew, I'd like to introduce you to my three sons, Dally, Draco and Ariel."
Buffy fainted.
Willow went and stood over the unconscious Buffy and said simply, "Oh." She looked around at the rest of the people in the lounge room and shrugged. Andrew knelt down beside Buffy and lightly slapped her.
He looked up at Spike in a disapproving way and said in his whiney voice, "What did you do to her?"
Spike shrugged. Xander walked up to him, determined to get some answers about his sudden arrival, instead, he began to insult him, "How did you, a vampire, have kids? Let alone a girlfriend."
Spike smirked and explained the soap opera twist, "They're also Harmony's kids," he paused as everyone involuntarily shuddered at the thought of the blonde bimbo, "she his them in another dimension, I went and got them. And hey," Spike turned to Xander, "if Angel can have a kid, why can't I?"
While this was going on Dally, Draco and Ariel had been conversing among themselves when Draco, being the womanizer he was, suddenly realized that the room was full of females. He looked around the room and remembered that Spike had said that everyone in this room had been connected romantically with someone else in the room. Draco decided he would have a bit of fun with that. The only woman he wouldn't go after would be Buffy. Draco wasn't as stupid as that dumbass Connor. He knew that you didn't go after your father's girl. It just wasn't to be done. Besides, Draco didn't particularly want to play mind games with the Slayer anyway, too much work, and she could just kick his ass anyway.
Draco took another look around the room and his eyes fell on the short man we all know and love as Oz. But Oz was watching someone else. Draco followed Oz's line of sight and found himself looking at a pretty red-head who Draco felt power radiating off of. Draco smirked evilly; he would be having a fun time at the Summer's household.
Draco tuned back into reality and watched the reactions of the people around him when they heard the usual 'blonde bimbo sent my kids to another dimension.' He saw that Dally was just looking around the room, bored as, he was probably looking for stuff to steal, which he would find lots of. Ariel appeared to be concentrating very hard on something, in particular, the woman with blonde hair (Anya). Draco saw the stranger's faces flash through momentary disbelief and then relax back into normalcy. Draco wondered why they were taking it all so easily, it wasn't every day a situation like this came along.
Across the room, Willow and Andrew were still kneeling over Buffy, who was now stirring. Buffy opened her eyes to see an anxious Andrew and a not too worried Willow. Andrew looked to everyone else excitedly, threw up his hands and cried dramatically, "She's alive!"
Everyone just looked. Dally said, "She was never dead."
Andrew hung his head and looked at a confused Buffy who was sitting up he said in a very small voice, "Oh."
Buffy looked at Spike and his sons, "What are you doing here? And who the hell are they?" she pointed somewhat accusingly at Spike's sons.
Spike sighed and rolled his eyes.
Five minutes later she was sitting on the lounge, rocking back and for, looking as if she were about to cry after Spike had explained everything again. "You had three kids with Harmony," said Buffy, her voice shaking with unshed tears.
Draco suddenly felt very sorry for the Slayer, "Umm.are you okay?" he asked sincerely.
"Who the hell do you think you are?!" Buffy shrieked, "Don't talk to me!"
The Scoobies looked at each other. Giles spoke up, "Buffy, I think we need to talk."
Buffy turned to Giles, still teary eyed and said, "What do we need to talk about?"
Giles looked at Spike and his sons uncomfortably, "Just a few things." He got up and left the room, with Buffy following him like a little lost lamb.
Spike looked at Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow and Andrew, "So, who's in charge now that the Slayer has finally lost it?"
They looked around at each other and shrugged. Oz stepped towards them and said, "I am."
Everyone looked at him in surprise. Oz began to feel uncomfortable and shrugged, "Well none of you were volunteering to do it."
Spike snorted, "So, little wolf-man wants to lead eh?"
"Oz, are you sure about this?" asked Willow.
Xander answered for him, "Well Willow, we could always let Captain Peroxide here lead," Spike's sons tried to cover their laughter unsuccessfully, "but that's sure to turn out bad."
"What's wrong with me in the lead? And, by the way, isn't it obvious that the hair is natural?" Spike gesture towards his rather bored sons.
There was a derisive snort from all. Draco took a step forward, "So, we're bunking down here. Who's going to show me to my room?" he turned to Willow with a cheeky look on his face.
Andrew realized that he was about to be ripped off a room, "Hey! How come he gets a room and I'm still a hostage?"
Oz turned to him and said, "Because."
"Because why?" replied Andrew.
"Because I said so."
"Besides," cut in Anya, "I thought you considered yourself 'guestage.'"
Andrew pouted and walked into the kitchen and sulked.
"Well? Isn't anyone going to get us food?" asked Dally, looking around.
"They're exactly like you Spike," said Dawn, "I love them!"
Spike looked down at the too stupid and overexcited Dawn and rolled his eyes.
But meanwhile.
Giles took Buffy into the kitchen and immediately began grilling her, "What was that out there?" he asked tersely.
Buffy looked at him blankly. She asked ignorantly, "What was what?"
Giles was building himself into an irate state and replied, "What was that crying and screaming fit you just had over a vampire?"
"I did not!" Buffy appeared to have no recollection of what had just happened.
"Are you stupid?!" Giles exclaimed angrily, "You just fainted, woke up, started crying and shouted down a guest in your house. And you're telling me that you did not?"
Buffy eyed Giles suspiciously, "Is this something about Spike?"
"Yes this is bloody well about Spike! He told you he had three sons and you fainted. Then he explained it again and you freaked out. Buffy Anne Summers, are you in love with Spike?"
"Uhhh."
"Hi Buffy!" Andrew piped up, "Hi Mr. Giles!"
They looked at him. Buffy and Giles hadn't realized that Andrew was in the kitchen. "So buffy, you're in love with Spike?"
"Umm."
Back in the lounge room, everyone had dug up some damn good (note: sarcasm) karaoke. Ariel was in the middle of the room, singing his heart out, "I been to Hollywood/ I been to Redwood/ I been a miner for a heart of gold."
Everyone seemed to be getting into it, except two sullen, blonde haired males standing in the corner. Dally and Draco watched their brother make an absolute mockery out of himself while Dawn watched on, drooling. Spike was having a good belly laugh, Willow was giggling and Oz was preparing himself for his moment of glory. Draco looked at Dally and said, "Do you think they'll notice if we drag out a bit of alcohol?"
Dally replied nonchalantly, "No, they'll probably join in."
Draco smirked and went in search of liquor with his older brother.
The two went up stairs and started searching through the bedrooms. In one they found a case of beer and in another there were two bottles of wine. Dally and Draco took the grog and then snuck down to the basement. That was there they hit the jack pot. Down in the basement there were six bottles of whiskey, three of port and another case of beer. Dally and Draco grinned and took all of the alcohol they found back into the lounge room. Buffy, Giles and Andrew had returned to the rest of the group and Buffy was now singing a love song which had apparently been dedicated to Angel which would explain why Spike was looking so pissed off. Dawn saw the two blonde arrive in the room carrying alcohol, "BEER!" Dawn screamed, "They've got beer, give me beer!"
Buffy looked at Dawn, alarmed and with wide eyes, "Since when did you drink beer?"
Dawn looked around, shifting from one foot to the other. She replied slowly, "Since.uhh.a party! Yeah, a party I went to." Buffy stared her down, knowing that Dawn had never been to such a party as she always hung around the Scoobies. Dawn sighed, defeated and confessed her sins, "I've liked beer ever since I found a case of it in your room."
Everyone turned to Buffy, watching the family soap opera. Buffy tried to deny her love of beer, "I don't drink alcohol, I don't need it." This unfortunately went on for some time, with Dawn accusing and Buffy denying until, Buffy broke her denial, with a scream, and "I'm an alcoholic!"
"Join the club," said Willow.
"What do you mean?"
"Buffy, you're telling me you haven't noticed? Everyone in this household is a closet alcoholic. I am, you are, Dawn is. Hell, even Andrew is."
"Alrighty," called out Draco, "Since you're all alcos it's okay to drink, so I say we all get mind numbingly drunk."
"That's my boy, you're Spike to the core," Spike said proudly.
"Okay since I have now been made leader of the group," said Oz, "I say we go with Draco's idea of getting drunk and then singing karaoke."
A/N: the story is now in the hands of our crazy and completely nonsensical imaginations. Since nobody (except one wonderful person) likes this story, it shall go wherever we want it to, so no complaints. (by the way, it's not pencil gal who's talking to you, it's ginger ninja! Mwahahahahaha!!)