Chapter 16- Drunkenness, War and a Hell of a lot of Other Stuff
BANG! CRASH! BOOM!
Spike dragged an unwilling Buffy into the lounge room not realising that Willow was back and had brought someone with her.
"Buffy!" Spike yelled, "I've been looking in that bloody shopping centre for a bloody week. How the hell did you manage to get lost in a shoe shop?"
The rest of the household came running into the lounge room and stopped abruptly. "Willow, you're back!" Xander called out happily. He sped over to her and engulfed her in a huge hug.
"Dumbledore!" Hermione yelled. Draco grinned and untangled himself from Fred. Hermione, Draco, Harry, Ron and Remus walked over to the old man with twinkling blue eyes. They didn't notice that the rest of the room had fallen silent at Hermione's outburst.
"Who are you talking about?" asked Buffy, horrified, "That's Ethan-bloody- Rayne!"
Ron jumped in and said, "Correction, who are you talking about?" Everyone paused and looked at Ron, confused. They all looked at each other, wondering just what the orange haired wizard was talking about.
"Well, anyway, back to the point at hand," said Xander, "Willow, why did you bring Ethan Rayne here?"
Willow replied, puzzled, "What do you mean Ethan Rayne? Because this," She gestured stiffly at a humbled Dumbledore, "is not Ethan Rayne."
The room collapsed into disorder as Harry began accusing the whole Scooby Gang of trying to kill Dumbledore and Buffy began to try some kung fu on old Dumbledore. "Hold it!" yelled Lorne.
"Yes, listen up everybody," said the ever wise Dumbledore, "I believe he has something important to say."
Everyone grudgingly turned to Lorne, some glaring at Dumbledore, others looking at him, confused as to why this man would cause such uproar. "I can explain it all to you," announced Lorne, "You see, since you guys aren't magical," said Lorne, pointing to Buffy and her crew, "you can't see Dumbledore. Since you guys are magical," Lorne then pointed to Hermione and her company, "you can see Dumbledore."
Spike frowned, "But why the hell does he look like Ethan-bloody-Rayne?"
"Well," answered Lorne, "Dumbledore took on the face of the nearest powerful wizard, who just happened to be Ethan Rayne."
There was a big chorus of, "Oh."
At this point Giles, who had spent the last week in the shed in a drunken stupor, stumbled into the room. Everyone minus Dumbledore gave a collective gasp. "It's Giles," Andrew said with wide eyes and a pointing finger.
"But how could he possibly escape?" Xander asked, slapping his face to make sure it wasn't a dream.
Giles weaved further into the room and fell to the ground. "Ethan Rayne. he- he.is.he-he.coming," Giles then dropped into unconsciousness.
All of the the Buffy side of the room erupted into screams and Harry decided to throw in the obligatory, "NOOOOO!" Everyone stopped screaming and looked at him. Harry shrugged and said, "It seemed like the right thing to do." After the paused everyone again erupted into screams, someone accidentally turned off the lights and the screaming mass of people was plunged into darkness. Needless to say there was more screaming, a few crashes and a whole heap of pandemonium.
A booming voice yelled above the noise, "LUMOS!" The room was all of a sudden lit up by the tip of Dumbledore's wand. Eh then said quietly, "Someone turn on the lights." Fred obediently shuffled over to the lights and turned them on. Dumbledore took over the situation, "Let's all sit down and talk about the problems we are having." The imperative tone which Dumbledore possessed persuaded everyone to sit down in the lounge room to see what was going on with everyone else.
"Ooh!" cried Andrew, "Can I pleas run the meeting?"
"Since when was a meeting?" asked Dally, disgusted at the idea of having a weird king of family meeting.
"You can run the meeting," said Dumbledore, "and yes, Dally, this is a meeting."
Andre looked around and then stood up and announced, "This meeting has officially begun. Is there any old business?"
"No. can we move on Andrew?" snarled Dally.
"Any new business?" Andrew continued.
Draco raised his hand. "I have new business. I want Fred to stop hanging off me. When we first arrived in LA it was obvious you wanted Ariel, go cling to his arm."
"I second that motion," Hermione piped up.
Without making a fuss Fred let go of Draco, grabbed Ariel and sat back down.
"Anymore new business?" Andrew continued.
Xander spoke up, "Well, I would like to know what Giles is doing untied and roaming free."
The drunken Giles took offence to this and tried horribly to defend himself, "I-I-I'm not a bloody.what do you call em? Animal, yeah, animal."
"At the moment you're not really at a human level."
"Well.yeah," said Giles.
"The main thing is though," said Willow, "What are you going to do with yourself?"
Giles stood up, raised his head high and said, "I plan to fulfil the secret dream that every watcher has; I'm going to star in a Broadway production of the hit musical 'Chicago'."
"Okay then," said Andrew, "Now that that's sorted any other business?"
Dumbledore stood up, "I hate to say this but I have quite a lot to say, so if you will please bear with me." Everyone nodded amicably, although Dally just rolled his eyes, eager to get out of the house. Dumbledore then continued, not before giving a look of mirth to Dally with his twinkling eyes, "Firstly, I hate to say that I will be going back to England rather hastily tomorrow morning. It seems that the Order needs me there. Anyone who wishes to come can join me. Secondly, there has been a traitor in the midst of the Order of the Phoenix. Apparently the lady known as Meriath is really Professor Umbridge."
At this news Draco, Hermione, Ron and Harry gave each other looks of surprise and horror. Draco soon recovered from his shock and then began glaring at Harry and Ron again, at this Dumbledore continues, "I know it's quite a shock, but apparently we foiled her grand plan to take over the world. She is no longer a worry to any of us." Everyone seemed to pause after Dumbledore had finished.
Andrew, ever the one to fill in the silence said, "Okay, third item o the agenda-"
He was cut off by Ariel who pointed out that they never had an agenda. "We do now," said Andrew vehemently, "Either way, the second item on the agenda, who is leaving tomorrow with Dumbledore?"
Harry, Ron, Remus and Xander raised their hands. "Xander?" said Oz, surprised, "You're going?"
"That bunny suit guy killed Anya," replied Xander. "I must avenge her. Besides, Willow had a holiday and I feel like one as well."
"Good reason."
Meanwhile Harry and Ron had been staring at Hermione as if they were trying to make Hermione raise her hand simply by looking at her hand hard enough.
"Hermione?" said Harry meekly. Eh wasn't particularly looking to incur the wrath of Hermione Granger.
"Yes Harry?"
"Aren't you going o come back with us?" asked Ron, cutting straight to the point.
"No."
"But Mione, you're Head Girl, Hogwarts needs you."
"Draco's Head Boy but you don't care that he's staying."
"Please Hermione be reasonable."
"I'm. Staying. Here." Hermione's voice had gotten louder with each word and she looked ready to explode.
"But-"
"You heard the woman," Draco butted in, "If she says she's staying here there's nothing you two dick heads can do about it."
"Why I oughta-" Ron started at Draco, but Harry stopped him and looked pointedly at Dumbledore who was standing there, looking at them as if he were amused.
"Okay, that's enough, I'm calling order to this meeting," announced Andrew. Since everyone was talking the use of Andrew's pathetically whiney voice yielded no results, so he resorted to banging his useless book against the coffee table. No one stopped talking so Andre got up and began to flicker the lights on and off. This most certainly got everyone's attention as they all stopped talking to look accusingly at the phantom light flickerer.
Ariel although was disappointed and said to Andrew, "Why'd you stop? It looked so pretty."
Andrew just looked at him, vexed about the shambles that the meeting has fallen into. "Okay, let's summarise the meeting. Giles, you are going to go and star in 'Chicago', Fred is going to hang off Ariel's arm instead of Draco's and Xander, Ron, Harry and Remus are all going to help p Dumbledore defeat someone who's mean and evil. Alright everybody, the meeting's adjourned."
"Finally," said Dally. "I'm out of here. If anyone needs me I'll be at the pub."
"Hey, if you're getting drunk I wanna come with," Hermione replied.
"Hermione Granger!" exclaimed Harry in shock.
"That's my name." Harry just stared at her.
Dally stood up. "Well come on Granger. Let's get rip roaring drunk."
Hermione and Draco stood up. "I'm coming as well," said Draco, "I could use a good beer after that meeting."
The rest of the group watched in stunned silence as Dally, Draco and Hermione left to find a good pub.
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Harry, Ron and Remus sat down in the lounge room, which just happened to also be their bedroom, and looked at each other dismally. Harry heaved a huge angsty sigh and turned to Remus with his wounded bird face. "Why do you think Hermione is being like this? I mean, she was never like this before."
Remus prepped himself to give the two boys who were looking at him hopefully the answers to their queries and said, "I honestly don't know. I'm rather clueless when it comes to the minds of teenage girls." The boys nodded, accepting that the only way that 'the Hermione situation' could be solved was with a lack of understanding and whining.
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Dally, Draco and Hermione were striding down the street purposefully. Draco looked at Dally's stern face and asked, "Where are we going?"
"Well there's a pub at the docks that doesn't really care what age you re, of course there are a few characters there but that's alright. I was also thinking about heading over to the Bronze to play a bit of pool later."
Hermione looked at Dally's street hardened face and asked him, "How did you find these places?"
He looked at her and smirked, "I've been around town." They rounded the corner to meet the front of a grimy pub which appeared to have some sort of fake rustic façade underneath the grime. In a line the group of three strode into the pub and looked around at the sad looking patrons.
Hermione looked at the lines of coloured bottles along the wall and smiled. "This is going to be good." She then stole a look at Draco, who was also smirking at the wondrous masses of alcohol before him. The three of them walked up to the bar and slammed their hands on it.
"Give me a beer," commanded Dally.
"Vodka, straight," added Hermione.
"Bourbon," finished Draco.
The bartender looked at them slightly askance but gave them what they wanted. Dally downed his schooner in two gulps and Draco and Hermione were very close behind him. They slammed their glasses down on the counter. "Give us a round of shots."
Draco took the tray and they sat down at a broken table. They each took a shot glass, clinked them together and threw their heads back.
A few rounds later, a drunken slanging match with a bathroom door and a meandering stumble to the Bronze later, our three hopelessly drunken characters were attempting to shoot a bit of pool at one of the pool tables.
"Stop trying to beat me," said Dally to Draco, who had out shot both Dally and Hermione, who were playing together.
"I'm telling you now, I'm not trying, and you're just not playing well." Dally simply grunted at Draco's response and bent over to take his shot. Instead of sinking a perfectly straight shot, Dally jumped the white ball off the table.
Frustrated, Dally threw down his cue, causing a stir amongst the teenagers at the Bronze. "I've had enough, I need a drink," he announced and with that, stalked off into the crowd.
Draco looked over at Hermione, who was leaning against a pillar, bored, and asked, "Do you wanna finish off this game?"
"Nah, it's getting boring."
Draco nodded in agreement and asked amiably, "So what do you want to do?"
Hermione smiled wickedly at him, walked over to him and said, "I would like a drink.and a dance."
Draco smirked back at her, "That can be arranged." They walked over to the dance floor and began to move to the rather droning and depressing music. Draco pulled Hermione closer to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Hermione draped her arms around his neck and grinned lazily up at him.
She took a deep breath and slurred, "You smell good." Although, in reality he didn't as his breath stunk of whiskey. As one they began swaying and spinning, going faster and faster until the song ended.
"So how about that drink," Draco said breathlessly.
"Sounds bloody good to me cutie pie." Together they strolled, or stumbled, hard to tell really, over to the bar where Dally was drinking himself silly.
"Hey cute Mr. Bartender-Guy!" Hermione yelled out to the ugly bartender with many tattoos. "Can I have a bottle of whiskey?"
"Don't you think you've had enough Her-minny?" asked Dally haltingly.
"Me?!" exclaimed Hermione. "You've drunk more than me! At least I can still pronounce people's names!" Draco nodded his head, although he immediately regretted doing so as the room was already spinning around crazily enough as it was.
The tattooed barman walked over to Draco and Hermione and growled, "What do you want?"
Hermione took a breath, about to order her and Draco a drink, but she paused, "Uh, what was I going to ask again? Oh, yeah, a drink!" Hermione held up her hand, as if she had revealed the secrets of the universe.
The barman looked at her dryly, "And you think I'm gonna give you a drink? You need to be more specific."
"Well. I.would like a. cocktail. Yeah, a cocktail."
Draco watched, bemused at Hermione's drunken behaviour, suddenly he remembered what he was going to tell her before, "Hermy, I think we don't need another drink."
Hermione looked at him outraged, "My name is not Herm-Hermy and you cannot tell me what to do."
"But-" Draco was cut off by a rather inebriated Dally.
"We shouldn't tell each other what to do."
Draco gathered what little wits he had and replied, "We're all drunk." As soon as the words left his mouth the conversation turned into one giant, drunken slanging match over nothing, with both Draco and Dally threatening to throw punches. Needless to say they were thrown out onto the street in a matter of two minutes by some burly and sober security guards.
"Good on yous. You.got us thrown.out.of the.place," drawled Hermione.
Draco, who had sobered up slightly from his brawl with Dally, said, "I'm taking you home Hermione. You've had plenty for one night. Although why I'm taking you back to a house full of alcoholics, I don't know." While Draco had been saying this Hermione had staggered to the curb and vomited. Draco hurried over to her and put one of her arms around his neck as he helped her up. "Okay Mione, we're going home. Come on Dally."
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"You shook me all night long!"
'What the hell?' thought Harry as he walked outside and saw Dally, Draco and Hermione stumbling along the footpath while singing AC/DC songs at the tops of their lungs. Harry took one look at them then stepped in front of them making them stop. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the three drunken youths.
"Hi Harry," Hermione giggled.
"These people are a bad influence on you Hermione," said Harry. "You are coming with us to England tomorrow."
Hermione scowled, then began singing again, "Don't tell me what to do, and don't tell me what to say, and when we go out at night don't put me on display. I'm young and I love to be young, I'm free and I love to be free to live my life the way that I want, do and say whatever I please. You don't own me."
"Indeed," said Harry, "But you're on a path of self destruction."
"No, I most certainly am not!" retorted Hermione.
Draco snapped to attention at this point and said, "Yeah, what she said Potty." Draco looked around him and noticed that it appeared to be quite cold, "Let's go inside yeah?"
Dally, who had lost the ability to form coherent sentences nodded and Hermione put her hand on Draco's shoulder to weave around Harry. They made it to the stairs up to the front door, at which point Hermione fell over and immediately started laughing with Draco. Harry turned to her and helped her up. He then said to her, "Let's get you inside okay?"
"I'm fine," answered Hermione, with a smile on her face, "Draco's gonna help me anyway, aren't you?"
"Yup, I am," Draco put his arm around her waist and nearly fell over, but soon enough they had gotten themselves in the door. Harry followed them in and shut the front door against the night, shaking his head the whole way.
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Draco woke up on the lounge the next morning with a splitting headache. "Ohh my head," moaned a voice next to him. He turned his head slowly so as not to cause himself anymore pain and saw Hermione clutching her head looking as though she was trying to get it not to explode.
Ron walked in and handed Hermione the glass of water and Panadol he was carrying. "What, don't I get a drink as well Weasel?" drawled Draco.
"No you don't. You're the reason she's acting like this," Ron snapped. He turned to Hermione and continued in a gentler voice, "Hermione, Dumbledore said we're leaving in a couple of hours. Is that enough tie for you to get ready?"
"What do you mean 'for me to get ready'?" replied Hermione uncertainly.
"Well Harry told me you're coming back to England with us."
"No I bloody well am not!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly. "Just because Harry says so doesn't mean I am. I thought he learnt that last night."
At this point Harry walked in followed by Spike and Buffy. "Hermione you're coming and that's final," Harry commanded in an imperative tone. Spike and Buffy grabbed Harry by the back of his shirt and slammed him into the nearest wall.
"Look buster," growled Spike, "if Hermione doesn't want to go back she doesn't bloody have to. And if you don't stop being such a bitch I will bite you."
Harry nodded, obviously scared of the imposing larger version of Draco. Buffy and Spike both released him, and he walked away, mumbling to himself about blondes. Hermione struggled to her feet and said to both Spike and Buffy, "Thanks for sorting that out for me, sometimes he's just impossible to deal with."
"That's alright love," said Spike, "Anytime you want a bit of biffo, me and my boys will happily be there."
Hermione nodded, grateful, she then turned to a rather stunned and scared looking Ron and the perpetually laid back Draco and said to them, "I'm going to have a shower."
After Hermione left, Ron looked shiftily at Spike, Buffy and Draco, expecting them to attack him at any given moment. He then scuttled out of the lounge room as quick as his legs could carry him.
Spike then approached Draco and clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Son, I'm proud of you."
Draco looked at him, scandalised and asked, "What on earth for?"
"Well, it was your first unsupervised drunk night out, the first time you've ever gotten a girl drunk and the first time you've gotten yourself kicked out of somewhere for drunken behaviour. You see, that's all I really want in a son; a bit of first class drunken loutishness."
Buffy looked at Spike and giggled, "That's really not what you should be telling your son."
"But it's the truth," answered Spike as innocently as an evil vampire could.
In reply Buffy wrapped Spike in her arms and began whispering in his ear; soon enough, Spike had a smirk on his face. Draco turned away from the sickening sight and closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep and trying to block out all emanations of puppy love coming from his father and the blonde slayer.
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Ariel was walking around the house, still wearing nothing but his pyjamas from when he went to bed and his hair accordingly askew. He approached Andrew, who was sitting at the dining room table, tying to look busy and important, both of which he was failing at horribly. "Hey Andrew, have you seen Dally around?"
"No, but I-" Andrew's drawn out response was cut short by Ariel who held up a hand.
"Shut up," said Ariel to him simply and effectively. He began to wander aimlessly looking for his older brother while Harry, Ron, Remus and Xander ran around trying to get ready to leave. Ariel was about to walk into the bathroom where he could hear water running but was grabbed by Fred before he could turn the handle.
"Hey there you handsome man you," Fred greeted him coyly.
"By man I presume you mean teenager?" replied Ariel with his eyebrows raised.
"Well you're 18 so you're an adult, therefore making you a man."
"I'm not 18."
"19 then, sorry about that," Fred giggled.
"I meant I'm less than 18."
"You are?" Fred dropped his arm and her eyes widened in shock.
"Yeah, I'm 15."
"What?!" Fred stared at Ariel for a few minutes then turned on her heel and fled back down the hallway, with tears streaming down her face.
Ariel shrugged and turned around to open the bathroom door. He then screamed the loudest and girliest scream that he had ever screamed before. For in front of him stood Dumbledore, wearing nothing buy a towel upon his head and a towel around his waist. Dumbledore, who was startled by Ariel's sudden entrance, did not have a chance to say anything before Ariel fled down the hall in the same direction as Fred.
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Downstairs, Spike, Buffy, Draco, Hermione and Remus heard the bloodcurdling scream from their sunny disposition in the lounge room. The scream was followed by a blonde teenage blur that came down the stars and then outside. Remus took his bag at his feet and moved it to the door. The others followed him to the door to wait for Harry, Ron and Xander.
Xander, Harry and Ron came barrelling down the stairs and were followed more sedately by the man with the ever twinkling blue eyes, Albus Dumbledore. "Ah, Remus, excellent you're ready to go."
"I am Albus."
"Ms Granger, Mr Malfoy I take it you definitely won't come back?"
"That's right Professor," replied Hermione. Harry and Ron heaved a massive sigh.
"Well it's May," said Dumbledore, "So there is no point replacing you as Head Boy and Girl. When we get back to Hogwarts I'll make sure all your belongings are sent to you."
"So does this mean you're not going to graduate Mione?" asked Harry, completely innocent, of course.
Hermione gasped, "I'm coming with you. Accio stuff."
"If you're going I might as well too," said Draco. "Dad, we'll be back in two weeks."
"Righto then," said Spike. "Make sure you don't get drunk on school premises."
"I won't Dad," Draco replied with a nasty looking smirk on his face.
The group of leavers and well wishers adjourned out onto the verandah. Coincidentally Willow and Oz arrived back at the house after their early morning coffee run. Willow looked at the luggage that everyone had amassed and said, "So you're all leaving now huh?"
Xander nodded, looking down sadly, "Yeah, we're leaving." Xander then enveloped Willow in a big hug, and lo, there were hugs and tears all round.
Remus though, hung back and approached Oz, who was also not participating in the hug-a-thon. "I'd like to thank you for helping me."
"That's alright."
"So, um, I'm going now."
"Yeah, I'll see you round," said Oz, the man of not so many words.
"Bye."
"Bye."
Hence, with goodbyes and farewells being said, the big group of leavers got into their designated taxis and drove away into the midday sun. Buffy, Willow, Oz, Fred, a flustered Ariel and Andrew looked at each other in silence. Buffy frowned, looked around and remarked, "Dally and Giles aren't here."
"Hey, you're right," said Willow, "Do you think we should look for them?"
Spike, who had stayed on the verandah in the shade, said to them, "I think we should start looking in the house, they were drunken sods the last time anyone saw them."
All nodded ad went inside to fin the drunken pair. After an hour of looking Ariel found both Giles and Dally, together, covered in flour, with party hats on, in the pantry asleep. Ariel looked around, uncertain about what to do. "Dally! Finally. I've been looking for you all morning. I need to talk to you about Draco and Hermione."
Dally staggered out of the pantry and slumped into a stool at the counter. "Okay Ariel, why do you wanna talk about the love birds?"
"Love birds? But they aren't dating or anything are they?"
"Maybe. The looked pretty cosy out on the dance floor last night." Ariel looked distraught. Strangely enough Dally noticed this and asked, "Why do you care about them anyway?"
"Because.uh."
"Because what?"
"Because, well, I'm in love with Hermione," Ariel mumbled.
"What was that?"
"I'm in love with Hermione!"
Dally burst out laughing. "Draco's gonna kill you," Dally managed to get out through his laughter. Ariel looked panicked for a moment, until he realised that if he didn't say anything, he wouldn't get killed. Instead, he just looked forlorn, as he now harboured an unrequited love for his brother's girlfriend.
Ariel was brought back to reality at the sound of a thud. Dally had fallen off the stool, still cacking himself. Ariel made a half hearted attempt to defend himself, "It's not that funny!"
"Yes, it is," gasped Dally. Giles crawled out of the pantry, looking half dead and infinitely hung over. Dally noticed him and asked him, "You right there G-man?"
"Need.water." was his feeble response.
The two very naughty sons of Spike smirked at each other ad looked down at the horribly hung over and definitely unfit Giles.
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"Spikey, what are we going to do tonight?" asked a very bored Buffy in a sickeningly sweet voice.
"Well love," answered Spike, who was lying on Buffy's bed, "I was thinking about some drinks and a bit o' music."
Buffy, who was applying tons of hair spray to her head in order to keep her hair in its perpetually perfect state came up with an idea, "I think we should go patrolling, we haven't done that in a while."
Spike looked up and smirked, "That sounds interesting my sweet Buffykins, I think the boys will enjoy that."
Buffy looked at him, her face stricken. "I didn't mean for it to be a group thing," said Buffy, turning away from the mirror reluctantly and looked at him coyly, "I meant for it to be a one on one thing."
"But-"
Buffy then broke out into hysterics yelling at him, "Don't you love me anymore?! I'm gibing out hints but you don't get it! At least Angel understood when I was hinting at something."
"Don't say that bloody name. Angel was a bloody ponce as a good guy and a dickhead as an evil guy. I don't wanna hear that name come from your mouth ever again!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," cried Buffy. "I just want some alone time with you."
Buffy broke down into sobs and the hard glint in Spike's eyes that had appeared at Angel's name disappeared. He walked over to her and crouched down. "I'm sorry love; I never meant to make you cry."
Buffy began hiccuping. "I love you Spike."
"Love you too Slayer."
"Spike-"
Spike silenced her with a passionate kiss then pulled away. "I know love, I know. Neither of us meant what we said. You want me alone, and then you can have it. Let's go patrol."
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." Each 'thank you' was punctuated with a kiss. The two stood, Buffy still with tears on her cheeks and went out for some lovely patrol and killing fun.
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Later that evening, it was obvious that Fred had been affected by the alcoholic residents of the Summer's house. Fred was weeping without abandon into her takeaway noodles as Andrew, Dally, Ariel and Giles stopped eating their hideously greasy takeaway good to watch the grief stricken, forlorn girl.
Willow and Oz walked into the dining room with their food to witness the sad sight of a grieving Fred. Willow stood by Fred's side and softly asked, "Are you alright?"
"No," replied Fred with a blocked nose, "I'm not fine."
"Oh, okay."
Everyone returned to their meals silently. Andrew looked around at the other occupants of the table and asked conversationally, "So, what do you guys wanna do tonight?"
The general response was silence and shrugs, until Oz, who was reprising his position as leader suggested, "I think that a few drinks and a bit of music at home would be a good idea."
Willow smiled at Oz, "That's a great idea, a bit of relaxed fun." The rest of the people at the table nodded, more looking forward to the drinks than anything, well, Fred wasn't really looking forward to anything as she was still sobbing into her noodles.
They all finished off their takeaway food. Oz went to break out the drinks while Willow turned on the music. Fred began hiccuping as she tried to calm her hysterical sobs. She stood up and took the microphone.
"Don't know just.hic.what to do with. hic. myself. Don't know.hic.just what to do.hic. with myself. I'm so used.hic.to doing everything.hic.with you. Doing.hic.everything for two."
The others looked at each other and sat in uncomfortable silence while Fred continued singing her sad little heart out. "Umm Fred, I think that's enough now," Giles tried to gently take the microphone away but Fred refused to give it up.
"No, I refuse. I'm still singing."
They all looked at the upset girl, outraged; they wanted the microphone and they wanted it immediately. Dally stood up, ready to bargain with Fred, "Look, if you give me the microphone now, things will not get uglier than they already are."
Fred responded angrily, "No! It's my life now! Nothing could drag me away from this microphone."
"Okay, that's it," said Giles, standing up. "I'm going to have to declare war on you and your microphone. Who's with me?"
Andrew and Dally stood up and followed Giles out of the lounge room to devise a plan to relinquish the microphone from Fred the distressed. Willow walked back into the lounge room to see Fred curled up sulking with the microphone and Ariel and Oz sitting there looking uncomfortable, she innocently asked, "What happened?"
"Fred refused to give up the mike so now Giles, Dally and Andrew are planning war on Fred."
"Oh."
Meanwhile Giles, Dally and Andrew were planning their attack strategies by playing Dungeons and Dragons. Andrew was again in his red cloak and was making his usual nerdy comments. Dally pulled out his knife and pointed it at Andrew. "Would you shut up? We need to come up with a plan to get the microphone."
"Well Dally, you could try to seduce her with your knife," said a yet again drunken Giles, "then steal the mike from her and maybe then slit her throat."
Dally raised his eyebrows and stared at Giles, who was oblivious to the stares directed his way. Dally sat thinking of a way to solve the problem of the microphone. He looked around and scrutinized Andrew's ridiculous outfit, eh then struck on an ingenious idea. "I know!" yelled out Dally.
"You know what?" asked Andrew, the picture of stupidity.
Dally just shook his head and said, "I know how we can win back the microphone," Dally paused to make sure that he had Andrew and Giles' undivided attention, "We could have a sudden death game of Capture the Flag." Andrew nodded with his eyes glazed over and mouth wide open, excited at the prospect of a giant game of his favourite childhood spot of fun. Giles just sat there singing incoherently.
Andrew smiled. "Now we've just got to propose the game to them."
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The three males walked into the lounge room in single file, with a solemn look upon their faces. They turned to look at Fred who was sitting on the floor clutching the microphone for dear life. Willow and Oz instinctively stood on either side of Fred, ready for some action.
Giles looked at the three people in front of them in turn and began to talk tot hem sternly, "We have a proposition." Willow, Oz and Fred didn't move a muscle, so Giles continued, "We believe, well Dally and Andrew believe, that the war over the microphone should be fought in the form of an epic game of capture the flag. I myself though, wanted a bit of bloodshed, but that apparently isn't gong to happen. So how about it? A game of capture the flag?"
Oz nodded, "That seems reasonable."
"Well then," said Andrew, "It is time to lay down the rules. Number one-"
Andrew's military style speech was interrupted by a blonde head man crashing through the lounge room window. Everyone crowded around Spike, who was sprawled on the floor; Willow asked him, "What's going on?"
Spike slowly raised himself off the floor and answered, "At the moment we're have a royal bloody battle to the death."
"With who?"
Spike got onto his feet and looked out the window, watching Buffy try to kick some evil arse. He turned to them, "Ethan Rayne's back."
Everyone looked at each other and started screaming in panic.
A/N: Pencil Gal and Broadway Betty would like to thank the following for this amazingly long and ranting chapter: Mr Petro for his boring maths classes which fuel thoughts of everything other than maths, our own pitiful and warped imaginations, the people who hate our story and have NOT reviewed, Ms Bonis for actually having the guts to read the whole thing and the unevasive fact that we, frankly, have nothing better to with our time than write and read fan fiction and go to the beach. Now you can review.
BANG! CRASH! BOOM!
Spike dragged an unwilling Buffy into the lounge room not realising that Willow was back and had brought someone with her.
"Buffy!" Spike yelled, "I've been looking in that bloody shopping centre for a bloody week. How the hell did you manage to get lost in a shoe shop?"
The rest of the household came running into the lounge room and stopped abruptly. "Willow, you're back!" Xander called out happily. He sped over to her and engulfed her in a huge hug.
"Dumbledore!" Hermione yelled. Draco grinned and untangled himself from Fred. Hermione, Draco, Harry, Ron and Remus walked over to the old man with twinkling blue eyes. They didn't notice that the rest of the room had fallen silent at Hermione's outburst.
"Who are you talking about?" asked Buffy, horrified, "That's Ethan-bloody- Rayne!"
Ron jumped in and said, "Correction, who are you talking about?" Everyone paused and looked at Ron, confused. They all looked at each other, wondering just what the orange haired wizard was talking about.
"Well, anyway, back to the point at hand," said Xander, "Willow, why did you bring Ethan Rayne here?"
Willow replied, puzzled, "What do you mean Ethan Rayne? Because this," She gestured stiffly at a humbled Dumbledore, "is not Ethan Rayne."
The room collapsed into disorder as Harry began accusing the whole Scooby Gang of trying to kill Dumbledore and Buffy began to try some kung fu on old Dumbledore. "Hold it!" yelled Lorne.
"Yes, listen up everybody," said the ever wise Dumbledore, "I believe he has something important to say."
Everyone grudgingly turned to Lorne, some glaring at Dumbledore, others looking at him, confused as to why this man would cause such uproar. "I can explain it all to you," announced Lorne, "You see, since you guys aren't magical," said Lorne, pointing to Buffy and her crew, "you can't see Dumbledore. Since you guys are magical," Lorne then pointed to Hermione and her company, "you can see Dumbledore."
Spike frowned, "But why the hell does he look like Ethan-bloody-Rayne?"
"Well," answered Lorne, "Dumbledore took on the face of the nearest powerful wizard, who just happened to be Ethan Rayne."
There was a big chorus of, "Oh."
At this point Giles, who had spent the last week in the shed in a drunken stupor, stumbled into the room. Everyone minus Dumbledore gave a collective gasp. "It's Giles," Andrew said with wide eyes and a pointing finger.
"But how could he possibly escape?" Xander asked, slapping his face to make sure it wasn't a dream.
Giles weaved further into the room and fell to the ground. "Ethan Rayne. he- he.is.he-he.coming," Giles then dropped into unconsciousness.
All of the the Buffy side of the room erupted into screams and Harry decided to throw in the obligatory, "NOOOOO!" Everyone stopped screaming and looked at him. Harry shrugged and said, "It seemed like the right thing to do." After the paused everyone again erupted into screams, someone accidentally turned off the lights and the screaming mass of people was plunged into darkness. Needless to say there was more screaming, a few crashes and a whole heap of pandemonium.
A booming voice yelled above the noise, "LUMOS!" The room was all of a sudden lit up by the tip of Dumbledore's wand. Eh then said quietly, "Someone turn on the lights." Fred obediently shuffled over to the lights and turned them on. Dumbledore took over the situation, "Let's all sit down and talk about the problems we are having." The imperative tone which Dumbledore possessed persuaded everyone to sit down in the lounge room to see what was going on with everyone else.
"Ooh!" cried Andrew, "Can I pleas run the meeting?"
"Since when was a meeting?" asked Dally, disgusted at the idea of having a weird king of family meeting.
"You can run the meeting," said Dumbledore, "and yes, Dally, this is a meeting."
Andre looked around and then stood up and announced, "This meeting has officially begun. Is there any old business?"
"No. can we move on Andrew?" snarled Dally.
"Any new business?" Andrew continued.
Draco raised his hand. "I have new business. I want Fred to stop hanging off me. When we first arrived in LA it was obvious you wanted Ariel, go cling to his arm."
"I second that motion," Hermione piped up.
Without making a fuss Fred let go of Draco, grabbed Ariel and sat back down.
"Anymore new business?" Andrew continued.
Xander spoke up, "Well, I would like to know what Giles is doing untied and roaming free."
The drunken Giles took offence to this and tried horribly to defend himself, "I-I-I'm not a bloody.what do you call em? Animal, yeah, animal."
"At the moment you're not really at a human level."
"Well.yeah," said Giles.
"The main thing is though," said Willow, "What are you going to do with yourself?"
Giles stood up, raised his head high and said, "I plan to fulfil the secret dream that every watcher has; I'm going to star in a Broadway production of the hit musical 'Chicago'."
"Okay then," said Andrew, "Now that that's sorted any other business?"
Dumbledore stood up, "I hate to say this but I have quite a lot to say, so if you will please bear with me." Everyone nodded amicably, although Dally just rolled his eyes, eager to get out of the house. Dumbledore then continued, not before giving a look of mirth to Dally with his twinkling eyes, "Firstly, I hate to say that I will be going back to England rather hastily tomorrow morning. It seems that the Order needs me there. Anyone who wishes to come can join me. Secondly, there has been a traitor in the midst of the Order of the Phoenix. Apparently the lady known as Meriath is really Professor Umbridge."
At this news Draco, Hermione, Ron and Harry gave each other looks of surprise and horror. Draco soon recovered from his shock and then began glaring at Harry and Ron again, at this Dumbledore continues, "I know it's quite a shock, but apparently we foiled her grand plan to take over the world. She is no longer a worry to any of us." Everyone seemed to pause after Dumbledore had finished.
Andrew, ever the one to fill in the silence said, "Okay, third item o the agenda-"
He was cut off by Ariel who pointed out that they never had an agenda. "We do now," said Andrew vehemently, "Either way, the second item on the agenda, who is leaving tomorrow with Dumbledore?"
Harry, Ron, Remus and Xander raised their hands. "Xander?" said Oz, surprised, "You're going?"
"That bunny suit guy killed Anya," replied Xander. "I must avenge her. Besides, Willow had a holiday and I feel like one as well."
"Good reason."
Meanwhile Harry and Ron had been staring at Hermione as if they were trying to make Hermione raise her hand simply by looking at her hand hard enough.
"Hermione?" said Harry meekly. Eh wasn't particularly looking to incur the wrath of Hermione Granger.
"Yes Harry?"
"Aren't you going o come back with us?" asked Ron, cutting straight to the point.
"No."
"But Mione, you're Head Girl, Hogwarts needs you."
"Draco's Head Boy but you don't care that he's staying."
"Please Hermione be reasonable."
"I'm. Staying. Here." Hermione's voice had gotten louder with each word and she looked ready to explode.
"But-"
"You heard the woman," Draco butted in, "If she says she's staying here there's nothing you two dick heads can do about it."
"Why I oughta-" Ron started at Draco, but Harry stopped him and looked pointedly at Dumbledore who was standing there, looking at them as if he were amused.
"Okay, that's enough, I'm calling order to this meeting," announced Andrew. Since everyone was talking the use of Andrew's pathetically whiney voice yielded no results, so he resorted to banging his useless book against the coffee table. No one stopped talking so Andre got up and began to flicker the lights on and off. This most certainly got everyone's attention as they all stopped talking to look accusingly at the phantom light flickerer.
Ariel although was disappointed and said to Andrew, "Why'd you stop? It looked so pretty."
Andrew just looked at him, vexed about the shambles that the meeting has fallen into. "Okay, let's summarise the meeting. Giles, you are going to go and star in 'Chicago', Fred is going to hang off Ariel's arm instead of Draco's and Xander, Ron, Harry and Remus are all going to help p Dumbledore defeat someone who's mean and evil. Alright everybody, the meeting's adjourned."
"Finally," said Dally. "I'm out of here. If anyone needs me I'll be at the pub."
"Hey, if you're getting drunk I wanna come with," Hermione replied.
"Hermione Granger!" exclaimed Harry in shock.
"That's my name." Harry just stared at her.
Dally stood up. "Well come on Granger. Let's get rip roaring drunk."
Hermione and Draco stood up. "I'm coming as well," said Draco, "I could use a good beer after that meeting."
The rest of the group watched in stunned silence as Dally, Draco and Hermione left to find a good pub.
---------------
Harry, Ron and Remus sat down in the lounge room, which just happened to also be their bedroom, and looked at each other dismally. Harry heaved a huge angsty sigh and turned to Remus with his wounded bird face. "Why do you think Hermione is being like this? I mean, she was never like this before."
Remus prepped himself to give the two boys who were looking at him hopefully the answers to their queries and said, "I honestly don't know. I'm rather clueless when it comes to the minds of teenage girls." The boys nodded, accepting that the only way that 'the Hermione situation' could be solved was with a lack of understanding and whining.
---------------
Dally, Draco and Hermione were striding down the street purposefully. Draco looked at Dally's stern face and asked, "Where are we going?"
"Well there's a pub at the docks that doesn't really care what age you re, of course there are a few characters there but that's alright. I was also thinking about heading over to the Bronze to play a bit of pool later."
Hermione looked at Dally's street hardened face and asked him, "How did you find these places?"
He looked at her and smirked, "I've been around town." They rounded the corner to meet the front of a grimy pub which appeared to have some sort of fake rustic façade underneath the grime. In a line the group of three strode into the pub and looked around at the sad looking patrons.
Hermione looked at the lines of coloured bottles along the wall and smiled. "This is going to be good." She then stole a look at Draco, who was also smirking at the wondrous masses of alcohol before him. The three of them walked up to the bar and slammed their hands on it.
"Give me a beer," commanded Dally.
"Vodka, straight," added Hermione.
"Bourbon," finished Draco.
The bartender looked at them slightly askance but gave them what they wanted. Dally downed his schooner in two gulps and Draco and Hermione were very close behind him. They slammed their glasses down on the counter. "Give us a round of shots."
Draco took the tray and they sat down at a broken table. They each took a shot glass, clinked them together and threw their heads back.
A few rounds later, a drunken slanging match with a bathroom door and a meandering stumble to the Bronze later, our three hopelessly drunken characters were attempting to shoot a bit of pool at one of the pool tables.
"Stop trying to beat me," said Dally to Draco, who had out shot both Dally and Hermione, who were playing together.
"I'm telling you now, I'm not trying, and you're just not playing well." Dally simply grunted at Draco's response and bent over to take his shot. Instead of sinking a perfectly straight shot, Dally jumped the white ball off the table.
Frustrated, Dally threw down his cue, causing a stir amongst the teenagers at the Bronze. "I've had enough, I need a drink," he announced and with that, stalked off into the crowd.
Draco looked over at Hermione, who was leaning against a pillar, bored, and asked, "Do you wanna finish off this game?"
"Nah, it's getting boring."
Draco nodded in agreement and asked amiably, "So what do you want to do?"
Hermione smiled wickedly at him, walked over to him and said, "I would like a drink.and a dance."
Draco smirked back at her, "That can be arranged." They walked over to the dance floor and began to move to the rather droning and depressing music. Draco pulled Hermione closer to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Hermione draped her arms around his neck and grinned lazily up at him.
She took a deep breath and slurred, "You smell good." Although, in reality he didn't as his breath stunk of whiskey. As one they began swaying and spinning, going faster and faster until the song ended.
"So how about that drink," Draco said breathlessly.
"Sounds bloody good to me cutie pie." Together they strolled, or stumbled, hard to tell really, over to the bar where Dally was drinking himself silly.
"Hey cute Mr. Bartender-Guy!" Hermione yelled out to the ugly bartender with many tattoos. "Can I have a bottle of whiskey?"
"Don't you think you've had enough Her-minny?" asked Dally haltingly.
"Me?!" exclaimed Hermione. "You've drunk more than me! At least I can still pronounce people's names!" Draco nodded his head, although he immediately regretted doing so as the room was already spinning around crazily enough as it was.
The tattooed barman walked over to Draco and Hermione and growled, "What do you want?"
Hermione took a breath, about to order her and Draco a drink, but she paused, "Uh, what was I going to ask again? Oh, yeah, a drink!" Hermione held up her hand, as if she had revealed the secrets of the universe.
The barman looked at her dryly, "And you think I'm gonna give you a drink? You need to be more specific."
"Well. I.would like a. cocktail. Yeah, a cocktail."
Draco watched, bemused at Hermione's drunken behaviour, suddenly he remembered what he was going to tell her before, "Hermy, I think we don't need another drink."
Hermione looked at him outraged, "My name is not Herm-Hermy and you cannot tell me what to do."
"But-" Draco was cut off by a rather inebriated Dally.
"We shouldn't tell each other what to do."
Draco gathered what little wits he had and replied, "We're all drunk." As soon as the words left his mouth the conversation turned into one giant, drunken slanging match over nothing, with both Draco and Dally threatening to throw punches. Needless to say they were thrown out onto the street in a matter of two minutes by some burly and sober security guards.
"Good on yous. You.got us thrown.out.of the.place," drawled Hermione.
Draco, who had sobered up slightly from his brawl with Dally, said, "I'm taking you home Hermione. You've had plenty for one night. Although why I'm taking you back to a house full of alcoholics, I don't know." While Draco had been saying this Hermione had staggered to the curb and vomited. Draco hurried over to her and put one of her arms around his neck as he helped her up. "Okay Mione, we're going home. Come on Dally."
---------------
"You shook me all night long!"
'What the hell?' thought Harry as he walked outside and saw Dally, Draco and Hermione stumbling along the footpath while singing AC/DC songs at the tops of their lungs. Harry took one look at them then stepped in front of them making them stop. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the three drunken youths.
"Hi Harry," Hermione giggled.
"These people are a bad influence on you Hermione," said Harry. "You are coming with us to England tomorrow."
Hermione scowled, then began singing again, "Don't tell me what to do, and don't tell me what to say, and when we go out at night don't put me on display. I'm young and I love to be young, I'm free and I love to be free to live my life the way that I want, do and say whatever I please. You don't own me."
"Indeed," said Harry, "But you're on a path of self destruction."
"No, I most certainly am not!" retorted Hermione.
Draco snapped to attention at this point and said, "Yeah, what she said Potty." Draco looked around him and noticed that it appeared to be quite cold, "Let's go inside yeah?"
Dally, who had lost the ability to form coherent sentences nodded and Hermione put her hand on Draco's shoulder to weave around Harry. They made it to the stairs up to the front door, at which point Hermione fell over and immediately started laughing with Draco. Harry turned to her and helped her up. He then said to her, "Let's get you inside okay?"
"I'm fine," answered Hermione, with a smile on her face, "Draco's gonna help me anyway, aren't you?"
"Yup, I am," Draco put his arm around her waist and nearly fell over, but soon enough they had gotten themselves in the door. Harry followed them in and shut the front door against the night, shaking his head the whole way.
--------------
Draco woke up on the lounge the next morning with a splitting headache. "Ohh my head," moaned a voice next to him. He turned his head slowly so as not to cause himself anymore pain and saw Hermione clutching her head looking as though she was trying to get it not to explode.
Ron walked in and handed Hermione the glass of water and Panadol he was carrying. "What, don't I get a drink as well Weasel?" drawled Draco.
"No you don't. You're the reason she's acting like this," Ron snapped. He turned to Hermione and continued in a gentler voice, "Hermione, Dumbledore said we're leaving in a couple of hours. Is that enough tie for you to get ready?"
"What do you mean 'for me to get ready'?" replied Hermione uncertainly.
"Well Harry told me you're coming back to England with us."
"No I bloody well am not!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly. "Just because Harry says so doesn't mean I am. I thought he learnt that last night."
At this point Harry walked in followed by Spike and Buffy. "Hermione you're coming and that's final," Harry commanded in an imperative tone. Spike and Buffy grabbed Harry by the back of his shirt and slammed him into the nearest wall.
"Look buster," growled Spike, "if Hermione doesn't want to go back she doesn't bloody have to. And if you don't stop being such a bitch I will bite you."
Harry nodded, obviously scared of the imposing larger version of Draco. Buffy and Spike both released him, and he walked away, mumbling to himself about blondes. Hermione struggled to her feet and said to both Spike and Buffy, "Thanks for sorting that out for me, sometimes he's just impossible to deal with."
"That's alright love," said Spike, "Anytime you want a bit of biffo, me and my boys will happily be there."
Hermione nodded, grateful, she then turned to a rather stunned and scared looking Ron and the perpetually laid back Draco and said to them, "I'm going to have a shower."
After Hermione left, Ron looked shiftily at Spike, Buffy and Draco, expecting them to attack him at any given moment. He then scuttled out of the lounge room as quick as his legs could carry him.
Spike then approached Draco and clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Son, I'm proud of you."
Draco looked at him, scandalised and asked, "What on earth for?"
"Well, it was your first unsupervised drunk night out, the first time you've ever gotten a girl drunk and the first time you've gotten yourself kicked out of somewhere for drunken behaviour. You see, that's all I really want in a son; a bit of first class drunken loutishness."
Buffy looked at Spike and giggled, "That's really not what you should be telling your son."
"But it's the truth," answered Spike as innocently as an evil vampire could.
In reply Buffy wrapped Spike in her arms and began whispering in his ear; soon enough, Spike had a smirk on his face. Draco turned away from the sickening sight and closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep and trying to block out all emanations of puppy love coming from his father and the blonde slayer.
-------------
Ariel was walking around the house, still wearing nothing but his pyjamas from when he went to bed and his hair accordingly askew. He approached Andrew, who was sitting at the dining room table, tying to look busy and important, both of which he was failing at horribly. "Hey Andrew, have you seen Dally around?"
"No, but I-" Andrew's drawn out response was cut short by Ariel who held up a hand.
"Shut up," said Ariel to him simply and effectively. He began to wander aimlessly looking for his older brother while Harry, Ron, Remus and Xander ran around trying to get ready to leave. Ariel was about to walk into the bathroom where he could hear water running but was grabbed by Fred before he could turn the handle.
"Hey there you handsome man you," Fred greeted him coyly.
"By man I presume you mean teenager?" replied Ariel with his eyebrows raised.
"Well you're 18 so you're an adult, therefore making you a man."
"I'm not 18."
"19 then, sorry about that," Fred giggled.
"I meant I'm less than 18."
"You are?" Fred dropped his arm and her eyes widened in shock.
"Yeah, I'm 15."
"What?!" Fred stared at Ariel for a few minutes then turned on her heel and fled back down the hallway, with tears streaming down her face.
Ariel shrugged and turned around to open the bathroom door. He then screamed the loudest and girliest scream that he had ever screamed before. For in front of him stood Dumbledore, wearing nothing buy a towel upon his head and a towel around his waist. Dumbledore, who was startled by Ariel's sudden entrance, did not have a chance to say anything before Ariel fled down the hall in the same direction as Fred.
---------------
Downstairs, Spike, Buffy, Draco, Hermione and Remus heard the bloodcurdling scream from their sunny disposition in the lounge room. The scream was followed by a blonde teenage blur that came down the stars and then outside. Remus took his bag at his feet and moved it to the door. The others followed him to the door to wait for Harry, Ron and Xander.
Xander, Harry and Ron came barrelling down the stairs and were followed more sedately by the man with the ever twinkling blue eyes, Albus Dumbledore. "Ah, Remus, excellent you're ready to go."
"I am Albus."
"Ms Granger, Mr Malfoy I take it you definitely won't come back?"
"That's right Professor," replied Hermione. Harry and Ron heaved a massive sigh.
"Well it's May," said Dumbledore, "So there is no point replacing you as Head Boy and Girl. When we get back to Hogwarts I'll make sure all your belongings are sent to you."
"So does this mean you're not going to graduate Mione?" asked Harry, completely innocent, of course.
Hermione gasped, "I'm coming with you. Accio stuff."
"If you're going I might as well too," said Draco. "Dad, we'll be back in two weeks."
"Righto then," said Spike. "Make sure you don't get drunk on school premises."
"I won't Dad," Draco replied with a nasty looking smirk on his face.
The group of leavers and well wishers adjourned out onto the verandah. Coincidentally Willow and Oz arrived back at the house after their early morning coffee run. Willow looked at the luggage that everyone had amassed and said, "So you're all leaving now huh?"
Xander nodded, looking down sadly, "Yeah, we're leaving." Xander then enveloped Willow in a big hug, and lo, there were hugs and tears all round.
Remus though, hung back and approached Oz, who was also not participating in the hug-a-thon. "I'd like to thank you for helping me."
"That's alright."
"So, um, I'm going now."
"Yeah, I'll see you round," said Oz, the man of not so many words.
"Bye."
"Bye."
Hence, with goodbyes and farewells being said, the big group of leavers got into their designated taxis and drove away into the midday sun. Buffy, Willow, Oz, Fred, a flustered Ariel and Andrew looked at each other in silence. Buffy frowned, looked around and remarked, "Dally and Giles aren't here."
"Hey, you're right," said Willow, "Do you think we should look for them?"
Spike, who had stayed on the verandah in the shade, said to them, "I think we should start looking in the house, they were drunken sods the last time anyone saw them."
All nodded ad went inside to fin the drunken pair. After an hour of looking Ariel found both Giles and Dally, together, covered in flour, with party hats on, in the pantry asleep. Ariel looked around, uncertain about what to do. "Dally! Finally. I've been looking for you all morning. I need to talk to you about Draco and Hermione."
Dally staggered out of the pantry and slumped into a stool at the counter. "Okay Ariel, why do you wanna talk about the love birds?"
"Love birds? But they aren't dating or anything are they?"
"Maybe. The looked pretty cosy out on the dance floor last night." Ariel looked distraught. Strangely enough Dally noticed this and asked, "Why do you care about them anyway?"
"Because.uh."
"Because what?"
"Because, well, I'm in love with Hermione," Ariel mumbled.
"What was that?"
"I'm in love with Hermione!"
Dally burst out laughing. "Draco's gonna kill you," Dally managed to get out through his laughter. Ariel looked panicked for a moment, until he realised that if he didn't say anything, he wouldn't get killed. Instead, he just looked forlorn, as he now harboured an unrequited love for his brother's girlfriend.
Ariel was brought back to reality at the sound of a thud. Dally had fallen off the stool, still cacking himself. Ariel made a half hearted attempt to defend himself, "It's not that funny!"
"Yes, it is," gasped Dally. Giles crawled out of the pantry, looking half dead and infinitely hung over. Dally noticed him and asked him, "You right there G-man?"
"Need.water." was his feeble response.
The two very naughty sons of Spike smirked at each other ad looked down at the horribly hung over and definitely unfit Giles.
---------------
"Spikey, what are we going to do tonight?" asked a very bored Buffy in a sickeningly sweet voice.
"Well love," answered Spike, who was lying on Buffy's bed, "I was thinking about some drinks and a bit o' music."
Buffy, who was applying tons of hair spray to her head in order to keep her hair in its perpetually perfect state came up with an idea, "I think we should go patrolling, we haven't done that in a while."
Spike looked up and smirked, "That sounds interesting my sweet Buffykins, I think the boys will enjoy that."
Buffy looked at him, her face stricken. "I didn't mean for it to be a group thing," said Buffy, turning away from the mirror reluctantly and looked at him coyly, "I meant for it to be a one on one thing."
"But-"
Buffy then broke out into hysterics yelling at him, "Don't you love me anymore?! I'm gibing out hints but you don't get it! At least Angel understood when I was hinting at something."
"Don't say that bloody name. Angel was a bloody ponce as a good guy and a dickhead as an evil guy. I don't wanna hear that name come from your mouth ever again!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," cried Buffy. "I just want some alone time with you."
Buffy broke down into sobs and the hard glint in Spike's eyes that had appeared at Angel's name disappeared. He walked over to her and crouched down. "I'm sorry love; I never meant to make you cry."
Buffy began hiccuping. "I love you Spike."
"Love you too Slayer."
"Spike-"
Spike silenced her with a passionate kiss then pulled away. "I know love, I know. Neither of us meant what we said. You want me alone, and then you can have it. Let's go patrol."
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." Each 'thank you' was punctuated with a kiss. The two stood, Buffy still with tears on her cheeks and went out for some lovely patrol and killing fun.
---------------
Later that evening, it was obvious that Fred had been affected by the alcoholic residents of the Summer's house. Fred was weeping without abandon into her takeaway noodles as Andrew, Dally, Ariel and Giles stopped eating their hideously greasy takeaway good to watch the grief stricken, forlorn girl.
Willow and Oz walked into the dining room with their food to witness the sad sight of a grieving Fred. Willow stood by Fred's side and softly asked, "Are you alright?"
"No," replied Fred with a blocked nose, "I'm not fine."
"Oh, okay."
Everyone returned to their meals silently. Andrew looked around at the other occupants of the table and asked conversationally, "So, what do you guys wanna do tonight?"
The general response was silence and shrugs, until Oz, who was reprising his position as leader suggested, "I think that a few drinks and a bit of music at home would be a good idea."
Willow smiled at Oz, "That's a great idea, a bit of relaxed fun." The rest of the people at the table nodded, more looking forward to the drinks than anything, well, Fred wasn't really looking forward to anything as she was still sobbing into her noodles.
They all finished off their takeaway food. Oz went to break out the drinks while Willow turned on the music. Fred began hiccuping as she tried to calm her hysterical sobs. She stood up and took the microphone.
"Don't know just.hic.what to do with. hic. myself. Don't know.hic.just what to do.hic. with myself. I'm so used.hic.to doing everything.hic.with you. Doing.hic.everything for two."
The others looked at each other and sat in uncomfortable silence while Fred continued singing her sad little heart out. "Umm Fred, I think that's enough now," Giles tried to gently take the microphone away but Fred refused to give it up.
"No, I refuse. I'm still singing."
They all looked at the upset girl, outraged; they wanted the microphone and they wanted it immediately. Dally stood up, ready to bargain with Fred, "Look, if you give me the microphone now, things will not get uglier than they already are."
Fred responded angrily, "No! It's my life now! Nothing could drag me away from this microphone."
"Okay, that's it," said Giles, standing up. "I'm going to have to declare war on you and your microphone. Who's with me?"
Andrew and Dally stood up and followed Giles out of the lounge room to devise a plan to relinquish the microphone from Fred the distressed. Willow walked back into the lounge room to see Fred curled up sulking with the microphone and Ariel and Oz sitting there looking uncomfortable, she innocently asked, "What happened?"
"Fred refused to give up the mike so now Giles, Dally and Andrew are planning war on Fred."
"Oh."
Meanwhile Giles, Dally and Andrew were planning their attack strategies by playing Dungeons and Dragons. Andrew was again in his red cloak and was making his usual nerdy comments. Dally pulled out his knife and pointed it at Andrew. "Would you shut up? We need to come up with a plan to get the microphone."
"Well Dally, you could try to seduce her with your knife," said a yet again drunken Giles, "then steal the mike from her and maybe then slit her throat."
Dally raised his eyebrows and stared at Giles, who was oblivious to the stares directed his way. Dally sat thinking of a way to solve the problem of the microphone. He looked around and scrutinized Andrew's ridiculous outfit, eh then struck on an ingenious idea. "I know!" yelled out Dally.
"You know what?" asked Andrew, the picture of stupidity.
Dally just shook his head and said, "I know how we can win back the microphone," Dally paused to make sure that he had Andrew and Giles' undivided attention, "We could have a sudden death game of Capture the Flag." Andrew nodded with his eyes glazed over and mouth wide open, excited at the prospect of a giant game of his favourite childhood spot of fun. Giles just sat there singing incoherently.
Andrew smiled. "Now we've just got to propose the game to them."
---------------
The three males walked into the lounge room in single file, with a solemn look upon their faces. They turned to look at Fred who was sitting on the floor clutching the microphone for dear life. Willow and Oz instinctively stood on either side of Fred, ready for some action.
Giles looked at the three people in front of them in turn and began to talk tot hem sternly, "We have a proposition." Willow, Oz and Fred didn't move a muscle, so Giles continued, "We believe, well Dally and Andrew believe, that the war over the microphone should be fought in the form of an epic game of capture the flag. I myself though, wanted a bit of bloodshed, but that apparently isn't gong to happen. So how about it? A game of capture the flag?"
Oz nodded, "That seems reasonable."
"Well then," said Andrew, "It is time to lay down the rules. Number one-"
Andrew's military style speech was interrupted by a blonde head man crashing through the lounge room window. Everyone crowded around Spike, who was sprawled on the floor; Willow asked him, "What's going on?"
Spike slowly raised himself off the floor and answered, "At the moment we're have a royal bloody battle to the death."
"With who?"
Spike got onto his feet and looked out the window, watching Buffy try to kick some evil arse. He turned to them, "Ethan Rayne's back."
Everyone looked at each other and started screaming in panic.
A/N: Pencil Gal and Broadway Betty would like to thank the following for this amazingly long and ranting chapter: Mr Petro for his boring maths classes which fuel thoughts of everything other than maths, our own pitiful and warped imaginations, the people who hate our story and have NOT reviewed, Ms Bonis for actually having the guts to read the whole thing and the unevasive fact that we, frankly, have nothing better to with our time than write and read fan fiction and go to the beach. Now you can review.