Chapter 17 – Vomiting, Spew and Explosions
Ariel looked at all the screaming individuals. He turned and walked upstairs then stepped into Willow's wardrobe. Ariel sat himself down on a pair of Willow's stiletto boots and sighed loudly. "Oh my love. Hermione, my darling. Hermione how could you do this to me? Why did you run off with my arch-nemesis, my older brother? I can't live with this pain my dearest one."
Ariel sighed again and continued to mourn Hermione's alleged relationship with Draco. The problem was that in Ariel's eyes Hermione was so perfect, she was wickedly smart, she had a fiery temper, a stubborn disposition and a like of going out and getting drunk. And therein lay the problem, Hermione was perfect for Draco, and hence, not so perfect for Ariel.
As the house shook violently Ariel nearly began to cry as he realised that he would never be evil enough to be with Hermione. It was in this moment of complete despair when the house around him quaked as if the world were going to end and when the wardrobe he was in threatened to fall over when Ariel had another massive revelation; he was evil, he was the son of two vampires, he was put in his other dimension in order to destroy it. Ariel knew that he could be just like Draco, and just like Draco he could win over Hermione.
Ariel was shaken out of his inspiring internal thoughts by the sudden silence and stillness that had engulfed the house. Ariel tentatively opened the wardrobe door and carefully surveyed Willow's empty room before climbing out. He walked along the hallway which was filled with broken picture frames which had fallen off the wall. As Ariel reached the stairs there was a thump followed by yelling, trying to avoid any conflict Ariel ducked into the bathroom on his right and locked the door behind him.
Ariel sighed and turned around to find Andrew cowering in the bath tub fully clothed. Ariel asked him doggedly, "What are you doing here?"
"What do you think? I'm hiding silly."
Andrew looked so pathetic that Ariel just rolled his eyes and said, "Well then, I'm joining you." With that he hopped into the other end of the bath and immediately turned his thoughts to Hermione and just what she was doing with Draco at Hogwarts. But the silence in the bathroom didn't last long as it was interrupted by a guttural yell from downstairs and someone or something pounding on the door of the bathroom.
"Hey hurry up already!" Spike yelled through the door. "There's a line waiting out here."
Ariel and Andrew got up slowly and tiptoed over to the door. They opened the door slightly but Spike threw it open and stepped in with his vamp face on. "Andrew? Ariel? What the hell are you two doing in here together?" Spike demanded.
"Hiding," Andrew whimpered.
Ariel decided to try and act like Draco. "He was hiding. I was being evil and mocking his weaknesses."
"You shouldn't tell a lie to a vampire son. We can spot them a mile away."
"I was hiding," Ariel sighed.
"Trying to act like Draco won't win you Hermione."
Tears spilled down Ariel's face as he asked, "How did you know?"
"Well it was a bit bloody obvious wasn't it? I mean, we get to Sunnyhell, Hermione arrived and all of a sudden you wanted to do everything but destroy the world. Mate, it's called subtlety, and you have none of it."
Ariel just lowered his head and shuffled past Spike and out of the bathroom to sulk in a preferably empty, dark and small space.
- - - - - - - - - -
Lorne looked around the lounge room that was filled with tired people and asked the general audience there, "What do we do now that Ethan Rayne is gone?"
"Well," said Buffy, "we hang around and do insipid things like go shopping while waiting for him to come back again."
"Oh," said Lorne nodding, "Would you like me to cook scrambled eggs with extra cheese for dinner?" As per usual there was a chorus of 'yes please'.
Lorne stepped into the kitchen to do his thing. Upon opening the fridge to get the milk. Lorne frowned in confusion; someone had replaced the half used 2 litre bottle with a 3 litre one that had been opened, though unused. Lorne shrugged his shoulders, putting his suspicious wonderings down to too much time spent with Angel. Little did he know that the milk he used was about to come alive and kill them all.
Lorne cooked up the scrambled eggs and dished it up for everyone. Willow and Oz picked up their eggs and looked at it suspiciously. "Do these eggs feel wrong to you?" Oz asked.
Willow picked up her fork and jabbed the eggs tentatively. "They look normal but they seem off." Buffy and Spike then came in and picked up their plates. Spike added a splash of blood to his and suddenly the eggs sprouted arms and legs and jumped on the four unsuspecting individuals. Willow tried to get a hold on the eggs strangling her but failed. "The eggs just slip through your fingers!"
A depressed Ariel and Fred heard the screams and came to investigate. They looked at the suffocating people and shrugged then moved past them to get drinks from the fridge. "Help us," Buffy gasped.
Ariel looked at her. "No. I think I'll be a depressed, brooding evil person. Here's hoping you live." He went back upstairs to mourn his love.
Fred having gotten her drink burst into hysterics because the colour of the evil scrambled eggs reminded her of the colour of Spike's son's hair, except that their hair was somehow blonder, and not so, well, yellow. In fact, the evil scrambled eggs looked nothing like the three boy's hair, but it upset her none the less. She ran out of the room with tears streaming down her tormented looking face.
"Lot of help there," said Oz in his normal monotone, sounding as if he was commenting on the weather, not getting choked to death by evil scrambled eggs.
From within the great glob of evil scrambled eggs and tangled limbs came a great rumbling sound that was reminiscent of Giles in his worst throes of indigestion. The scrambled eggs receded off the struggling people, leaving them standing in the kitchen covered in eggs with their eggs filled with the rumbling of the eggs.
Then there was silence. Oz, Willow, Buffy and Spike looked at each other imploringly. All of a sudden the eggs simultaneously exploded and multiplied, spraying the kitchen and the people in it with its eggy slop. "Well," said Willow, "I guess that's the coup de grace."
"Mmm," said Buffy dryly, "Now we get to clean it up."
Spike frowned, hearing something the others didn't; he turned towards the window and looked out. "Before we do that, I think we better check this out first."
Suddenly a huge rock came flying through the window and hit Buffy in the head. Dally walked into the kitchen as Buffy was knocked out and caught her. Another rock came through the window aiming at Willow. She ducked but only just in time. "What's going on?" Dally asked as he put Buffy on the ground.
"Someone launched a rock war on us," Andrew said as he walked in carrying a rock and note. Lorne and Ariel then joined the others and told them that all the upstairs windows were broken.
"I think whoever's out there has us surrounded," Oz said.
Willow looked around at the people in the kitchen and did a quick head count. "Hey where's Fred?" she asked.
"HELP!" Everyone looked out into the darkness and saw Fred being dragged away by a surly looking vampire.
"Typical," Ariel said contemptuously, "she would be the one who gets taken hostage."
"So do we save her?" asked Andrew. Buffy woke up as Andrew asked his question.
"Do we have to?" she whined.
"Well, yeah, you're the Slayer, you bloody well have to," said Dally.
Buffy heaved a giant sigh and turned to stare out the window and began a wonderfully whiny monologue. "You guys, you don't know how hard it is. Yes, I know that you all have been through a lot, both with me and without me. But there can only be so much that you can understand. What you don't realise is that there is a whole level of things that you guys cannot possibly understand."
Ariel cut in, "Look, if we go out and save Fred, will you shut up?"
"Well, no, but you can go save her if you want, and I won't complain about you not listening."
"Okay," said Spike, "Ariel, Dally and I will go and get Fred and Willow, Oz and Lorne you will go outside and find out what was and, from the looks of the rocks destroying Oz's van, still is chucking rocks at us. Right?"
Everyone nodded and scuttled quickly away from Buffy who promptly turned back to the window and continued her self-pitying, whining and generally completely self-centred soliloquy.
- - - - - - - - - -
Outside, Spike stood in the middle of Revello Drive and looked around. "I haven't got a clue where Fred went."
Ariel, who had been snooping around, said lightly, "Someone took her in a car across the country."
"How the hell did you know that?" asked Dally.
"Well," said Ariel, "it was in this note." Ariel showed Dally the note that said they were taking Fred to Texas and had to claim her back via a road trip to the middle of nowhere whilst living on nothing but crappy take-away food.
"What do you know?" said Spike. "It's about bloody well time we went on a drunken road trip."
"So we're going?" asked Dally. "What about Buffy?"
"Ah, she'll be ranting for ages, she never runs out of steam."
"Okay, let's go." So Dally, Ariel and Spike set off on their cross-country drunken road trip to find Fred. Well, really, it was just an excuse to get drunk and go places, but they were going anyway.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Okay where do you think those things went?" Willow asked.
Oz looked around and started sniffing the air. "They went that way." He pointed towards the centre of town.
"So are we going to follow?" Lorne inquired while sipping his perfectly made sea breeze.
"Yes we are."
"Hmm okay then. Lead the way."
Willow, Oz and Lorne headed into the centre of Sunnydale, stopping at the pub along the way.
- - - Meanwhile at Hogwarts - - -
"Hermione!" Harry and Ron ran up to where Hermione was explaining about Sunnydale to Ginny Weasley while Draco watched on.
"If it isn't Wonder-boy and his little sidekick," Draco drawled.
"Quiet Draco," Hermione reproved him. "What's up guys?"
Harry wasn't looking too good. "I think I'm going to be sick." He then immediately began throwing up. Everyone edged away from him when they saw what he was vomiting.
"Is that dog-" Draco cut himself off.
Hermione covered her mouth to stop herself from being sick as well as she nodded. "Harry that's a shame," Ginny said without much sympathy. "It must be awful to throw up dog poo."
Draco, Hermione and Ron edged away from Harry, grimacing. Hermione said to him tentatively, "Maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing."
Draco nodded. "Yeah, you really should. Except now, Potty, you really do live up to your name."
Harry looked up at the four people staring at him in horror and ran off, embarrassed at his new found talent. Ron looked at the three other people in the Entrance Hall and suddenly remembered the threat that Spike had so kindly warned him with, he then clumsily ran after Harry.
Ginny looked at Draco and Hermione with a face full of mirth and asked cheerily, "So, are you guys going to have lunch?"
"Sounds good," replied Hermione.
The three people headed towards the Great Hall. Draco and Hermione were both looing forward to Saturday. They would be graduating in two days and then the next day they were returning to Sunnydale. As they arrived in the Great Hall they saw that Professor Severus Snape was now also spewing dog poo. Hermione assumed that Harry had run past Snape on the way to the hospital wing thereby causing Snape to catch Harry's problem.
"Umm maybe we should skip lunch," Draco suggested. "I can't handle watching Snape vomit dog poo as well as Scarhead."
"Yeah let's go. We'll see you at dinner Ginny."
Draco and Hermione were almost at Potions when they remembered who their teacher was. "Draco we have Snape," said Hermione, stating the obvious.
"You want to skip class and go to Hogsmeade?"
"Do you think they'd serve us Firewhiskey at the Three Broomsticks?"
"Probably not. We'd have to go to the Hog's Head."
"Fine by me. Let's go Draco."
As they were walking to Hogsmeade Draco and Hermione began talking about everyone's favourite topic of clothes, shoes and accessories. "You know what you need Draco?"
"No Hermione. What do I need?"
"A long black leather coat."
"And why do I need a coat like Spike's?"
"Because it looks cool. And you would look so good in it."
"I would?"
"Definitely. I'm gonna have to take you shopping and dress you in all black Muggle clothes. And when we go I can get new shoes."
"What kind of shoes?"
"Black stiletto boots."
- - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile back in the now horrid hallways of Hogwarts an epidemic like no other was spreading like lightning; nearly the entire school was throwing up dog poo. The few students and teachers who were uninfected had barricaded themselves into the Slytherin common room and had begun to plan rations as if they were under siege.
The few brave people who were unaffected were treating human and house-elf alike, trying to find a cure. But it was Madame Pomfrey who saved the day. After analysing the contents of the students' stomaches, Madame Pomfrey turned to Professor Dumbledore and said with puzzlement, "It appears that only Harry Potter and Professor Snape are vomiting dog poo. All of the others are simply vomiting normal substances."
Dumbledore, who was making an anti-nausea potion, merely paused in his potion making and mumbled, "Hmm, very interesting. I suggest that we isolate them." Madame Pomfrey turned away but was stopped by Dumbledore who was speaking to her, "Also, I believe we should get those uninfected people out of the Slytherin common room."
"Anything else?"
"Oh, yes Poppy, could you also make sure that no one enters the castle?"
Madam Pomfrey nodded her consent and hurried away.
Further within the Great Hall an argument was starting up between Zacharias Smith and Harry Potter. "You realise," said Zacharias spitefully, "that this caper is all your fault?"
Harry, who now had his head over s bucket, still waiting for the anti- nausea potion, that had wore off, lifted his head temporarily and said, "Well I didn't make you go near someone who was infected did I?"
"But-" Zacharias' harebrained attempt to make a retort was cut off by an official sounding voice that resounded through the Great Hall.
"Okay, the Official Medical Observational Quarantine Team is here. First thing's first, all uninfected people out." The man with the official sounding voice directed the uninfected to the doors so they could be sprayed with some foul smelling stuff before they were free to go.
"Dumbledore?" asked the man. "Are you staying?"
"Yes Bruce."
"If you insist."
So Hogwarts was evacuated of all uninfected students and professors and taken to Hogsmeade to wait out the rest of the term whilst the infected students were quarantined. Effectively, school had finished for the year, and only a few people were happy about it.
Draco and Hermione stumbled out of the Hog's Head feeling only slightly tipsy. For some reason no one understood the bartender had kicked them out. As the two were walking down the main street they noticed all the Hogwarts students strolling around. Hermione noticed Ginny nearby and moved towards her. "Ginny what's going on?"
"There was an epidemic of vomiting so school ended early for the year."
"So we're free to go?"
"Yep."
Hermione turned to Draco and said, "We're allowed to go."
"We're allowed to go?"
"We're allowed to go."
"What about our stuff?"
Hermione frowned in thought. "Ginny is anyone allowed back into the castle?"
Draco followed Hermione to the Shrieking Shack and together they snuck down to the basement. Hermione found the hidden door and began to walk through the passageway. Draco continued to follow her in confusion. "Hermione where are we going?"
"Back to Hogwarts to get our stuff."
"So why are we in this dank, dirty, obviously secret passageway?"
"Because we're sneaking in."
"How come I didn't know about this?"
Hermione spun around and smiled. "Because you weren't clever enough."
"There is no way that you could accidentally stumble across a secret passageway, the chances are one in a bloody million."
"But it's true."
Draco shook his head with a smirk on his face. "Nah, I don't believe you. C'mon, tell me how you found it," he sing-songed at her.
Hermione shook her head and continued to walk back towards Hogwarts. After climbing out of the passageway and walking halfway across the grounds towards Hogwarts, Hermione decided that she had endured enough of Draco's relentless and annoying brand of Twenty questions. Stopping to face Draco, Hermione smirked. She said, "If I tell you how I found the passageway, after we get our stuff will you promise to give me something?"
Draco looked at her suspiciously before answering. "What do I have to give you?"
"You'll just have to wait and see." With that Hermione gave Draco a wink and continued the trek towards Hogwarts.
After traversing to both the Slytherin common room and Gryffindor common room Draco stopped Hermione in the Transfiguration hallway. Hermione warily put down her bags and raised her eyebrow by way of saying 'what?'
Draco folded his arms, smirked and said expectantly, "Well, you said you'd tell me after we got our stuff."
Hermione smirked and said tartly, "Remus told me, Harry and Ron about it in our third year."
"Is that it?" asked Draco, let down at the anti-climax of the secret. "So what do I have to give you?"
"This," said Hermione whilst wrapping her arms around his neck and slowly pulling him into a kiss.
Of course as soon as their lips touched the orange haired gutless wonder known as Ron Weasley came running down the hallway screaming like a banshee.
Draco and Hermione broke apart and Hermione watched Ron in horror as she realized where they were. Draco was still looking at Hermione in shock. Hermione shrank her stuff and Draco's and put it all in her pocket. She grabbed Draco's hand and began running towards the Entrance Hall. "We have to get out of here," Hermione called over her shoulder to Draco. "Everyone still in the castle is contagious."
Draco slowed down and said, "Granger we need to talk."
"Not now. We need to get off the school grounds as quickly as possible. That way we can Apparate to Sunnydale. So you can either stay here or come with me. I'll meet you at Hogsmeade." She took off running not bothering to wait for Draco.
Draco stood there trying to work out what had just happened. As he was thinking Zacharias Smith ran past him screaming curses at Harry Potter. He suddenly stopped near Draco and Draco remembered what Hermione had said. He slowly backed away as Zacharias expanded and unexpectedly exploded. Blood and guts covered the walls and floor of the hallway. "I have to get out of here," Draco muttered.
He ran all the way to Hogsmeade and spotted Hermione near the Three Broomsticks. He moved toward her but she saw him and Apparated. Draco swore under his breath and Apparated to the Summers' house.
"Granger!" he bellowed, "I wanna talk to you!"
Hermione turned around and looked at him, utterly perplexed. Why? Well, the house was quite silent. Draco stood next to Hermione and asked, "What do you think happened?"
"I don't bloody well know." Walking out of the hallway and into the lounge room they found Spike, Ariel and Dally fast asleep in various rather uncomfortable positions. Although, that was not the strange thing. Dally had a few nice bruises across his face, Ariel looked like someone had decided to take to his hair with a cheese grater and Spike looked, well, peaceful.
Draco nodded and unconsciously licked his lips before saying softly, "Okay, I can deal with that."
"Don't do that," said Hermione, obviously annoyed about something.
"Do what?" Draco again licked his lips.
Hermione's face flushed as she became more agitated. "THAT!"
"What?" asked Draco with a smirk on his face, catching on to what Hermione was so annoyed about, "You don't want me to do this?" He licked his lips, slowly advancing.
"No, I don't want you to do that."
"Oh, come on, why shouldn't I?"
Hermione stood her ground, lifted her chin up high and said, "Because."
Draco simply looked at her with a questioning face. Hermione let out a frustrated sigh. "You shouldn't do it because-"
Her answer was cut off by the three blonde haired blue eyed evil people in the lounge room who had just woken up. "Hermione!" Ariel squealed.
Draco and Hermione turned to look at the blonde, blue eyed people. Draco raised his eyebrow at the obvious excitement his younger brother had at seeing Hermione. "Uh hey Ariel," Hermione said a little uncertainly.
Ariel, satisfied that Hermione had actually spoken to him, turned to Draco and if looks could kill Draco would be ash on the ground. "Brother," Ariel greeted Draco coldly. Draco raised his eyebrows even further.
Spike rolled his eyes and gave Ariel a clip round the ear. "Oh for God's sake get over it already."
"Get over what?" Hermione asked curiously.
Ariel blushed. "Nothing," he squeaked as he gazed at Hermione in adoration.
Hermione felt extremely uncomfortable having Ariel staring at her like that. If it had been Draco it would have been a different story. But it wasn't Draco. "I'm just going to go unpack," she told everyone. She took her luggage out of her pocket and gave Draco his.
Ariel's face dropped in disappointment as Hermione left the room. Draco had been watching Ariel with suspicion and when he saw the sadness in his brother's face Draco knew his suspicions were confirmed.
Ariel turned back to Draco and said coolly, "So what did you and Hermione do while you were gone?"
Draco rounded in on him and smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Ariel blinked at him and said simply, "Well, yeah, I would like to know, that's why I'm asking."
Dally got up, shook his head and said, "I don't wanna watch this little drama. I'm going for a feed. You wanna come?"
Spike nodded and walked out with him.
Ariel looked at Draco smugly and crossed his arms. "So, tell me, what did you do?"
"Well," started Draco, pretending to look thoughtful, "we spent pretty much every moment together, you know, having dinner, going to class, well not really going to class so much as avoiding it, you know, normal things."
"What do you mean, you spent nearly every moment with her?"
"Yeah we nearly spent every moment together." After saying that Draco smirked and added in a sly wink.
Ariel spluttered, astounded and said haltingly, "You-you-you..." Draco nodded, gave him one last smirk and left a stunned Ariel in the lounge room and walked into the kitchen to find Hermione standing in the kitchen, her eyebrows raised.
"You heard that didn't you?" asked Draco.
Hermione nodded.
"You're not angry are you?"
"No! Ariel was really creeping me out. He wouldn't stop staring at me."
Draco watched Hermione's lips as she rambled and licked his own in anticipation. Hermione noticed and immediately stopped talking. "You're doing it again!"
"Doing what?" Draco asked innocently.
Ariel looked into the kitchen and saw Draco and Hermione there.
"That thing you were doing before."
Draco began to advance towards Hermione. He stopped in front of her. "You mean this?" he asked in a husky voice as he slowly licked his lips.
Hermione stopped breathing and stared at Draco's lips. "Yeah," she breathed. They began to lean towards each other but they heard a loud coughing behind them.
Draco and Hermione spun around and saw Ariel standing in the doorway. Hermione blushed profusely as Draco glared at his brother. "Oh I'm sorry," said Ariel insincerely. "I didn't interrupt something did I?"
- - - - - - - - - -
Draco walked into the dining room where Spike and Dally were stuffing their faces with food. Draco sat down and asked conversationally, "So what happened while we were gone? There's a funny smell in the kitchen, Andrew's hiding in a cupboard, Buffy has lost her voice, you guys look like shit and Willow, Oz and Fred are missing."
Dally looked up and said with his mouth inappropriately full, "Mmughg wifsth."
Spike gave him a glare and said reproachfully, "Don't speak with your mouth full. And I'll tell him what happened, as you're a bloody windbag, as we found out in that dinky little bar in the middle of ruddy nowhere."
Dally just looked disgruntled and continued to stuff his face.
"Okay," said Spike, "I'll tell you what happened. We battled Ethan Rayne, had a microphone war, nearly got killed by scrambled eggs and went on separate road trips. And not in that particular order."
"I think I'll go ask someone else," said Draco, realising that Spike was not entirely sober.
Instead, Draco found Lorne and found out exactly what happened, including Spike, Ariel and Dally's drunken road trip to Texas to get Fred and Willow, Oz and Lorne's trip to Canada, which involved a jerry can of petrol, a few matches and a whole heap of running.
Draco listened to the story, interested but asked, confused, "But what did Buffy and Andrew do?"
"Well," answered Lorne, "Buffy made a speech while Andrew taped it."
Draco just shook his head and walked off to find something to do.
- - - - - - - - - -
At dinner that night, everyone gathered around the table to eat and share their stories. Well, everyone shared their stories except Draco and Hermione who were eyeing off each other across the table and Fred, who now was sitting at the table looking depressed.
Ariel, who had been watching Hermione and Draco during dinner, found that his ire rose every time they shared a look. Not only that, but everyone else at the table knew what was happening between the three.
At the lull in conversation at the table Ariel jumped out of his seat and announced, "I wrote a poem this afternoon and I thought you might like to hear it."
Dally smirked. "Well, I'm sure we'd love to hear it," he said with a sneer.
Ariel cleared his throat. "To Draco,
Your legs look like stumps,
You look like you have mumps,
Please go DIE."
Ariel stomped out of the room as everyone at the table snickered at Ariel's poem. "Hmm now I wonder what that could be about," Draco said sarcastically as everyone began to calm down.
Andrew, who had been recording Ariel's recital, answered, "Well, you see, it's because-"
"I was being sarcastic Andrew," said Draco.
Hermione finished her dinner and walked up to the room she was sharing with Willow. There she found Ariel brooding about his miserable love life.
"Ariel, hey."
Ariel looked up and noticed Hermione standing in front of him. He jumped up and started kissing her before Hermione had a chance to say anything.
Draco passed Hermione's open door on his way to the bathroom. He stopped and took a step back. He looked through the door and saw Hermione kissing Ariel.
He stormed into the room, pulled Ariel off Hermione and then turned to Ariel, looking absolutely livid. "What the hell are you doing?"
Ariel began to stutter as Draco advanced on him dangerously. Before he got close enough to physically hurt him, Hermione stepped in front of him. "Don't do anything stupid, he took me by surprise and kissed me. Really, it means nothing, just a lack of judgement by Ariel."
Ariel stuck his head around Hermione and nodded.
Draco pouted and said sulkily, "But I've gotta defend my girl and prove my manlihood."
"You can prove your manlihood in other ways," Hermione said with a smile.
As Hermione and Draco continued their flirting, Ariel rolled his eyes and walked away. Hearing yet another ruckus that was to provide the authors with yet another nifty plot device. Walking into Buffy's bedroom Ariel was surprised to see a guy he didn't know surrounded by a group of fangirls.
Ariel immediately felt jealous. "What is wrong with me?" he screamed and ran off to go cry.
The unknown young man said, "Hmm," then returned to his adoring fans.
Buffy and Spike, having decided to "retire" for the night, walked into Buffy's room and saw the group of people. "Who the hell are you lot?" Spike demanded.
"Hey there. The name's Soda," the youth said. "I'm looking for Dally."
- - - - - - - - - -
Dally, Draco and Hermione were standing in the hall way allegedly planning their next "party" night. "Oh look at me. I got a Pommy accent," Dally teased Draco.
"Shut up Dal before I make you."
Dally then heard a bloke saying his name was Soda. He frowned and walked into Buffy's room. Hermione and Draco glanced at each other, shrugged and followed Dally.
Dally saw the youth before him. "Soda?"
Draco and Hermione, however, were busy staring at the group of girls. "Hey Hermione. Hey Malfoy," a girl by the name of Lavender Brown said.
Hermione and Draco looked on as Soda and Dally said their greetings whilst the girls surrounded them and let out a massive dramatic group sigh. It was nearly sickening. But what was even more sickening was the fact that the very people that Draco and Hermione had just gotten away from were standing in Buffy's bedroom. Pansy, Lavender, Parvati, Ginny, Padma, Luna, Millicent and Moaning Myrtle were trying to attach themselves to Soda.
"ALRIGHT!" roared Spike, ceasing all activity and noise. "ALL OF YOU DOWN TO THE LOUNGE ROOM!" Seeing everyone stunned and stock still provoked Spike into one last bout of maniacal yelling. "NOW!"
Everyone scuttled out of the bedroom and to the lounge room where everyone somehow managed to get their bum on a seat of some kind, whether it be someone's lap or not didn't seem to matter.
Spike began pacing back and forth in the lounge room, studying the new and rather sudden arrivals to the Summers' home. "Okay, first things first, who are you?"
"Well, I'm Sodapop Curtis," said the guy who was amazingly named Soda, "And these girls, well, they just sorta appeared."
Spike resumed his pacing and said to the girls, "So, I'm sure you can speak, so please, do bloody well tell me who you are."
Ginny stood up, nominating herself spokeswoman of the fangirls. "Well, I'm Ginny and this is Pansy, Lavender, Parvati, Padma, Luna, Millicent and Moaning Myrtle. And we all go to Hogwarts, oh, and we all love Soda." Ginny ended her introduction, and turned to Soda to give him a wink.
Spike rolled his eyes and asked impatiently, "And how did you get here?"
Ginny shrugged and continued smiling at Soda.
"Okay," said Spike, again pacing. "Lorne, Willow and whoever else, you are to find out how they got here. Andrew, the girls will be sleeping in tents outside and Draco my boy, you are going to have a word with me right now."
Draco, who had been smirking at Hermione, stopped his flirting and looked at Spike with a stricken face.
"Oh, and the other two as well," added Spike.
Spike led his sons down to the basement where they would be sleeping once more. Spike turned to them and folded his arms across his chest. "Okay Draco, what the hell is going on?"
"Why the hell are you asking me?"
"Because Mini-Red up there said they go to Hogwarts. That would be your magic school."
"Well, yeah, I know them. I went to school with them but I've got no friggin idea how they got here. Or why they are worshipping some guy I've never seen before."
Spike turned his attention to Dally, who was looking extremely bored. "Dally care to explain who Mr Fizzy Drink is?"
"He's a mate of mine. Known him for years. Always a hit with the ladies. Pretty much everywhere he goes all the women fall in love with him."
Draco, Ariel and Spike all looked at him in alarm. "Did you say all women?" Draco asked.
"I wouldn't worry about Granger if I were you Draco. She seems like a one- man type of woman. And Dad from all you've said about Buffy, he tends to go for the dead rather than the living."
Draco and Spike visibly relaxed although Ariel remained tense. "Dad is there anyway we can get rid of them?" Draco asked. "I mean I don't care if Drink man stays and Ginny Weasley is nice enough but all the other girls I only just escaped from. They were bloody annoying at school and I really don't want them around."
"I'll see what Willow can find out." Spike looked at the ceiling and said, "I guess we'd better go back up."
- - - - - - - - - -
Later that evening Willow, Oz, Fred and Lorne had finally fleshed out the reason why Soda and his fangirls were all of a sudden in Sunnydale.
"So," said Fred, "to summarise all that we've discovered. Soda suddenly appeared in Buffy's bedroom because of the mystical disturbance caused by Dally and Buffy sleeping together whilst Spike and Buffy were in love. Since Soda is a ladies man, the tryst between Buffy and Dally alerted him to the potential of a tryst with someone, although he never acted on it. The thought manifested itself until it grew to a point where Dally acquired three principle fangirls, who brought along more fangirls, which again manifested to become a sudden teleportation of all these people to the place where Buffy and Dally slept together."
Willow needed, "That's right, now all we have do is either convince them all to leave or leave them out in the backyard."
Lorne heaved a sigh and looked at the other three tired brains of the household. "Okay, that's it everyone, it's time for a 'job well done' drink. Or binge, whatever you like to call it."
The other three nodded, grabbed their stuff and trooped past Soda and his fangirls out the door to their bar of choice.
- - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, Hermione was sitting in the dark backyard with Draco, taking a well earned break from the Soda-adoring girls of Hogwarts. Hermione turned in her seat to look at Draco, who had leant back in his deck chair with his hands on his head.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Draco groaned and took his hands slowly from his head. "Those girls have given me the biggest bloody headache."
"That's not all. What else is bothering you?"
Draco turned his head to look at Hermione. "And there is absolutely no privacy."
Just as Hermione was about to reply Andrew and Ariel collapsed out of the back door, walked to where Draco and Hermione were sitting and plopped themselves down into a chair on either side of them. Still being angry at Ariel's recent indiscretion with Hermione, Draco didn't care too much for their intrusion.
Andrew immediately began to whine about the fangirls. "They're so loud and high pitched. I mean, can't they at least pay some attention to me?"
"You know," said Ariel thoughtfully to Andrew, "I thought you were the most annoying person on earth. Until I met them."
"So I guess no one really likes them then," said Hermione.
The three boys nodded. "In that case," continued Hermione, "I think it's time to have a bit of fun with them. What do you say to going to the basement to form a plan?"
Ariel and Andrew nodded. "But I'm going there now," said Andrew.
"Why?" asked Ariel.
"So I get the chair."
"But, it's my bedroom," argued Ariel.
Andrew didn't hesitate in getting to his feet and yelling at Ariel. "Race you there!"
Draco shook his head as they raced off and turned to a bemused Hermione. "What good is going to come of this?"
"Well, we're going to cause a big upset so we can slip off and get that coveted privacy you wanted." Hermione bent down, softly kissed him and led him off to the basement to plan the demise of Soda's most unfortunate fangirls.
Spike and Buffy stepped out from behind the tree they'd been watching the exchange from as they returned from patrol. "He's got a good one there," said Buffy.
"Yeah, he's one of the lucky ones." Spike took Buffy's hand in his and they strolled over to the house.
"It sort of makes you feel sorry for Ariel though."
Spike looked at the love of his undead life. "What makes you say that, love?"
"Well think about it Spike. Hermione is so obviously perfect for Draco. She compliments him in everyway. And they look really good together. You take one look at them when they're around each other and it's obvious they're in love. And Ariel is in love with a girl who will only ever love his older brother. It just makes me feel sorry for him sometimes. Everyone needs someone to love them."
The two were silent for a moment as they sat on the back stairs. Spike broke the companionable silence the two had by saying, "So how do you think they're going to get rid of the fangirls?"
- - - - - - - - - -
Ariel and Andrew were both screaming ideas at the top of their lungs, while Hermione and Draco were sitting on Draco's bed with their ears covered. Hermione took out her wand and screamed, "SILENCIO!"
The basement was suddenly silent. Hermione sighed in relief and Draco uncovered his ears. "Thank god," he said.
"Okay you two," said Hermione, "I'm going to take off the spell and you will both get a chance to speak but one at a time."
Ariel and Andrew nodded and Hermione took the spell off. Andrew and Ariel both began screaming again. "Bugger this," Draco said, and took out his own wand.
Andrew and Ariel stopped shouting out of fright. Hermione pouted. "That's not fair," she said. "Why are they scared of you but not me?"
"Because, I'm the dominant male figure. And I'm evil," replied Draco simply. Seeing the look on Hermione's face he quickly said, "Okay, you can drink me under the table later, but now, we need to plan some naughty little tricks."
Andrew put his hand up and said proudly, "I've come up with the best idea. We should challenge them to a game of capture the flag."
Ariel frowned and said to him disdainfully, "What is it with you and capture the friggin flag?"
"I just thought it was a good idea..."
"Well, it wasn't good enough," said Hermione. "We need something that is going to make them want to leave, something that will make them disgusted..."
Draco smirked and turned to Hermione. "We could fill the lounge room with slime."
Ariel joined in with another idea, "Then we could make sure that wherever they run to is covered with extremely sticky stuff."
"And then when they run outside," added Hermione, "there could be a portkey or something taking them straight back to Hogwarts."
The three main planners smirked and nodded their heads in agreement whilst Andrew whined loudly about not getting to play capture the flag.
- - - - - - - - - -
Lorne, Fred, Willow and Oz made their way to the Bronze to drink, dance and, in Lorne's and an already pissed Fred's case, sing. But their good time was short lived as the four came across something that they never have before. It was Angel blind-drunk and about to bite a young girl with red hair.
The girl pulled a thin wooden stick out of her pocket and stuck it through Angel's heart. He burst into dust as Willow, Oz, Lorne and Fred ran over to the girl. Willow and Oz recognised the redhead standing in front of them.
"Hey you're one of Soda's fangirls," said Willow.
"Ginny Weasley." She smiled at them while Willow, Oz and Lorne looked at her in shock. Fred was too busy throwing up to pay attention to what was going on. Which included Angel suddenly being alive and drunk again although no one noticed.
"You're a Slayer," said Oz.
Ginny frowned in confusion. "No I'm not."
"But you staked a vampire. How did you know how to do that if you're not a Slayer?"
"Oh we learn about vampires in Defence against the Dark Arts."
"Oh. Well," said Lorne, "would you like to come to the Bronze with us?"
"That's where I was headed."
"Um, you guys," said Oz, "what are we gonna do with Angel?"
"Hell," said Lorne, "he's already drunk so let's just take him with us." Willow looked at Lorne doubtfully. "If he gets all needy and wants to eat a few people we'll just tie him or something. No harm done." Still seeing traces of doubt Lorne continued to push her, "Oh, come one, lighten up and have some fun. You're a young and beautiful girl, what's stopping you?"
"Nothing," said Willow, giving in to Lorne's wheedling.
The group, now numbered at five people and one completely wiped vampire with a soul, made their way to the Bronze to party their little hearts out.
- - - - - - - - - -
After a night of dancing, drinking and revelling, Willow, Oz, Lorne, a pathetic Fred, Ginny and Angel arrived back at the Summers' house close to dawn to find a group of thoroughly disgruntled fangirls sitting on the front lawn covered in slimy stuff.
They stood there and watched as Draco, Hermione, Ariel and Andrew walked out of the house to greet them. "Um, you mightn't want to go inside just now," said Draco.
"Do I want to know what you've done?" asked Willow.
Hermione turned and looked at the fangirls on the lawn. "No, you don't."
Willow nodded and they all stood there in uncomfortable silence until Padma stood up and said peevishly, "That's it, I'm apparating home. You guys coming?" There was a murmur of consent and with a series of 'pops', all the fangirls except Pansy, Lavender, Parvati and Ginny were gone.
Draco groaned as he saw Pansy still there. "Why are you still here?"
"We're more dedicated than that," she said haughtily.
Any reply that Draco had was cut off by Spike roaring, "Why in the HELL is he here?"
Everyone turned to look at Angel, who was lying on the pavement, watching the trees sway in the wind. "I came back to tell Spike I had found the cutest thing in the world. And it's me!" Angel began laughing. Spike pulled out a stake and staked Angel.
Only problem was that once Angel was dust, he again reassembled himself and was once more a drunken vampire.
Spike repeated the process twenty times before he gave up. He shrugged and left Angel lying in the gutter. "The sun's about to come up. I'm going inside. Just leave the ponce there."
Everyone went inside the house and retired to their rooms to sleep. Ariel watched in jealousy as Draco kissed Hermione goodnight and then followed him down to the basement.
Dally was lying on his bed when Draco and Ariel arrived. "She doesn't love you, you know," Ariel stated.
Draco shared a glance with Dally and they both rolled their eyes. "Just go to sleep Ariel," Dally said, and went to sleep himself.
- - - - - - - - - -
That afternoon a drunken man arrived at the Summers' house. Fred opened the door and jumped into his arms. "Darling!"
Fred kissed the drunk then brought him into the lounge room where everyone was relaxing. "Who's this Fred?" asked Oz.
She grinned at the group and announced, "My fiancé!"
Hermione frowned and asked, "When did you do this?"
"When I got kidnapped silly," she said lightly in reply. "I met him down the bar one night."
Spike looked at her wearily. "So we didn't need to become enemies with the whole bloody town and get banned from the whole county?"
"Well yeah," said Fred, "I wouldn't have gotten away otherwise. But, love always finds a way." She turned to her fiancé and smiled sweetly.
"That –hic- it does," he slurred back at her.
"So what's his name?" asked Buffy with an overly fake smile.
The man broke away from Fred and said to the largely unresponsive crowd in the lounge room, "My name is Charlie Boag, owner of the Boag™ franchise and I hope you don't mind if I marry my lovely little lamb chops over there."
Andrew nodded amiably and said to him, "We don't mind at all, I mean, all she does now is sit around and cry about Ariel only being fifteen. Right guys?"
Everyone looked at one another uncomfortably. "Um, how about we have a drink," said Soda. "You know, to celebrate the engagement."
"The beer's on me," said Boag. "After all, I do get it for free."
"You do?" asked Dally with wide eyes. "You are my role model, I wanna be just like you, free beer wherever you..." Dally trailed off, a far away look in his eyes.
"Okay then," said Ginny dismissively. "Soda, could you get us all a few beers?" she asked with a simpering smile.
"I could," said Soda gallantly. "Would you like to come with me?"
Ginny smiled and answered sweetly, "Of course."
Ariel shook his head as he watched Ginny hang off Soda's arm as they walked into the kitchen. He then looked at the remaining fangirls, he decided to talk to Lavender. Ariel walked over and sat down next to her. "So, you're Lavender, right?"
Lavender looked at him and nearly winced. "Uh, yeah."
"How long do you think you're gonna stay here?"
"Not long since..." Lavender trailed off and didn't end up finishing or even really beginning her insult as Soda walked into the room. But what she noticed was they way he looked annoyed when he saw Ariel among the fangirls, and in particular, her. She then turned and smiled seductively at Ariel, making sure that Soda was watching her and said, "I'll probably be staying a while, I mean, I haven't been able to get to know everyone yet. I really think that you're all so interesting and, well, enjoyable company."
Ariel's eyes widened and glazed over as she put her hand on his arm whilst she was speaking. She leaned in closer to him and continued, "And really, you seem like such an interesting guy, I really hope that we'll spend a lot more time together..."
Ariel swallowed. "Sure," he squeaked.
Draco rolled his eyes and turned back to Fred and Boag. "So when is the wedding?" he asked.
"On Saturday," Fred replied in excitement.
Lorne's eyes widened. "The wedding is in two days?"
"Yep. And you're all invited. Oh, and I'd like Buffy, Willow and Hermione to be bridesmaids."
Hermione grinned at the comment. "Really? I get to be a bridesmaid? I've never been a bridesmaid before."
"Hey Fred," said Spike, "vampire here."
"Oh don't worry Spike you don't have to come to the ceremony. But you can still come to the reception at night."
Everyone partied late into the night in celebration of Fred's sudden engagement.
- - - - - - - - - -
On Saturday everyone was busy getting ready to go to the reception. The ceremony had just finished and the group was about to head over to the Bronze, which they had hired for the night, so they could get in some drinking and dancing time.
Ariel, who was limping around the house thanks to a nice "accident" that involved the basement stairs, a pass at Hermione and an irate Draco. Not to mention the nice cut and bruise ensemble on his cheek compliments a pass at Lavender and Soda's overwhelming pride for his dedicated fangirls. Anyway, Ariel was wondering through the house, looking for Andrew in order to hang out in their single geekiness. Walking into Andrew's domain, the kitchen, and dropped the empty glass he was holding, shattering it. Andrew and Pansy broke from their passionate kiss to see who had interrupted them.
Ariel looked at them, outraged. "What are you doing?"
"Well, at the moment, I just happen to be kiss-" Andrew's logical response was cut off.
"No, I mean why are you breaking our pact?"
Andrew looked at him, perplexed, while Pansy just looked plain annoyed.
"You know the unspoken pact between us to stick together in our girlfriendlessness."
"Oh, well, I guess I broke it."
Ariel began to protest but was cut off by Pansy. "Look, I know you have a few issues, but there is no need to unload all your problems onto us, so, why don't you go... and do something."
"Alright kids!" yelled Spike. "It's time to go!"
Within a few minutes the house was emptied of all people.
- - - - - - - - - -
Dally fought his way through the loud crowd at the Bronze, making his way over to a resplendent Fred, who was incessantly smiling, and not just because she was married, to be frank, she was quite drunk as well. "Fred!" yelled Dally. "Oi! Fred!"
Fred spun around, unbalanced. "Yeah?"
"Do you know all of these people?"
"No," Fred giggled. "But isn't it fun?"
"Uh, yeah." Dally walked back into the crowd, ready to drink himself silly; after all, Fred'll only marry the owner of a brewery once.
Dally went to the bar, only to find Ariel surrounded by empty glasses of all kinds, thoroughly drunk. "What are you doing to yourself?"
Ariel looked at him groggily and slurred his reply, "I'm drinking..."
"And why would that be?"
Ariel simply pointed across the room of dancing and drinking people at Hermione and Draco, who were slowly dancing with each other. "Will you get over it already? Hermione isn't for you."
The drunken boy's indignant and largely nonsensical reply was cut off by Boag's yells for quiet. "Everyone! I'd like to thank you all for coming-" he was cut off by someone yelling for speeches. "Uh, I don't think anyone can be bothered giving a speech, so let's just eat cake." This was greeted with yells of approval from the crowd.
Before he could cut the cake Ariel stumbled forward and yelled, "Wait, I have something to say!" Ariel grabbed the microphone and cleared his throat.
"I'd just like to say that I hate you all. I hate Andrew and I hate Draco and I hate my father!"
As Ariel ranted on about all the people he hated, Draco and Hermione snuck away without anyone noticing.
"I hate Dally and I hate Buffy and hate fangirls."
Spike, Buffy and Dally moved away.
"I hate-" Ariel suddenly stopped speaking and stumbled off the stage and towards a door. As he reached the bar he started vomiting. And continued to vomit.
When he stopped, he staggered towards the wedding cake. Ariel stopped and looked at it, then threw up all over the cake. Fred shrieked and ran over to him. "Ariel! How could you?" she screamed. "You ruined my wedding!"
Ariel turned to face her and spewed on her wedding dress. Fred looked distraught. Boag came over, punched the drunken Ariel in the face and then led Fred away.
Willow and Oz looked at each other and Willow said, "Well, that was an interesting ending."
Ariel looked at all the screaming individuals. He turned and walked upstairs then stepped into Willow's wardrobe. Ariel sat himself down on a pair of Willow's stiletto boots and sighed loudly. "Oh my love. Hermione, my darling. Hermione how could you do this to me? Why did you run off with my arch-nemesis, my older brother? I can't live with this pain my dearest one."
Ariel sighed again and continued to mourn Hermione's alleged relationship with Draco. The problem was that in Ariel's eyes Hermione was so perfect, she was wickedly smart, she had a fiery temper, a stubborn disposition and a like of going out and getting drunk. And therein lay the problem, Hermione was perfect for Draco, and hence, not so perfect for Ariel.
As the house shook violently Ariel nearly began to cry as he realised that he would never be evil enough to be with Hermione. It was in this moment of complete despair when the house around him quaked as if the world were going to end and when the wardrobe he was in threatened to fall over when Ariel had another massive revelation; he was evil, he was the son of two vampires, he was put in his other dimension in order to destroy it. Ariel knew that he could be just like Draco, and just like Draco he could win over Hermione.
Ariel was shaken out of his inspiring internal thoughts by the sudden silence and stillness that had engulfed the house. Ariel tentatively opened the wardrobe door and carefully surveyed Willow's empty room before climbing out. He walked along the hallway which was filled with broken picture frames which had fallen off the wall. As Ariel reached the stairs there was a thump followed by yelling, trying to avoid any conflict Ariel ducked into the bathroom on his right and locked the door behind him.
Ariel sighed and turned around to find Andrew cowering in the bath tub fully clothed. Ariel asked him doggedly, "What are you doing here?"
"What do you think? I'm hiding silly."
Andrew looked so pathetic that Ariel just rolled his eyes and said, "Well then, I'm joining you." With that he hopped into the other end of the bath and immediately turned his thoughts to Hermione and just what she was doing with Draco at Hogwarts. But the silence in the bathroom didn't last long as it was interrupted by a guttural yell from downstairs and someone or something pounding on the door of the bathroom.
"Hey hurry up already!" Spike yelled through the door. "There's a line waiting out here."
Ariel and Andrew got up slowly and tiptoed over to the door. They opened the door slightly but Spike threw it open and stepped in with his vamp face on. "Andrew? Ariel? What the hell are you two doing in here together?" Spike demanded.
"Hiding," Andrew whimpered.
Ariel decided to try and act like Draco. "He was hiding. I was being evil and mocking his weaknesses."
"You shouldn't tell a lie to a vampire son. We can spot them a mile away."
"I was hiding," Ariel sighed.
"Trying to act like Draco won't win you Hermione."
Tears spilled down Ariel's face as he asked, "How did you know?"
"Well it was a bit bloody obvious wasn't it? I mean, we get to Sunnyhell, Hermione arrived and all of a sudden you wanted to do everything but destroy the world. Mate, it's called subtlety, and you have none of it."
Ariel just lowered his head and shuffled past Spike and out of the bathroom to sulk in a preferably empty, dark and small space.
- - - - - - - - - -
Lorne looked around the lounge room that was filled with tired people and asked the general audience there, "What do we do now that Ethan Rayne is gone?"
"Well," said Buffy, "we hang around and do insipid things like go shopping while waiting for him to come back again."
"Oh," said Lorne nodding, "Would you like me to cook scrambled eggs with extra cheese for dinner?" As per usual there was a chorus of 'yes please'.
Lorne stepped into the kitchen to do his thing. Upon opening the fridge to get the milk. Lorne frowned in confusion; someone had replaced the half used 2 litre bottle with a 3 litre one that had been opened, though unused. Lorne shrugged his shoulders, putting his suspicious wonderings down to too much time spent with Angel. Little did he know that the milk he used was about to come alive and kill them all.
Lorne cooked up the scrambled eggs and dished it up for everyone. Willow and Oz picked up their eggs and looked at it suspiciously. "Do these eggs feel wrong to you?" Oz asked.
Willow picked up her fork and jabbed the eggs tentatively. "They look normal but they seem off." Buffy and Spike then came in and picked up their plates. Spike added a splash of blood to his and suddenly the eggs sprouted arms and legs and jumped on the four unsuspecting individuals. Willow tried to get a hold on the eggs strangling her but failed. "The eggs just slip through your fingers!"
A depressed Ariel and Fred heard the screams and came to investigate. They looked at the suffocating people and shrugged then moved past them to get drinks from the fridge. "Help us," Buffy gasped.
Ariel looked at her. "No. I think I'll be a depressed, brooding evil person. Here's hoping you live." He went back upstairs to mourn his love.
Fred having gotten her drink burst into hysterics because the colour of the evil scrambled eggs reminded her of the colour of Spike's son's hair, except that their hair was somehow blonder, and not so, well, yellow. In fact, the evil scrambled eggs looked nothing like the three boy's hair, but it upset her none the less. She ran out of the room with tears streaming down her tormented looking face.
"Lot of help there," said Oz in his normal monotone, sounding as if he was commenting on the weather, not getting choked to death by evil scrambled eggs.
From within the great glob of evil scrambled eggs and tangled limbs came a great rumbling sound that was reminiscent of Giles in his worst throes of indigestion. The scrambled eggs receded off the struggling people, leaving them standing in the kitchen covered in eggs with their eggs filled with the rumbling of the eggs.
Then there was silence. Oz, Willow, Buffy and Spike looked at each other imploringly. All of a sudden the eggs simultaneously exploded and multiplied, spraying the kitchen and the people in it with its eggy slop. "Well," said Willow, "I guess that's the coup de grace."
"Mmm," said Buffy dryly, "Now we get to clean it up."
Spike frowned, hearing something the others didn't; he turned towards the window and looked out. "Before we do that, I think we better check this out first."
Suddenly a huge rock came flying through the window and hit Buffy in the head. Dally walked into the kitchen as Buffy was knocked out and caught her. Another rock came through the window aiming at Willow. She ducked but only just in time. "What's going on?" Dally asked as he put Buffy on the ground.
"Someone launched a rock war on us," Andrew said as he walked in carrying a rock and note. Lorne and Ariel then joined the others and told them that all the upstairs windows were broken.
"I think whoever's out there has us surrounded," Oz said.
Willow looked around at the people in the kitchen and did a quick head count. "Hey where's Fred?" she asked.
"HELP!" Everyone looked out into the darkness and saw Fred being dragged away by a surly looking vampire.
"Typical," Ariel said contemptuously, "she would be the one who gets taken hostage."
"So do we save her?" asked Andrew. Buffy woke up as Andrew asked his question.
"Do we have to?" she whined.
"Well, yeah, you're the Slayer, you bloody well have to," said Dally.
Buffy heaved a giant sigh and turned to stare out the window and began a wonderfully whiny monologue. "You guys, you don't know how hard it is. Yes, I know that you all have been through a lot, both with me and without me. But there can only be so much that you can understand. What you don't realise is that there is a whole level of things that you guys cannot possibly understand."
Ariel cut in, "Look, if we go out and save Fred, will you shut up?"
"Well, no, but you can go save her if you want, and I won't complain about you not listening."
"Okay," said Spike, "Ariel, Dally and I will go and get Fred and Willow, Oz and Lorne you will go outside and find out what was and, from the looks of the rocks destroying Oz's van, still is chucking rocks at us. Right?"
Everyone nodded and scuttled quickly away from Buffy who promptly turned back to the window and continued her self-pitying, whining and generally completely self-centred soliloquy.
- - - - - - - - - -
Outside, Spike stood in the middle of Revello Drive and looked around. "I haven't got a clue where Fred went."
Ariel, who had been snooping around, said lightly, "Someone took her in a car across the country."
"How the hell did you know that?" asked Dally.
"Well," said Ariel, "it was in this note." Ariel showed Dally the note that said they were taking Fred to Texas and had to claim her back via a road trip to the middle of nowhere whilst living on nothing but crappy take-away food.
"What do you know?" said Spike. "It's about bloody well time we went on a drunken road trip."
"So we're going?" asked Dally. "What about Buffy?"
"Ah, she'll be ranting for ages, she never runs out of steam."
"Okay, let's go." So Dally, Ariel and Spike set off on their cross-country drunken road trip to find Fred. Well, really, it was just an excuse to get drunk and go places, but they were going anyway.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Okay where do you think those things went?" Willow asked.
Oz looked around and started sniffing the air. "They went that way." He pointed towards the centre of town.
"So are we going to follow?" Lorne inquired while sipping his perfectly made sea breeze.
"Yes we are."
"Hmm okay then. Lead the way."
Willow, Oz and Lorne headed into the centre of Sunnydale, stopping at the pub along the way.
- - - Meanwhile at Hogwarts - - -
"Hermione!" Harry and Ron ran up to where Hermione was explaining about Sunnydale to Ginny Weasley while Draco watched on.
"If it isn't Wonder-boy and his little sidekick," Draco drawled.
"Quiet Draco," Hermione reproved him. "What's up guys?"
Harry wasn't looking too good. "I think I'm going to be sick." He then immediately began throwing up. Everyone edged away from him when they saw what he was vomiting.
"Is that dog-" Draco cut himself off.
Hermione covered her mouth to stop herself from being sick as well as she nodded. "Harry that's a shame," Ginny said without much sympathy. "It must be awful to throw up dog poo."
Draco, Hermione and Ron edged away from Harry, grimacing. Hermione said to him tentatively, "Maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing."
Draco nodded. "Yeah, you really should. Except now, Potty, you really do live up to your name."
Harry looked up at the four people staring at him in horror and ran off, embarrassed at his new found talent. Ron looked at the three other people in the Entrance Hall and suddenly remembered the threat that Spike had so kindly warned him with, he then clumsily ran after Harry.
Ginny looked at Draco and Hermione with a face full of mirth and asked cheerily, "So, are you guys going to have lunch?"
"Sounds good," replied Hermione.
The three people headed towards the Great Hall. Draco and Hermione were both looing forward to Saturday. They would be graduating in two days and then the next day they were returning to Sunnydale. As they arrived in the Great Hall they saw that Professor Severus Snape was now also spewing dog poo. Hermione assumed that Harry had run past Snape on the way to the hospital wing thereby causing Snape to catch Harry's problem.
"Umm maybe we should skip lunch," Draco suggested. "I can't handle watching Snape vomit dog poo as well as Scarhead."
"Yeah let's go. We'll see you at dinner Ginny."
Draco and Hermione were almost at Potions when they remembered who their teacher was. "Draco we have Snape," said Hermione, stating the obvious.
"You want to skip class and go to Hogsmeade?"
"Do you think they'd serve us Firewhiskey at the Three Broomsticks?"
"Probably not. We'd have to go to the Hog's Head."
"Fine by me. Let's go Draco."
As they were walking to Hogsmeade Draco and Hermione began talking about everyone's favourite topic of clothes, shoes and accessories. "You know what you need Draco?"
"No Hermione. What do I need?"
"A long black leather coat."
"And why do I need a coat like Spike's?"
"Because it looks cool. And you would look so good in it."
"I would?"
"Definitely. I'm gonna have to take you shopping and dress you in all black Muggle clothes. And when we go I can get new shoes."
"What kind of shoes?"
"Black stiletto boots."
- - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile back in the now horrid hallways of Hogwarts an epidemic like no other was spreading like lightning; nearly the entire school was throwing up dog poo. The few students and teachers who were uninfected had barricaded themselves into the Slytherin common room and had begun to plan rations as if they were under siege.
The few brave people who were unaffected were treating human and house-elf alike, trying to find a cure. But it was Madame Pomfrey who saved the day. After analysing the contents of the students' stomaches, Madame Pomfrey turned to Professor Dumbledore and said with puzzlement, "It appears that only Harry Potter and Professor Snape are vomiting dog poo. All of the others are simply vomiting normal substances."
Dumbledore, who was making an anti-nausea potion, merely paused in his potion making and mumbled, "Hmm, very interesting. I suggest that we isolate them." Madame Pomfrey turned away but was stopped by Dumbledore who was speaking to her, "Also, I believe we should get those uninfected people out of the Slytherin common room."
"Anything else?"
"Oh, yes Poppy, could you also make sure that no one enters the castle?"
Madam Pomfrey nodded her consent and hurried away.
Further within the Great Hall an argument was starting up between Zacharias Smith and Harry Potter. "You realise," said Zacharias spitefully, "that this caper is all your fault?"
Harry, who now had his head over s bucket, still waiting for the anti- nausea potion, that had wore off, lifted his head temporarily and said, "Well I didn't make you go near someone who was infected did I?"
"But-" Zacharias' harebrained attempt to make a retort was cut off by an official sounding voice that resounded through the Great Hall.
"Okay, the Official Medical Observational Quarantine Team is here. First thing's first, all uninfected people out." The man with the official sounding voice directed the uninfected to the doors so they could be sprayed with some foul smelling stuff before they were free to go.
"Dumbledore?" asked the man. "Are you staying?"
"Yes Bruce."
"If you insist."
So Hogwarts was evacuated of all uninfected students and professors and taken to Hogsmeade to wait out the rest of the term whilst the infected students were quarantined. Effectively, school had finished for the year, and only a few people were happy about it.
Draco and Hermione stumbled out of the Hog's Head feeling only slightly tipsy. For some reason no one understood the bartender had kicked them out. As the two were walking down the main street they noticed all the Hogwarts students strolling around. Hermione noticed Ginny nearby and moved towards her. "Ginny what's going on?"
"There was an epidemic of vomiting so school ended early for the year."
"So we're free to go?"
"Yep."
Hermione turned to Draco and said, "We're allowed to go."
"We're allowed to go?"
"We're allowed to go."
"What about our stuff?"
Hermione frowned in thought. "Ginny is anyone allowed back into the castle?"
Draco followed Hermione to the Shrieking Shack and together they snuck down to the basement. Hermione found the hidden door and began to walk through the passageway. Draco continued to follow her in confusion. "Hermione where are we going?"
"Back to Hogwarts to get our stuff."
"So why are we in this dank, dirty, obviously secret passageway?"
"Because we're sneaking in."
"How come I didn't know about this?"
Hermione spun around and smiled. "Because you weren't clever enough."
"There is no way that you could accidentally stumble across a secret passageway, the chances are one in a bloody million."
"But it's true."
Draco shook his head with a smirk on his face. "Nah, I don't believe you. C'mon, tell me how you found it," he sing-songed at her.
Hermione shook her head and continued to walk back towards Hogwarts. After climbing out of the passageway and walking halfway across the grounds towards Hogwarts, Hermione decided that she had endured enough of Draco's relentless and annoying brand of Twenty questions. Stopping to face Draco, Hermione smirked. She said, "If I tell you how I found the passageway, after we get our stuff will you promise to give me something?"
Draco looked at her suspiciously before answering. "What do I have to give you?"
"You'll just have to wait and see." With that Hermione gave Draco a wink and continued the trek towards Hogwarts.
After traversing to both the Slytherin common room and Gryffindor common room Draco stopped Hermione in the Transfiguration hallway. Hermione warily put down her bags and raised her eyebrow by way of saying 'what?'
Draco folded his arms, smirked and said expectantly, "Well, you said you'd tell me after we got our stuff."
Hermione smirked and said tartly, "Remus told me, Harry and Ron about it in our third year."
"Is that it?" asked Draco, let down at the anti-climax of the secret. "So what do I have to give you?"
"This," said Hermione whilst wrapping her arms around his neck and slowly pulling him into a kiss.
Of course as soon as their lips touched the orange haired gutless wonder known as Ron Weasley came running down the hallway screaming like a banshee.
Draco and Hermione broke apart and Hermione watched Ron in horror as she realized where they were. Draco was still looking at Hermione in shock. Hermione shrank her stuff and Draco's and put it all in her pocket. She grabbed Draco's hand and began running towards the Entrance Hall. "We have to get out of here," Hermione called over her shoulder to Draco. "Everyone still in the castle is contagious."
Draco slowed down and said, "Granger we need to talk."
"Not now. We need to get off the school grounds as quickly as possible. That way we can Apparate to Sunnydale. So you can either stay here or come with me. I'll meet you at Hogsmeade." She took off running not bothering to wait for Draco.
Draco stood there trying to work out what had just happened. As he was thinking Zacharias Smith ran past him screaming curses at Harry Potter. He suddenly stopped near Draco and Draco remembered what Hermione had said. He slowly backed away as Zacharias expanded and unexpectedly exploded. Blood and guts covered the walls and floor of the hallway. "I have to get out of here," Draco muttered.
He ran all the way to Hogsmeade and spotted Hermione near the Three Broomsticks. He moved toward her but she saw him and Apparated. Draco swore under his breath and Apparated to the Summers' house.
"Granger!" he bellowed, "I wanna talk to you!"
Hermione turned around and looked at him, utterly perplexed. Why? Well, the house was quite silent. Draco stood next to Hermione and asked, "What do you think happened?"
"I don't bloody well know." Walking out of the hallway and into the lounge room they found Spike, Ariel and Dally fast asleep in various rather uncomfortable positions. Although, that was not the strange thing. Dally had a few nice bruises across his face, Ariel looked like someone had decided to take to his hair with a cheese grater and Spike looked, well, peaceful.
Draco nodded and unconsciously licked his lips before saying softly, "Okay, I can deal with that."
"Don't do that," said Hermione, obviously annoyed about something.
"Do what?" Draco again licked his lips.
Hermione's face flushed as she became more agitated. "THAT!"
"What?" asked Draco with a smirk on his face, catching on to what Hermione was so annoyed about, "You don't want me to do this?" He licked his lips, slowly advancing.
"No, I don't want you to do that."
"Oh, come on, why shouldn't I?"
Hermione stood her ground, lifted her chin up high and said, "Because."
Draco simply looked at her with a questioning face. Hermione let out a frustrated sigh. "You shouldn't do it because-"
Her answer was cut off by the three blonde haired blue eyed evil people in the lounge room who had just woken up. "Hermione!" Ariel squealed.
Draco and Hermione turned to look at the blonde, blue eyed people. Draco raised his eyebrow at the obvious excitement his younger brother had at seeing Hermione. "Uh hey Ariel," Hermione said a little uncertainly.
Ariel, satisfied that Hermione had actually spoken to him, turned to Draco and if looks could kill Draco would be ash on the ground. "Brother," Ariel greeted Draco coldly. Draco raised his eyebrows even further.
Spike rolled his eyes and gave Ariel a clip round the ear. "Oh for God's sake get over it already."
"Get over what?" Hermione asked curiously.
Ariel blushed. "Nothing," he squeaked as he gazed at Hermione in adoration.
Hermione felt extremely uncomfortable having Ariel staring at her like that. If it had been Draco it would have been a different story. But it wasn't Draco. "I'm just going to go unpack," she told everyone. She took her luggage out of her pocket and gave Draco his.
Ariel's face dropped in disappointment as Hermione left the room. Draco had been watching Ariel with suspicion and when he saw the sadness in his brother's face Draco knew his suspicions were confirmed.
Ariel turned back to Draco and said coolly, "So what did you and Hermione do while you were gone?"
Draco rounded in on him and smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Ariel blinked at him and said simply, "Well, yeah, I would like to know, that's why I'm asking."
Dally got up, shook his head and said, "I don't wanna watch this little drama. I'm going for a feed. You wanna come?"
Spike nodded and walked out with him.
Ariel looked at Draco smugly and crossed his arms. "So, tell me, what did you do?"
"Well," started Draco, pretending to look thoughtful, "we spent pretty much every moment together, you know, having dinner, going to class, well not really going to class so much as avoiding it, you know, normal things."
"What do you mean, you spent nearly every moment with her?"
"Yeah we nearly spent every moment together." After saying that Draco smirked and added in a sly wink.
Ariel spluttered, astounded and said haltingly, "You-you-you..." Draco nodded, gave him one last smirk and left a stunned Ariel in the lounge room and walked into the kitchen to find Hermione standing in the kitchen, her eyebrows raised.
"You heard that didn't you?" asked Draco.
Hermione nodded.
"You're not angry are you?"
"No! Ariel was really creeping me out. He wouldn't stop staring at me."
Draco watched Hermione's lips as she rambled and licked his own in anticipation. Hermione noticed and immediately stopped talking. "You're doing it again!"
"Doing what?" Draco asked innocently.
Ariel looked into the kitchen and saw Draco and Hermione there.
"That thing you were doing before."
Draco began to advance towards Hermione. He stopped in front of her. "You mean this?" he asked in a husky voice as he slowly licked his lips.
Hermione stopped breathing and stared at Draco's lips. "Yeah," she breathed. They began to lean towards each other but they heard a loud coughing behind them.
Draco and Hermione spun around and saw Ariel standing in the doorway. Hermione blushed profusely as Draco glared at his brother. "Oh I'm sorry," said Ariel insincerely. "I didn't interrupt something did I?"
- - - - - - - - - -
Draco walked into the dining room where Spike and Dally were stuffing their faces with food. Draco sat down and asked conversationally, "So what happened while we were gone? There's a funny smell in the kitchen, Andrew's hiding in a cupboard, Buffy has lost her voice, you guys look like shit and Willow, Oz and Fred are missing."
Dally looked up and said with his mouth inappropriately full, "Mmughg wifsth."
Spike gave him a glare and said reproachfully, "Don't speak with your mouth full. And I'll tell him what happened, as you're a bloody windbag, as we found out in that dinky little bar in the middle of ruddy nowhere."
Dally just looked disgruntled and continued to stuff his face.
"Okay," said Spike, "I'll tell you what happened. We battled Ethan Rayne, had a microphone war, nearly got killed by scrambled eggs and went on separate road trips. And not in that particular order."
"I think I'll go ask someone else," said Draco, realising that Spike was not entirely sober.
Instead, Draco found Lorne and found out exactly what happened, including Spike, Ariel and Dally's drunken road trip to Texas to get Fred and Willow, Oz and Lorne's trip to Canada, which involved a jerry can of petrol, a few matches and a whole heap of running.
Draco listened to the story, interested but asked, confused, "But what did Buffy and Andrew do?"
"Well," answered Lorne, "Buffy made a speech while Andrew taped it."
Draco just shook his head and walked off to find something to do.
- - - - - - - - - -
At dinner that night, everyone gathered around the table to eat and share their stories. Well, everyone shared their stories except Draco and Hermione who were eyeing off each other across the table and Fred, who now was sitting at the table looking depressed.
Ariel, who had been watching Hermione and Draco during dinner, found that his ire rose every time they shared a look. Not only that, but everyone else at the table knew what was happening between the three.
At the lull in conversation at the table Ariel jumped out of his seat and announced, "I wrote a poem this afternoon and I thought you might like to hear it."
Dally smirked. "Well, I'm sure we'd love to hear it," he said with a sneer.
Ariel cleared his throat. "To Draco,
Your legs look like stumps,
You look like you have mumps,
Please go DIE."
Ariel stomped out of the room as everyone at the table snickered at Ariel's poem. "Hmm now I wonder what that could be about," Draco said sarcastically as everyone began to calm down.
Andrew, who had been recording Ariel's recital, answered, "Well, you see, it's because-"
"I was being sarcastic Andrew," said Draco.
Hermione finished her dinner and walked up to the room she was sharing with Willow. There she found Ariel brooding about his miserable love life.
"Ariel, hey."
Ariel looked up and noticed Hermione standing in front of him. He jumped up and started kissing her before Hermione had a chance to say anything.
Draco passed Hermione's open door on his way to the bathroom. He stopped and took a step back. He looked through the door and saw Hermione kissing Ariel.
He stormed into the room, pulled Ariel off Hermione and then turned to Ariel, looking absolutely livid. "What the hell are you doing?"
Ariel began to stutter as Draco advanced on him dangerously. Before he got close enough to physically hurt him, Hermione stepped in front of him. "Don't do anything stupid, he took me by surprise and kissed me. Really, it means nothing, just a lack of judgement by Ariel."
Ariel stuck his head around Hermione and nodded.
Draco pouted and said sulkily, "But I've gotta defend my girl and prove my manlihood."
"You can prove your manlihood in other ways," Hermione said with a smile.
As Hermione and Draco continued their flirting, Ariel rolled his eyes and walked away. Hearing yet another ruckus that was to provide the authors with yet another nifty plot device. Walking into Buffy's bedroom Ariel was surprised to see a guy he didn't know surrounded by a group of fangirls.
Ariel immediately felt jealous. "What is wrong with me?" he screamed and ran off to go cry.
The unknown young man said, "Hmm," then returned to his adoring fans.
Buffy and Spike, having decided to "retire" for the night, walked into Buffy's room and saw the group of people. "Who the hell are you lot?" Spike demanded.
"Hey there. The name's Soda," the youth said. "I'm looking for Dally."
- - - - - - - - - -
Dally, Draco and Hermione were standing in the hall way allegedly planning their next "party" night. "Oh look at me. I got a Pommy accent," Dally teased Draco.
"Shut up Dal before I make you."
Dally then heard a bloke saying his name was Soda. He frowned and walked into Buffy's room. Hermione and Draco glanced at each other, shrugged and followed Dally.
Dally saw the youth before him. "Soda?"
Draco and Hermione, however, were busy staring at the group of girls. "Hey Hermione. Hey Malfoy," a girl by the name of Lavender Brown said.
Hermione and Draco looked on as Soda and Dally said their greetings whilst the girls surrounded them and let out a massive dramatic group sigh. It was nearly sickening. But what was even more sickening was the fact that the very people that Draco and Hermione had just gotten away from were standing in Buffy's bedroom. Pansy, Lavender, Parvati, Ginny, Padma, Luna, Millicent and Moaning Myrtle were trying to attach themselves to Soda.
"ALRIGHT!" roared Spike, ceasing all activity and noise. "ALL OF YOU DOWN TO THE LOUNGE ROOM!" Seeing everyone stunned and stock still provoked Spike into one last bout of maniacal yelling. "NOW!"
Everyone scuttled out of the bedroom and to the lounge room where everyone somehow managed to get their bum on a seat of some kind, whether it be someone's lap or not didn't seem to matter.
Spike began pacing back and forth in the lounge room, studying the new and rather sudden arrivals to the Summers' home. "Okay, first things first, who are you?"
"Well, I'm Sodapop Curtis," said the guy who was amazingly named Soda, "And these girls, well, they just sorta appeared."
Spike resumed his pacing and said to the girls, "So, I'm sure you can speak, so please, do bloody well tell me who you are."
Ginny stood up, nominating herself spokeswoman of the fangirls. "Well, I'm Ginny and this is Pansy, Lavender, Parvati, Padma, Luna, Millicent and Moaning Myrtle. And we all go to Hogwarts, oh, and we all love Soda." Ginny ended her introduction, and turned to Soda to give him a wink.
Spike rolled his eyes and asked impatiently, "And how did you get here?"
Ginny shrugged and continued smiling at Soda.
"Okay," said Spike, again pacing. "Lorne, Willow and whoever else, you are to find out how they got here. Andrew, the girls will be sleeping in tents outside and Draco my boy, you are going to have a word with me right now."
Draco, who had been smirking at Hermione, stopped his flirting and looked at Spike with a stricken face.
"Oh, and the other two as well," added Spike.
Spike led his sons down to the basement where they would be sleeping once more. Spike turned to them and folded his arms across his chest. "Okay Draco, what the hell is going on?"
"Why the hell are you asking me?"
"Because Mini-Red up there said they go to Hogwarts. That would be your magic school."
"Well, yeah, I know them. I went to school with them but I've got no friggin idea how they got here. Or why they are worshipping some guy I've never seen before."
Spike turned his attention to Dally, who was looking extremely bored. "Dally care to explain who Mr Fizzy Drink is?"
"He's a mate of mine. Known him for years. Always a hit with the ladies. Pretty much everywhere he goes all the women fall in love with him."
Draco, Ariel and Spike all looked at him in alarm. "Did you say all women?" Draco asked.
"I wouldn't worry about Granger if I were you Draco. She seems like a one- man type of woman. And Dad from all you've said about Buffy, he tends to go for the dead rather than the living."
Draco and Spike visibly relaxed although Ariel remained tense. "Dad is there anyway we can get rid of them?" Draco asked. "I mean I don't care if Drink man stays and Ginny Weasley is nice enough but all the other girls I only just escaped from. They were bloody annoying at school and I really don't want them around."
"I'll see what Willow can find out." Spike looked at the ceiling and said, "I guess we'd better go back up."
- - - - - - - - - -
Later that evening Willow, Oz, Fred and Lorne had finally fleshed out the reason why Soda and his fangirls were all of a sudden in Sunnydale.
"So," said Fred, "to summarise all that we've discovered. Soda suddenly appeared in Buffy's bedroom because of the mystical disturbance caused by Dally and Buffy sleeping together whilst Spike and Buffy were in love. Since Soda is a ladies man, the tryst between Buffy and Dally alerted him to the potential of a tryst with someone, although he never acted on it. The thought manifested itself until it grew to a point where Dally acquired three principle fangirls, who brought along more fangirls, which again manifested to become a sudden teleportation of all these people to the place where Buffy and Dally slept together."
Willow needed, "That's right, now all we have do is either convince them all to leave or leave them out in the backyard."
Lorne heaved a sigh and looked at the other three tired brains of the household. "Okay, that's it everyone, it's time for a 'job well done' drink. Or binge, whatever you like to call it."
The other three nodded, grabbed their stuff and trooped past Soda and his fangirls out the door to their bar of choice.
- - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, Hermione was sitting in the dark backyard with Draco, taking a well earned break from the Soda-adoring girls of Hogwarts. Hermione turned in her seat to look at Draco, who had leant back in his deck chair with his hands on his head.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Draco groaned and took his hands slowly from his head. "Those girls have given me the biggest bloody headache."
"That's not all. What else is bothering you?"
Draco turned his head to look at Hermione. "And there is absolutely no privacy."
Just as Hermione was about to reply Andrew and Ariel collapsed out of the back door, walked to where Draco and Hermione were sitting and plopped themselves down into a chair on either side of them. Still being angry at Ariel's recent indiscretion with Hermione, Draco didn't care too much for their intrusion.
Andrew immediately began to whine about the fangirls. "They're so loud and high pitched. I mean, can't they at least pay some attention to me?"
"You know," said Ariel thoughtfully to Andrew, "I thought you were the most annoying person on earth. Until I met them."
"So I guess no one really likes them then," said Hermione.
The three boys nodded. "In that case," continued Hermione, "I think it's time to have a bit of fun with them. What do you say to going to the basement to form a plan?"
Ariel and Andrew nodded. "But I'm going there now," said Andrew.
"Why?" asked Ariel.
"So I get the chair."
"But, it's my bedroom," argued Ariel.
Andrew didn't hesitate in getting to his feet and yelling at Ariel. "Race you there!"
Draco shook his head as they raced off and turned to a bemused Hermione. "What good is going to come of this?"
"Well, we're going to cause a big upset so we can slip off and get that coveted privacy you wanted." Hermione bent down, softly kissed him and led him off to the basement to plan the demise of Soda's most unfortunate fangirls.
Spike and Buffy stepped out from behind the tree they'd been watching the exchange from as they returned from patrol. "He's got a good one there," said Buffy.
"Yeah, he's one of the lucky ones." Spike took Buffy's hand in his and they strolled over to the house.
"It sort of makes you feel sorry for Ariel though."
Spike looked at the love of his undead life. "What makes you say that, love?"
"Well think about it Spike. Hermione is so obviously perfect for Draco. She compliments him in everyway. And they look really good together. You take one look at them when they're around each other and it's obvious they're in love. And Ariel is in love with a girl who will only ever love his older brother. It just makes me feel sorry for him sometimes. Everyone needs someone to love them."
The two were silent for a moment as they sat on the back stairs. Spike broke the companionable silence the two had by saying, "So how do you think they're going to get rid of the fangirls?"
- - - - - - - - - -
Ariel and Andrew were both screaming ideas at the top of their lungs, while Hermione and Draco were sitting on Draco's bed with their ears covered. Hermione took out her wand and screamed, "SILENCIO!"
The basement was suddenly silent. Hermione sighed in relief and Draco uncovered his ears. "Thank god," he said.
"Okay you two," said Hermione, "I'm going to take off the spell and you will both get a chance to speak but one at a time."
Ariel and Andrew nodded and Hermione took the spell off. Andrew and Ariel both began screaming again. "Bugger this," Draco said, and took out his own wand.
Andrew and Ariel stopped shouting out of fright. Hermione pouted. "That's not fair," she said. "Why are they scared of you but not me?"
"Because, I'm the dominant male figure. And I'm evil," replied Draco simply. Seeing the look on Hermione's face he quickly said, "Okay, you can drink me under the table later, but now, we need to plan some naughty little tricks."
Andrew put his hand up and said proudly, "I've come up with the best idea. We should challenge them to a game of capture the flag."
Ariel frowned and said to him disdainfully, "What is it with you and capture the friggin flag?"
"I just thought it was a good idea..."
"Well, it wasn't good enough," said Hermione. "We need something that is going to make them want to leave, something that will make them disgusted..."
Draco smirked and turned to Hermione. "We could fill the lounge room with slime."
Ariel joined in with another idea, "Then we could make sure that wherever they run to is covered with extremely sticky stuff."
"And then when they run outside," added Hermione, "there could be a portkey or something taking them straight back to Hogwarts."
The three main planners smirked and nodded their heads in agreement whilst Andrew whined loudly about not getting to play capture the flag.
- - - - - - - - - -
Lorne, Fred, Willow and Oz made their way to the Bronze to drink, dance and, in Lorne's and an already pissed Fred's case, sing. But their good time was short lived as the four came across something that they never have before. It was Angel blind-drunk and about to bite a young girl with red hair.
The girl pulled a thin wooden stick out of her pocket and stuck it through Angel's heart. He burst into dust as Willow, Oz, Lorne and Fred ran over to the girl. Willow and Oz recognised the redhead standing in front of them.
"Hey you're one of Soda's fangirls," said Willow.
"Ginny Weasley." She smiled at them while Willow, Oz and Lorne looked at her in shock. Fred was too busy throwing up to pay attention to what was going on. Which included Angel suddenly being alive and drunk again although no one noticed.
"You're a Slayer," said Oz.
Ginny frowned in confusion. "No I'm not."
"But you staked a vampire. How did you know how to do that if you're not a Slayer?"
"Oh we learn about vampires in Defence against the Dark Arts."
"Oh. Well," said Lorne, "would you like to come to the Bronze with us?"
"That's where I was headed."
"Um, you guys," said Oz, "what are we gonna do with Angel?"
"Hell," said Lorne, "he's already drunk so let's just take him with us." Willow looked at Lorne doubtfully. "If he gets all needy and wants to eat a few people we'll just tie him or something. No harm done." Still seeing traces of doubt Lorne continued to push her, "Oh, come one, lighten up and have some fun. You're a young and beautiful girl, what's stopping you?"
"Nothing," said Willow, giving in to Lorne's wheedling.
The group, now numbered at five people and one completely wiped vampire with a soul, made their way to the Bronze to party their little hearts out.
- - - - - - - - - -
After a night of dancing, drinking and revelling, Willow, Oz, Lorne, a pathetic Fred, Ginny and Angel arrived back at the Summers' house close to dawn to find a group of thoroughly disgruntled fangirls sitting on the front lawn covered in slimy stuff.
They stood there and watched as Draco, Hermione, Ariel and Andrew walked out of the house to greet them. "Um, you mightn't want to go inside just now," said Draco.
"Do I want to know what you've done?" asked Willow.
Hermione turned and looked at the fangirls on the lawn. "No, you don't."
Willow nodded and they all stood there in uncomfortable silence until Padma stood up and said peevishly, "That's it, I'm apparating home. You guys coming?" There was a murmur of consent and with a series of 'pops', all the fangirls except Pansy, Lavender, Parvati and Ginny were gone.
Draco groaned as he saw Pansy still there. "Why are you still here?"
"We're more dedicated than that," she said haughtily.
Any reply that Draco had was cut off by Spike roaring, "Why in the HELL is he here?"
Everyone turned to look at Angel, who was lying on the pavement, watching the trees sway in the wind. "I came back to tell Spike I had found the cutest thing in the world. And it's me!" Angel began laughing. Spike pulled out a stake and staked Angel.
Only problem was that once Angel was dust, he again reassembled himself and was once more a drunken vampire.
Spike repeated the process twenty times before he gave up. He shrugged and left Angel lying in the gutter. "The sun's about to come up. I'm going inside. Just leave the ponce there."
Everyone went inside the house and retired to their rooms to sleep. Ariel watched in jealousy as Draco kissed Hermione goodnight and then followed him down to the basement.
Dally was lying on his bed when Draco and Ariel arrived. "She doesn't love you, you know," Ariel stated.
Draco shared a glance with Dally and they both rolled their eyes. "Just go to sleep Ariel," Dally said, and went to sleep himself.
- - - - - - - - - -
That afternoon a drunken man arrived at the Summers' house. Fred opened the door and jumped into his arms. "Darling!"
Fred kissed the drunk then brought him into the lounge room where everyone was relaxing. "Who's this Fred?" asked Oz.
She grinned at the group and announced, "My fiancé!"
Hermione frowned and asked, "When did you do this?"
"When I got kidnapped silly," she said lightly in reply. "I met him down the bar one night."
Spike looked at her wearily. "So we didn't need to become enemies with the whole bloody town and get banned from the whole county?"
"Well yeah," said Fred, "I wouldn't have gotten away otherwise. But, love always finds a way." She turned to her fiancé and smiled sweetly.
"That –hic- it does," he slurred back at her.
"So what's his name?" asked Buffy with an overly fake smile.
The man broke away from Fred and said to the largely unresponsive crowd in the lounge room, "My name is Charlie Boag, owner of the Boag™ franchise and I hope you don't mind if I marry my lovely little lamb chops over there."
Andrew nodded amiably and said to him, "We don't mind at all, I mean, all she does now is sit around and cry about Ariel only being fifteen. Right guys?"
Everyone looked at one another uncomfortably. "Um, how about we have a drink," said Soda. "You know, to celebrate the engagement."
"The beer's on me," said Boag. "After all, I do get it for free."
"You do?" asked Dally with wide eyes. "You are my role model, I wanna be just like you, free beer wherever you..." Dally trailed off, a far away look in his eyes.
"Okay then," said Ginny dismissively. "Soda, could you get us all a few beers?" she asked with a simpering smile.
"I could," said Soda gallantly. "Would you like to come with me?"
Ginny smiled and answered sweetly, "Of course."
Ariel shook his head as he watched Ginny hang off Soda's arm as they walked into the kitchen. He then looked at the remaining fangirls, he decided to talk to Lavender. Ariel walked over and sat down next to her. "So, you're Lavender, right?"
Lavender looked at him and nearly winced. "Uh, yeah."
"How long do you think you're gonna stay here?"
"Not long since..." Lavender trailed off and didn't end up finishing or even really beginning her insult as Soda walked into the room. But what she noticed was they way he looked annoyed when he saw Ariel among the fangirls, and in particular, her. She then turned and smiled seductively at Ariel, making sure that Soda was watching her and said, "I'll probably be staying a while, I mean, I haven't been able to get to know everyone yet. I really think that you're all so interesting and, well, enjoyable company."
Ariel's eyes widened and glazed over as she put her hand on his arm whilst she was speaking. She leaned in closer to him and continued, "And really, you seem like such an interesting guy, I really hope that we'll spend a lot more time together..."
Ariel swallowed. "Sure," he squeaked.
Draco rolled his eyes and turned back to Fred and Boag. "So when is the wedding?" he asked.
"On Saturday," Fred replied in excitement.
Lorne's eyes widened. "The wedding is in two days?"
"Yep. And you're all invited. Oh, and I'd like Buffy, Willow and Hermione to be bridesmaids."
Hermione grinned at the comment. "Really? I get to be a bridesmaid? I've never been a bridesmaid before."
"Hey Fred," said Spike, "vampire here."
"Oh don't worry Spike you don't have to come to the ceremony. But you can still come to the reception at night."
Everyone partied late into the night in celebration of Fred's sudden engagement.
- - - - - - - - - -
On Saturday everyone was busy getting ready to go to the reception. The ceremony had just finished and the group was about to head over to the Bronze, which they had hired for the night, so they could get in some drinking and dancing time.
Ariel, who was limping around the house thanks to a nice "accident" that involved the basement stairs, a pass at Hermione and an irate Draco. Not to mention the nice cut and bruise ensemble on his cheek compliments a pass at Lavender and Soda's overwhelming pride for his dedicated fangirls. Anyway, Ariel was wondering through the house, looking for Andrew in order to hang out in their single geekiness. Walking into Andrew's domain, the kitchen, and dropped the empty glass he was holding, shattering it. Andrew and Pansy broke from their passionate kiss to see who had interrupted them.
Ariel looked at them, outraged. "What are you doing?"
"Well, at the moment, I just happen to be kiss-" Andrew's logical response was cut off.
"No, I mean why are you breaking our pact?"
Andrew looked at him, perplexed, while Pansy just looked plain annoyed.
"You know the unspoken pact between us to stick together in our girlfriendlessness."
"Oh, well, I guess I broke it."
Ariel began to protest but was cut off by Pansy. "Look, I know you have a few issues, but there is no need to unload all your problems onto us, so, why don't you go... and do something."
"Alright kids!" yelled Spike. "It's time to go!"
Within a few minutes the house was emptied of all people.
- - - - - - - - - -
Dally fought his way through the loud crowd at the Bronze, making his way over to a resplendent Fred, who was incessantly smiling, and not just because she was married, to be frank, she was quite drunk as well. "Fred!" yelled Dally. "Oi! Fred!"
Fred spun around, unbalanced. "Yeah?"
"Do you know all of these people?"
"No," Fred giggled. "But isn't it fun?"
"Uh, yeah." Dally walked back into the crowd, ready to drink himself silly; after all, Fred'll only marry the owner of a brewery once.
Dally went to the bar, only to find Ariel surrounded by empty glasses of all kinds, thoroughly drunk. "What are you doing to yourself?"
Ariel looked at him groggily and slurred his reply, "I'm drinking..."
"And why would that be?"
Ariel simply pointed across the room of dancing and drinking people at Hermione and Draco, who were slowly dancing with each other. "Will you get over it already? Hermione isn't for you."
The drunken boy's indignant and largely nonsensical reply was cut off by Boag's yells for quiet. "Everyone! I'd like to thank you all for coming-" he was cut off by someone yelling for speeches. "Uh, I don't think anyone can be bothered giving a speech, so let's just eat cake." This was greeted with yells of approval from the crowd.
Before he could cut the cake Ariel stumbled forward and yelled, "Wait, I have something to say!" Ariel grabbed the microphone and cleared his throat.
"I'd just like to say that I hate you all. I hate Andrew and I hate Draco and I hate my father!"
As Ariel ranted on about all the people he hated, Draco and Hermione snuck away without anyone noticing.
"I hate Dally and I hate Buffy and hate fangirls."
Spike, Buffy and Dally moved away.
"I hate-" Ariel suddenly stopped speaking and stumbled off the stage and towards a door. As he reached the bar he started vomiting. And continued to vomit.
When he stopped, he staggered towards the wedding cake. Ariel stopped and looked at it, then threw up all over the cake. Fred shrieked and ran over to him. "Ariel! How could you?" she screamed. "You ruined my wedding!"
Ariel turned to face her and spewed on her wedding dress. Fred looked distraught. Boag came over, punched the drunken Ariel in the face and then led Fred away.
Willow and Oz looked at each other and Willow said, "Well, that was an interesting ending."