Wonderwall
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: don't own characters, just the plot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Anger
Harry sat in the common room, his head in his hands. He couldn't understand it. He couldn't get it out of his head.
It couldn't be true.
Malfoy and Hermione? No. no. NO. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. Hermione was a beautiful, smart witch.. Surely she knew better than to be with malfoy. And, Harry cringed when he saw the couple in his head.
He was holding her. He had his filthy, evil hands on her. Then he kissed her. He put his disgusting, cruel mouth on her lips. Harry could feel his anger bubbling, boiling, rising at such a searing temperature. Maybe he had put some sort of spell on her. Maybe she was just acting? Harry was shaking, his fingernails digging into his scalp.
Malfoy had KISSED her. He didn't want to believe it, he wished he hadn't had seen it. So this was what she meant by 'stuff.' This was what she had been doing when they hadn't been around. Harry swallowed hard. This was his fault. He shouldn't have pushed her so far away. He had pushed her straight into Malfoy. Straight into the arms of that disgusting git. He was so angry. How long had this been going on? How long had she been meeting with him? Kissing him? How long had it been since she hated him?
How long was she planning to keep this a secret from them?
He just couldn't believe.. Hermione. Hermione. The girl who had the best grades in the school. The girl who had been appointed Prefect.
How could she not tell them? Why didn't she tell them? They were her friends! It couldn't have slipped her mind; she was hiding it from them. That infuriated him even more. Harry let out a frustrated cry, and stood up. He grabbed a piece of paper, and hastily jotted down a letter to her. But then, all of sudden, his hand froze. Maybe she would tell them.
Maybe she was going to. Maybe it had just happened today, or yesterday. Maybe she was going to tell them about it tomorrow. He sighed, heavily, and dropped his quill. He stared at the parchment, his messy and blotted handwriting, pressed hard into the paper by his shaking, angry hand. He sat down on the chair, and looked at it. He stared at it for a few minutes, trying to decide what he should do. Should he ask to meet her now, and confront her about it?
Or should he wait until she told him? He thought hard, his green eyes as if trying to burn a hole into the paper.
His mind was swarming with questions, demands, assumptions and horrible conclusions of her 'relationship' with Malfoy. He sighed, as he slowly took the parchment and crumpled it up into a messy and pointy ball. He threw it away, but felt as if someone had just forced a stone down his throat. He hesitated, as he tried to walk back, looking down into the trashcan. His chest was tight, and his lungs were hard; his ragged breaths were trying to shallow, but it was hard. He didn't know what he was on the verge of. He was so angry he was shaking; all he wanted to do was hear the truth out of Hermione, hear her say that he was mistaken.
He closed his eyes tightly, as he could imagine his heart breaking if she would tell him that he hadn't been mistaken. That his eyes didn't deceive him. That it was true. That she had been really out there, kissing Draco Malfoy. He didn't think he could take it. This was Hermione. She should tell them, he shouldn't have to ask. He remembered Hermione saying something to him once, about finding some good in everyone. Harry had thought it was true before, but now he was just infuriated as he heard the words replaying in his mind.
What good could she possibly find in a blasted scumbag like Draco Malfoy?
He just couldn't figure it out, but he knew that he just didn't want to see it. He didn't want to know if there was even any good in him, let alone what it was. He didn't deserve her. She deserved someone better, someone who didn't treat her like dirt. Harry froze.
He remembered observing Hermione, once in the Great Hall. Her eyes kept flickering over to.. The Slytherin table. Harry inhaled sharply, as he slapped himself mentally. He should've seen that there was something there. She was constantly looking over at the bloody table, and every time they complained about Potions, she didn't join in as usual. Well, she wouldn't join them usually, but she would at least say a word or two. But these past few days.. Not a word. She had even come out once, smiling happily. Now, that never happened in Potions. Maybe if Snape admitted that she was indeed a very bright and smart girl, but he never did. Why was she smiling?
Now Harry knew. It had to do with Malfoy. So it had been going on for quite some time, now.
He tightly closed his eyes again, trying to block all these thoughts about bloody Malfoy. The room went dark, and there weren't even the faintest outlines of the objects surrounding him. Usually he felt at peace, being in this world that was surrounded and embraced by the somehow serene darkness.
But that peace was gone now. He couldn't find it. The silence and the blackness of his little world wasn't strong enough, no, not for this one.
He didn't know how he could talk to her now. He didn't know if things would ever be the same way they had been before. He didn't know if he could take it when she would say that there was nothing wrong. He wouldn't believe her. He couldn't. Not when she had been hiding something as big and major as this from them. He thought he could trust her. All this time, she had been hiding this from them.. This, this.. This little relationship she had with Malfoy. The enemy. Didn't she know that he could just be playing her? Didn't she even think about.. Why..
Harry didn't know why she was with him. He didn't know why he was with her. But he could already feel his heart buckling underneath such of this weight..
He knew he couldn't take it if she said that she was in love with him. He didn't know if he could take looking into her eyes as she said those piercing words, and confirming that they were true. He didn't know if he could ever speak to her again. He didn't know how this would affect Ron, or the other Gryffindors.
He didn't even know how this would affect him. He could only guess.
Maybe he would be so angry and infuriated that he would hate her. Maybe he wouldn't speak to her, or act as if she had never existed. Maybe he would be there for her, doing the right thing a friend would do if the person was in trouble. But what if that friend had lied? Lied to you, lied to her best friends? What would you then?
Maybe he would learn how to accept it.
Maybe he could push aside these growing feelings that had spurted inside of him for quite a while now.
Maybe he would be there to let her cry on his shoulder when she broke down.
Or maybe he would walk away.
But then maybe's never good enough.
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: don't own characters, just the plot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Anger
Harry sat in the common room, his head in his hands. He couldn't understand it. He couldn't get it out of his head.
It couldn't be true.
Malfoy and Hermione? No. no. NO. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. Hermione was a beautiful, smart witch.. Surely she knew better than to be with malfoy. And, Harry cringed when he saw the couple in his head.
He was holding her. He had his filthy, evil hands on her. Then he kissed her. He put his disgusting, cruel mouth on her lips. Harry could feel his anger bubbling, boiling, rising at such a searing temperature. Maybe he had put some sort of spell on her. Maybe she was just acting? Harry was shaking, his fingernails digging into his scalp.
Malfoy had KISSED her. He didn't want to believe it, he wished he hadn't had seen it. So this was what she meant by 'stuff.' This was what she had been doing when they hadn't been around. Harry swallowed hard. This was his fault. He shouldn't have pushed her so far away. He had pushed her straight into Malfoy. Straight into the arms of that disgusting git. He was so angry. How long had this been going on? How long had she been meeting with him? Kissing him? How long had it been since she hated him?
How long was she planning to keep this a secret from them?
He just couldn't believe.. Hermione. Hermione. The girl who had the best grades in the school. The girl who had been appointed Prefect.
How could she not tell them? Why didn't she tell them? They were her friends! It couldn't have slipped her mind; she was hiding it from them. That infuriated him even more. Harry let out a frustrated cry, and stood up. He grabbed a piece of paper, and hastily jotted down a letter to her. But then, all of sudden, his hand froze. Maybe she would tell them.
Maybe she was going to. Maybe it had just happened today, or yesterday. Maybe she was going to tell them about it tomorrow. He sighed, heavily, and dropped his quill. He stared at the parchment, his messy and blotted handwriting, pressed hard into the paper by his shaking, angry hand. He sat down on the chair, and looked at it. He stared at it for a few minutes, trying to decide what he should do. Should he ask to meet her now, and confront her about it?
Or should he wait until she told him? He thought hard, his green eyes as if trying to burn a hole into the paper.
His mind was swarming with questions, demands, assumptions and horrible conclusions of her 'relationship' with Malfoy. He sighed, as he slowly took the parchment and crumpled it up into a messy and pointy ball. He threw it away, but felt as if someone had just forced a stone down his throat. He hesitated, as he tried to walk back, looking down into the trashcan. His chest was tight, and his lungs were hard; his ragged breaths were trying to shallow, but it was hard. He didn't know what he was on the verge of. He was so angry he was shaking; all he wanted to do was hear the truth out of Hermione, hear her say that he was mistaken.
He closed his eyes tightly, as he could imagine his heart breaking if she would tell him that he hadn't been mistaken. That his eyes didn't deceive him. That it was true. That she had been really out there, kissing Draco Malfoy. He didn't think he could take it. This was Hermione. She should tell them, he shouldn't have to ask. He remembered Hermione saying something to him once, about finding some good in everyone. Harry had thought it was true before, but now he was just infuriated as he heard the words replaying in his mind.
What good could she possibly find in a blasted scumbag like Draco Malfoy?
He just couldn't figure it out, but he knew that he just didn't want to see it. He didn't want to know if there was even any good in him, let alone what it was. He didn't deserve her. She deserved someone better, someone who didn't treat her like dirt. Harry froze.
He remembered observing Hermione, once in the Great Hall. Her eyes kept flickering over to.. The Slytherin table. Harry inhaled sharply, as he slapped himself mentally. He should've seen that there was something there. She was constantly looking over at the bloody table, and every time they complained about Potions, she didn't join in as usual. Well, she wouldn't join them usually, but she would at least say a word or two. But these past few days.. Not a word. She had even come out once, smiling happily. Now, that never happened in Potions. Maybe if Snape admitted that she was indeed a very bright and smart girl, but he never did. Why was she smiling?
Now Harry knew. It had to do with Malfoy. So it had been going on for quite some time, now.
He tightly closed his eyes again, trying to block all these thoughts about bloody Malfoy. The room went dark, and there weren't even the faintest outlines of the objects surrounding him. Usually he felt at peace, being in this world that was surrounded and embraced by the somehow serene darkness.
But that peace was gone now. He couldn't find it. The silence and the blackness of his little world wasn't strong enough, no, not for this one.
He didn't know how he could talk to her now. He didn't know if things would ever be the same way they had been before. He didn't know if he could take it when she would say that there was nothing wrong. He wouldn't believe her. He couldn't. Not when she had been hiding something as big and major as this from them. He thought he could trust her. All this time, she had been hiding this from them.. This, this.. This little relationship she had with Malfoy. The enemy. Didn't she know that he could just be playing her? Didn't she even think about.. Why..
Harry didn't know why she was with him. He didn't know why he was with her. But he could already feel his heart buckling underneath such of this weight..
He knew he couldn't take it if she said that she was in love with him. He didn't know if he could take looking into her eyes as she said those piercing words, and confirming that they were true. He didn't know if he could ever speak to her again. He didn't know how this would affect Ron, or the other Gryffindors.
He didn't even know how this would affect him. He could only guess.
Maybe he would be so angry and infuriated that he would hate her. Maybe he wouldn't speak to her, or act as if she had never existed. Maybe he would be there for her, doing the right thing a friend would do if the person was in trouble. But what if that friend had lied? Lied to you, lied to her best friends? What would you then?
Maybe he would learn how to accept it.
Maybe he could push aside these growing feelings that had spurted inside of him for quite a while now.
Maybe he would be there to let her cry on his shoulder when she broke down.
Or maybe he would walk away.
But then maybe's never good enough.