Wonderwall
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: Don't own characters, just the plot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Confrontation
Harry seemed off every morning, ever since the trip to Hogsmeade, so it seemed to Hermione. She saw that he barely talked at her, even looked at her. He seemed to be looking somewhere else during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She couldn't get through to him, neither could Ron. She was starting to worry.. Harry had never been like this. He had never been so quiet; his face didn't look so solemn all the time.
He hadn't spoken to her in a week. Now she was really worried. She tried asking him what was wrong, asked him if everything was okay. And he would just look ahead, as always, and say everything was fine. Hermione had never heard such a lie before. She barely saw him smile, his emerald eyes had lost their sparkle. Somehow she got the feeling that Harry was gone. But she just didn't know how. Or why. She caught up with him, in the corridor, coming from the library one day.
"Harry!" she said, as she caught up with him. Harry glanced at her quickly, and it felt as if his gut was wrenching and twisting. He just couldn't bear to look at her. He didn't say a word to her, as he tried walking more rapidly. Hermione had to practically run to catch up with him.
"Harry! Would you slow down!" she said. He didn't answer her, and Hermione grabbed his arm, and halted him. His anger was boiling up inside him. Her touch had activated so many nerves and emotions.. He couldn't take it. There was anger, sadness, frustration, betrayal.. And something else he wasn't supposed to feel. He turned to her, his green eyes blazing.
"What's wrong, Harry?" She asked, her hand still on his arm. Harry thought as if her hands were burning a hole through his sleeve. He jerked his hand away, and couldn't help but feel as if it had been dipped in icy cold water, as he jerked it away from her warm grasp.
"Nothing!" he hissed. Hermione could see he was angry.. She had never seen him this way before. His green eyes were dark and flashing, and she could feel the anger in him, making the air seem colder and hard.
"No! No, it's not nothing, Harry!" she yelled at him. "Everyday, you say it's nothing, and I'm tired of you always lying!" she said. Harry felt something snap inside him. He swiftly grabbed Hermione's arm, and jerked her forward. Hermione winced as his hand gripped her arm so tightly. She could feel his grasp getting tighter and tighter, and she could almost feel his fingers digging into her flesh, even with her robe sleeve separating her skin from his hand.
His eyes flickered dangerously, as his hand squeezed her arm tighter. He was so close that he could smell her, and see the fear in her eyes.
"Lie?! I'm lying?!" he yelled at her. "Do you know what I've been knowing for a week, Hermione?! A WHOLE BLOODY WEEK?! What I've been waiting for you to tell me and Ron?!" Hermione could feel her heart beating faster and faster, and her breathing get hard. His hand on her arm was painful, and her eyes were beginning to tear, but she didn't care for that. Harry looked at her with such hatred and anger.. She no longer knew him. This wasn't like him. This wasn't him. Hermione felt a whimper seize in her throat, as he leaned closer, the anger burning inside him.
"I saw you," he said, his voice low, hard and dangerous. He was on the verge of screaming out, of yelling out at her.. He had to try so hard to keep his voice this way. His chest was so tight, and his lungs were restricted, and held down. His breathing was heavy and rapid, but he felt as if it wasn't enough.
"I saw you, that day we went to Hogsmeade," Hermione froze, feeling a certain stinging numbness fill her. No.. No.. Not Harry. "I saw you, with Malfoy." Hermione was sure her blood had turned cold. Her heart had stopped beating. She felt this slow, crushing collapsing inside of her. Like everything had fallen down and crashed into ruins. Suddenly she was numb to the painful grasp Harry had on her. Everything had fallen down. Everything was gone.
She saw the hurt in Harry's eyes. She was such a fool. How had she not seen this before? How couldn't she just piece all of it together? Harry had been staring straight at the Slytherin table.. He hadn't been talking to her. He hated her. He was infuriated just by thinking of her.
Hermione felt as if her heart had just suddenly stopped working, and crashed. Harry, seeing her sudden shock, let go of her arm. He could feel his throat seizing up, his chest and heart felt as if it was chained to a heavy weight.
"Harry," she stammered. But Harry had already backed away, his eyes were filled with hurt and pain.. Betrayal. Hermione was crushed. This was what she had been afraid of. This was what.. She had done this. She had done this. It was all her fault.
Harry shook his head, and turned around, walking down the hall. He had to get away from here. From her. Although, even if he had managed to escape to a place of pure solitude and silence, he knew. The silence would be deafening and torture. Thoughts of her would invade him easily, and he would feel everything all over again. It was already too painful. Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. A hand gripped his shoulder, and he turned around. There was Hermione.
It hurt just to see her.
"Harry, you don't understand," she said, in a strained voice. She was trying her hardest not to cry. Her chest was tight and constrained, and she felt as if her lungs weren't functioning properly. She couldn't breathe right. She felt as if she couldn't breathe at all.
"Harry, please just let me explain," she said, her voice wavering. Harry raised his hand and gently slipped off her hand from his shoulder. Her touch, even with his robes on, burned him. Hermione just stared into his eyes, pleading for him to let her explain.
"I don't even want to know," he said, his voice low and forceful. Hermione could hear the pain and damage in his voice.
"Harry, I was going to tell you, I was-"
"Then why didn't you?" His voice suddenly rising. "Why did you wait so long? Did you think it was so bloody fun? Don't you think we deserved to know, Hermione?!" He breathed heavily, fuming.
"I waited for a BLOODY WEEK! I waited that long for you to tell me, hoping, praying you would. Tell me anything at least, if I was mistaken, if I was right. But, no. You didn't tell us anything. Not a word. Do you know how it feels?! To know that your best friend is keeping something from you, and waiting even though you're bursting to ask them?! Do you know how bloody hard it was to watch you, thinking that every night you spent in your Prefect common room was spent with Malfoy?!"
Hermione felt as if he had just literally stabbed her in the heart. She felt that painful tug, ripping it into pieces, crumbling. She could feel the acid like dark fluid seeping out, flooding out.
"I was going to tell you!" she said, the tears finally showing through. " I was!"
"What were you waiting for, Hermione?!"
"I just didn't know how you would react, if you would be angry with me, or if you would just accept it, and let me be happy-"
"Well, now you know, don't you?! You got your wish; now you know how I would react." He glared at her, and she was breaking under his gaze. Her hope for them understanding was shattered; the pieces too small to ever piece back together. The fragile pieces were there, never to be put back together again.
"Tell me the truth, Hermione," his voice suddenly got quiet. "Tell me what I saw."
She let some tears slip, as she tasted the salty drops in her mouth. "I don't think I can tell you what you want to hear," she said, her voice shaking. Harry felt his heart fall.
"It's true, I was out there with Draco. I'm in love with him." Hearing those words were the most painful thing he ever had to do. That's what he was afraid of. Those words. Hearing them from her mouth. Harry looked at her, his green eyes filling with hurt and pain.. He collected a ragged breath, before speaking.
"Just tell Ron, for goodness sakes, Hermione. Let him have a better way of finding out than me," he said, backing away.
Hermione was sobbing, her cheeks stained with tears. "Harry," she said.
"Please, you've got to understand.. I'm sorry.."
His retreating back stopped, as he swallowed hard to say his last words to her.
"I've tried, Hermione. But trying alone is never good enough." And with that, he walked away, as Hermione sank on her knees, the cold floor underneath her chilling her bones. But she couldn't care less. She dug her head in her hands, sobbing, trying to let it out.
This was all her fault. This, everything. She should've told him, she knew she should've. And now she had lost him.
She had lost Harry.
She could feel her tears seep through the sleeves of her robes, and her hands filling with the bittersweet drops.. As if trying to catch them. He didn't understand. He couldn't. And she knew, she had known.
She cried.
Because it was all her fault. Because of Harry. Because she didn't have the heart to tell him.
Because he had found out.
She couldn't feel the atmosphere get colder, for she was already at the coldest place she could ever be. She was alone, her tears dropping onto the floor, making a puddle. She couldn't get up on her feet and walk to her room; she didn't even have the heart to look up. She had done this to herself. She should've seen it coming. But the weird thing was, she had. But she had let her false hope, or that lie she had built up in herself, saying that they would understand, grow bigger and bigger. That they would let her be with Draco, without choosing between them. She had wanted to believe it.
And she was blinded. She was the one who had wrapped this blindfold on her eyes, wandering endlessly in the fog, pretending and convincing herself that she knew where she was going.
But she didn't know. She hadn't the slightest clue.
They had called her the smartest witch to enter Hogwarts in centuries.
She couldn't help but think of how incredulously wrong they were on that one.
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: Don't own characters, just the plot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Confrontation
Harry seemed off every morning, ever since the trip to Hogsmeade, so it seemed to Hermione. She saw that he barely talked at her, even looked at her. He seemed to be looking somewhere else during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She couldn't get through to him, neither could Ron. She was starting to worry.. Harry had never been like this. He had never been so quiet; his face didn't look so solemn all the time.
He hadn't spoken to her in a week. Now she was really worried. She tried asking him what was wrong, asked him if everything was okay. And he would just look ahead, as always, and say everything was fine. Hermione had never heard such a lie before. She barely saw him smile, his emerald eyes had lost their sparkle. Somehow she got the feeling that Harry was gone. But she just didn't know how. Or why. She caught up with him, in the corridor, coming from the library one day.
"Harry!" she said, as she caught up with him. Harry glanced at her quickly, and it felt as if his gut was wrenching and twisting. He just couldn't bear to look at her. He didn't say a word to her, as he tried walking more rapidly. Hermione had to practically run to catch up with him.
"Harry! Would you slow down!" she said. He didn't answer her, and Hermione grabbed his arm, and halted him. His anger was boiling up inside him. Her touch had activated so many nerves and emotions.. He couldn't take it. There was anger, sadness, frustration, betrayal.. And something else he wasn't supposed to feel. He turned to her, his green eyes blazing.
"What's wrong, Harry?" She asked, her hand still on his arm. Harry thought as if her hands were burning a hole through his sleeve. He jerked his hand away, and couldn't help but feel as if it had been dipped in icy cold water, as he jerked it away from her warm grasp.
"Nothing!" he hissed. Hermione could see he was angry.. She had never seen him this way before. His green eyes were dark and flashing, and she could feel the anger in him, making the air seem colder and hard.
"No! No, it's not nothing, Harry!" she yelled at him. "Everyday, you say it's nothing, and I'm tired of you always lying!" she said. Harry felt something snap inside him. He swiftly grabbed Hermione's arm, and jerked her forward. Hermione winced as his hand gripped her arm so tightly. She could feel his grasp getting tighter and tighter, and she could almost feel his fingers digging into her flesh, even with her robe sleeve separating her skin from his hand.
His eyes flickered dangerously, as his hand squeezed her arm tighter. He was so close that he could smell her, and see the fear in her eyes.
"Lie?! I'm lying?!" he yelled at her. "Do you know what I've been knowing for a week, Hermione?! A WHOLE BLOODY WEEK?! What I've been waiting for you to tell me and Ron?!" Hermione could feel her heart beating faster and faster, and her breathing get hard. His hand on her arm was painful, and her eyes were beginning to tear, but she didn't care for that. Harry looked at her with such hatred and anger.. She no longer knew him. This wasn't like him. This wasn't him. Hermione felt a whimper seize in her throat, as he leaned closer, the anger burning inside him.
"I saw you," he said, his voice low, hard and dangerous. He was on the verge of screaming out, of yelling out at her.. He had to try so hard to keep his voice this way. His chest was so tight, and his lungs were restricted, and held down. His breathing was heavy and rapid, but he felt as if it wasn't enough.
"I saw you, that day we went to Hogsmeade," Hermione froze, feeling a certain stinging numbness fill her. No.. No.. Not Harry. "I saw you, with Malfoy." Hermione was sure her blood had turned cold. Her heart had stopped beating. She felt this slow, crushing collapsing inside of her. Like everything had fallen down and crashed into ruins. Suddenly she was numb to the painful grasp Harry had on her. Everything had fallen down. Everything was gone.
She saw the hurt in Harry's eyes. She was such a fool. How had she not seen this before? How couldn't she just piece all of it together? Harry had been staring straight at the Slytherin table.. He hadn't been talking to her. He hated her. He was infuriated just by thinking of her.
Hermione felt as if her heart had just suddenly stopped working, and crashed. Harry, seeing her sudden shock, let go of her arm. He could feel his throat seizing up, his chest and heart felt as if it was chained to a heavy weight.
"Harry," she stammered. But Harry had already backed away, his eyes were filled with hurt and pain.. Betrayal. Hermione was crushed. This was what she had been afraid of. This was what.. She had done this. She had done this. It was all her fault.
Harry shook his head, and turned around, walking down the hall. He had to get away from here. From her. Although, even if he had managed to escape to a place of pure solitude and silence, he knew. The silence would be deafening and torture. Thoughts of her would invade him easily, and he would feel everything all over again. It was already too painful. Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. A hand gripped his shoulder, and he turned around. There was Hermione.
It hurt just to see her.
"Harry, you don't understand," she said, in a strained voice. She was trying her hardest not to cry. Her chest was tight and constrained, and she felt as if her lungs weren't functioning properly. She couldn't breathe right. She felt as if she couldn't breathe at all.
"Harry, please just let me explain," she said, her voice wavering. Harry raised his hand and gently slipped off her hand from his shoulder. Her touch, even with his robes on, burned him. Hermione just stared into his eyes, pleading for him to let her explain.
"I don't even want to know," he said, his voice low and forceful. Hermione could hear the pain and damage in his voice.
"Harry, I was going to tell you, I was-"
"Then why didn't you?" His voice suddenly rising. "Why did you wait so long? Did you think it was so bloody fun? Don't you think we deserved to know, Hermione?!" He breathed heavily, fuming.
"I waited for a BLOODY WEEK! I waited that long for you to tell me, hoping, praying you would. Tell me anything at least, if I was mistaken, if I was right. But, no. You didn't tell us anything. Not a word. Do you know how it feels?! To know that your best friend is keeping something from you, and waiting even though you're bursting to ask them?! Do you know how bloody hard it was to watch you, thinking that every night you spent in your Prefect common room was spent with Malfoy?!"
Hermione felt as if he had just literally stabbed her in the heart. She felt that painful tug, ripping it into pieces, crumbling. She could feel the acid like dark fluid seeping out, flooding out.
"I was going to tell you!" she said, the tears finally showing through. " I was!"
"What were you waiting for, Hermione?!"
"I just didn't know how you would react, if you would be angry with me, or if you would just accept it, and let me be happy-"
"Well, now you know, don't you?! You got your wish; now you know how I would react." He glared at her, and she was breaking under his gaze. Her hope for them understanding was shattered; the pieces too small to ever piece back together. The fragile pieces were there, never to be put back together again.
"Tell me the truth, Hermione," his voice suddenly got quiet. "Tell me what I saw."
She let some tears slip, as she tasted the salty drops in her mouth. "I don't think I can tell you what you want to hear," she said, her voice shaking. Harry felt his heart fall.
"It's true, I was out there with Draco. I'm in love with him." Hearing those words were the most painful thing he ever had to do. That's what he was afraid of. Those words. Hearing them from her mouth. Harry looked at her, his green eyes filling with hurt and pain.. He collected a ragged breath, before speaking.
"Just tell Ron, for goodness sakes, Hermione. Let him have a better way of finding out than me," he said, backing away.
Hermione was sobbing, her cheeks stained with tears. "Harry," she said.
"Please, you've got to understand.. I'm sorry.."
His retreating back stopped, as he swallowed hard to say his last words to her.
"I've tried, Hermione. But trying alone is never good enough." And with that, he walked away, as Hermione sank on her knees, the cold floor underneath her chilling her bones. But she couldn't care less. She dug her head in her hands, sobbing, trying to let it out.
This was all her fault. This, everything. She should've told him, she knew she should've. And now she had lost him.
She had lost Harry.
She could feel her tears seep through the sleeves of her robes, and her hands filling with the bittersweet drops.. As if trying to catch them. He didn't understand. He couldn't. And she knew, she had known.
She cried.
Because it was all her fault. Because of Harry. Because she didn't have the heart to tell him.
Because he had found out.
She couldn't feel the atmosphere get colder, for she was already at the coldest place she could ever be. She was alone, her tears dropping onto the floor, making a puddle. She couldn't get up on her feet and walk to her room; she didn't even have the heart to look up. She had done this to herself. She should've seen it coming. But the weird thing was, she had. But she had let her false hope, or that lie she had built up in herself, saying that they would understand, grow bigger and bigger. That they would let her be with Draco, without choosing between them. She had wanted to believe it.
And she was blinded. She was the one who had wrapped this blindfold on her eyes, wandering endlessly in the fog, pretending and convincing herself that she knew where she was going.
But she didn't know. She hadn't the slightest clue.
They had called her the smartest witch to enter Hogwarts in centuries.
She couldn't help but think of how incredulously wrong they were on that one.