Declaimers: *mutter mutter mutter* always the same story here.

To all: Well I feel the need to humiliate Darien in this chapter, so forgive me for giving into that urge. And sorrie for the declining quality in my writing: I place the blame on school. To make up for not updating as often I made and extra long chapter! Happy, happy?

sally: Thank you! I hope u enjoy reading this one!

serena79: I don't have msn, unfortunately… can't be bothered to download it as I really don't have time to chat.

daisy31:  heh, you have no idea how cruel I will be, I kinda feel sorry for Darien…

Moonlightshadows: as I said above… *evil laugh* you have no idea what's coming

aurora: thank you!  sorry I couldn't update earlier.

Selphie: heh, you predict things… but I won't let Damon jump off a cliff— I like him.

kirei*snow*tenchi: of course I read FAKE! Just read the 2nd volume a few days ago, I'm not really digging Dee (the man's trying to rape Ryo!), and I'm so excited about Berkley (bishonen guy is all I can say)

Dunk-Dunk: I won't leave you hanging like that, I promise… I can't help that I get loads of school work (or that I'm slow at doing them, whichever). Sorry.

invisible2u: do not get carried away, I do not handle such issues as Sex, as they make me blush with embarrassment. but yes to fluff, a lethal dose of it too!

Hurt Before

*Turning the Key*

*Turning the key, unlocking the door

Embracing the roller coaster world

Take it in stride, you're just twenty-five

And you know we've all been hurt before*

"Wake up. Lazy Bum!" Serena heard Darien yell the next morning and instinctively turned to face him. He was still lying on his back, poor thing, with his stern face turned to her. She smiled surprised to see him, making Darien's heart skip a beat. He couldn't understand what went on, and just felt that her lazy, half sleepy face covered with golden hair strands was the trigger to that warm feeling that washed over him. He felt as if he wanted to explode, or just roll over and hug her to death, but he was able to ever skilfully hide these emotions under that severe looking face.

"Have you any idea what time it is?" he continued annoyed. "It's almost ten o'clock—"

"Merry Christmas, Darien," she interrupted him still curled up under the blankets, smiling at him, being beautiful.

Darien softened, he was touched. He looked at her completely defenceless… amazed. He couldn't really understand why she didn't get angry at him. It was Christmas morning, and he was being insensitive, and she just greeted him in a so friendly way? Rei would have gone ballistic, and Michelle too, if they were in her place. Impulsively, he let his hand reach for her and pat her head gently.

"Merry Christmas to you too," he spoke softly.

Serena turned over and got up. "I'll make bacon and eggs, and pancakes… I have it all planned out…"

"I'll get fat," he commented grumpily.

"That's what you're supposed to do on Christmas," she explained, "Besides; I'd have a laugh seeing a cute chubby Darien!"

Darien felt all warm inside, and suddenly didn't really mind being chubby. But he realised that she was just being friendly—that she didn't mean anything by saying that.

Then Serena stopped at her tracks.

"Maybe you'd like to shower or bathe or whatever before we eat?" she stuttered nervously.

"I'd like that," he told her, "If you just help me to the bathroom, I'll be fine from there," he continued, with his eyes mocking her awkwardness. He noticed how she fidgeted and got nervy when it came to her being close to him in ways that under normal circumstances wouldn't have been normal. He decided that it was because she wasn't used to being around the male population much.

She helped him to the bathroom, and then waited outside in case something happened inside. Over the door, she kept telling him worriedly to be careful, not to hurry, and take it slow, until she heard him yell that she should shut up, and that he could take care of himself. Then she stood by the door thinking of how naturally she was handing those strange situations.

He kissed her, and she didn't feel awkward around him when she saw him next. That was her first kiss; she dreamt about that moment so many times: of how perfect it would be. The occurrence the day before was no way near perfect— she admitted that she was dazed and taken by it, and that it felt good, etc— but the scenario was wrong, and she wasn't even sure if she was in love with the kisser, not to mention that the kisser was a complete jerk! She should be feeling regret, or anger, or joy over having had her first kiss, but nope! She just felt as if it was not big deal.

She slept in a guy's house (not to mention his bed) for the first time, and she was still able to talk to him. She felt that it wasn't a big deal, either, and that feeling shocked, disappointed (as it burst all the illusions of how she should feel), and scared her (what if every single big thing that happened would give her a no big deal feeling?). Then came the bathroom incident, when she helped him undress (AN: don't worry I'm not going echii, he still had his very concealing trunks on), and she was not able to not check him out, but still, it didn't feel as if she should be ashamed of herself for not even being able to do that more discretely. If she didn't watch it, next thing might be— she forced herself to not think about anything anymore; she was just making matters complicated.

She couldn't help to think that being with Darien felt so ordinary right… natural, and half simple— well, except for those moments, like with his actually kissing her or her blatantly admiring his physique: then she just felt her heart jump and her blood rush.

He was undeniably sexy, as Michelle put it, so it was only natural that she should feel this way, she told herself. She did not want him, or daydream about him (anymore), so according to her, she wasn't falling for him over again. She was just being friendly and nice; and she wasn't encouraging him (nope, nope, never… right?), so no harm done.

On the other side of the door, ever so slow with his motions while taking his shower, Darien couldn't keep himself from grinning at the way she had stared at him. He even had to remind her that he was about to take a shower, and that she should leave. But he understood it; he knew he had good looks, so no wonder she was gawking. Simple, forgiven, and appreciated. Her soundless compliment was in his eyes the best one he'd ever received (and it's worth mentioning that praises for his good looks were was something he received more than often), he wouldn't mind getting chubby now…

A half and hour later Serena heard Darien shout that he was finished, so she helped him to his couch where she decided that they should breakfast. Then she went to take a quick shower, and after that she made breakfast.

The rest of the day passed by calmly. She made Chicken a la King (AN: I know I am obsessed with describing food!) for dinner, and forced Darien to dress up before they ate, as she too had made an effort to look nice on Christmas. She looked through his CDs trying to find something Christmassy, as Darien yelled that he'd kill her if she broke his alphabetical order, and she obviously ignored his comment. Then they dined with Cindy Peters in the background, and Serena forced Darien to say grace, even though he protested against it by saying that he was an atheist, and when she would not have it, he lied about being a Muslim, Hindu, and a Buddhist, she, of course did not buy any of it. To Darien her chicken wasn't so bad, and Serena owned with pride that it was delicious, and that it was the best thing she ever cooked.

As she came with chocolate ice cream for desert, she brought a wrapped something with her.

"Merry Christmas," she said again handing him the hard, cubic thing wrapped in ridiculous looking Santas. Darien was surprised at first; he didn't expect to receive any presents, and for some time he just stared at the box in his hands. Then he felt it, and guessed that it was a book, and he ripped the ridiculous Santas and found out that there were two books, both by the recent noble prize winner. Taking his time, he read the summaries, and opened the first page to find a little message in Serena's half messy, half elegant calligraphy.

"I chose Coetzee because he reminds me of you," it said in one of the books, and Darien smiled. Did she really think that he was just like that serious, difficult-looking, peculiar man?

"Thanks," he uttered at last, "I think I'll enjoy these ones," he told her.

"I know you will! They're great books," she exclaimed. "Especially Elizabeth Costello."

Darien then knew that he had a present for her too. "In my coat," he started, "There are two velvet boxes, one's green and the other is blue. The green one is for you."

"Oh, but I couldn't possibly…" Serena spoke uncertain. "I mean, I didn't expect anything back, I just thought it would be fun for you to have those books. That present was obviously meant to for some one—"

"It wasn't," he denied gravely. "It is for my favourite person this year. I always wait to the last minute with that one, to decide which of my sisters or other female relative will get two presents."

"Female?" she questioned him amused, not really believing his story.

"Only females ever make it into my favourite lists, all the male relatives always manage to screw up. Andrew was close this year, but then he made a fool of himself in the meeting in Florida, which I can't forgive him for. Now, go and get it, for heaven's sake!"

Serena obeyed him, not that she believed what he said, but she didn't want to ruin the atmosphere by annoying him. In front of him, she opened the box, and there lay a silver bracelet shaped in a string of roses, each with a pink glittering stone looking like a drop of dew. What stone those were she didn't even want to imagine. She held up the bracelet against the light and admired its workmanship, then Darien gained custody over it and helped her put it on. As she was about to close the velvet box she noticed a paper inside.

"Can I read the note in here?" she asked carefully.

"Of course, you idiot," he told her lightly, "It's your present, isn't it?"

'To my favourite person,

I have to thank you for putting up with me. And since I have not been a pleasant person this year either, the tradition continues; you have the right to three presents: the first one you have already seen, no doubt. Now, if you wish, you can have me inflate your ego by making tell exactly why you received this present, and you may have a shot at humiliating me as I will allow you to ask me any question that you wish to ask. You should already know that I will answer honestly, so as to pay for the evils I have committed this year.'

Serena laughed. "So it was true!" she exclaimed pleased, letting go of her guilty feeling. "I know you're a strange person, but why would you do this? Don't you think it's unfair? I mean for the people who never get this presents and have watched you give it to others year after year."

"I'm not a nice person," he told her, "One can see that even at attempting to be nice I end up being rude—but life is cruel, and it's true that I would never give this present to a person out of pity." As he said this, Serena felt herself blush, she now knew that she deserved it… or else he would have never mentioned that he had any velvet boxes in his coat.

"You see, I started this tradition when I got my first pay check, I was fifteen, and could afford to buy everyone a worth present," he explained.

"Oh, so who is the person with most of these?" she asked.

"Ah-ah," he broke her off, "I already answered your one question."

"Hey, that's not fair," she protested, "I didn't know you were…"

"Tough," he said attempting to shrug. Then he though for a moment and answered, "Amy."

"I should have known," Serena exclaimed, "She deserves it."

"True."

"Now, let's hear it," she continued sitting down, straight backed, on the floor, by him.

"Huh?"

"Inflate my ego," she grinned triumphantly.

Darien growled. "Alright," he started, taking a deep breath, "You are my favourite person because you saved my life, even though you had all rights to leave there to die. Then you agreed to get me out of that hell house, and to give up the good company of you parents to stay with me and obey my every whim… something which I'm sure you aren't proud of doing." He paused watching Serena's triumphant, bright happy face. He didn't want to go on and degrade himself completely, but he had to; it was part of the deal, so he went on: "And you smell so damn good, I can't get enough of it."

Serena blinked, and was mute with surprise. Of all the things he could have said, this was by far the last thing she expected to hear. Not really knowing how to respond she muttered: "Thanks, it's Nina Ricci's L'Eau du Temps."

"It's from a bottle with two birds on," he half asked.

"Yes."

"I've always liked that smell," he uttered in a nostalgic voice, then noticing Serena's curious look, he explained, "My mother had two perfumes on her vanity, when I was young. There was one which she wore everyday— she always smelled like that other perfume, and there was this one, which she never wore—or at least I have no memory of her ever smelling like that— and the bottle was always quite full. I would always inhale it when I was in her room, and when she died Trista gained possession over it, along with the other bottle too.  Even today when I'm over at Trista's place, I sneak into her room to smell that fragrance. Which was why I was so surprised when I bumped into you in Baltimore, and you smelled…well...eh, perfect. And even at work, sometimes I'd make sure to collide with you, just to smell your fragrance," he admitted this to her. She saw a slight blush creep into his complexion, and she smiled amused. "I mentioned something about it to my sisters, and they thought I was pathetic— they're probably right."

Serena beamed. "I don't think it's pathetic at all," she said, she was the romantic type after all. She knew that this would be the greatest compliment that she'd get out of him in a long, long time. And now she finally understood why there was always such tension when they collided… and perhaps Trista's way with her— and Amy's strange insinuations! She leaned over to hug Darien, and he welcomed her easily, feeling quite relaxed that she knew his 'secret'.

"Merry Christmas…" she whispered in his ear, before hearing a "You too," from him.

And so the days wore on, Serena helped Darien like a maid during the first few days, but Darien was also recovering, and with his recovery he brought along a new emotion with him. He didn't really notice it, or perhaps he just didn't think it was a big deal, but he was falling into an attachment that was deeper than friendship. He loved just about everything about Serena. Her beautiful form, her kind self, her cheery personality, the way she looked cute when she frowned, and the ball the curled into when she slept, they was she smelled, the way the talked, and although he'd never admit it, her food. But most of all he adored the way she accepted his moody ways, she would never get angry (or not for long at least) at his insensitive ways, instead she would just do like she did on that Christmas morning, or say right to his face, calmly and friendly, that he was being a jerk.

Sooner than they both expected, it was New Year's Eve. Darien was able to stand up and move around on his own, though very slowly. Serena could have left him on his own, but she didn't, and afraid that she might go, Darien didn't mention it to her. He wanted her to stay, as he liked to be around her.

Serena, however, was struggling not to fall for Darien again, she insisted in making herself think that she only though of Darien as a friend. And that she only stayed there because he needed her help and because she was worried about him, but deep down she couldn't lie to herself and she knew that it was because she enjoyed Darien's company. He wasn't the most positive man ever, but he was intelligent and entertaining, and because he was so prone to pessimism, many times she saw things in a completely different light. The more they knew each other, she noticed, the less he treaded her like an enemy. To be honest he was also helping her to mature a little— something that her family could never really do, as they forever treaded her as their little girl.

    It was always exciting to converse with Darien, as they almost never had the same opinion on anything. Darien would also talk about his work with her, and she, too, would 'explain' a bit of psychology to him. Both had something to learn from and teach to one another.

That evening, they sat tranquilly, watching a romantic comedy on TV, and of course there had to be a commercial break *AN: hai!*!

"You know, it's lawyers and shrinks that have an evil reputation…" he told her, "So you must have an urge to be evil, or else you'd not want to be a psychologist."

Serena laughed a little, "Economists should also be included in your list, they also have a bad reputation."

"That's true— but you already knew I was a bad person," he stated, "Now, why did you become a shrink?"

"It's a long story," she said, "And the movie will be on soon."

"Both you and I have seen this movie before, so why can't we talk about you for a while?"

"Alright," Serena sighed, "I never really planned on becoming a psychologist, in fact, I didn't have any plans at all, and no one expected be to become anything either. I was really bad at school— a D student." Darien looked at her with wonder. "I was a hopeless case, my parents, close acquaintances, teachers— everyone thought I'd get married and become a homemaker, or join a beauty pageant, or at most work at the local hairdresser.

"My brother was the hope of the family, he had great grades, and everyone expected him to achieve something great. It wasn't until senior year when my aunt told me that I was old enough to enter a beauty contest that I started to think about my future. I told her that I didn't want to, not because I had anything against it, I mean I watched those shows, but I didn't like the idea of having the whole US, or at least half of Baltimore watching me walk around with a bikini and heels. That was just not me. So when I refused to even think about it, every one around the dinner table stared at me astonished, and I remember my aunt asking me this:

"'But Serena how can you just not want to enter a contest? It's the only choice you have… or do you have a boyfriend?"

"'A boyfriend?' I repeated, I mean I was a cheerleader and all, but date football players? Urgh. Besides, I didn't get what that had to do with anything. 'I don't understand…'

"My aunt looked thoughtful for a while, then she turned to my mother and said: 'Don't worry Irene, I'll talk to Sandry; next summer she might be able to get an internship at her saloon.'

"'What about college?' I remembered asking, and all I got for an answer was a 'What about it?' from my dad.

"Then my brother told me triumphantly: 'You'll never get in, Meatball Head, you're too stupid.'

"That's when I realised that everyone thought of me a just another dumb blonde, so I decided to prove them wrong; I started to work hard to achieve good grades. Some teachers were so surprised that they actually thought I cheated and plagiarized my work. But that didn't stop me; that fuelled my desire to prove them wrong, get revenge, and laugh in their faces when I finally got admitted into a university.

"I went to the school counsellor for career advice, and even she didn't take me seriously. She actually tried to convince me that it was better for me to not continue my education, and suggested entering the Miss Baltimore contest! I was shocked and angry, and screamed that it was my right to at least take a carrier test, so I took it. When the results came they suggested that I was good for a nurse or psychologist. And to get back at that stupid counsellor I worked towards becoming a psychologist.

"I told my parents that I wanted to study psychology, and they laughed and thought I was joking. My grades got a lot better, and because of my name (my father is a professor at the University of Baltimore), I was one of the few to get an interview with a guy from there. Only when I shoved the letter of my being admitted to the university in my family's face that they actually believed me. Then dad got a shock because all his life he'd only saved for my brother's tuition, they never thought I'd make it. At first he tried to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't have it, and told him just how unfair he was being. But I liked to see my parents suffer over the tuition fee, that was what they got from thinking that I was stupid. My brother then had to work harder to get a scholarship because of me, and to be honest I felt quite guilty for a while, but he made it through.

"The best day of my life was when I got the admission letter, and went around showing it to everyone who had given up on me to prove them wrong. You should have seen their faces! Especially the counsellor's! I told her in her face that I'd be a better high school counsellor that her… But as I entered my studies I really enjoyed psychology and continued of to get a master's degree."

"That's quite a tale! I had a vague I idea that you were kind of vengeful… but hell, they deserved it. I can't understand how you still love your family so much," he commented.

"I guess I don't hold grudges for long; I'd fine after I get my revenge," she said, "Besides they love me, just because they underestimated me doesn't mean that they didn't love me."

"You're the cutest person," he let her know, glancing at his watch. Five to midnight it showed. "Oh, maybe we should go to the balcony to watch the fireworks."

"Oh, I love fireworks!" Serena exclaimed, jumping up from the couch, ready to head out.

They stood in the balcony, watching the magnificent display of colours and shapes. Red, White, green, pink, blue, violet, hearts, stars, the Canadian flag's leaf (AN: I'm sorry, I suck at remembering names of trees, the only one I can actually remember is oak…), diamonds, and even dove like shapes appeared. Sometime between the beginning and the end of the show Serena shivered at the cold and Darien, unconsciously pulled her into his embrace, dragging her so close that Serena leaned on him instead of the balcony rails. It felt so natural, and they really didn't notice what they had just done.

After the fireworks, they whished each other a happy new year, and minutes later Amy called to wish Darien a happy new year. Serena, of course, just had to answer the phone by mistake.

"Serena?" Amy said shocked.

"Yes, it's me, Happy New Year to you too!" She greeted happily.

"What are you doing there, of all places?" her shy friend continued, the information she just acquired simply did not compute, so Serena laughed and explained it all.

"But Darien told me he was alone," Amy muttered, "I'm glad you stay with him. Thank you, although it's amazing that you haven't killed each other yet."

"I can't believe it myself," she chirped, "Say hi to all the Diamonds, and wish them a happy new year for me! I'll give the phone over to your bother!"

"Happy New—" he was cut off by his sister. "What? So what? Amy… I didn't want you here, okay, I wanted to think and be alone… Of course I was able to think… It's as good as being alone--- don't be an idiot! I can't stand this, let's end this stupid conversation: Happy New Year!" with that Darien ended the call, and he sighed heavily. "I could hear Mina's voice close by, and you know how scary that woman can be— Andrew'll never make in to my favourite's list for marrying that woman." Serena smiled. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Serena nodded. "Damn you!"

Then Serena called her family to wish then a happy new year, they talked for a long time, as always, and in the mean time Darien went to bed. When she came in, she found him reading one of the books she gave him. She smiled and snuggled into the bed, far away on the other side— as far away from Darien and possible. Darien turned off the reading lamp, and whispered good night. Good morning was her answer, as technically it was already the next day.

Sometime in the middle of the night, while they slept, Darien had managed to roll over to Serena's side, lying close to her, with his face nuzzled in her hair, and an arm around her waist. Unconsciously Serena nestled closer into his embrace…

The first rays of sunshine greeted her closed eyelids. Serena didn't really want to wake up, she had just had her life's best sleep, and was warm and fuzzy, but she knew that she had to get up, so like all sane people she decided to stretch. As she tried to do so she felt something heavy around her. Her eyes darted to her waist, where she found a hand, instinctively she turned her whole body around to face the person behind her… that was when Darien woke up, and while making a random more with his head their lips met. Startled, Serena backed away, and soon fell from the bed onto the floor. Darien only looked over the edge with a question mark on his head.

"Uh, good morning?" he tried, seeing her frowning face, but not really understanding what was going on.

"Good morning? Is that all you can say?" he heard her angry voice from the floor, then he saw her stand up. "Mind if you explain yourself? You assured me that this wouldn't happen!"

"What did just happen?" he asked clueless, scratching his head, still in his pyjamas, fully clothed, etc.

"You! — on my side of the bed… with your arm… on me!" she stammered.

"Oh my… did I do that? We didn't— did we?" he stammered half scared.

"Uh, I don't think so…" Serena said lowering her head looking down her pink flannel pyjamas to hide her blush. She felt really strange; the air in the room seemed to have condensed a thousand times.

"Look, I'm sorry," he started to apologize, sitting up; "I didn't mean to… are you okay?"

"Yeah," she uttered. "I gotta go— take a shower," with that she ran away, leaving Darien sitting there, wondering why he woke up. That was the best night of sleep he had since he was a kid! He felt safe and wanted and her dreamed of her— doing all sort of crazy things (by that meaning rolling around the snow, making a snowman, ice skating, having ice cream in the middle of winter— all things Darien wouldn't do because he's such a stick in the mud). He had no idea he'd actually rolled over to her said and embraced her like that! Hang on there— he didn't really see what was so damned wrong with that. He had his arm around her, so what? … Right, she'd never been with a guy before; she's the romantic type. He had to make it up to her somehow, so with that he got up to make breakfast.

Serena exited the bathroom to meet the smell of pancakes, so she went to the kitchen to find Darien, still in his PJs making them. She smiled at him, shyly, and helped him set the table, so that they could eat— in silence.

"Darien, I think I'll go home today," she said finally after having eaten several pancakes. "You can manage by yourself now, and I think we've been around each other for too long."

Darien stared at her eyes for a few moments— emotionless. He knew she was right, even though it felt so wrong. "You're right…" he finally said, quite reluctantly, if he could say so himself.

There was silence again, and they ate— Serena pigged out, and Darien ate— without saying a word. Darien just watched her stuff herself with a smile on his lips. He had grown to like her more than he really liked to admit, he was however, forced to admit it now! Hello! Rolling over at night to be by her side is a pretty clear sign telling him that he was falling, right? Or perhaps, he'd always been falling, but now that he'd landed he was feeling the impact. Now, there was only one pancake left, he had eaten four and was quite full… Serena looked up, and chirped:

"Okay, so you are a better cook than I am," then she said the rest with puppy eyes, "Can I have the last one?" Darien's eyes lit up, at the compliment.

"Yeah," he said lazily, "I made them for you anyway."

After breakfast Serena did the dishes, and packed her suitcase, while Darien took his shower. When he was done she was ready to leave.

"I'll be going now," she uttered at the door, and watched him slowly walk towards her. "You'll call me if you need any help; I felt the number on your nightstand."

"Yeah, I've noticed," he said quietly. He didn't want her to leave— he was having the time on his life here with her! Didn't she get that? "Thanks for helping me out, I don't know how I'll repay you…"

"You don't need to, you already got into that accident, doing that over again would be stupid," she joked opening the door ready to leave.

The instance she was about to lift her suitcase, he grabbed her hand and brought her to him; as if it was a last, desperate plea to make her stay he kissed her. She, of course, just couldn't resist him, and let him in. It was a sweet, gentle, lovely kiss, unlike the first one they shared. Here Darien was aware of how inexperienced she really was. It hit him that he was the first guy to kiss her, and he didn't feel sorry; he was glad he had that honour. He held her tight as her hands relaxed on his chest, and broke away gently.

Serena was truly dazed; she had never felt anything so… so good in her life. She felt as if she was seeing stars, as if she was flying. She knew she would have collapsed if Darien was not still holding her— she did not only feel weak in her knees, but in every joint and bone of her body! She was about to open her eyes, when his lips met hers again, forcing then to close again. He gave her two more butterfly kisses. She felt his arms start to retreat…

"No, don't, Darien! I don't be able to stand!" she yelled alarmed. She heard Darien's sorry attempt to repress a laugh.

"I'm the invalid here," he mocked.

"I know, but this is your fault," she told him. "See what I mean when I say that we've been around each other too long?"

"Yeah," he whispered. It was no use; she was leaving just as soon as she could stand again. There was nothing he could do about it… well; he waited, embracing her, hoping that she'd never be able to stand again. But two minutes or so later she was out of his house.

Heh, advertisement: J. M. Coetzee, Nobel Prize winner this year, writes good books. Elizabeth Costello was splendid.