Wonderwall
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: don't own characters, just plot.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
'It was a beautiful letdown
when I crashed and burned when I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown The day I knew That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do
In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in.
Until I found out
It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here And for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free.
We're still chasing our tails
And the rising sun And our dark water planet
Still spins in a race Where no one wins And no one's one.'
-'The Beautiful Letdown'
by switchfoot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Beautiful Letdown
Draco walked into the common room, and looked around, as if expecting a certain brown haired girl reading a book by the fireplace. But the room was dark, empty. Silent. He could feel the crushing of his heart, shattering. He sighed, as the portrait door swung shut. He knew, right at the instant she had ran off, crying, that he had managed to hurt her once again. He didn't know what had triggered it, why he had done it. He just didn't know. He collapsed down on the couch, the darkness blanketing his vision.. His hands felt cold, clammy. It was hard to swallow, guilt was pressing down on his lungs, weighing down his heart. He couldn't believe he had said those horrible things to her. All he wanted to do was take back every single word, wipe away every single tear. She wasn't going to speak to him again. He sighed, as he dug his head in his hands, his hair loose, tickling his brow. He wanted to just get up and knock at her door, apologize for everything he had said.. His heart was willing him, tugging at him.. But he knew she wouldn't answer. She was probably asleep by now, and even if she wasn't.. She wouldn't open the door. She probably didn't even want to see his face, let alone talk to him or listen to what he had to say.
He felt so guilty, so angry at himself.. Angry at her two weasel friends for letting her down.. But now he had let her down too. She needed him, and he had aimed his hurtful words at her, not even trying to sort out all his feelings, or thoughts. He had just said what had come out of his mouth, what he felt. He had just said the most ruthless and cold words to her, and he couldn't even bear it. He just hoped she would give him a chance to say sorry, but then he would understand if she couldn't even take a glance at him.
It was cases like this, involving Hermione and his hurtful words, that he hated himself to the core. He had never hated himself before, for hating oneself was out of the question for Malfoys. But, he guessed, Malfoys had never been in love before. They didn't know how it felt to hurt the person you loved more than anything in the world by your stupidity, and cruel mouth. Malfoys had probably never even shown likeness for someone, that was besides their stature or money. They just didn't know. They just couldn't feel. Malfoys were always cold, chilling the room because of their sole presence. But it seemed the other Malfoys had never had a girl like Hermione Granger in their life before.
Therefore they couldn't possibly have a single bloody clue.
Draco sighed, as he looked around in the dark room. It was silent, only with the light sound of his breathing, and Draco knew, if he would just listen very carefully in this silence, he would be sure to hear the sickening crushing of his heart.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Draco woke up the next morning, sure to be early so he could catch Hermione, but she had already gone. Draco could feel the disappointment weigh him down, as he walked out into the hall. At breakfast, he saw her all alone once again; her nose in a book, barely paying any attention to what she was feeding herself. He found himself watching her the entire time, his appetite getting bigger and worse, but it wasn't for food. Suddenly, he saw her put her book down and sigh, her curls falling across her face as he knew she had no intention of looking up, and perhaps maybe meeting his gaze. It had been just a couple of hours he hadn't seen her smile, heard her talk, seen that sparkle in her eyes every time they caught each other's gaze, and already he felt like he was suffocating.
His eyes followed her as she picked up her book, and stood. She quietly pushed her chair in, and headed towards the Great Hall's doors. Draco suddenly bolted up, causing some people to look over. But he paid no attention to them. He knew this was a chance to get her alone, and apologize, so he ran out of the Great Hall, hoping to catch her. He burst through the doors, and into the hall, but there was nothing. He heard no footsteps, saw no one; not even a shadow. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed; she had gotten away again. Looking back at the Great Hall's closed doors behind him, he decided to just head up to his dorm. He wasn't hungry anyway.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hermione had done all she could to avoid going up to her dorm, knowing Draco would probably there to try and talk to her. She sighed. She didn't know what to think anymore. Maybe he was right; she was just holding on to something that wasn't there. Maybe it was never there in the first place. But she didn't know how to just leave it behind, leave her friends. Maybe it was easy for them, maybe it was easy for them to ignore her and not talk to her, but that didn't mean it was easy for her. She had always been independent, on her schoolwork, and a numerous of other things, but she had come to depend on them. She had learned how to trust them, had learned to not worry about telling them stuff, because she was sure they wouldn't tell.
How was she supposed to just throw all that away?
Hermione was silent, as she found herself in the quidditch field. The skies were just beginning to darken, and there was a faint outline of the moon that was sure to be glowing later on. She felt the breeze pass by her, and she closed her eyes as she felt the wind comb through her tresses. She looked up at the sky, cloudless and shadowy, and she felt a faint smile spread across her face. She had always liked the time of day when the sun had just went down, and the hours of darkness were just beginning to be shaded in, in the endless arms of the sky. She felt at peace, almost, but the cold fresh air had always soothed her. The chilly breeze seemed to embrace her, comforting her worries and thoughts, and she felt like she could no longer think. Her mind was at rest, the serene silence filling her soul like the warmth of the sun's smile.
She stood, unmoving on the grass, in the middle of the quidditch field. Her eyes were closed, for she didn't need sight to describe the moment, this place. It was the feeling it gave her, the peacefulness that she never knew she could ever achieve in her life. And yet here it was.
Harry stepped out into the quidditch field, staring up at the sky, the calm sky making his eyes glaze over with memories. The air that surrounded him, filled his nose was most fresh; like the night air he seemed to enjoy so much. He walked farther out into the field, remembering all those night flights he took, when his mind was full of worries and he just couldn't take being in a room inside of Hogwarts: the walls seemed to close in on him, the air seemed poisonous and was choking his lungs. Here, this was his freedom. This was where he found his forever-desired solitude. Harry halted in his steps, when he saw a figure out in the middle of the field. He couldn't see exactly who it was; he wasn't close enough. So he walked nearer, hoping to find out who it was who also seemed to share his likeness of this time of day.
His heart seemed to stop when he saw who it was. Her hair was loose, cascading down on her shoulders and back like soft brown waves. Her eyes were closed, mouth curved into a faint but beautiful smile. It was Hermione. Harry immediately stopped, but his breath got caught in his throat, and he suddenly let it out. That seemed to awake the brown haired girl from her trance, and she suddenly turned to see who it was. She felt her heart crumble, falling piece by piece, seeing him. Those familiar hypnotizing emerald eyes, his tousled raven hair. She couldn't feel the sky darken, the air around her get colder. Their gazes had both of them trapped.
"Hi Harry," she finally spoke. Her voice was soft and faint, but it rang in his ears.
"Hermione," he spoke. He could feel those butterflies come back, bouncing off his insides, his heart beating faster and faster. Her cheeks were rosy, from the cold night air, her face pale and flawless; she seemed goddess-like underneath the faint moonlight. Her brown eyes were dark, but pleading and innocent. They seemed to melt everything inside him.
"How are you?" She asked, her eyes searching his. He swallowed hard; he felt as if his throat was threatening to close up.
"I'm fine," he said. He paused, but went on. "Ron told me, what happened," he said. "In the library." Hermione nodded in return. "Is it true?" he asked.
Hermione sighed, as she clutched her cloak tightly; the air had seemed to get much colder.
"I don't know, Harry," she said. She stared into his eyes, intently.
"Are you still angry with me?" She asked, softly. Harry shook his head, smiling faintly. He walked toward her, until they weren't a foot apart. Being so near to her made his heart beat even more rapidly, the blood rushing through his veins get warmer and warmer.
"I'm sorry, Hermione," he whispered to her. "I'm sorry for what I said, I'm sorry that I hurt you," he swallowed hard, seeing her eyes brim with tears. "I never wanted to hurt you, Hermione. You're the last person I ever want to hurt. You and Ron." Hermione smiled, a tears sliding her cheek.
"Oh Harry," she said, as she wrapped her arms around him. Harry was surprised, but he held her tightly. He closed his eyes and tried to swallow the stone in his throat, feeling her soft, warm body against him. Would he tell her? Should he? Should he tell her how he felt for her? Should he tell her that he was in love with her? He shut his eyes, just trying to concentrate on this moment. He felt his arms tighten around her, her soft, warm breaths tickling his neck.
"I'm sorry for not telling you and Ron earlier," she said. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean.. I didn't mean for all this to happen. I'm really sorry, Harry." Harry smiled, as they pulled back. But Hermione saw, that it was a sad sort of smile. They were still close, his arms still around her.
Harry felt his heart beating so rapidly, as if it were to jump right out of his chest. He searched her deep brown eyes.
"Hermione," he said. Concern flickered in her eyes, as her eyebrows creased with worry.
"What is it, Harry?" she asked. "Is there something wrong?"
It was now or never.
Harry opened his mouth to say something, to confess.. But he closed it. He smiled sadly at her, as he took her hand in his.
"Nothing. It's nothing." Hermione still searched his expression, and Harry felt his heart break. He could hear the sickening shatter of the bits and pieces fall.. Each one too small to ever repair or mend. Or even fit back into the puzzle. Hermione sighed, as she put her other hand on Harry's.
"Are you sure it's nothing?" She asked him. Harry smiled.
"I just missed you, that's all."
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: don't own characters, just plot.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
'It was a beautiful letdown
when I crashed and burned when I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown The day I knew That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do
In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in.
Until I found out
It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here And for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free.
We're still chasing our tails
And the rising sun And our dark water planet
Still spins in a race Where no one wins And no one's one.'
-'The Beautiful Letdown'
by switchfoot.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Beautiful Letdown
Draco walked into the common room, and looked around, as if expecting a certain brown haired girl reading a book by the fireplace. But the room was dark, empty. Silent. He could feel the crushing of his heart, shattering. He sighed, as the portrait door swung shut. He knew, right at the instant she had ran off, crying, that he had managed to hurt her once again. He didn't know what had triggered it, why he had done it. He just didn't know. He collapsed down on the couch, the darkness blanketing his vision.. His hands felt cold, clammy. It was hard to swallow, guilt was pressing down on his lungs, weighing down his heart. He couldn't believe he had said those horrible things to her. All he wanted to do was take back every single word, wipe away every single tear. She wasn't going to speak to him again. He sighed, as he dug his head in his hands, his hair loose, tickling his brow. He wanted to just get up and knock at her door, apologize for everything he had said.. His heart was willing him, tugging at him.. But he knew she wouldn't answer. She was probably asleep by now, and even if she wasn't.. She wouldn't open the door. She probably didn't even want to see his face, let alone talk to him or listen to what he had to say.
He felt so guilty, so angry at himself.. Angry at her two weasel friends for letting her down.. But now he had let her down too. She needed him, and he had aimed his hurtful words at her, not even trying to sort out all his feelings, or thoughts. He had just said what had come out of his mouth, what he felt. He had just said the most ruthless and cold words to her, and he couldn't even bear it. He just hoped she would give him a chance to say sorry, but then he would understand if she couldn't even take a glance at him.
It was cases like this, involving Hermione and his hurtful words, that he hated himself to the core. He had never hated himself before, for hating oneself was out of the question for Malfoys. But, he guessed, Malfoys had never been in love before. They didn't know how it felt to hurt the person you loved more than anything in the world by your stupidity, and cruel mouth. Malfoys had probably never even shown likeness for someone, that was besides their stature or money. They just didn't know. They just couldn't feel. Malfoys were always cold, chilling the room because of their sole presence. But it seemed the other Malfoys had never had a girl like Hermione Granger in their life before.
Therefore they couldn't possibly have a single bloody clue.
Draco sighed, as he looked around in the dark room. It was silent, only with the light sound of his breathing, and Draco knew, if he would just listen very carefully in this silence, he would be sure to hear the sickening crushing of his heart.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Draco woke up the next morning, sure to be early so he could catch Hermione, but she had already gone. Draco could feel the disappointment weigh him down, as he walked out into the hall. At breakfast, he saw her all alone once again; her nose in a book, barely paying any attention to what she was feeding herself. He found himself watching her the entire time, his appetite getting bigger and worse, but it wasn't for food. Suddenly, he saw her put her book down and sigh, her curls falling across her face as he knew she had no intention of looking up, and perhaps maybe meeting his gaze. It had been just a couple of hours he hadn't seen her smile, heard her talk, seen that sparkle in her eyes every time they caught each other's gaze, and already he felt like he was suffocating.
His eyes followed her as she picked up her book, and stood. She quietly pushed her chair in, and headed towards the Great Hall's doors. Draco suddenly bolted up, causing some people to look over. But he paid no attention to them. He knew this was a chance to get her alone, and apologize, so he ran out of the Great Hall, hoping to catch her. He burst through the doors, and into the hall, but there was nothing. He heard no footsteps, saw no one; not even a shadow. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed; she had gotten away again. Looking back at the Great Hall's closed doors behind him, he decided to just head up to his dorm. He wasn't hungry anyway.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hermione had done all she could to avoid going up to her dorm, knowing Draco would probably there to try and talk to her. She sighed. She didn't know what to think anymore. Maybe he was right; she was just holding on to something that wasn't there. Maybe it was never there in the first place. But she didn't know how to just leave it behind, leave her friends. Maybe it was easy for them, maybe it was easy for them to ignore her and not talk to her, but that didn't mean it was easy for her. She had always been independent, on her schoolwork, and a numerous of other things, but she had come to depend on them. She had learned how to trust them, had learned to not worry about telling them stuff, because she was sure they wouldn't tell.
How was she supposed to just throw all that away?
Hermione was silent, as she found herself in the quidditch field. The skies were just beginning to darken, and there was a faint outline of the moon that was sure to be glowing later on. She felt the breeze pass by her, and she closed her eyes as she felt the wind comb through her tresses. She looked up at the sky, cloudless and shadowy, and she felt a faint smile spread across her face. She had always liked the time of day when the sun had just went down, and the hours of darkness were just beginning to be shaded in, in the endless arms of the sky. She felt at peace, almost, but the cold fresh air had always soothed her. The chilly breeze seemed to embrace her, comforting her worries and thoughts, and she felt like she could no longer think. Her mind was at rest, the serene silence filling her soul like the warmth of the sun's smile.
She stood, unmoving on the grass, in the middle of the quidditch field. Her eyes were closed, for she didn't need sight to describe the moment, this place. It was the feeling it gave her, the peacefulness that she never knew she could ever achieve in her life. And yet here it was.
Harry stepped out into the quidditch field, staring up at the sky, the calm sky making his eyes glaze over with memories. The air that surrounded him, filled his nose was most fresh; like the night air he seemed to enjoy so much. He walked farther out into the field, remembering all those night flights he took, when his mind was full of worries and he just couldn't take being in a room inside of Hogwarts: the walls seemed to close in on him, the air seemed poisonous and was choking his lungs. Here, this was his freedom. This was where he found his forever-desired solitude. Harry halted in his steps, when he saw a figure out in the middle of the field. He couldn't see exactly who it was; he wasn't close enough. So he walked nearer, hoping to find out who it was who also seemed to share his likeness of this time of day.
His heart seemed to stop when he saw who it was. Her hair was loose, cascading down on her shoulders and back like soft brown waves. Her eyes were closed, mouth curved into a faint but beautiful smile. It was Hermione. Harry immediately stopped, but his breath got caught in his throat, and he suddenly let it out. That seemed to awake the brown haired girl from her trance, and she suddenly turned to see who it was. She felt her heart crumble, falling piece by piece, seeing him. Those familiar hypnotizing emerald eyes, his tousled raven hair. She couldn't feel the sky darken, the air around her get colder. Their gazes had both of them trapped.
"Hi Harry," she finally spoke. Her voice was soft and faint, but it rang in his ears.
"Hermione," he spoke. He could feel those butterflies come back, bouncing off his insides, his heart beating faster and faster. Her cheeks were rosy, from the cold night air, her face pale and flawless; she seemed goddess-like underneath the faint moonlight. Her brown eyes were dark, but pleading and innocent. They seemed to melt everything inside him.
"How are you?" She asked, her eyes searching his. He swallowed hard; he felt as if his throat was threatening to close up.
"I'm fine," he said. He paused, but went on. "Ron told me, what happened," he said. "In the library." Hermione nodded in return. "Is it true?" he asked.
Hermione sighed, as she clutched her cloak tightly; the air had seemed to get much colder.
"I don't know, Harry," she said. She stared into his eyes, intently.
"Are you still angry with me?" She asked, softly. Harry shook his head, smiling faintly. He walked toward her, until they weren't a foot apart. Being so near to her made his heart beat even more rapidly, the blood rushing through his veins get warmer and warmer.
"I'm sorry, Hermione," he whispered to her. "I'm sorry for what I said, I'm sorry that I hurt you," he swallowed hard, seeing her eyes brim with tears. "I never wanted to hurt you, Hermione. You're the last person I ever want to hurt. You and Ron." Hermione smiled, a tears sliding her cheek.
"Oh Harry," she said, as she wrapped her arms around him. Harry was surprised, but he held her tightly. He closed his eyes and tried to swallow the stone in his throat, feeling her soft, warm body against him. Would he tell her? Should he? Should he tell her how he felt for her? Should he tell her that he was in love with her? He shut his eyes, just trying to concentrate on this moment. He felt his arms tighten around her, her soft, warm breaths tickling his neck.
"I'm sorry for not telling you and Ron earlier," she said. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean.. I didn't mean for all this to happen. I'm really sorry, Harry." Harry smiled, as they pulled back. But Hermione saw, that it was a sad sort of smile. They were still close, his arms still around her.
Harry felt his heart beating so rapidly, as if it were to jump right out of his chest. He searched her deep brown eyes.
"Hermione," he said. Concern flickered in her eyes, as her eyebrows creased with worry.
"What is it, Harry?" she asked. "Is there something wrong?"
It was now or never.
Harry opened his mouth to say something, to confess.. But he closed it. He smiled sadly at her, as he took her hand in his.
"Nothing. It's nothing." Hermione still searched his expression, and Harry felt his heart break. He could hear the sickening shatter of the bits and pieces fall.. Each one too small to ever repair or mend. Or even fit back into the puzzle. Hermione sighed, as she put her other hand on Harry's.
"Are you sure it's nothing?" She asked him. Harry smiled.
"I just missed you, that's all."