The Mother
Nothing moved and I wasn't breathing.
I was pinned in an awkward position, and ought to have been falling. My legs were twisted and tilted away from Hagrid, whose massive form mirrored my own arced fall. My right arm was out in front of me, caught there on its path to stop my fall. My left arm was extended toward Hagrid, clawing a piece of his own right arm as he fell away from me, exposing me. His head was turned toward me, taking my in as I took in all my surroundings. My own gaze was fixed directly upon a green haze just before me, aiming a bit left of my heart. I stared at it, stared through it; I focused all of my concentration on moving during this instant, however long it would be, which was given to me. I soon discovered that the moment did not exist, that I was truly trapped along with Hagrid, and all other things. I could only hope that something would go wrong… or right… I could only hope.
I could not see my son from here. He had vanished over the hill, behind the dark mausoleum where some unknown figure had been hovering. I wasn't supposed to have come at all, and the thick haze refusing to stop obstructing my sight was rather like a punishment for having come anyhow. How many times had I told my children that no matter what happened, they must stay at Headquarters? Of course, they had not obeyed. And I had followed. The house had been in complete disarray, to the point where I could not even credit the disorganization to my brief absence. The boys and Hermione were gone, though I only counted three sets of footsteps running along the muddy path. We had long since moved Headquarters from Grimmauld Place, which had become all the more sickeningly grim. And we had discovered the treachery of the elf. Alastor and Hagrid had not been in when I stopped by, which I knew ought not to have been the case. There was still no sign of Alastor, though it appeared Hagrid had followed the boys here as well. I, however, had been able to Apparate a few times along the way, always on the same path, due north. I had come to this place long before Hagrid had arrived.
I pushed the memory of Hagrid's arrival out of my mind, not wanting to hear the tiny voice tell me that it had been his gargantuan presence which had alerted the Death Eaters to my own. It was not because of Hagrid anyhow- I still would have screamed and been noticed. Indeed, I would have died much sooner had I not been such a coward, afraid even to go after Neville when he dashed behind the hill, afraid to go help Harry where no help could be truly offered. I hadn't seen Ron at all though, and when his lanky body crossed my line of sight I lost control of the tongue I had held still for most of the ordeal. Ron- why did he have to come? I asked him to stay home, even if the others left him, told each of them in turn to remain behind. Even sweet Hermione had been difficult about this. Children, thinking they can save the world. And perhaps they can, but they tend to do more damage in the process than the adults we have in charge.
I wanted to save my children. I had always wanted to protect them from Darkness. I had had Arthur to help me at one point, but he was busy saving Muggles now. We had had a number of rows about it, and had never reached an agreement. I tried not to think about this either, or about Ginny. Ginny, who was so beautiful and so young, so loving. Ginny who was so happy. I would have been sobbing were sobbing allowed here in this hole in the world. I thought of Fred and George, and imagined them switching places on me, as usual. I thought of Bill who had come back to help defend us here in England, and of Charlie who had stayed in Romania. I was not happy nor was I upset with either decision. I still hadn't thought about Percy, though I did not forget that he was there to be thought about. I thought about Harry and Hermione, my second set of children, laughing as they rarely did these days. Ron's face floated into my head, Ron, my youngest son, my youngest living child. Someplace over that dark and deadly hill.
It loomed up like a sleeping beast, suddenly, alone among all things, awake in this frozen moment. The green haze perpetually interrupting my gaze made it look fresh and alive but I knew better. It was dark and dirty, slick and wet, and sprinkled like a great pudding, only with headstones and not sugar lumps. I knew that it was really a sick place, where hidden people cowered in mausoleums, afraid to face the horrors before them. It was a place where brave young men tempted fate and lost to it, where evil people gathered to enact their secret plots. And I did not know what was to happen now, now that time was gone and thought alone was left to a dozen survivors of the battle here.
Thinking was causing my head to throb, a slow, dull throb. I felt it over and over again, suddenly aware that Hagrid's warm arm was slipping slower than it normally would have, but it was moving nonetheless. I actually saw the heavy haze of green creeping up on me, rolling through the air like a wind-swept cloud. A storm was coming; I could feel it all of a sudden. The old break in my right leg was suddenly and sharply quite sore, with a severe pressure drop. A storm was coming. I moved my eyes to see more than I could have done before. I tried to see who was hidden in the mausoleum, as it gave off a funny sound of shifting weight. I still couldn't move my body.
My breast suddenly tightened with breath, but it was caught there again. A slight change came over the shadows at the hill's peak and I observed them for the first time. The Dark Lord's back was arched too sharply for a human form, falling backward out of the arms of the dementor before him. A young man was brandishing a long, thin wand, his arm trapped out in front of him, a dueling stance, chest-high. Another jolt stole my breath. I struggled for more air, finding myself very much in need of it, but could not get anything the pass my lips. The screams and other sounds hovered like my death haze all around, twisting the masked and unmasked faces of the Death Eaters. In one of the beats of time, Lucius Malfoy had closed his eyes. Macnair had managed to pass on, blood suspended over his coughing mouth as another instant died.
And then movement was all around me. Hagrid's knees hit the soft ground with an inaudible squelching sound. His arm hit a low-lying stone. The green light was coming nearer now. My body twisted painfully and against my will, falling toward the shimmer I had been so determined to avoid. I felt the old break fracture again as I fell, rooted to the spot but victim to gravity. The light was all in my eyes now, exploding a thousand times over as the pain shot up and down my leg. My hip hit the earth, my body almost pulled into a right angle. The light was near my head. I slid forward, making the movement of my own death faster. I fell into it, and my face hit the ground with a painful and sickening spatter. A rush of sound roared through my ears, the first sound since the last sound. I tried to look up to see what was happening but my neck was suddenly limp and immobile. I closed my eyes against the mud before splashing into it again. The rushing sound of a thousand rivers flowed over me, crashing around something behind me and then it was gone. I felt the clock so many miles away tick. Mortal Peril… It would be most all of us now, but not me. I wondered how I knew. How this dared to be the case. Not Ron… The other boys were with Arthur at Headquarters. Mortal Peril… I had removed Ginny's hand... I felt tears, and I breathed again.
And a thousand screams were loosed with the stars
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~*~ A/N- Well, this was by far the most difficult chapter to write so far. Please let me know if I can improve it, as I certainly cannot claim satisfaction. Anyhow, in a pleasant turn of events, both Hagrid and Molly survived Macnair's killing curse, each landing uncomfortably and with a broken limb but very much alive. Argh this one makes me quite grumpy. The next one, The Loyal Servant, will probably be equally frustrating, but we shall see, we shall see. My favorite to write so far was Voldie's chap, but I can't wait until what comes after the Loyal Servant… OH the ANTICIPATION which doesn't BELONG HERE! Thanks for all reviews!! ~*~