Chapter 2
"Johnny, get Benny. I want him here NOW."
Sonny had just come from the chapel. Walking over to the bar he picked up a glass and studied it for a moment. All he could see in the reflection of the glass was 'her' face. Closing his eyes against it he walked toward the balcony and gazed at the skyline wondering if it was possible to feel this much agony and still be able to survive. It tore at him that what he felt could not possibly measure what she must be feeling now. The pain he saw in her eyes when she looked at him made him shrink inside knowing he was the cause of it. Hearing the glass in his hand shatter he looked down and saw blood pooling on the floor at his feet. He did not realize he was grasping the glass so tightly and the numbness that had settled inside since hearing her rail against him kept him from feeling the shards of glass slicing into his palm.
Whispering softly to himself he spoke to the emptiness of the room, "I will make this right, Alexis. I promise you. I will make this right. I cannot bring her back to you, but I swear on my mother's grave, I will make this up to you somehow, someway, if it takes the rest of my life."
"Sonny? I didn't know you were home yet. When did you get back?"
Sonny turned just enough to see Carly come in from the kitchen. Reaching into his back pocket he took out his handkerchief and wrapped it around his palm to stop the flow of blood.
"I just got in. Where's Michael, Carly?"
"Sonny, what did you do? Your hand is bleeding. Come here, let me fix it."
"Carly, where's Michael?"
"Oh he's with Letitia, at the park, I think."
Sonny felt the rage building inside and made a conscious effort to calm down. In the past his anger only served to make things worse. He knew that. Alexis often reminded him when he began to lose control. But, more than that, she showed him how destructive his anger could be without making him feel less, without taking his pride away from him. Without judging him. She had never taken anything from him. Looking back up at Carly he took a step back as his mind began playing tricks on him. There was Carly... but Alexis was there as well... standing right beside her. Shaking his head to clear it, he looked up again and regretfully only Carly remained. In that fractured moment he felt a tremendous sense of loss and closed his eyes against it. Examining his own thoughts he wondered what was in him that could have generated that level of emotion. But, as had become his custom lately he quickly shut the door of his mind and heart. The answers were there, but he couldn't face them. 'No I won't do this. I can't. Things are they way they are. This is my life; the one I chose. I have to live with the consequences.' Refocusing on Carly and forcing himself to once again accept her as his wife he walked back to the bar and poured himself a drink.
"You think he is at the park, Carly? Do you remember me telling you how dangerous it is out there right now? Does it not phase you that your son is an open target; that you are an open target? Two days ago it was Kristina Cassadine who died, do you want to be next. Do you want it to be Michael next? What is it going to take to get through to you?"
"He's got bodyguards with him, Sonny. I can't keep him closed up in the penthouse all day with nothing to do. He gets bored."
"Do you interact with him at all? Do you spend any time with him at all? Carly, he is your son, a part of you. Does that mean anything to you?"
"Ok Sonny, I get that you're upset. I know you're taking the blame for what happened to Kristina Cassadine, but that does not give you the right to attack me."
"I'M NOT ATTACKING YOU!"
As always now, it was like a roman candle. The fire that smoldered just below the surface all of a sudden burst out into the open unable to be harnessed, unable to be retrieved. His anger erupted without warning. He no longer had control of it and knew he needed to get out of there before he did any real damage.
"I'm sorry, Carly. I need a little time. I'll go get Michael. We'll meet you back here and I'll fix dinner for us."
"Sonny, wait. I'll go with you. We'll go together."
Reaching the door he turned to face Carly and had to grab hold of the doorframe to keep his knees from buckling under him. There she was... again; standing next to Carly. Silently he breathed her name, 'Alexis'. Bowing his head under the weight of grief her image brought him he raised his hand to stop Carly from coming any closer and walked out the door alone.
Reaching street level below the penthouse he turned to the right and started walking. Pulling his cellphone from his pocket he called Letitia and told her to return with Michael to the penthouse for the evening. Replacing his phone he became aware that he had stopped walking and was absently focusing on his shoes. Blood. There was blood on his shoes. 'Where did the blood come from?' His mind was jumbled, chaotic. He was having trouble concentrateing on a single thought. All he could see was 'her'. All he knew was 'her'.
What is... pain, where is it coming from? He felt an ache... a dull insistent ache. Lifting his hand to rub his temple he noticed the handkerchief still wrapped around his palm and nodded unconciously. The glass. He remembered the glass cutting him as it gave way beneath his pain and anger. Lowering his hand and refocusing on his shoes he willed himself to put one foot in front of the other and continue his lonely walk. He didn't know where he was going; he didn't care. He just needed air; needed to feel free again. He had felt trapped for so long... like a caged animal pacing back and forth within the confines of a prison cell.
He walked for what seemed hours. He walked past the Port Charles hotel, past Kelly's, past the warehouse and on toward the edge of town. And then just as he was about to turn and make his way back; a long line of cars caught his eye, the crowd surrounding a covered tent. And Alexis. Moving quietly behind the nearest tree, he watched her. She sat between Jax and Ned. They had always been by her side. No matter what was going on in her life, the two of them stood by her, fought for her, fought with her. They loved her. Making sure he kept under cover he moved forward. He needed to be closer; nearer to 'her'.
The service had already ended, and yet no one moved. They were waiting for her. They respected her enough to stay with her as long as she needed them to. As long as she needed to stay with her sister this one last time. Grudgingly he gave his respect to the two men who sat beside her. They gave her more in the last few months than he had in all the time he had known her and she never once did she regret calling him friend... until that one moment. The moment he stole her beloved sister from her. What did it matter that her sister died at the hands of another; it was because of him that the circumstances of her death existed in the first place. And it grieved him that once more an innocent life paid the price because he still walked free.
He could only see her profile from where he stood, but he saw the moment she moved to stand. He saw her straighten her shoulders and lift her head in preparation to face the world again. Respecting her wish that he not be there he turned and quietly walked away.
Placing a hand on each of her companions arms, Alexis squeezed lightly to let them know she was ready to go. Standing she turned and took one last look as the golden casket as it was being lowered then allowed Jax to lead her from the covered tent back toward the waiting car. Halfway there her step faltered and she stopped to regain her composure. Closing her eyes she whispered quietly to herself, "You can do this. You can do this. One foot in front of the other. You can do this."
Lifting her head she opened her eyes and caught sight of 'him'. His back to her, he was quietly walking away. She saw the anguish in him. She saw the effort it was taking for him to put one foot in front of the other just as she was being forced to do. With all that had happened, there was still that one place in her heart that ached for him. 'How can I give him any more? What more will he take from me? ... Sonny ...'
"Johnny, get Benny. I want him here NOW."
Sonny had just come from the chapel. Walking over to the bar he picked up a glass and studied it for a moment. All he could see in the reflection of the glass was 'her' face. Closing his eyes against it he walked toward the balcony and gazed at the skyline wondering if it was possible to feel this much agony and still be able to survive. It tore at him that what he felt could not possibly measure what she must be feeling now. The pain he saw in her eyes when she looked at him made him shrink inside knowing he was the cause of it. Hearing the glass in his hand shatter he looked down and saw blood pooling on the floor at his feet. He did not realize he was grasping the glass so tightly and the numbness that had settled inside since hearing her rail against him kept him from feeling the shards of glass slicing into his palm.
Whispering softly to himself he spoke to the emptiness of the room, "I will make this right, Alexis. I promise you. I will make this right. I cannot bring her back to you, but I swear on my mother's grave, I will make this up to you somehow, someway, if it takes the rest of my life."
"Sonny? I didn't know you were home yet. When did you get back?"
Sonny turned just enough to see Carly come in from the kitchen. Reaching into his back pocket he took out his handkerchief and wrapped it around his palm to stop the flow of blood.
"I just got in. Where's Michael, Carly?"
"Sonny, what did you do? Your hand is bleeding. Come here, let me fix it."
"Carly, where's Michael?"
"Oh he's with Letitia, at the park, I think."
Sonny felt the rage building inside and made a conscious effort to calm down. In the past his anger only served to make things worse. He knew that. Alexis often reminded him when he began to lose control. But, more than that, she showed him how destructive his anger could be without making him feel less, without taking his pride away from him. Without judging him. She had never taken anything from him. Looking back up at Carly he took a step back as his mind began playing tricks on him. There was Carly... but Alexis was there as well... standing right beside her. Shaking his head to clear it, he looked up again and regretfully only Carly remained. In that fractured moment he felt a tremendous sense of loss and closed his eyes against it. Examining his own thoughts he wondered what was in him that could have generated that level of emotion. But, as had become his custom lately he quickly shut the door of his mind and heart. The answers were there, but he couldn't face them. 'No I won't do this. I can't. Things are they way they are. This is my life; the one I chose. I have to live with the consequences.' Refocusing on Carly and forcing himself to once again accept her as his wife he walked back to the bar and poured himself a drink.
"You think he is at the park, Carly? Do you remember me telling you how dangerous it is out there right now? Does it not phase you that your son is an open target; that you are an open target? Two days ago it was Kristina Cassadine who died, do you want to be next. Do you want it to be Michael next? What is it going to take to get through to you?"
"He's got bodyguards with him, Sonny. I can't keep him closed up in the penthouse all day with nothing to do. He gets bored."
"Do you interact with him at all? Do you spend any time with him at all? Carly, he is your son, a part of you. Does that mean anything to you?"
"Ok Sonny, I get that you're upset. I know you're taking the blame for what happened to Kristina Cassadine, but that does not give you the right to attack me."
"I'M NOT ATTACKING YOU!"
As always now, it was like a roman candle. The fire that smoldered just below the surface all of a sudden burst out into the open unable to be harnessed, unable to be retrieved. His anger erupted without warning. He no longer had control of it and knew he needed to get out of there before he did any real damage.
"I'm sorry, Carly. I need a little time. I'll go get Michael. We'll meet you back here and I'll fix dinner for us."
"Sonny, wait. I'll go with you. We'll go together."
Reaching the door he turned to face Carly and had to grab hold of the doorframe to keep his knees from buckling under him. There she was... again; standing next to Carly. Silently he breathed her name, 'Alexis'. Bowing his head under the weight of grief her image brought him he raised his hand to stop Carly from coming any closer and walked out the door alone.
Reaching street level below the penthouse he turned to the right and started walking. Pulling his cellphone from his pocket he called Letitia and told her to return with Michael to the penthouse for the evening. Replacing his phone he became aware that he had stopped walking and was absently focusing on his shoes. Blood. There was blood on his shoes. 'Where did the blood come from?' His mind was jumbled, chaotic. He was having trouble concentrateing on a single thought. All he could see was 'her'. All he knew was 'her'.
What is... pain, where is it coming from? He felt an ache... a dull insistent ache. Lifting his hand to rub his temple he noticed the handkerchief still wrapped around his palm and nodded unconciously. The glass. He remembered the glass cutting him as it gave way beneath his pain and anger. Lowering his hand and refocusing on his shoes he willed himself to put one foot in front of the other and continue his lonely walk. He didn't know where he was going; he didn't care. He just needed air; needed to feel free again. He had felt trapped for so long... like a caged animal pacing back and forth within the confines of a prison cell.
He walked for what seemed hours. He walked past the Port Charles hotel, past Kelly's, past the warehouse and on toward the edge of town. And then just as he was about to turn and make his way back; a long line of cars caught his eye, the crowd surrounding a covered tent. And Alexis. Moving quietly behind the nearest tree, he watched her. She sat between Jax and Ned. They had always been by her side. No matter what was going on in her life, the two of them stood by her, fought for her, fought with her. They loved her. Making sure he kept under cover he moved forward. He needed to be closer; nearer to 'her'.
The service had already ended, and yet no one moved. They were waiting for her. They respected her enough to stay with her as long as she needed them to. As long as she needed to stay with her sister this one last time. Grudgingly he gave his respect to the two men who sat beside her. They gave her more in the last few months than he had in all the time he had known her and she never once did she regret calling him friend... until that one moment. The moment he stole her beloved sister from her. What did it matter that her sister died at the hands of another; it was because of him that the circumstances of her death existed in the first place. And it grieved him that once more an innocent life paid the price because he still walked free.
He could only see her profile from where he stood, but he saw the moment she moved to stand. He saw her straighten her shoulders and lift her head in preparation to face the world again. Respecting her wish that he not be there he turned and quietly walked away.
Placing a hand on each of her companions arms, Alexis squeezed lightly to let them know she was ready to go. Standing she turned and took one last look as the golden casket as it was being lowered then allowed Jax to lead her from the covered tent back toward the waiting car. Halfway there her step faltered and she stopped to regain her composure. Closing her eyes she whispered quietly to herself, "You can do this. You can do this. One foot in front of the other. You can do this."
Lifting her head she opened her eyes and caught sight of 'him'. His back to her, he was quietly walking away. She saw the anguish in him. She saw the effort it was taking for him to put one foot in front of the other just as she was being forced to do. With all that had happened, there was still that one place in her heart that ached for him. 'How can I give him any more? What more will he take from me? ... Sonny ...'