Chapter 3
"Alexis, can I get you anything?"
"No, thank you Ned. I'm fine."
"No you're not, but that's ok. I'm going to stay with you tonight. Here on the sofa. I don't want you to be alone."
Studying her companion and sifting through all that he wasn't saying she narrowed the field of emotion down to one.
"Don't you mean so that you, nor I will be alone tonight. Ned, I know how much you miss her. I know how angry you are. And Ned, part of that anger you feel is at me."
"No, Alexis. It's not."
Smiling softly at him with tears in her eyes she picked up his hand and held it against her heart.
"Don't you think our lies have cost us enough. You are angry with me and you have every right to be. How many times did you tell me that he would cost me dearly in the long run? You told me so many times to walk away and I wouldn't. I did this. It may have been his warehouse, his war, his lifestyle; but she was there because of me. And I will live with that the rest of my life."
"Alexis, don't do this. Ok, I admit, I'm angry. And yes part of it is at you, but I'm tired of it all. I just want to let it all go. I loved her so much. She was everything to me and she taught me how to forgive. With all that we put her through, in the end just like always, she was there for us. She made sure we knew we were forgiven. Could I do any less?"
Letting the tears fall she leaned toward him and laid her head on his shoulder.
"Ned, hold me. Just hold me for a while please. I need to talk to someone and you're the only one who may be able to understand what I need to say. But, I need you to promise not to get any angrier with me. I have a problem that I don't know what to do about and I need it resolved."
"It's Sonny, isn't it? You still love him, don't you?"
Lifting her head from his shoulder she let go of his hands and clasped her own together in her lap. This wasn't going to be easy, but she needed to talk about him. She needed to find a way to let go. Looking back into the eyes of her friend she spoke very softly and hesitantly.
"I don't know how to stop. I am so angry with him. I don't want him anywhere near me, or my child; but Ned, I do love him. Help me, Ned. Tell me what to do."
Wrapping his arms around her he resigned himself to the fact that she would never be rid of Sonny. He had seen the way the two of them connected. As much as he resented it, he knew that she connected with Sonny in a way that she had never connected with him. It was a soul connection. It went beyond reason, beyond understanding. Leaning down to kiss the top of her head he let go of her and pushed her gently away from him.
"I can't help you with this one, sweetheart. There are choices you will have to make. I know you love him and I know how deep that love for him is. I know because that's how I loved Kristina. It makes no sense, there is no reasoning with it, it is just simply a part of you. The depth of that love is so powerful that it has the ability to destroy you or lift you to heights you could never dream of. Don't misunderstand me, I don't want you anywhere near him, but that is not my choice to make. You have a child to think of now and I know that the child will always come first with you. You have time to think about what you want, we made sure of that with the lie that killed Kristina. Together we will share that burden for the rest of our lives. You have me to talk to anytime you need to. I will be here for you as long as you need me."
Placing her hands on each side of his face she gently pulled him to her and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Thank you Ned, for understanding. I don't know what comes next, but for now I am safe and so is my child."
Hearing a knock at the door she went to answer it and took a step back in surprise to find Mac Scorpio on her doorstep.
"Mac, is there something I can do for you?"
"I'm sorry to barge in on you like this after the funeral and all, but I have some information that you might want to know."
"Come on in and have a seat. Can I get you anything?"
"No, this won't take long and then I'll get out of your way."
Allowing Mac to seat himself first, she returned to sit beside Ned who took her hand in his and gave Mac her full attention.
"First, as much as I do not want to admit this, the current war on the docks was not started by Sonny Corinthos, however, that being said I need to warn you to stay away from him or anyone connected to him. There is something else going on here. This time it seems to be more personal than business." Mac stopped and paused. He needed to make another point with Alexis and he knew it was going to hurt her.
"Alexis, Sonny put a hit out on Zander."
"What? When? Where is Zander now?" Her heart sank. Zander. He was so young with so much potential; so full of life and dreams that reached far into his future. "Please tell me you stopped it, Mac."
"No, Jason and Elizabeth did."
"Jason?"
"Yes. Seems Elizabeth asked him not to harm Zander and for some reason he complied."
Rubbing the bridge of her nose Alexis frowned in concentration. Something wasn't adding up. How could Mac know all of this?
"Mac, you're holding out on me. What are you not telling me? There is no way you could have information like that unless you had an informant."
"Now Alexis, you know I can't tell you how I come up with certain information. It's not only for the department's protection, but for yours as well. This war is going to escalate and fast. Someone is out to get Sonny Corinthos and they are going to use anything and anyone they can to do it. This war is different somehow. Like I said this is personal. Corinthos is in a very vulnerable position right now. And he's not thinking straight."
"Mac, I won't defend him this time. I can't. I've already lost too much because of my past relationship with him."
"I know, Alexis. I am just telling you to stay as far away as possible. But, I also need you to know that Roy DiLucca and Felicia are involved in this war. So stay away from them as well."
Glancing at Ned then back to Mac she let go of a heavy sigh. Felicia. She should have known. Her thoughts returned to the day she told Roy to find another lawyer. Felicia was there. She remembered thinking how familiar the words coming out of Felicia's mouth had sounded as she defended Roy. Her heart went out to Felicia at that moment hoping beyond hope that her worst fears would not be realized.
"Mac, can you get a message to Felicia for me?"
"Alexis, I don't think that is a good idea. You really need to keep your distance from all of this."
"If I can hopefully keep Felicia from making the same mistakes I made then that is one step closer to redemption for me for my part in my sister's death. And just maybe I can make Felicia see the cost that would be required of her if she doesn't walk away now. Mac, I have to try. She has two daughters that she is not thinking of right now. Mac, please, I need to try."
As Alexis begged for the chance to talk to Felicia the tears came again and she didn't try to hide them. She needed the chance to help Felicia. She needed to make a difference in someone's life. So much had been given to her. So many people had loved her, supported her. For Stephan, Chloe, for Jax, for Ned; but most of all for Kristina; she needed to make a difference. If she could only get through to Felicia the hopelessness of loving someone in that line of work... of loving someone who was so arrogant and self-absorbed that people got hurt simply by association... she had to try.
"Please Mac."
"All right Alexis. I'll get the message to her and I'll bring her here myself under complete cover. No one will know she's here and you won't know when to expect us. Ned, I'll need you to keep the same schedule you always have. If it's normal for you to be here round the clock, then don't change it. If I see any evidence of movement I'll call it all off."
Ned began shifting uneasily. He didn't like the sound of this at all. He had already lost Kristina and he wasn't about to take any chances with Alexis or the child she was carrying. Putting his arm around her he lay his other hand against her cheek turning her face to him.
"Alexis, please don't do this. Please don't place yourself in a position that could hurt you. I understand how much you want to help Felicia. But, you've lost enough already."
"Ned, can't you see that I don't have any other choice here. I can't let her follow the same path I got caught up on if I can do anything to stop her. I can't let her lose her life or maybe one of her daughters like I lost Kristina. I just can't. She needs to see face to face what loving men like that can do to a person's life."
Turning from Ned she clutched his hand in hers and addressed Mac. "I'll be ready whenever you show up. Just bring her as quickly as you can."
"Ok, Alexis." Standing and offering his hands to Alexis he pulled her up in front of him so he could look directly into her eyes. "Stay away from the pier. Stay away from Sonny. Stay away from Zander. Protect yourself in every way and protect that baby. I'll personally let you know when you can relax. Ok?"
"Thank you, Mac. You actually are a pretty decent guy, aren't you?"
Mac grinned sheepishly at her and poked her in the shoulder. "Just don't let it get around. Only my friends know that about me."
Laughing at the blush that graced his face Alexis winked at him. "Your secret is safe with me."
Walking to the door with him she thanked him again. Closing the door behind him she turned to Ned who was staring at her full of concern. Raising her hands to keep him from starting an argument with her she walked back over to him and hugged him tightly. Releasing him and stepping back she placed her hands on his chest and looked at him pleadingly.
"Ned, please let's not discuss this anymore. I have made up my mind. You should know me well enough by now to know that if I can prevent someone I care about from getting hurt, then that is what I will do. And you know, you could help if you wanted to."
Knowing the battle was lost before he even opened his mouth he set his arms down on her shoulders and asked, "What can I do to help?"
"You can make yourself scarce when Felicia gets here. I need to have a woman to woman talk with her and having you here would defeat the purpose. You know, you being a man and all. I'll call you when it's over and let you know how it went. Deal?"
"Alright. Deal."
"Alexis, can I get you anything?"
"No, thank you Ned. I'm fine."
"No you're not, but that's ok. I'm going to stay with you tonight. Here on the sofa. I don't want you to be alone."
Studying her companion and sifting through all that he wasn't saying she narrowed the field of emotion down to one.
"Don't you mean so that you, nor I will be alone tonight. Ned, I know how much you miss her. I know how angry you are. And Ned, part of that anger you feel is at me."
"No, Alexis. It's not."
Smiling softly at him with tears in her eyes she picked up his hand and held it against her heart.
"Don't you think our lies have cost us enough. You are angry with me and you have every right to be. How many times did you tell me that he would cost me dearly in the long run? You told me so many times to walk away and I wouldn't. I did this. It may have been his warehouse, his war, his lifestyle; but she was there because of me. And I will live with that the rest of my life."
"Alexis, don't do this. Ok, I admit, I'm angry. And yes part of it is at you, but I'm tired of it all. I just want to let it all go. I loved her so much. She was everything to me and she taught me how to forgive. With all that we put her through, in the end just like always, she was there for us. She made sure we knew we were forgiven. Could I do any less?"
Letting the tears fall she leaned toward him and laid her head on his shoulder.
"Ned, hold me. Just hold me for a while please. I need to talk to someone and you're the only one who may be able to understand what I need to say. But, I need you to promise not to get any angrier with me. I have a problem that I don't know what to do about and I need it resolved."
"It's Sonny, isn't it? You still love him, don't you?"
Lifting her head from his shoulder she let go of his hands and clasped her own together in her lap. This wasn't going to be easy, but she needed to talk about him. She needed to find a way to let go. Looking back into the eyes of her friend she spoke very softly and hesitantly.
"I don't know how to stop. I am so angry with him. I don't want him anywhere near me, or my child; but Ned, I do love him. Help me, Ned. Tell me what to do."
Wrapping his arms around her he resigned himself to the fact that she would never be rid of Sonny. He had seen the way the two of them connected. As much as he resented it, he knew that she connected with Sonny in a way that she had never connected with him. It was a soul connection. It went beyond reason, beyond understanding. Leaning down to kiss the top of her head he let go of her and pushed her gently away from him.
"I can't help you with this one, sweetheart. There are choices you will have to make. I know you love him and I know how deep that love for him is. I know because that's how I loved Kristina. It makes no sense, there is no reasoning with it, it is just simply a part of you. The depth of that love is so powerful that it has the ability to destroy you or lift you to heights you could never dream of. Don't misunderstand me, I don't want you anywhere near him, but that is not my choice to make. You have a child to think of now and I know that the child will always come first with you. You have time to think about what you want, we made sure of that with the lie that killed Kristina. Together we will share that burden for the rest of our lives. You have me to talk to anytime you need to. I will be here for you as long as you need me."
Placing her hands on each side of his face she gently pulled him to her and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Thank you Ned, for understanding. I don't know what comes next, but for now I am safe and so is my child."
Hearing a knock at the door she went to answer it and took a step back in surprise to find Mac Scorpio on her doorstep.
"Mac, is there something I can do for you?"
"I'm sorry to barge in on you like this after the funeral and all, but I have some information that you might want to know."
"Come on in and have a seat. Can I get you anything?"
"No, this won't take long and then I'll get out of your way."
Allowing Mac to seat himself first, she returned to sit beside Ned who took her hand in his and gave Mac her full attention.
"First, as much as I do not want to admit this, the current war on the docks was not started by Sonny Corinthos, however, that being said I need to warn you to stay away from him or anyone connected to him. There is something else going on here. This time it seems to be more personal than business." Mac stopped and paused. He needed to make another point with Alexis and he knew it was going to hurt her.
"Alexis, Sonny put a hit out on Zander."
"What? When? Where is Zander now?" Her heart sank. Zander. He was so young with so much potential; so full of life and dreams that reached far into his future. "Please tell me you stopped it, Mac."
"No, Jason and Elizabeth did."
"Jason?"
"Yes. Seems Elizabeth asked him not to harm Zander and for some reason he complied."
Rubbing the bridge of her nose Alexis frowned in concentration. Something wasn't adding up. How could Mac know all of this?
"Mac, you're holding out on me. What are you not telling me? There is no way you could have information like that unless you had an informant."
"Now Alexis, you know I can't tell you how I come up with certain information. It's not only for the department's protection, but for yours as well. This war is going to escalate and fast. Someone is out to get Sonny Corinthos and they are going to use anything and anyone they can to do it. This war is different somehow. Like I said this is personal. Corinthos is in a very vulnerable position right now. And he's not thinking straight."
"Mac, I won't defend him this time. I can't. I've already lost too much because of my past relationship with him."
"I know, Alexis. I am just telling you to stay as far away as possible. But, I also need you to know that Roy DiLucca and Felicia are involved in this war. So stay away from them as well."
Glancing at Ned then back to Mac she let go of a heavy sigh. Felicia. She should have known. Her thoughts returned to the day she told Roy to find another lawyer. Felicia was there. She remembered thinking how familiar the words coming out of Felicia's mouth had sounded as she defended Roy. Her heart went out to Felicia at that moment hoping beyond hope that her worst fears would not be realized.
"Mac, can you get a message to Felicia for me?"
"Alexis, I don't think that is a good idea. You really need to keep your distance from all of this."
"If I can hopefully keep Felicia from making the same mistakes I made then that is one step closer to redemption for me for my part in my sister's death. And just maybe I can make Felicia see the cost that would be required of her if she doesn't walk away now. Mac, I have to try. She has two daughters that she is not thinking of right now. Mac, please, I need to try."
As Alexis begged for the chance to talk to Felicia the tears came again and she didn't try to hide them. She needed the chance to help Felicia. She needed to make a difference in someone's life. So much had been given to her. So many people had loved her, supported her. For Stephan, Chloe, for Jax, for Ned; but most of all for Kristina; she needed to make a difference. If she could only get through to Felicia the hopelessness of loving someone in that line of work... of loving someone who was so arrogant and self-absorbed that people got hurt simply by association... she had to try.
"Please Mac."
"All right Alexis. I'll get the message to her and I'll bring her here myself under complete cover. No one will know she's here and you won't know when to expect us. Ned, I'll need you to keep the same schedule you always have. If it's normal for you to be here round the clock, then don't change it. If I see any evidence of movement I'll call it all off."
Ned began shifting uneasily. He didn't like the sound of this at all. He had already lost Kristina and he wasn't about to take any chances with Alexis or the child she was carrying. Putting his arm around her he lay his other hand against her cheek turning her face to him.
"Alexis, please don't do this. Please don't place yourself in a position that could hurt you. I understand how much you want to help Felicia. But, you've lost enough already."
"Ned, can't you see that I don't have any other choice here. I can't let her follow the same path I got caught up on if I can do anything to stop her. I can't let her lose her life or maybe one of her daughters like I lost Kristina. I just can't. She needs to see face to face what loving men like that can do to a person's life."
Turning from Ned she clutched his hand in hers and addressed Mac. "I'll be ready whenever you show up. Just bring her as quickly as you can."
"Ok, Alexis." Standing and offering his hands to Alexis he pulled her up in front of him so he could look directly into her eyes. "Stay away from the pier. Stay away from Sonny. Stay away from Zander. Protect yourself in every way and protect that baby. I'll personally let you know when you can relax. Ok?"
"Thank you, Mac. You actually are a pretty decent guy, aren't you?"
Mac grinned sheepishly at her and poked her in the shoulder. "Just don't let it get around. Only my friends know that about me."
Laughing at the blush that graced his face Alexis winked at him. "Your secret is safe with me."
Walking to the door with him she thanked him again. Closing the door behind him she turned to Ned who was staring at her full of concern. Raising her hands to keep him from starting an argument with her she walked back over to him and hugged him tightly. Releasing him and stepping back she placed her hands on his chest and looked at him pleadingly.
"Ned, please let's not discuss this anymore. I have made up my mind. You should know me well enough by now to know that if I can prevent someone I care about from getting hurt, then that is what I will do. And you know, you could help if you wanted to."
Knowing the battle was lost before he even opened his mouth he set his arms down on her shoulders and asked, "What can I do to help?"
"You can make yourself scarce when Felicia gets here. I need to have a woman to woman talk with her and having you here would defeat the purpose. You know, you being a man and all. I'll call you when it's over and let you know how it went. Deal?"
"Alright. Deal."