Chapter 13

William Adama looked up as he heard the knock on the hatch. It was late – or rather early – and he didn't know many people who would bother him at this time of the morning. The Galactica ran twenty-four hours a day, but most of the non-essential staff kept fairly regular hours. Lieutenant Gaeta was manning CIC at the moment, and William knew that if this was an urgent situation he'd be on the com rather than at his door.

So it was with some curiosity but with no real worry that he opened his door. "Lee?" he said in surprise.

"Hi," his son said in a sheepish voice. He looked very uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to the other as he had done when he was a child who constantly worried about being in trouble. "Do you have a few minutes?"

"Of course," William told him, stepping back from the door and ushering his son inside. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Sure," Lee said with a shrug. "If it's made."

"It's always made," his father told him with a wry tone. "Some days it's all that keeps me going."

"So at least I didn't wake you," Lee commented as he took a seat at the foot of his father's bed. "Lieutenant Gaeta said you'd only been off for a couple of hours, so I thought you might still be up."

The eldest Adama turned to his son with a cup of coffee in hand, giving it to him with a smile. "There's always something to be done," he explained. "And it's always easier to sleep when it just happens. If I try to lie down early, I'm up for hours. If I work until I drop, it seems a good deal easier."

Lee smiled. "And the work still doesn't all get done," he added.

"There does always seem to be enough to stay busy," William admitted as he took a seat at his desk and faced his son. Somehow he didn't think it was work that had brought Lee to him in the middle of the night. "Even at three in the morning."

Lee nodded as he took a sip from the cup. He gave the usual grimace – coffee just wasn't what it used to be – but he didn't complain openly. Lee had never been one to complain.

"Do I need to ask why you're here?" William said softly.

Another shrug, and another embarrassed smile. As tentative as the approach was, William was simply grateful that at least his son could come to him now, whatever the problem might be or whenever the time of day or night.

"No," Lee finally said. "I'll get there."

William just smiled at him. From the time he'd been a small boy, Lee had done things at his own pace and in his own way. As a concerned father, it had made him crazy. Gradually though, he had realized that his son nearly always got things done, and done well. He might take his time, but normally the result was worth the wait. He never did anything half-way.

Finally his son sighed. "You know about me and Kara?" he asked.

William nodded. Frankly, he'd known something was there long before he thought either of the young couple had. A father could recognize these things; even a father who had missed a good portion of his child's life. It hadn't surprised him then, nor did the conversation now. "I had a feeling," he admitted. "Of course, that was more than a year ago. I wondered when you two would get around to something more than dancing around one another."

Lee grinned at that. "Is there anything you don't know?" he asked, but it was without rancor.

"Not on my ship," William told him with a matching smile. "It pays to keep on top of these things."

"I'll bet," Lee told him. Then his face sobered and he met his father's eyes with a true concern. "Are you okay with it?"

"With?"

"Kara and I being more than friends," Lee clarified.

"It's not really my choice now, is it?" he asked.

Lee shook his head. "I didn't expect this to happen," he admitted. "I really thought that she'd always be Zak's. I never would have"

Adama's smile softened. "I know that," he said. "You have a stronger sense of ethics than any three men I know. You wouldn't have looked twice at her if Zak had lived. And that's fine, because I doubt she'd have looked at you either – not that way. But I can't say this surprises me."

"It sure as hell surprised me," Lee muttered.

William looked at his son for a moment longer, then asked, "Why?"

"Pardon?"

"Why did it surprise you?" he asked. "You're the same age, you've been friends for as long as you remember I'm sure, and you both have a great deal in common both in and out of the air. Why does it surprise you that your relationship would progress?"

"She's a friend," Lee told him. "I think that was first and foremost. I didn't realize I could think of a friend that way, but now"

"Now you can't imagine seeing her any other way?"

Lee laughed softly. "Damn. How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Read my mind," Lee said with a smirk.

"Practice," William told his son with a wink. "And in this case good eyesight." He reached up and removed his glasses, looking at them critically. "For some things, anyway."

Lee nodded, and his smile remained intact as he took a sip of the coffee. No grimace this time. One did tend to get used to it. Eventually.

"I never understood her being with Zak," Lee said softly, his smile finally fading. "They had nothing in common, and Zak always seemed like a kid to me. I mean, I understood the friendship – we all had that – but not the relationship. I even told Zak that once. He just laughed at me and said that I was blinder than a bat, and he was damned grateful."

William took a deep breath before answering. He didn't want to offend Lee – and their relationship still seemed to be so fragile to him, so he didn't want to risk damaging it – but he saw something that he knew his son might not have.

"You were very mature as a young adult," William remembered aloud. "Too mature, sometimes. You didn't bother much with dating and you didn't have many friends, but could sure make the grades and you held your own in student government. I wondered then if you'd grown up too fast. I was proud of you – very proud – but I suppose I wondered if you'd missed a few things along the way. I suppose I have my answer now.

"You were absolutely practical. I understood it, and I have always respected that about you, maybe because I tend to be the same way. You never did anything without a purpose, and a good one at that. Now Zak, on the other hand, was very much like his mother. He had a soft heart, and he cared more about having a good time than getting the job done. It was a foreign concept to me. Your mother used to make me crazy."

"Me too," Lee remarked with a sad smile. "And Kara always fell somewhere in between Zak and I. She could be serious about what she really wanted, but she seemed to find ways to have a good time while she was at it."

"She was able to balance things," William agreed. "But I think if given the opportunity she would have been a lot more like you than like Zak. She can be very driven when it comes to what she wants, and while she manages to have a good time, she does have to work at it."

"What do you mean?"

"Kara is intense," William explained. "I saw some of it when she was younger, but Zak always seemed to be able to tease her out of that when she got too far in. After the accident, she didn't have him to do it. She was more than a little lost. I think she'd lost that balance, and I have to wonder how much of it Zak had supplied. He was the one that talked her out of studying and into dating, and he was the one who dragged her around to the sports events and school activities. She didn't do very much that was extra-curricular for the first three years of high school, but once Zak was a freshman he got her into everything. Do you remember?"

"Some," he admitted. "I was usually preoccupied, though. Keeping my grades up and staying on top of things took most of my attention."

"That, and you didn't follow your little brother around much."

"No," Lee admitted. "I didn't. I expected him to follow me. He always had before then"

"He always had," William echoed softly. "Once he hit high school, he went his own way. Probably because you were a little busy."

"Too busy," Lee corrected, sadness no longer a mere shadow in his voice. "Sometimes I really wish I'd spent more time with him. I just didn't realize"

"None of us did," William told him. "Especially Kara. She had a lot of trouble accepting his death."

"You do know why, don't you?" Lee asked.

William nodded. "That was part of it," he answered indirectly, referring to Kara's unintentional contribution to putting Zak in the plane that had killed him. "But another part was that lack of balance. Zak kept her centered. When she lost that, I don't think she was sure how to find it again. It took time. I wondered if she'd ever bring herself back from it, but she's stronger than I've given her credit for. She's quite a survivor."

"She's always had to be," Lee agreed quietly. He looked up and locked his gaze with Williams. It was all the eldest Adama could do not to look away from his son's intensity. "I never got to thank you for what you did for her. I was so busy being angry at you that I didn't even see what losing him had done to her - not until years later. She told me once that you'd saved her life."

William shook his head. "I only gave her time, and a place to be."

"And a reason to get up every day," Lee added. "And someone to keep an eye on, and care about. She also said you never let her thank you."

"There was no reason," William argued uncomfortably. "It was as much for me as for her, if you want to know the truth. Worrying about her made it easier not to think about him, and it gave me a reason to get up in the morning. I should have been thanking her."

"And I should have been there for you."

William did his best to ignore the pain in his son's voice, the regret. "You did the best you could with what you were given," he said gently. "I never blamed you for your assumptions. I regretted them, of course. I wish we'd had that time together, but we can't turn back the clock."

"I wouldn't want to," Lee admitted with a sigh. "I couldn't go through that again, not even with knowing the truth. Losing him" Lee shook his head before looking away. "Kara wasn't the only one he kept anchored. I've always had a temper, but he was the one person who could help me find something funny to keep me blowing up. I guess Kara does that for me now. I've never really learned to do it for myself."

"He was a good son, and brother," William said. "And he would have been a wonderful husband. I'm sure he and Kara would have done well together. But it wasn't meant to be, Lee. Kara shouldn't have to be alone because fate took him from her. Even Zak wouldn't have wanted that. He would have wanted both of you to be happy."

"That's what she said, "Lee told him. "I won't tell you that I don't feel guilty some of the time, because I do. More than I want to. I wonder why I was the one who lived to be with her, and not him. I wonder what she sees in me after being with him. I wonder, but I'm learning not to question it so much."

"That's the balance," William told him with a smile. "But I will tell you something else. If I had to think of someone who could take care of Kara – keep her in line maybe, and yet let her be herself – I couldn't imagine anyone doing a better job of it than you. The two of you have always been formidable. I won't tell you that I expected it," he clarified with a raised eyebrow. "But I can't help being pleased about it. It's a father's right to want his children to be happy and cared for. You'll be good for one another."

Lee smiled at that. "Or kill each other trying," he added.

William shook his head and did his best to stifle a smile, then stood to go refill his cup. When he gestured to the coffee pot and glanced at Lee, the younger man shook his head. William filled his own cup and then returned to sit in his chair by the desk once more. "Is that all you needed? Your old man's approval?"

Lee shrugged at that, and the cautious smile was back again. "I guess that sounds stupid to you," he admitted. "I've been saying a lot of stupid things lately. But it's not really approval I want, or a blessing. Just I wanted to make sure the it wouldn't upset you. She's practically family, and you two have always been there for one another. I didn't want to mess up what you have with her."

"Because she's involved with you?"

Lee nodded.

"That's almost funny," he said with a smile. "And it's not. I couldn't ever be upset so long as she was happy. I think it's interesting though. You're still more worried about what I think of her than how I think of you."

"I'm used to having people mad at me," Lee admitted. "If I hadn't been before, the CAG position would have made sure of it. But Kara she has a softer heart that most people realize. She hides it pretty well with the attitude and streak of violence, but it's there just the same. So yeah, I wanted to make sure she was okay. I wonder where I got that protective streak?" Lee asked with sarcasm clear in his voice.

William gave him a wink. "She's a strong woman," he said thoughtfully. "That strength almost makes a man want to take even better care of her, doesn't it?"

"She can take care of herself," Lee corrected with a shake of his head, setting the empty coffee cup down on the small table next to the bed. "She has to remind me of that occasionally, though. And what happened this week" Lee's voice trailed off, as though it hurt too much to finish.

"Scared the hell out of you?" Adama asked without a smile.

"Yeah."

William nodded. When he had heard what had happened, it had taken all his strength to stay in CIC until he could reach Tigh to take over for him. He had been an inch from leaving regardless of the command coverage when Lieutenant Gaeta had relayed that Lee was on his way down to the hangar. Knowing his son would be there had assured him that anything that could be done, would be done. It wasn't that he had any doubts at all about his deck crews, but Lee had a way of bringing out the best in those he worked with. William had known that he could do no better himself, and that had enabled him to wait until he could at least reach Tigh and get him on his way there. He still hadn't managed to wait for his arrival before leaving to check on her in the Life Station, however briefly.

The other thing that had reassured him had been knowing that Kara wouldn't be alone. The one element of Zak's death that continued to haunt William, even years later, was that Zak had died alone. He'd been the only person in the Viper, and he'd been gone by the time they could get to him. The accident had been mercifully fast, but nonetheless he'd had no one with him; he'd had no physical contact with another human being, when his life had ended. Kara had been in the control room, and had been one of the first officers on the scene, but at the moment of his death, Zak had had no one. Why it mattered, William had no idea. But it did. When Gaeta had told him that Lee was on his way to the hangar, William had known that there was no way she would die alone. At the very least, her family, whether related by blood or not, would have been close by.

"It terrified me," William said softly. "It would have been a horrible way to lose Viper, and the risks she takes are sometimes just this side of insane – but that would have at least been in battle. She would have died doing what she loved best. But to die on the ground."

Lee just nodded.

"So, what's next?"

Lee smiled. "No idea," he admitted. "We're still figuring things out, though. It feels odd not to have a clue what's going to happen in my own life. I just know I need her there, or it's not worth it." He looked up and met his father's eyes. "Now I know that I sound stupid."

William leaned back in the chair and gave an indulgent smile. He needed to get his mind off the morbid turn it had taken. Kara was alive, and healing, and there was no reason to dwell on what might have happened. "I remember that feeling," he admitted. "Lords, it's been a long time. But when your mother and I met, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was a pilot, not a husband. I wanted my own command, and she wanted a family. I thought we could do both. In a way we did, at least at first. In the end I suppose she did most of it herself. I never realized it really, but Iilya was as strong as Kara in her own way. She raised the three of you with very little help from me."

"Mom was great," Lee agreed. "I don't remember much of the two of you together, though. She always told us about you, but even when you were home the two of you never really seemed to be together."

"Your mother needed something I wasn't willing to give her," William said sadly. "In truth, it was very unfair of me to marry her. But we were young, and in love, and she was so beautiful that I couldn't say no. I knew I couldn't stay grounded; I didn't have it in me. She knew it too, I think, although she didn't realize all that it meant. She never complained about my being gone, or my visits back. She was very accepting. Perhaps things would have been different if she hadn't been so lenient with me."

"Are you ever sorry?"

William thought about that. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for her," he admitted. "And that I missed so much when you and Zak were growing up. Every time I visited you'd each grown several inches, and had changed so very much. The time went so quickly But I don't know that I'd change my career. It's who I am, Lee. It's who I've always been."

"Mom was never angry," Lee told him. "Anytime Zak and I got upset because you weren't there for something, she just reminded us of how the fleet's protection was what made everything in our lives possible. She was always so proud to be the wife of a Colonial Warrior. Even after the divorce, she wouldn't hear a word against you. We had some very colorful arguments," he said with a grin. "She and I both believed that you had pushed Zak into that cockpit. But she was never angry. Sad, yes, but never angry. I couldn't understand that kind of love." He raised his eyes to his father, "But I do now."

William smiled, but it was old and tired and had more than a little pain in it. "I did love your mother," he said softly. "I thank the Lords that I had her for even a brief time. Partly because she gave me you and Zak, of course, but also because she was the most loving person I've ever known. She deserved a hell of a lot better than me."

Lee was silent for a long moment. "That's how I feel about Kara," he said in a quiet voice. "I still feel like I'm not quite good enough. God, I'm so afraid I'll screw this up and wind up without her, even as a friend. I don't know how to live without her."

"I pray you never have to," William said, and then had to clear his throat. It was as though he was hearing his own fears from when he'd been Lee's age. It amazed him that despite their differences, and the significant differences between Kara and Iilya, a man's doubts and insecurities were pretty much standard. In its own way, the thought was reassuring.

"Do you remember when we were about nine or so?" Lee asked. "When you were stuck on planet for about a year, and you had to run freighters for the fleet?"

"I remember," William said with a grimace. "Someday I'll tell you the story behind that assignment, but neither of us is old enough or drunk enough to discuss it now."

Lee laughed. "I can imagine. But it was good in one way at least. You used to take the three of us up on those flights every once in a while."

William nodded. "It made the trips less tedious," he admitted. "I hated flights that didn't leave the ionosphere."

"Kara was talking about that first flight," Lee told his father. "I'd forgotten how much she loved it. From that first time she was in the air, she knew she wanted to fly. I don't know how I managed to forget that over the years, but she had to remind me."

"You were the same way," William remembered fondly. "More at home in a freighter than on the ground. So long as you were in the air, you were happy."

"Zak used to throw up for hours after those flights," Lee admitted with a wry smile. "He wouldn't admit it was the flight, but it was pretty consistent so I figured it out."

"Your mother told me," William said. "But I couldn't leave him behind. He begged to go just the same way you and Kara did. I really believed that he'd develop the stomach for it if he had the time."

"He did. It took years, but he finally did. Either that or he learned to hide it better, and I don't think that was it. He never could lie worth a damn."

"No, he never could," William agreed softly.

They sat in silence for several minutes, until Lee met his father's gaze with a grin. "You know, I didn't plan for this to get serious. I really just came by to be sure that you were okay with Kara and I as a couple."

William shrugged one shoulder. "I don't mind remembering," he explained. "Not all of the memories are good, but so many of them are. It's worth sorting through the sad parts to find the beauty."

"Kara still has the picture you gave her," Lee said softly. "It's in her locker. You remember? The one of her and Zak at the academy, with me next to them."

"I remember. It was one of my favorites, but she needed it more than I did. She was so afraid that she'd forget him. I knew better, of course, but fears are rarely rational. It was easier to give her a solution than to try to reason with her."

"He was really happy then," Lee said.

"Yes, he was. Whatever his reasons for wanting to fly, and whether or not it was what he was meant to do, he did love being there with you and Kara." William met his son's eyes and held his gaze. "He died happy, Lee. If nothing else, we have that. It isn't much, but it has to be enough."

Lee nodded silently. Again, they sat in silence for a long while. William just enjoyed his son's presence, undemanding and relaxed. It had been so very long since they'd just talked. They did so occasionally, but between duties and habit, they rarely took time for serious discussions or family remembrances.

"I need a favor," Lee said quietly.

"Name it," William answered. Lee wouldn't ask if it weren't important.

"I talked to Doctor Salik about contraception," he admitted with a slight blush. "Apparently it's not very easy to come by, and he needs command approval to authorize it."

"In a society where reproduction is our only hope for survival, preventing births is counterproductive," William explained.

Lee nodded his understanding. "Viper pilots are few and far between," Lee said. "Kara's not ready to be grounded. It's not a risk I want to take, because I know what losing her wings would do to her. If you could help with the paperwork I know it's a lot to ask."

"Grandchildren would be nice someday," William said with a thoughtful smile. "But right now survival of our fleet is more important than a baby with your eyes and her smile. I'll take care of it."

Lee let out a grateful breath. "Thank you."

William just nodded.

"I've taken up most of your morning," Lee finally said, his voice both reluctant and apologetic. "I hope you aren't on an early watch."

"It wouldn't matter," he told his son simply. "This was more important."

Lee nodded again. "We need to do this more," he suggested. "Maybe over dinner or something. I know Kara would love to get together."

"I'd enjoy that, too. Check our schedules, and let's see if we can find a time when we're all off. I haven't had a family dinner in"

"Forever?" Lee suggested.

"Yes."

Lee stood, his expression still reluctant. "I need to get back," he explained. "And you need to get some sleep. Thanks for the Just, thanks."

William stood and took a step towards his son, meeting him in a hug that had become less awkward over the last few years. "You're always welcome," he told him. "Day or night. You don't need a reason."

As Lee pulled away, he just smiled. The thanks was there again, but this time in his eyes rather than in words. To William, it meant just as much.

"And Lee?"

"Yeah?"

Adama smiled at his eldest son, proud beyond words. "You do have my blessing."

The memory of Lee's smile at those words stayed with William for a very long time after his son's departure. And for a change, sleep came just a little easier than it usually did.