Chapter 4
Sonny was pacing back and forth in front of his desk as Benny watched with concern.
"Benny, I want this war over and I want it over fast. I want to know who was behind that bomb. I've got a gut feeling there is someone else involved here. As much as I dislike DiLucca, he has never done anything like this before. It's just not something he would do. There has to be someone else bigger behind this whole thing. I want to know who. And Benny, find DiLucca. Tell him I would like to meet with him. Let me know when and where to show up. Also, find Zander Smith. Get him here. I want to talk to him."
"Sure, Mr. Corinthos, I'll get it done."
Sonny was through playing games. He had had enough of playing the puppet at the hands of an unknown enemy's. He needed to regain control of Port Charles and he needed to clean up the mess it had become. But, most of all he needed for Alexis to know he had nothing to do with the explosion at the warehouse. Shaking his head in disgust he wondered who would be next. Who would leave this earth next because of his need for power, for possession. He felt dirty. Suddenly he sprinted toward the stairs and as he entered his bedroom quickly began shedding his clothes and headed toward his shower. He turned the water on as hot as he could stand it and stood within the circle of its spray praying the stench of guilt that clung to his skin would wash down the drain.
Raising his head to let the water run over his face he met his reflection in the mirror hanging from the showerhead and felt the bile in his stomach rise. 'Is this the man she had to look at on a daily basis all those months? Why did she stay so long? How could she have called him her friend?' He remembered an old black and white movie he once saw years ago about a portrait of a man. The movie centered on how the evil deeds and sins of one man affected the portraits visage rather than the man himself. It became a hideous portico to what a life of malevolence and callousness could do to a man. Sonny knew it could have been himself the artist painted. But, concentrating as hard as he could while the hot spray of water pelted him he just couldn't remember how the film ended. And suddenly, as though his life depended on it... he desperately needed to know the fate of the painting as well as the man behind it.
Sonny stood in the shower until the water turned cold only then stepping out to towel off. Reaching for his robe he caught sight of his reflection in the vanity mirror and again felt the soil of guilt wash over him relentlessly. Anger and revulsion rose instantly and picking up a bottle of cologne from the counter with the simple need to destroy the image, he threw it and watched as the mirror shattered. The face was finally gone. Breathing deeply he centered himself on that one brief moment of release... that one brief moment of freedom from the ugliness.
Picking up the phone he quickly dialed a number and impatiently waited. He knew what he was about to do made no sense at all. It was even childish, silly. But he was desperate. He would try anything at this point.
"Johnny, go down to the video store. Find a movie called "The Portrait of Dorian Gray". It is an old black and white. Buy it. I want it here this evening. Leave it across the hall in PH2. And Johnny, I don't want Carly to know anything about this, understand? ... Good."
"Sonny? Are you ok? I heard a loud crashing sound."
Stopping abruptly at the door of the bathroom Carly took in the scene around her. Looking at the bare wall where the mirror once hung and back at Sonny, she knew. Something had changed in him since Kristina died. She saw the look in his eyes after Alexis finished her tirade against him at the memorial. As much as she tried to deny it or fight it, there was only one woman who could bring out that level of emotion in Sonny. Feeling her own rage rise within her she took hold of Sonny's arm and twisted him around to face her.
"It's that witch again, isn't it? What do you see in her? All I ever hear from you is how great a lawyer she is and how great a friend she is to you. Look at this room, Sonny. If she were just a friend to you would you be destroying our home right now?"
She saw the moment her words hit home. It began with his knees and slowly progressed upward. When the trembling reached his hands he grabbed hold of the counter in front of him. He gripped the edge of the counter so tightly she heard it crack.
"Sonny?"
With a voice raw and devoid of care he turned his head and caught her eyes, "Get out of here now, Carly."
"I can help you get through this."
With a strength he didn't know he possessed Sonny brought his anger under enough control to handle it and turned to face her feeling the sickness in his stomach grow more intense.
"You have lived with me long enough to know when I've reached my limit. Yet you keep pushing me, why?"
Carly had seen Sonny's rage before when he felt betrayed. She knew what happened to his business associates when they betrayed him. Taking a step back she felt fear rise in her. The way he was staring at her reminded her of how he had looked when he spoke of Sorel.
"I.. I love you, Sonny. We are meant to be together. You, Michael and me. We are a family."
"What is love, Carly? Can you tell me what love means to you? I want to know. Tell me."
"It's ... well ... love! I love you. You love me. It's taking care of each other."
Sonny listened to her try to explain what she knew of love and hung his head in disgust.
"Carly, it is so much more than you are capable of understanding. Love is commitment. Love is knowing deep down in your soul that the person you cherish most in the world understands who you are and why you are the way you are. Love is trust; never having to question whether the one you love will betray you or walk away from you when mistakes are made. Love is being supported whether you're right or wrong. Love is knowing that you begin breathing easier at the sight of the one that holds your heart. Love is knowing that the one you love will be there with waiting arms when the demons that haunt you at night chase you back to reality with the sweat of fear pouring off you. Love is knowing that being held by the woman you love brings you more peace than you have ever known in your life."
Spent from the raw emotion of his own words, Sonny moved into the bedroom and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Dropping his head in his hands he allowed his own words to penetrate his heart. Releasing a shuddering sigh he looked back up at Carly and choked back a sob. And he saw 'her'... Alexis. Not wanting to break the moment he stared at the vision and watched as she stepped away from Carly's side to stand alone. The sob that caught in his throat at the first sight of her exploded from him as he saw her lift her hand and reach toward him. Raising his own hand in return the vision abruptly left him as Carly appeared between them and laid her hand in his. Realizing that Carly's unwelcome intrusion was the catalyst that ripped from him the only peace he could find, he dropped her hand as if it were hot coals.
"Please, you need to leave me alone for awhile."
"No, I don't think so. You've had your say, now it's my turn. Your little speech there was really quite nice. But, did you ever feel any of that for me? Did you ever put the time and effort into our relationship that would allow that kind of love? No, you didn't. You gave all of that to her. I was nothing more than your doormat; just a warm body to fill your bed. I tried, Sonny. I tried to be what you wanted. If I am not what you need then that is your fault. All you had to do was ask."
Looking at her with pity, he shook his head as the truths he had forced his heart to hold secret finally found their way into his consciousness.
"You know, Carly. I never had to ask Alexis for any of those things. She knew without me ever saying a word. She took the time to look inside the man that I am, to know me. She watched me, watched how I reacted to everything around me. I took precedence over everything in her life. I was important to her. And because I was important to her, she made sure that I had whatever I needed when I needed it. She allowed me to share my soul, my secrets, everything that I am and she never judged me. She never made me feel less of a man. She makes me want to be more than I am. She believes in me. No one has ever believed in me the way she does. So, you want to know what I want? Well, I'll tell you. I WANT HER. But, I can't have her. Kind of ironic isn't it? The one thing I want most in life is off limits because of the man I have become. She is more than you or I will ever be in our lifetime. You don't have to worry that I'll leave you for her. No, we happen to be stuck with one another whether we like it or not... at least for now."
Carly silently listened to Sonny and every word burned her. She was not about to lose this fight. She had one 'ace-in-the-hole' remaining and it was time to use it. She would go see Alexis. They shared a somewhat unholy alliance as a result of her knowing the paternity of Alexis' kid. And if she knew anything about Alexis, it was that she was afraid of Sonny's world. She would hold on to Sonny by way of Alexis. This was rich. The woman who supposedly loved Sonny was now the one betraying him. All she needed to do was pick the right time to share her little secret. She reached around and retrieved her hand bag from the bed before returning her gaze to him. Her stomach churned at the look of disgust on his face then she shrugged her shoulders. 'Well, no matter. He'll come around soon enough because I'm not nearly done with him yet', she thought.
"I think I'll go see Bobbie for awhile. You need to calm down and get all your little ducks in a row. You need to remember you have a wife and a son. We come first, Sonny; not your poor little weak backstabbing lawyer. I'll be back later and we'll fix all of this then."
Carly left quickly to keep him from going too far with her abuse of Alexis. She knew as well as she stood there in front of him that he was fixing to blow again if she didn't get out of the way.
Sonny sat there for a moment after Carly stalked out settle the raging anger that was morphing out of control. When he felt calmer he rose and walked slowly to the balcony doors and opened them wide. He stood there quietly without moving and let the fading sun warm him as his thoughts returned to Alexis. When did it happen? When did I fall in love with her? Smiling to himself he remembered the soft touches, the half smiles, the twinkle in her eyes. She had completely taken possession of his heart when he wasn't looking and totally enraptured him. Her gentle ways reminded him of his mother. Her quite sensual voice wrapped around him like a warm blanket. Closing his eyes he let the vision of her as she danced with him that night so long ago fill his hardened heart and immediately he felt his heart open and become whole again. Only she could have done that for him.
Hearing the sound of a car backfire below Sonny was brought back to the reality of his situation. No one could know how he felt about Alexis. Of all the women he had known in his life, she was the one most important, most precious. She had to be protected at all costs. He looked toward the direction of her new apartment and whispered, "I will keep you safe. If it means never laying eyes on you again, I will keep you safe. Someday when it's all over, when I am free, I will tell you the truth that changed my life and beg your forgiveness for the pain I have caused you. Someday Alexis. Someday."
Sonny was pacing back and forth in front of his desk as Benny watched with concern.
"Benny, I want this war over and I want it over fast. I want to know who was behind that bomb. I've got a gut feeling there is someone else involved here. As much as I dislike DiLucca, he has never done anything like this before. It's just not something he would do. There has to be someone else bigger behind this whole thing. I want to know who. And Benny, find DiLucca. Tell him I would like to meet with him. Let me know when and where to show up. Also, find Zander Smith. Get him here. I want to talk to him."
"Sure, Mr. Corinthos, I'll get it done."
Sonny was through playing games. He had had enough of playing the puppet at the hands of an unknown enemy's. He needed to regain control of Port Charles and he needed to clean up the mess it had become. But, most of all he needed for Alexis to know he had nothing to do with the explosion at the warehouse. Shaking his head in disgust he wondered who would be next. Who would leave this earth next because of his need for power, for possession. He felt dirty. Suddenly he sprinted toward the stairs and as he entered his bedroom quickly began shedding his clothes and headed toward his shower. He turned the water on as hot as he could stand it and stood within the circle of its spray praying the stench of guilt that clung to his skin would wash down the drain.
Raising his head to let the water run over his face he met his reflection in the mirror hanging from the showerhead and felt the bile in his stomach rise. 'Is this the man she had to look at on a daily basis all those months? Why did she stay so long? How could she have called him her friend?' He remembered an old black and white movie he once saw years ago about a portrait of a man. The movie centered on how the evil deeds and sins of one man affected the portraits visage rather than the man himself. It became a hideous portico to what a life of malevolence and callousness could do to a man. Sonny knew it could have been himself the artist painted. But, concentrating as hard as he could while the hot spray of water pelted him he just couldn't remember how the film ended. And suddenly, as though his life depended on it... he desperately needed to know the fate of the painting as well as the man behind it.
Sonny stood in the shower until the water turned cold only then stepping out to towel off. Reaching for his robe he caught sight of his reflection in the vanity mirror and again felt the soil of guilt wash over him relentlessly. Anger and revulsion rose instantly and picking up a bottle of cologne from the counter with the simple need to destroy the image, he threw it and watched as the mirror shattered. The face was finally gone. Breathing deeply he centered himself on that one brief moment of release... that one brief moment of freedom from the ugliness.
Picking up the phone he quickly dialed a number and impatiently waited. He knew what he was about to do made no sense at all. It was even childish, silly. But he was desperate. He would try anything at this point.
"Johnny, go down to the video store. Find a movie called "The Portrait of Dorian Gray". It is an old black and white. Buy it. I want it here this evening. Leave it across the hall in PH2. And Johnny, I don't want Carly to know anything about this, understand? ... Good."
"Sonny? Are you ok? I heard a loud crashing sound."
Stopping abruptly at the door of the bathroom Carly took in the scene around her. Looking at the bare wall where the mirror once hung and back at Sonny, she knew. Something had changed in him since Kristina died. She saw the look in his eyes after Alexis finished her tirade against him at the memorial. As much as she tried to deny it or fight it, there was only one woman who could bring out that level of emotion in Sonny. Feeling her own rage rise within her she took hold of Sonny's arm and twisted him around to face her.
"It's that witch again, isn't it? What do you see in her? All I ever hear from you is how great a lawyer she is and how great a friend she is to you. Look at this room, Sonny. If she were just a friend to you would you be destroying our home right now?"
She saw the moment her words hit home. It began with his knees and slowly progressed upward. When the trembling reached his hands he grabbed hold of the counter in front of him. He gripped the edge of the counter so tightly she heard it crack.
"Sonny?"
With a voice raw and devoid of care he turned his head and caught her eyes, "Get out of here now, Carly."
"I can help you get through this."
With a strength he didn't know he possessed Sonny brought his anger under enough control to handle it and turned to face her feeling the sickness in his stomach grow more intense.
"You have lived with me long enough to know when I've reached my limit. Yet you keep pushing me, why?"
Carly had seen Sonny's rage before when he felt betrayed. She knew what happened to his business associates when they betrayed him. Taking a step back she felt fear rise in her. The way he was staring at her reminded her of how he had looked when he spoke of Sorel.
"I.. I love you, Sonny. We are meant to be together. You, Michael and me. We are a family."
"What is love, Carly? Can you tell me what love means to you? I want to know. Tell me."
"It's ... well ... love! I love you. You love me. It's taking care of each other."
Sonny listened to her try to explain what she knew of love and hung his head in disgust.
"Carly, it is so much more than you are capable of understanding. Love is commitment. Love is knowing deep down in your soul that the person you cherish most in the world understands who you are and why you are the way you are. Love is trust; never having to question whether the one you love will betray you or walk away from you when mistakes are made. Love is being supported whether you're right or wrong. Love is knowing that you begin breathing easier at the sight of the one that holds your heart. Love is knowing that the one you love will be there with waiting arms when the demons that haunt you at night chase you back to reality with the sweat of fear pouring off you. Love is knowing that being held by the woman you love brings you more peace than you have ever known in your life."
Spent from the raw emotion of his own words, Sonny moved into the bedroom and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Dropping his head in his hands he allowed his own words to penetrate his heart. Releasing a shuddering sigh he looked back up at Carly and choked back a sob. And he saw 'her'... Alexis. Not wanting to break the moment he stared at the vision and watched as she stepped away from Carly's side to stand alone. The sob that caught in his throat at the first sight of her exploded from him as he saw her lift her hand and reach toward him. Raising his own hand in return the vision abruptly left him as Carly appeared between them and laid her hand in his. Realizing that Carly's unwelcome intrusion was the catalyst that ripped from him the only peace he could find, he dropped her hand as if it were hot coals.
"Please, you need to leave me alone for awhile."
"No, I don't think so. You've had your say, now it's my turn. Your little speech there was really quite nice. But, did you ever feel any of that for me? Did you ever put the time and effort into our relationship that would allow that kind of love? No, you didn't. You gave all of that to her. I was nothing more than your doormat; just a warm body to fill your bed. I tried, Sonny. I tried to be what you wanted. If I am not what you need then that is your fault. All you had to do was ask."
Looking at her with pity, he shook his head as the truths he had forced his heart to hold secret finally found their way into his consciousness.
"You know, Carly. I never had to ask Alexis for any of those things. She knew without me ever saying a word. She took the time to look inside the man that I am, to know me. She watched me, watched how I reacted to everything around me. I took precedence over everything in her life. I was important to her. And because I was important to her, she made sure that I had whatever I needed when I needed it. She allowed me to share my soul, my secrets, everything that I am and she never judged me. She never made me feel less of a man. She makes me want to be more than I am. She believes in me. No one has ever believed in me the way she does. So, you want to know what I want? Well, I'll tell you. I WANT HER. But, I can't have her. Kind of ironic isn't it? The one thing I want most in life is off limits because of the man I have become. She is more than you or I will ever be in our lifetime. You don't have to worry that I'll leave you for her. No, we happen to be stuck with one another whether we like it or not... at least for now."
Carly silently listened to Sonny and every word burned her. She was not about to lose this fight. She had one 'ace-in-the-hole' remaining and it was time to use it. She would go see Alexis. They shared a somewhat unholy alliance as a result of her knowing the paternity of Alexis' kid. And if she knew anything about Alexis, it was that she was afraid of Sonny's world. She would hold on to Sonny by way of Alexis. This was rich. The woman who supposedly loved Sonny was now the one betraying him. All she needed to do was pick the right time to share her little secret. She reached around and retrieved her hand bag from the bed before returning her gaze to him. Her stomach churned at the look of disgust on his face then she shrugged her shoulders. 'Well, no matter. He'll come around soon enough because I'm not nearly done with him yet', she thought.
"I think I'll go see Bobbie for awhile. You need to calm down and get all your little ducks in a row. You need to remember you have a wife and a son. We come first, Sonny; not your poor little weak backstabbing lawyer. I'll be back later and we'll fix all of this then."
Carly left quickly to keep him from going too far with her abuse of Alexis. She knew as well as she stood there in front of him that he was fixing to blow again if she didn't get out of the way.
Sonny sat there for a moment after Carly stalked out settle the raging anger that was morphing out of control. When he felt calmer he rose and walked slowly to the balcony doors and opened them wide. He stood there quietly without moving and let the fading sun warm him as his thoughts returned to Alexis. When did it happen? When did I fall in love with her? Smiling to himself he remembered the soft touches, the half smiles, the twinkle in her eyes. She had completely taken possession of his heart when he wasn't looking and totally enraptured him. Her gentle ways reminded him of his mother. Her quite sensual voice wrapped around him like a warm blanket. Closing his eyes he let the vision of her as she danced with him that night so long ago fill his hardened heart and immediately he felt his heart open and become whole again. Only she could have done that for him.
Hearing the sound of a car backfire below Sonny was brought back to the reality of his situation. No one could know how he felt about Alexis. Of all the women he had known in his life, she was the one most important, most precious. She had to be protected at all costs. He looked toward the direction of her new apartment and whispered, "I will keep you safe. If it means never laying eyes on you again, I will keep you safe. Someday when it's all over, when I am free, I will tell you the truth that changed my life and beg your forgiveness for the pain I have caused you. Someday Alexis. Someday."