Chapter 14
Lee walked quickly down the stairs to the hangar bay. He wasn't frantic — not yet — but he was getting a little concerned. Kara wasn't in their room, wasn't at Life Station, wasn't on CIC, and wasn't in Sharon's quarters. When he hadn't found her in the ready room either, this had been the only other place he could think of to look. She had come to look at the planes more than once in the past, telling him that this was simply where she belonged. He hadn't really understood it, but he hadn't ever argued with her about it.
It wasn't that he was really worried. Not exactly. She wasn't confined to quarters or anything, but he'd become very used to knowing where she was. As childish as it sounded, he liked knowing where she was. He decided that he'd better be sure she didn't find out about it; she was notorious for exploiting weaknesses. He'd never hear the end of that one.
Lee looked around the cavernous hangar, wondering if he could find her even if she was there. As always, the noise and motion around him was a carefully choreographed form of chaos. It amazed him that so much could be done at one time, in one place, and still manage to get done so well.
Knowing Kara as he did, he started out near the Vipers. It was the most logical place to begin. He felt a rush of relief when his search of the bay turned out to be both short and simple. He found her sitting on the deck, tucked back against one of the hangar walls just behind the Viper that had nearly killed her. It was now repaired, it's supports well inspected and solid. The bird was ready for flight. Kara sat with her knees drawn up and her chin resting on them as her arms encircled her legs. She looked very much like a lost child.
"Hey," he called to her once he was close enough to do so.
She looked up at him, but she didn't speak. He couldn't blame her. This place couldn't hold any good memories for her now.
"You okay?" he asked softly as he sat down next to her.
"I will be," she replied. "I just needed to see it. That probably sounds stupid."
"Under the circumstances, I'd say it sounds reasonable," he allowed. "I actually wondered how long it would take you to get back here. I was betting on a while longer, though. I should have known better."
She gave him half a smile, and then her eyes went back to the Viper. "She's beautiful, isn't she?" Kara murmured softly.
"Most of the time," Lee answered. "I wasn't real fond of her the other day."
Kara's smile wavered. "I've never been afraid of Vipers," she told him. "Even in training, for my first solo flight I was just wired. I wanted to be in there so much that it almost hurt. When I hit open space for the first time, the rush was unbelievable. It was almost like it knew what I was thinking. That was a Mach V of course, but they aren't so different. A part of me always figured that she would protect me."
"Maybe that's why you're so good," he suggested thoughtfullly. "Because you don't have any fear. God knows most trainees are so paranoid that they shouldn't come out of a simulator for the first year. You were a natural though, so it makes sense that you wouldn't be afraid of flying, or the machine that helps you do it."
"And now?" she asked, putting her cheek down on her knees to look sideways at him. "Lee, I couldn't tuck up underneath her and check an oil line if my life depended on it," she admitted.
"It hasn't even been a week, Kara. Give yourself some time. Salik won't have you back on full duty for at least a week or more. And I won't put you on maintenance until you're ready. Even then, I'm sure Tyrol can keep you busy without sticking you under a Viper."
"You can't do that," she argued, but her voice was cautious rather than accusatory. "All the pilots pull their weight. If we fly it, we have to fix it. That's the rule. You start making exceptions to that, and the whole system falls apart."
"You don't think this calls for an exception?"
She shook her head. "Lee, we're going to be under a microscope as it is. You're CAG, and I'm lead pilot. Do you really think there aren't those that are going to think that my position is connected with us sharing a room? Up until now it hasn't been much of an issue because nothing was happening, but now that something is I don't think it's a good time to start playing favorites, however good your intentions are."
"First of all, it's not playing favorites. I'd offer that to anyone who'd been hurt in an accident. After the Raptor fire, I didn't make Hawk or Sharon go back in until they were ready. That's just common sense. We have enough pilots that we don't have to torture people. Besides, everyone already thinks something's going on with us, no matter how many times we've denied it," Lee argued. "We're old news. Just because we aren't making out in the launch tubes, you can't think that the speculation hasn't been rampant. The truth is, most of it has actually died off in the last few months. Once you moved in, everyone figured that they had us pegged, so it got bad for a while. But, I don't even think we're a topic of current gossip."
"If you start coddling me, we will be," Kara told him. "Besides, I can't ask my pilots to do anything that I'm not willing to do. I'll get over it."
Lee reached over and put his arm around her shoulders. He halfway thought she'd shrug it off, but he couldn't help himself. She looked so miserable sitting there, and he didn't have any easy answers for her. He didn't have much of anything beyond the best of intentions and his own silent fears.
She didn't move away. In fact, he could feel her leaning against him and her gentle sigh was both felt and heard. Her body relaxed slightly, releasing muscles that had been tightly held against what must have been horrendous memories. If this place could make him sick to his stomach, he could only imagine what it looked like though Kara's eyes.
He felt her body shudder slightly, and he tightened his hold. He didn't think she'd come apart here, but he couldn't be sure. He just wanted to protect her from both the fear and the responsibility, but she had reminded him that he couldn't. The reason wasn't what she'd proposed, though. He didn't give a shit what people thought of him or his assignments. Kara had proved her worth as lead pilot on dozens of occasions, and there was documentation to support her appointment to the position. Rightfully, she should have been CAG, but she didn't have the rank for it.
But there was still a valid reason not to protect her. He couldn't do this for her. Taking away the situation wouldn't take away the memories or the fear. Just as his own stomach tightened when he looked at the twenty tons of metal that could have crushed the most important person in his life, so she also had to deal with her reactions to what had happened. It might not be easy, but protecting her would only make it worse for her when she did begin to deal with it. Traumas like she had endured didn't go away. They were either managed, or they festered and poisoned the person who had already been through too much. He had tried protecting her from herself in the past, and it hadn't worked out well. She was a woman of strong emotion, and what she didn't confront was enough to tear her apart if given the opportunity.
It was a helpless feeling for Lee, and one he hadn't experienced in a long while. He'd been through frightening situations with Kara before, but always he had done so as her friend. He had loved her always, but the intense desire to protect her was rather new. He was sure it came from the realization that she was indeed mortal. They both were. It surprised him that he needed to relearn this lesson. After all, they had all received a crash coarse in mortality at the beginning of the war. No one was safe, and no one was immune to the dangers of space.
"Thanks," she finally said as she pulled away. Lee let her go because he needed to, but he didn't like it. He loved having her in his arms. She had felt good snuggled in next to him in the relative quiet of this section of the hangar. She didn't lean on anyone very often, and it touched him in a way he didn't really understand that she felt safe leaning on him.
"Anytime," he told her. "I didn't do anything, anyway."
"You listened," she told him. "And you had sense enough not to argue with me. That's something."
Lee smiled at that. "Don't get used to it," he told her with a wink.
Her soft laugh caught him off guard, especially given the serious nature of his most recent thoughts. Taking a chance, he leaned sideways and kissed her softly. To his surprise, she didn't retreat, nor did she put her arms around him, but instead she stayed somewhere in between. It felt rather like a reluctant acceptance. It wasn't nearly good enough.
He had been sitting beside her, but now he turned towards her and stretched out his legs, sticking them beneath hers to break the grip she had on them. He used one hand to pull her almost up on his lap, and the other to support her back. When he kissed her this time, there was no way she was going to remain reluctant.
She didn't. Her arms finally came around his neck and she began to kiss him back. He tried not to analyze too deeply the relief that coursed through him at her participation in the kiss. With the exception of the Life Station, he really hadn't touched her much in public. Partly that was a natural reserve regarding public demonstrations of affection that his years in the military had instilled, and the rest was uncertainty as to how Kara would take it. He hadn't been willing to take the risk. At the moment though, it all seemed irrelevant.
Someone cleared his throat. Loudly.
Kara tensed, but she didn't pull away. Lee felt the urge to do so, but he controlled it with the knowledge that they weren't doing a damn thing wrong. Neither of them was on duty, neither of them was married or otherwise attached, and neither of them was a kid. They had as much right to find a few moments together as anyone else in the fleet.
Reminding himself of that, Lee gently ended the kiss and then turned his attention to the voice that had disturbed him. He was almost grateful to see who it was. At least if they had to be caught, Lee had the reassurance of knowing that he'd caught this man a few times in a clinch himself, so it wasn't likely that he or Kara would wind up on someone's report.
"Chief," he acknowledged. "Did you need something?"
Chief Tyrol's cheeks were a lot pinker than usual as he cleared his throat again. Lee didn't dare turn his gaze to Kara. Lords knew what she was thinking. "Yes, Sir," the Chief said politely. "We have a team coming back in about five minutes, and this is one of the Vipers that we're going to be checking for preflight right after that. I thought you might want to be aware of how crowded this bay is going to be then."
Lee couldn't hold back a smile. "Point taken," he told the Chief. "Thanks for the heads-up."
Tyrol gave him a wink and finally a smile. "It's nothing you haven't done for me," he said in a wry tone. "Just returning the favor."
As the man walked away, Lee felt a solid connection of Kara's fist with his ribs. It didn't really hurt, but it wasn't comfortable. "Hey," he told her in mock indignation. "No fair when I can't hit back."
"Did you have to" Her voice trailed of as she gestured meaninglessly with her hand. "Now he thinks"
"Your point?" Lee asked calmly. His smile was gone, and he was holding his breath for her answer. It was easy to say that opinions didn't matter, but it was harder to hold onto that when the woman in your arms was acting like you'd committed a crime. Still, she hadn't moved from his lap and her arms were still around him, so he had some hope.
"I don't have one," she grumbled, ducking her head down and hiding her face against his neck. "But I don't plan to be a floor show. Let's get out of here."
He couldn't help but smile at that, releasing her gently and standing so that he could help her up. She winced on the way, locking her forearm to his in order to pull herself up, but she was definitely moving more easily than she had the day before. He took a position just behind her as they left the bay, really liking the view it gave him of her duty pants taught over her buttocks as she climbed the stairs up out of the hangar.
"Did you eat yet?" he asked from behind her once they were both up into the Galactica's main corridor. That had actually been why he'd gone looking for her in the first place. He'd simply wanted to go to lunch with a friend.
"Not yet," she admitted. "Is it a food day?"
He stepped up beside her with a smile. "You don't know?" Every other day on board the Galactica involved synthetic nutritional substitutes, which made the days where actual food was present fairly significant. He knew she hadn't been eating much, but he didn't realize it was little enough that she didn't know if they were serving or not.
She gave him a shrug with one shoulder. "I lost track," she admitted sheepishly. "I've pretty much stayed with the protein drinks when I was hungry. It seemed easier, and I didn't have to sit around in the dining hall to eat that way."
"Avoiding people?"
She shook her head. "Not exactly," she explained. "But it gets old when every time you go out you have fifteen people asking if you're feeling okay. I think it's nice of them, and it's great to have so many people that care, but even if you start out feeling fine, by the time you're done you aren't sure. Besides, the drinks have been easier on my stomach."
"Having problems," he asked in concern.
"Not really, but I thought I might. Even breathing hurt at first, so I didn't think big meals were a good idea."
He brought himself back on track, still trying to decide what to do with the information. "Yeah, it's a food day," he told her. "I thought we might grab some lunch together."
She looked at him sideways and flashed a grin. "Regular table, right?" she asked with a wink.
"Yes," he admitted, fighting the smile that came instinctively in response to hers. "The alcoves are booked for the next month."
"What?"
"Well, our little date started something," he told her. "They cleared out all of the alcoves at the back of the hall, and stuck in little tables. It's self-service, but at least it gives folks a little bit of privacy and a place to get together. I think they have nine of them cleared out now, and they're really popular. Who would have thought?"
"Leave it to you to start a trend," she told him with a smirk.
"Yeah, well it seemed like a good idea at the time," he told her with a sheepish duck of his head.
"It was actually really sweet," she admitted as he ushered her into the officers' dining hall. "Did I ever thank you for it?"
"Not that I remember," he said after some consideration. "But I might have forgotten. It's been a rough week."
"I'll rough week you," she muttered. He half expected her to punch him, but she went with something less painful and more effective, placing a hand on each of his sides and tickling with little mercy. It would have been a lot funnier to him if they hadn't been nearly up to the serving line. He grabbed her hands, moving them down from ticklish sides, and secured them tightly in one of his hands.
"What do you want to eat?" he asked, trying to divert her attention.
She raised her eyebrows and gave him a wide grin. God, she was making him insane.
"Food," he told her. "Now. Pick something."
Laughing softly she turned around and made a couple of selections from the line. It didn't look like much to him, but he didn't say anything. He made several selections for himself, grabbed each of them a glass of milk from the end of the line, and then followed her to an empty end of one of the large tables. It was relatively early, so the room was still quiet and there was no one too close to where she chose to sit.
But after only a few minutes he realized that she was doing a lot more pushing the food around her plate than actually eating it. He didn't say anything at first, grateful that she was at least drinking the milk, but it was starting to worry him.
"You sure you're okay?" he asked. He was trying not to sound like the typical overprotective boyfriend, but she did have him concerned.
"Want me to grab you one of the drinks?" he finally asked a moment later when she still hadn't taken more than a single bite.
She looked uncertain. He knew that look. She wanted to say yes, but didn't want to be a bother. It amazed him that she was still so ridiculously independent when she had friends right and left that would have loved to have help her.
"I'll be right back," he told her with a small smile. She smiled back, and he knew he'd guessed right.
It didn't take him long to get the drink. Made from the same synthetic nutritional substances as the food substitutes, the protein drinks were essentially perfect nutrition. Perfect that was, except for taste. Well, that and they weren't particularly filling. Lee had been known to drink three or four and still want something to eat. It was one of the reasons he'd always stayed away from them. Kara, on the other hand, had always liked them because they didn't require her to slow down to manage a meal. She was always on the go.
When he went back towards the table, he wasn't surprised to see that a few friends had joined her. Sharon was there with a full plate, and a couple of the girls from CIC as well. For just a moment he wondered if he'd even be welcome at the decidedly female table, but if he and Kara were going to be a couple they might as well start how. He hoped.
"Hey," he said in greeting as he resumed his place at the table and handed Kara the glass. She smiled her thanks, but didn't say anything. She looked a little odd. "What did I miss?"
Sharon just grinned. "We were just checking up on Starbuck," Sharon explained. "We'll get out of your hair now."
"You don't need to leave," Lee told them as he picked up his fork and prepared to take a bite. Lords, this was uncomfortable. For years he'd been assuring everyone that nothing was going on between him and Kara, and now he might as well have lied to them. "I won't listen," he told Sharon earnestly, adding a wink for emphasis.
Sharon just smiled widely and patted Kara gently on the shoulder as she said good-bye. The other women followed suit, and soon he was sitting alone with Kara once again.
"Sorry," he told her. "Didn't mean to run them off."
Kara smiled back. "Don't apologize," she said. "I'm grateful. You saved me about an hour of quizzing by showing up."
"Quizzing?"
Kara shook her head, and he cold see that she wasn't sure how to explain. "Lee, I've been really careful over the years to treat everyone pretty much equal — male or female, pilot or deck crew, whatever. I blew that policy out of the water when you came aboard, because you just weren't like everyone else. Understand?"
"I think so," he said, then after a moment more he wasn't sure. "Okay, not really. You've always been closer to me than anyone else. Why is it uncomfortable now."
She shook her head, and her cheeks got really pink. Blushing? What did she have to blush about?
"Kara?"
She took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. "Lee, you've been a topic of discussion for three years," she told him point blank. "You're single, gorgeous, and you don't let anyone in. Not really. You've been the object of more than a few female fantasies ever since you came aboard."
And he had no clue what to say to that, so he just sat there with his mouth hanging open while she took another drink of her lunch.
"It didn't really bug me," she continued. "I mean, let them wonder. If they wanted to use you for eye-candy, I really didn't care. Then. But the same jokes don't sound the same anymore, and after joking around with them for three years it seems almost hypocritical of me to change on them. But"
"But?" he asked, but he was getting an idea.
"But it's not a joke anymore," she said with a shrug. "It's one thing when they're speculating about a friend, but now when we're" Her voice trailed off, and she took another large drink. "It's just different, that's all. How am I supposed to look at you with a straight face when they're busy discussing what you look like without the uniform."
Okay. That was entirely too much information. And what was more, he couldn't really relate to it. The guys had never said anything about Kara in his presence, because even if they hadn't been romantically involved, they knew that Lee was fairly protective of her. He had never gone in for the raunchy jokes that most of the pilots seemed to like. Even back in the academy, he'd been far removed from the adolescent joking and screwing around. He had been serious, straightforward, and everyone just seemed to know it. The same was true on the Galactica.
But Kara had always been one of the group. She was a magnet to those around her, always full of fun, jokes, and life. She got along with almost everyone, or she really didn't, but very few people were indifferent to her. She just wasn't the type of personality that people ignored. Thankfully, most people enjoyed her dry wit and course sense of humor. She had a lot of friends.
"You could just tell them it isn't funny," he suggested.
"But doesn't it aren't you bothered that your anatomy is up for discussion?"
He shrugged a shoulder and shook his head. "Kara, people have been talking behind my back since I was ten years old. I've never been on the inside, and that's okay. I'm used to it. What they talk about, whether it's what I look like or who I'm sleeping with it just doesn't matter. I'm sure they also speculate on most of the other command personnel, or anyone else who isn't in their little cliques. I learned not to listen a long time ago. If they think I'm an asshole, I can't do much to change it, so why let it get to me?"
She just looked at him, her expression unreadable. He took a few more bites of his lunch, which wasn't as good as it usually was, and then asked, "Kara, if it doesn't bother me, then why should it bother you?"
She looked at him a moment longer, and a small smile broke through. Still, she didn't answer.
"Well," he prompted.
"Maybe it bothers me because you aren't community property anymore," she admitted. "You're mine."
She wasn't meeting his eyes, instead staring at her nearly untouched plate and fingering the glass she had emptied. What could he say to that? "Do they know that?"
She gave a self-derisive laugh. "I've been denying it for three years," she admitted. "Probably not."
"So tell them," he suggested.
She looked up and met his eyes, her expression odd but not unpleasant. "That wouldn't bother you?" she asked softly.
Lee thought about it for a moment. He'd done everything he could to make it common knowledge that there'd been a change in his relationship with Kara. He'd made a fool of himself by disobeying orders in the hangar, he'd practically moved into her room at Life Station, and he was with her almost every waking moment now. What more did the woman need to realize that he wasn't ashamed of her. He had nothing to be ashamed of. First of all, the only changes in their relationship had really been emotional; there hadn't been opportunity for more.
So maybe everyone didn't know. Maybe the hints he'd thought were obvious had been more subtle than he'd expected. He hadn't been hiding anything, and didn't want her to have that impression, but he'd just been respecting what he thought she'd want.
"You can tell them whatever you want," he said carefully. "Or, if you prefer, we can just show them." With those words, he stood up and reached across the table to kiss her. It wasn't gentle, it wasn't polite, and it didn't leave a lot to the imagination.
He half expected her to withdraw. He wasn't really trying to embarrass her, but rather to make a point. He didn't care if the world knew about the progression of their relationship. He hadn't made an issue out of it, because the transition had been natural to him. It wasn't that he was ashamed, or that he was trying to hide anything. It wasn't that at all.
After a few seconds, Kara got the message. Her eyes closed, she kissed him back, and for just a moment the people in the dining hall didn't exist. He just kissed her, and she kissed him, and to hell with finishing lunch or getting caught for PDA or any other damn thing. She was his — for better or worse — and he wasn't leaving it to anyone's speculations.
Moments later, a sound penetrated the bubble he'd imagined around them. Once more there was light, and a dining hall, and a hell of a lot of people. As soon as he released the kiss, Kara tucked her face against his neck and blushed brightly, while he tried to keep his balance with the table between them. It would have been a lousy time to fall Every eye in that hall was on them, and half the dining hall was in the process of giving them a standing ovation.