A/N: This is for all my loyal reviewers, and Graffiti, Kat and Rara.
As I turn the corner and see you coming, I know that I remain invisible to you. Your dark gaze pierces right through me to two misbehaving Ravenclaws. I allow my eyes the pleasure of lingering.
It was the same when we were at school together. We remained separated by ancient prejudices, although I did nothing to change things, powerless as I was, a confused and pathetic adolescent. You sneered and mocked and fought, did you love? Never did I warrant the full intense attention of your mind, forever a shadow to your eyes.
Somehow, I grew to feel for you. I don't know how it happened, it must have been gradual but it seemed at the time that one minute you were merely another boy with whom I did not register and the next.........Obviously, you did not reciprocate. I never gave you the chance to.
I wish now that I had.
You deduct twenty points and move on. A little of your scent lingers, spiced and male. I look out of the window and see that night draws near. It comforts me to know where you will be heading.
Some days I manage a smile or perhaps a trivial passing of the time of day, you never seem impressed but to me it feels like one step closer. I long to take the next step, bring myself into your line of vision, and see if you see me. I know you won't, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming.
During meals I sometimes let my eyes flick over to where you sit at my side, just one person apart. I only let myself stare for a moment but each time I add a little more to the picture in my mind. Back in my chambers I look back at the smouldering coals of your eyes, the curve of your lip as you realise that your coffee is too hot. I would never make your coffee too hot.
Turning, I see the last of your trailing cloak disappear from sight. I wonder what you're hiding beneath it. I don't know if you ever wonder about me but I like to think so. I like to think that in another world, another time, when fate, perhaps, were not so set against us, that I would have been given the chance to spend the night with you. One night is all I need, I tell myself, though I know that isn't true. Perhaps it's for the best that God is against you and I. Perhaps it would hurt you to know.
I smile at the Ravenclaws sympathetically as I pass although it is envy I feel inside at your attention. I have been waiting, it seems like forever, but you continue to look through me at the far more interesting wall. Do I disgust you or, worse, do you simply not know that I exist?
I follow you down the winding steps to where I know from experience that you have gone. The closing of a door is my only confirmation.
I knock. You do not hear. I go to lean my head against the frame; agony at your sudden distance fills me, but find for not the first time that I pass straight through it.
As I turn the corner and see you coming, I know that I remain invisible to you. Your dark gaze pierces right through me to two misbehaving Ravenclaws. I allow my eyes the pleasure of lingering.
It was the same when we were at school together. We remained separated by ancient prejudices, although I did nothing to change things, powerless as I was, a confused and pathetic adolescent. You sneered and mocked and fought, did you love? Never did I warrant the full intense attention of your mind, forever a shadow to your eyes.
Somehow, I grew to feel for you. I don't know how it happened, it must have been gradual but it seemed at the time that one minute you were merely another boy with whom I did not register and the next.........Obviously, you did not reciprocate. I never gave you the chance to.
I wish now that I had.
You deduct twenty points and move on. A little of your scent lingers, spiced and male. I look out of the window and see that night draws near. It comforts me to know where you will be heading.
Some days I manage a smile or perhaps a trivial passing of the time of day, you never seem impressed but to me it feels like one step closer. I long to take the next step, bring myself into your line of vision, and see if you see me. I know you won't, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming.
During meals I sometimes let my eyes flick over to where you sit at my side, just one person apart. I only let myself stare for a moment but each time I add a little more to the picture in my mind. Back in my chambers I look back at the smouldering coals of your eyes, the curve of your lip as you realise that your coffee is too hot. I would never make your coffee too hot.
Turning, I see the last of your trailing cloak disappear from sight. I wonder what you're hiding beneath it. I don't know if you ever wonder about me but I like to think so. I like to think that in another world, another time, when fate, perhaps, were not so set against us, that I would have been given the chance to spend the night with you. One night is all I need, I tell myself, though I know that isn't true. Perhaps it's for the best that God is against you and I. Perhaps it would hurt you to know.
I smile at the Ravenclaws sympathetically as I pass although it is envy I feel inside at your attention. I have been waiting, it seems like forever, but you continue to look through me at the far more interesting wall. Do I disgust you or, worse, do you simply not know that I exist?
I follow you down the winding steps to where I know from experience that you have gone. The closing of a door is my only confirmation.
I knock. You do not hear. I go to lean my head against the frame; agony at your sudden distance fills me, but find for not the first time that I pass straight through it.