Chapter 17

Closing the bedroom door behind her, Alexis sat heavily on her bed and put her head in her hands.

"Kristina?"

"Sounds like you're having a bit of a problem."

"What am I going to do?"

"Survive, Just as you always do."

"How?"

"You already have the answer to that. One moment at a time. One step at a time. Reach into that part of you that holds your strength. There is more there than I knew possible. I've seen it. Now more than ever, I know how strong you are. And I know the depth of your ability to love and forgive."

"Please Kristina, don't ask me to. I can't. Not this time."

"I'm not asking you to do anything. Only you can decide to love. Only you can decide to forgive. It is your choice alone. I'm just letting you know that you already possess the ability to forgive. The only thing remaining is the choice, to forgive or not to."

Laying back onto the bed, Alexis drew her knees up to her chest and cried herself to sleep.

"I will watch over you tonight, my beautiful sister. You have taken the first step on the long road back. I see light where there was none before. You've opened the door just a little. It is enough for today. Rest now. You've earned it."

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Waiting on the pier for Roy the next morning, Felicia went over her time with Alexis the previous night. Seeing what loving Sonny had cost her friend finally made her stop long enough to see what all of this mess could cost her. She had two beautiful girls whom she loved more than anything and Mac was still very much a part of her life if only as just a friend. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that a couple of years from now or sooner she could be standing in the same shoes Alexis now stood in. Felicia wasn't sure anymore if she wanted to take that risk.

"Felicia?"

"Hi, Roy."

"What happened to you last night? I called, but didn't get an answer on the machine."

"I spent the evening with Alexis."

"She sure is getting around lately. She came to see me yesterday morning."

"I know."

"You know?"

"She told me."

"What else did she tell you?"

Steadying her nerves, Felicia told Roy everything about the time she spent with Alexis the previous night including the fact that they heard everything said in the guys meeting.

"Roy, I am asking you to not get mad, but listen to me explain why."

"You don't have to explain. I know why. She's the one that's lost the most here. She put the meeting together. It is her right to know what's going on. And I figure she wanted you there so you could see first hand what being with me can cost you."

"You know, I didn't realize just how smart you are till just now."

"Fine time for me to decide what to be smart about though. Are you telling me you want to stop what's happening between us?"

"I don't know a whole lot about anything right now. What I do know is that I don't want my girls hurt. I don't want my friend hurt anymore. And I don't want you hurt either. So where does that leave us?"

"Do you have somewhere you can go that will be safe until this is over?

"I have an idea, but I'll need to talk to Alexis first."

"I want you as far away from me as possible until this is over. I want you to be safe and the only way that can be guaranteed is if you and I separate. Please don't fight with me on this. I'm learning the hard way what my decisions have cost me. I don't want any of the fallout to hit you. Can you do this for me, Felicia?"

"Before last night, I would have fought you on this. But, after seeing what Alexis has been through and what she has suffered because of all of this, I won't. She thought enough of me to let me see into her heart, to see the damage she has suffered at the hands of a man who thought more of what he could gain in this world than he did of her. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but you and Sonny are too much alike. I don't want to be hurt like that. And I love my girls too much to risk their lives by loving a man who loves himself more than he loves me."

"I understand, Felicia. When this is over and I get my head straightened out, maybe you'll let me call you and maybe we can start over."

"When you can call me and tell me you love me more than your ambition, I'll be here."

Backing away from him she saw how much her words had affected him.

"Roy, I do love you and please be careful."

"I will and Felicia, whether you believe me or not, for what it's worth, I love you too."

"It's worth a lot Roy. See ya."

"See ya."

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Sonny was waiting for Zander to arrive. They had decided to go together to the University for Zander to register. And he also needed to know if Alexis was all right after the previous days activities. She had been quite the busy bee seeing to the construction of their meeting the night before.

It still astounded him that in the space of a few short years she had generated such a level of confidence and total competence that two simple words from her held the capacity to bring anyone around to her point of view. 'Trust me.' Everything that she was, everything she believed in and fought for was wrapped up in those two words.

He felt small next to her. She was such a giant in those things that mattered most in life. Character, principles, charity, friendship and love. Never before in his life had he wanted to be more like anyone else than he did right this moment. We wanted her to be able to look at him and see him the way he saw her. He needed to be able to look her in the eye and know she was proud of him.

Startled from his musings he walked to the door and let Zander in.

"Hey, man."

"You look like death warmed over. What's up with you, Sonny?"

"Didn't sleep very well last night."

"Well I did. Haven't slept that good in a long time."

Zander knew he was asking for it, but it was time to up the ante where Sonny and Alexis were concerned. He needed to try and move them to the next level.

"Ok. Don't push it."

Hesitating a brief moment Sonny finally asked the question he had been worrying over most the night.

"She had a pretty intense day yesterday, is she ok?"

"Yea, she's ok this morning. She was ok when I got there last night, but things kinda went downhill."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say the six words that will tell you what frame of mind she is in right now are, 'He almost destroyed me last time'."

Hanging his head Sonny went to the couch and sat down.

"Sonny, it's just going to take a little time. She needs a little time. Just be patient."

"Zander if I thought I had a chance; if I thought I deserved one I would wait as long as she needed me to. But, she's right. What I did to her, what I didn't give her... no woman should ever have to live through that kind of pain. Look, let's go get you registered. Let me get something from upstairs and I'll be right down."

Waiting for Sonny, Zander wandered toward the desk and saw a video movie lying there. Curious as to what Sonny would find interesting to watch he picked it up. Reading the title he frowned. 'The Portrait of Dorian Gray'. Not heard of that one before. Turning the movie over to read its synopsis he found a post-it note with Sonny's handwriting.

"What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?"

Knowing he was pushing it, Zander put the tape inside his shirt just in time to see Sonny coming back downstairs. Noticing Sonny's red eyes he decided to play dumb and let it pass.

"Ready?"

"Yea, lets go."