A/N To anyone who thought this was heading towards Cordano, I never said
that did I? I'm rather partial to Morris myself (I think I'm the only
person in the world who likes him, but I do).
She awoke a while later with a sharp crick in her neck. She smiled when she realized that she had been sprawled out on the couch with the blanket draped over her. She vaguely remembered falling asleep watching Sleeping Beauty with Ella.and Robert. She found no sign of him left, and went upstairs to check on her daughter. There she found the toddler asleep on the bed with the blanket tucked perfectly around her. She couldn't help but smile at the small but touching gesture.
She made her way downstairs fully intent on cooking something. She looked through the meager contents of her cabinets and fridge. At least there wouldn't be a lot to get rid of when she had to pack, which she figured she should get started on soon. She was just about to cook up a box of macaroni and cheese when she heard the phone rang. She reached for it and was surprised to hear the other voice. "Robert, did you forget something?" she asked, looking around the living room to make sure he had left no traces of him behind.
"No, no, actually I pass your place on my way home, you want something, I could pick it up for you." she thought of what she wanted, before answering. She knew that it would take him out of his way to stop by her place, but she was too tired to bother to tell him otherwise. The news had hit her hard, and any help she could get, she would welcome.
"Thank you, I'll settle for anything."
"Anything it is. I'll be there soon." She heard the phone disconnect on the other end of the line, and she followed suit, before retreating back to the couch, a glass of wine in her hand. She flipped on the TV and searched for something to watch. She settled on that night's "Where Are They Now" on some band that she hadn't even heard of, but there was nothing better on, and her thoughts were elsewhere. All the show was was background noise, something to listen to while she drifted off into her own little world.
She couldn't believe that everything had happened. Just when she started to feel at home, just when she finally thought she had adjusted to loosing mark, just when she finally got her life back together, her world came tumbling down around her. Now her only chance was submitting herself to a loveless marriage to somebody, anybody who would agree to marry her. She ran through her options, the ones that he had listed earlier that day, and the ones that she might not have minded so much.
Carter was out in Africa; he couldn't come here to save her. Luka was barely even a full-fledged citizen; much less a natural born one, marrying him would do absolutely nothing for her cause. Robert had mentioned the med students; she was very nearly to the point of considering them. They were young, influenced by what she said. She told them to jump; their response should be to ask her how high. She could easily get away with one of them, and not all of them were that ugly either.
She didn't know why Robert was doing this for her. He had proved that he had a heart before, but now he was really showing it. And she knew that he had feelings for her, she'd known it for the past six years, and she'd seen him act on them plenty of times, but always within the boundaries, always playing by her rules. He'd made plenty of lewd comments, and a few gestures that could have been questionable, but nothing along the lines of harassment.
No, she couldn't call a hug here, a stroke on the cheek there harassment, they were friendly, loving gestures. Gestures anyone other than her would never see or feel, he loved her, and she knew it. she knew he'd be first in line if she asked, but she couldn't bring herself to think of him. As much as she wanted to, she still saw him as Rocket Romano, the evil scourge of the ER that had canceled her fellowship when he found out that she had lied to him.
She knew that the fact that she lied to him hurt him more than the fact that she was seeing Peter. If she had been honest with him and told him she had been involved with someone already, he probably would have renewed her fellowship and saved her the hardship of starting over. But as much as she wanted to at times, she couldn't change the past, especially not now when it would have been most beneficial to her to have just kept things the way they had been.
But she couldn't change the past, and she couldn't stop what was happening to her. There was no one in the ER that she could fathom spending the next two years of her life with. She thought that she finally found someone to really love with Mark when he got sick. He was always there for her, and he really loved her the same way that she had loved him. He had given her her daughter, their daughter, and his love.
And now she had to find someplace to replace him, if not in her heart than in her life. There was no one she could put in his place though. Her life revolved around the ER, she barely saw anyone outside of it, much less dated anyone outside of Cook County General. The more she thought about it though, the more she started to warm up to the idea of having one of the men of the ER for a husband. The med students weren't bad looking and even Morris had a few redeeming qualities to him.
And she could have the younger men eating out of the palm of her hand if she really wanted to. Especially Morris, he couldn't think for himself if he tried, and if he did try he'd probably hurt himself. She wouldn't mind just having him as a name, he could cater to her fancies if she wanted him to, but he wouldn't be much company. She didn't want someone to love, she had lost the one that she loved, she didn't want to marry anyone, but she wanted to stay in Chicago.
Torn between whether to just give up and go back to England, go back to a job she knew she had waiting for her if she asked for it, or marrying someone she barely even liked. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, and she got up glad for the interruption that she knew that he'd bring with him.
She awoke a while later with a sharp crick in her neck. She smiled when she realized that she had been sprawled out on the couch with the blanket draped over her. She vaguely remembered falling asleep watching Sleeping Beauty with Ella.and Robert. She found no sign of him left, and went upstairs to check on her daughter. There she found the toddler asleep on the bed with the blanket tucked perfectly around her. She couldn't help but smile at the small but touching gesture.
She made her way downstairs fully intent on cooking something. She looked through the meager contents of her cabinets and fridge. At least there wouldn't be a lot to get rid of when she had to pack, which she figured she should get started on soon. She was just about to cook up a box of macaroni and cheese when she heard the phone rang. She reached for it and was surprised to hear the other voice. "Robert, did you forget something?" she asked, looking around the living room to make sure he had left no traces of him behind.
"No, no, actually I pass your place on my way home, you want something, I could pick it up for you." she thought of what she wanted, before answering. She knew that it would take him out of his way to stop by her place, but she was too tired to bother to tell him otherwise. The news had hit her hard, and any help she could get, she would welcome.
"Thank you, I'll settle for anything."
"Anything it is. I'll be there soon." She heard the phone disconnect on the other end of the line, and she followed suit, before retreating back to the couch, a glass of wine in her hand. She flipped on the TV and searched for something to watch. She settled on that night's "Where Are They Now" on some band that she hadn't even heard of, but there was nothing better on, and her thoughts were elsewhere. All the show was was background noise, something to listen to while she drifted off into her own little world.
She couldn't believe that everything had happened. Just when she started to feel at home, just when she finally thought she had adjusted to loosing mark, just when she finally got her life back together, her world came tumbling down around her. Now her only chance was submitting herself to a loveless marriage to somebody, anybody who would agree to marry her. She ran through her options, the ones that he had listed earlier that day, and the ones that she might not have minded so much.
Carter was out in Africa; he couldn't come here to save her. Luka was barely even a full-fledged citizen; much less a natural born one, marrying him would do absolutely nothing for her cause. Robert had mentioned the med students; she was very nearly to the point of considering them. They were young, influenced by what she said. She told them to jump; their response should be to ask her how high. She could easily get away with one of them, and not all of them were that ugly either.
She didn't know why Robert was doing this for her. He had proved that he had a heart before, but now he was really showing it. And she knew that he had feelings for her, she'd known it for the past six years, and she'd seen him act on them plenty of times, but always within the boundaries, always playing by her rules. He'd made plenty of lewd comments, and a few gestures that could have been questionable, but nothing along the lines of harassment.
No, she couldn't call a hug here, a stroke on the cheek there harassment, they were friendly, loving gestures. Gestures anyone other than her would never see or feel, he loved her, and she knew it. she knew he'd be first in line if she asked, but she couldn't bring herself to think of him. As much as she wanted to, she still saw him as Rocket Romano, the evil scourge of the ER that had canceled her fellowship when he found out that she had lied to him.
She knew that the fact that she lied to him hurt him more than the fact that she was seeing Peter. If she had been honest with him and told him she had been involved with someone already, he probably would have renewed her fellowship and saved her the hardship of starting over. But as much as she wanted to at times, she couldn't change the past, especially not now when it would have been most beneficial to her to have just kept things the way they had been.
But she couldn't change the past, and she couldn't stop what was happening to her. There was no one in the ER that she could fathom spending the next two years of her life with. She thought that she finally found someone to really love with Mark when he got sick. He was always there for her, and he really loved her the same way that she had loved him. He had given her her daughter, their daughter, and his love.
And now she had to find someplace to replace him, if not in her heart than in her life. There was no one she could put in his place though. Her life revolved around the ER, she barely saw anyone outside of it, much less dated anyone outside of Cook County General. The more she thought about it though, the more she started to warm up to the idea of having one of the men of the ER for a husband. The med students weren't bad looking and even Morris had a few redeeming qualities to him.
And she could have the younger men eating out of the palm of her hand if she really wanted to. Especially Morris, he couldn't think for himself if he tried, and if he did try he'd probably hurt himself. She wouldn't mind just having him as a name, he could cater to her fancies if she wanted him to, but he wouldn't be much company. She didn't want someone to love, she had lost the one that she loved, she didn't want to marry anyone, but she wanted to stay in Chicago.
Torn between whether to just give up and go back to England, go back to a job she knew she had waiting for her if she asked for it, or marrying someone she barely even liked. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, and she got up glad for the interruption that she knew that he'd bring with him.