Chapter 19

Zander went to Sonny's after he left the videotape with Alexis. He was beginning to feel guilty about taking it in the first place, but he figured what he was trying to accomplish made up for it. Still, he felt he needed to at least let Sonny in on what he had done. Reaching the penthouse he waited patiently for Max to announce his arrival and then stepped in glancing around the room until he found Sonny.

"Sonny?"

Needing a break from the constant stress he was under Sonny decided to have a little fun with Zander, so hiding the smile that threatened he walked toward him and stood two steps in front of him.

"You got something to tell me?"

"Uh... Yeah, I do." Zander looked up at the ceiling almost wishing he had not taken the tape. 'Oh man, is he angry. Well best to just get it over with.' Taking a step backward to put a little more space between himself and Sonny he confessed.

"I took it."

"Took what?"

"The tape off the desk."

"Don't you think you ought to return it?"

"I can't yet."

Sonny hadn't been expecting that particular response and the thought that suddenly hit him made him cringe.

"You didn't. Zander, please tell me you didn't take it to Alexis."

"Yeah, I did. But, wait a minute. Let me explain why, Sonny."

Hanging his head, Sonny dropped his shoulders. The boy was going to be the death of him yet.

"Why Zander? Why did you do it? I'm trying my best to help you and you keep doing these crazy things. Why?"

"I'm just trying to help her, Sonny. I didn't do it to try and prove you were trying to change or anything like that. Sonny, she's hurting. She's in a constant fight day in and day out because of what she feels. It's tearing her up inside. I heard her last night. She cried herself to sleep. She talks to Kristina about you. And I don't even want to remember what that nightmare did to her. If I can provide a way to make it easier on her I have to do it."

Putting his hands on Zander's shoulders, Sonny squeezed gently and let go. He turned quickly hoping that the boy wouldn't see his face. Going to the bar he poured himself a glass of water and downed it in 3 swallows. Not being able to see clearly through the tears that distorted his sight, he stumbled to the balcony, opened the doors and stepped out. He was trying desperately to control the anger he was feeling. He couldn't remember a time when he had felt such an intense rage. And it was all directed inward… at himself. The anger was so intense that for the first time in his life he was afraid for himself; of what he could do given the right motivation. He called Zander out to him. With a ravaged voice he asked Zander to deliver a message for him.

"Zander, call Mac. Ask him if he'll meet with me here as soon as he can?"

"You ok, Sonny?"

"No Zander, I'm not. Could you hurry please?"

"Sure Sonny. I'll take care of it right now."

Watching Zander cross to the phone to make the call, Sonny tried desperately to pull himself together. He had a job to do and it was going to be the most difficult one of his life and it could very well cost him his life.

________________

Alexis sat staring at the black screen on the television. The movie had ended more than an hour ago, but she still sat staring; hating that part of herself that was weakening... not wanting to accept what Sonny was obviously trying to do for himself.

'Sonny, is it just another ploy to get to me?' Needing a friend to talk to, she walked over to the desk and picked up the phone to call Felicia.

"Felicia, hi. It's Alexis. Would you care to have dinner with me? I'll have the Grille send over something. I... I need someone to talk to... Thanks, Felicia. See you in a few."

"Kristina, please don't be mad. I need to talk to someone that's a little more grounded. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad. I'm just happy you have someone you can call. Actually, I think it's a good idea. You need more friends in your life. You have for a long time. How about I meet you just before bedtime for a little girl talk?"

"Thanks, Kristina. I love you."

"I love you, too."

____________________

Mac had just left and Zander was sitting at the dining room table stunned at what Sonny just put in place. He couldn't believe it. The stakes just went higher and now Sonny's life was in more danger than it had ever been before.

"Sonny, are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"I don't have a choice, Zander. Look, let's go for a walk. I need some fresh air. You up for it?"

"Yeah, as long as we got bodyguards watching your every move."

Laughing at Zander's concern for him he lay his arm across his shoulder. "It's not that big a deal. Let's go."

Reaching the street below, Sonny turned right and retraced the steps he had taken just a few days ago. Arriving at his destination he kneeled and honored God and Kristina by crossing himself.

Realizing where Sonny had brought him, Zander moved to the opposite side of the monument and placed his hand on top of the stone that lay before him. Hearing Sonny begin to speak with an unsteady voice he kept silent.

"I'm sorry, Kristina. You told me that because I had broken your sister's heart that mine would be broken as well. You were right. It is broken. It is broken because your sister is in agony because of me and I can't do anything to help her. It is broken because I realized too late that she is the most important person in this world to me and I took from her the one person that loved her unselfishly. Please forgive me for taking so much from her, for putting you in danger and for not listening to you when you tried to tell me what was in her heart. If it is any consolation to you now, know that I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe. The violence will end; I will see to it. You have my word on the grave of my mother."

Rising Sonny looked at Zander and watched the boy stand stoically trying to be strong for him.

"Zander, I asked you to come with me for a reason. I want you to see what my life has cost me... cost those that I have loved most in the world. Because I placed myself higher than anyone else around me, destruction and violence has followed me most of my life. I looked at people as a means to an end, for what I could get out of them. Learn from my mistakes. Never put yourself first. I've lived my life always wanting more. How much does a man need before he is satisfied... before he can find happiness... before he can find peace? Zander, life is not about money, success, or possessions. Alexis taught me that. Life is about giving, loving, and being with that one person you were born to connect with. I have to find a way to satisfy the debt I owe to the people who have suffered at my hands. I have to find peace, Zander. Not for you or for Port Charles and not even for Alexis; but for me. I have to be able to live with myself. So, I need you to understand why I have to ask you to let me walk away... I need you to stay away from me for awhile."

Seeing Zander start to interrupt him Sonny raised his hand to stop him.

"I need you, Zander. I need you to stay close to Alexis. Please don't make me regret putting my trust in you. She is the most important person in both our lives. Help me keep her safe. If I don't do this she will never be safe. I need to make my life count for something. I need to find out if I can become an honorable man. She cannot know anything about what has taken place this evening. Can I depend on you, Zander?"

Walking around the head stone Zander offered his hand to Sonny to shake.

"Thank you, Sonny. For giving me a chance to prove myself to you... You have my word that what I've seen tonight stays between us. I will do whatever is necessary to protect her. If anything comes up that I can't handle I'll talk to Johnny. You can trust me, Sonny."

"There's one last thing, Zander. I set up a checking account for you today. It is quite a large sum of money. There is something I want you to do for me and I want it to be kept a secret as well. I left you the instructions in the account book that you can pick up at the bank tomorrow. It won't take all of the money, probably won't take a quarter of it. The rest of the money is for you. For your college expenses, to live on, whatever... If you want to invest any of it, you have a brilliant source of information living under the same roof with you. Zander, you're a good kid. Make the most of your life. If everything works according to plan I'll see you in a couple of weeks... If not... then tell her I died loving her."

Zander watched as Sonny walked away. He couldn't help the tears that were streaming down his face. Watching the darkness close behind his friend he felt an incredible sense of helplessness come over him. Realizing he may never see his friend again he made a promise to Sonny,

"She will be safe, she will be loved and she will know that you loved her."