Chapter 20

Alexis opened the door to let Felicia in and stood a moment hesitantly. Alexis had always tried to keep herself at arms length from those around her, especially in difficult times and therefore had spent most of her life missing the warmth of being comforted by those who cared for her; those who didn't harbor selfish motives. And then Kristina entered her life. Kristina who touched those she cared for. Without reservation she reached out and touched them letting them know of her affection for them; that they were special and important to her. Alexis missed her touch; missed the feeling of belonging her sister's touch always gave her. Stepping closer to Felicia she put her arms around her friend and welcomed the warmth of comfort she received in return. Letting go quickly and ducking her head shyly Alexis invited Felicia in.

"Come on in. Thanks for coming, Felicia. You don't know how much I need someone to talk to right now. The Grille sent over a couple of steaks, but I'm not very hungry so I'll just sit with you and have a cup of tea. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called so late, actually I didn't realize it was so late."

"Alexis, it's fine. I told you to call whenever and I meant it. Besides I'm not hungry either. But, I did bring a couple of Key Lime pies. I mean it sounded like you needed a girl's night out. Care to share one with me?"

Nodding sadly she remembered the last time she sat with a friend eating Key Lime pie. Chloe had died that day. Shaking the memory away she led Felicia into the living room then went to get a couple of forks. Eating Key Lime pie at that particular moment was not what Alexis wanted, but she wouldn't hurt Felicia's feelings by telling her so. Fact of the matter was, Alexis had not indulged herself with that particular dessert since Chloe died. It was a painful reminder of her best friend.

Coming back to sit with Felicia she noticed the video box in her hand.

"Did you check out this movie, Alexis?"

"No, I didn't, but I thought it would be mildly entertaining to watch again."

"You know, if we are going to do this pie justice we have to be totally honest with the conversations we have while we are indulging ourselves. I mean that's always been the rule."

"Finally, someone with a little sense to them."

"Shut up, Kristina."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, sorry Felicia. I tend to talk to myself sometimes."

"Don't be pulling my leg. You were talking to Kristina. How long has that been going on?"

"A few days now. It makes me feel better. I know it sounds crazy and I know if a good shrink got hold of it they'd lock me up and throw away the key. But, I miss her so much."

"You know, when Maxie was unconscious and waiting for her heart, she used to talk to me."

"Really?"

"Sure. Alexis, our minds do what is necessary to get us through the traumas of our lives. It is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Now, tell me where this movie came from."

"Zander brought it to me this afternoon. He picked it up from Sonny's desk. Turn the box over. That note is in Sonny's handwriting. Tell me what you make of it."

Felicia read the words written by Sonny and slid her eyes toward Alexis. Anyone who was familiar with this particular movie would know that the one concept that Sonny had written down reflected the core of what the movie was all about. Anyone centering on that one concept had to be weighing the pros and cons of his life. And Alexis was smart enough to know that. She was looking for a way out and Felicia was not about to give her one.

"I'd say someone is taking a good hard look at their life. I'd also be willing to wager that someone is looking for a way to change his life too. But, that's just my opinion."

"Actually I had come up with the same conclusion, but since my sense of direction has been off lately I needed someone else's opinion. What am I going to do, Felicia? We can never go back to the way it was. He is married now. How he could attach himself to that nut case is totally beyond me, but he did and that is that. So how do I stop loving him? How do I get my heart to let go of him? I can't go back to being his friend. It's not enough anymore. And even if I could, it is still too dangerous for me to have my child anywhere near him."

The more she talked the more upset she got and when the tears started she couldn't stop them. Leaning forward she put her head in her hands and sobbed.

Felicia moved closer and put her arms around Alexis and simply held her while she cried.

Feeling the trembling in Alexis' body she worried that her friends emotional state had reached the critical point that would endanger the baby. Felicia took hold of Alexis' face and turned her to look at her.

"You have to calm down now, Alexis. Think of the baby. This can't be good for her. You have to get on with your life. He made his choice, now you have to make yours. Do you want to sit in this apartment the rest of your life pining away for a man who isn't free to give you what you need? Do you only want to live half a life? You can't do that to your child. She deserves more than that from you. Ok, you loved a man and it didn't work out. So get up, dust yourself off and start over."

Smiling weakly at Felicia, Alexis picked up her fork and dug into the pie sitting in front of her, suddenly needing to focus on something else. She wanted Felicia to know how much she had helped her and was having trouble finding the right words.

"Thank you, Felicia. That is exactly what I needed to hear. You're right. My daughter deserves more than what I've been giving her lately. You know, I have always prided myself on the choices I've made regarding the people I call friend. This time I believe I achieved the level of genius. Thank you."

"Glad I could help. Now, I think I need to hug my own daughters. You gonna be ok?"

"I will be fine. Give them a hug for me too. They don't know how lucky they are."

"Aw, shucks." Grabbing a last hug Felicia opened the door to leave.

"You're just jealous, because I have two to your one."

"Oh, you are so bad. See ya later, Felicia."

"See ya later, Alexis."

Closing the door and locking it behind Felicia, Alexis stretched and realized she was quite tired. Turning the lights off in the front of the apartment she went to her bedroom to retire for the night.

"Well, if that's all it took, I could have done that."

"Hi, Kristina. Come to tuck me in for the night?"

"Actually, I'd like to talk about what just happened in the living room."

Well little sister, I just had my eyes opened that's all."

"That's all? Hey, I can feel what is going on inside of you, remember? You're actually feeling a little calm here."

"Yes, I know. Wonder how long it will last?"

"Hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Let's enjoy it while we can. You ready for bed?"

Yes, I am pretty tired. Are you going to stay with me awhile?

"For as long as it takes. How about I sing you to sleep tonight?"

"That sounds nice."

It must have been cold there in my shadow To never have sunlight on your face You were content to let me shine, that's your way. You always walked a step behind. So I was the one with all the glory While you were the one with all the strength A beautiful face without a name for so long A beautiful smile to hide the pain Did you ever know that you're my hero And everything I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle For you are the wind beneath my wings It might have appeared to go unnoticed But, I've got it all here in my heart I want you to know I know the truth, I would be nothing without you Did you ever know that you're my hero You're everything, everything I wish I could be I can fly higher than an eagle Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

"Good night, Alexis. Sweet dreams."

Lying there listening as Kristina's beautiful lilting voice filled her, Alexis let go of the pain and hurt she had hung on to for so long. Hearing the joy that filled her sister's voice she finally laid to rest the anxieties that had been such an enormous part of her every waking moment. Just before sleep claimed her she heard Kristina wish her good night. Whispering good night in return she turned over and paid tribute to the only one who could have created such a beautiful soul. 'Thank you God, thank you for my sister. For bringing her back to me'.