THE SECRET
Part 2
By: The Lady Amarisa Silvermoon
Disclaimers: Normal stuff. Don't own, don't sue, that kind of thing.
Enjoy!
Kagome slammed into a boulder before she fell to her knees. Her lungs were burning, causing her entire body to scream out in pain. The stitch in her side was not helping much either. She gasped in the welcome cold air and clutched at her aching heart. She could not let them touch her; she couldn't let them near her. If they ever found out, if they ever knew the truth, she wouldn't know what she would do. Her heart yearned for them and yet at the same time she was terrified of what they might stumble upon. She wanted them to hold her lovingly; she wanted to know that she was safe and everything was going to be all right. Yet the slightest touch caused so much pain that each time her soul broke that much more. Even little Shippo, if he ever found out, if he ever realized what was wrong with her, if he ever knew she wasn't . . . no, she couldn't let that happen. She had to distance herself from them at all costs, even if she had come to seek protection from them. The demons lurking around every bend in this time, which could surely kill her in one swipe, did not begin to compare to the demons waiting for her in the future.
Just the mere thought of these things caused her to break down into tears. She sobbed into her hands; part of her wishing that Inuyasha were here to try to make her stop, while another part of her screamed that he shouldn't come anywhere near her. If it were bad if Shippo ever found out, she dare not think of how Inuyasha would react. She did not want to know what he would think of it, what he would think of her. He was so unpredictable; to be safe, how could she ever tell him? How could she ever let him know? He would be . . . she didn't know how he would be and that made her cry more. What if he pushed her away, not ever wanting to be near her again? Conversely, what if he became compassionate and showed her that he was there for her? But how could she know all this for sure? She wanted to be near him, she wanted it so badly, and yet . . . She just could not risk it.
To save herself from the trouble she could easily go home and lock herself in her room, but she couldn't face her family. She had to stay here. Miroku . . . Miroku's attitude towards women mirrored that of . . . he completely represented . . . she wouldn't dare go anywhere near him. He may mean well but the similarities were too striking. There were a few major differences, yes, but the similarities were just too striking. Sango would understand so she could bring herself to be around her. Inuyasha . . . would be Inuyasha and there was no telling what she would do around him or him around her. The only thing she knew about him was that he would eventually be able to sense it; from there she did not know what would happen. Shippo would try to understand but he either would be completely confused or consumed with anger, she wasn't sure which. She wasn't sure about anything anymore. She was lost in the darkness with no way out. Lost. Lost. She screamed and grabbed her head, wishing with all her might that the memories would go away. But the more she tried the more they reappeared, just as clear and just as fresh as before . . .
Inuyasha started in his tree, his eyes searching frantically through the forest in front of him. He had heard Kagome scream, of that he was positive. He would be able to hear her scream from miles away if the situation ever arose. But where had her scream come from and why? The shrubs below him rustled and out popped Sango and Miroku with Shippo and Myouga not far behind. They looked around frantically before they finally spotted Inuyasha as he jumped from the tree and landed gracefully on his feet.
"Did you hear – Kagome —"
"I heard, Sango," Inuyasha replied quickly and sharply as he glanced at their surroundings. "I heard . . ."
"Is she okay," Shippo asked as he darted back and forth, his tail bristling as he readied himself for an attack that did not come.
"Miroku . . ." Inuyasha practically growled. "I'm only going to ask this once. Which way did she run?"
Miroku studied their position before finally pointing, "There." Inuyasha took off immediately with his friends close behind him.
"KAGOME!!" he shouted when they reached the clearing Miroku and Kagome had been at. He sniffed the air and caught a whiff of her scent, it was just enough. Instantly, he darted in her direction. "KAGOME!!"
Kagome gasped and looked up from her fallen position by the boulder. She saw Inuyasha, with her other friends not far behind, and nearly screamed. "NOO!!!" she cried out and instantly tied to run away. Inuyasha was there in a second. He caught her in his arms and held her fast.
"Kagome! Tell us what's wrong!" he commanded as he held back the impulse to shake her.
She looked up into his eyes and his soul nearly shattered at what he saw. Fear. Pure fear directed at him, at him! His eyes widened in his own fear for a split second before she cried out again and forcefully pushed him away, tears falling freely from her eyes. And he let her push him away; he let her run from him, anything to get that fear out of her eyes. He had never seen anything like it from her before. She had never looked at him that way. Sure, she was afraid of him occasionally in the past but it was nothing in comparison to the primal, soul-wrenching terror he saw now. He watched helplessly as Sango caught Kagome and wrapped her arms around her, gently bringing her to the ground; Kagome did not try to run away. Hurt filled his eyes as he watched Kagome cry into Sango's shoulder, her whole body trembling.
Miroku, who had been standing near Sango, went to try to console Kagome as well but she stopped him instantly with one hoarse scream, "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"
Sango looked up at Miroku apologetically before she tried to shush Kagome and rocked her in her arms. Kagome only cried harder and held tightly onto Sango as if she was her only lifeline left.
"Is she possessed?" asked Shippo. No one answered. No one knew.
"Kagome . . ." Sango soothed. "What's wrong . . . ? Tell us, please. You know we are always here for you. Tell us . . ."
Kagome shook her head.
"Kagome . . ." Shippo whispered as he walked up and tried to touch her. She whimpered and clung onto Sango tighter. The light in Shippo's eyes dimmed and he backed away.
"Kagome . . ." Inuyasha tried. His exterior was strong; a little concerned but strong nevertheless, while inside he was desperate. He took a few steps forward only to see Kagome push against Sango as if she were trying to get away. Now it was Inuyasha's turn to receive an apologetic look from Sango. He stared at Kagome's shaking form, fighting back the emotions flooding through him. She didn't want to be near him, she didn't want to be anywhere around him. She didn't even want to look at him. "Fine," he said sharply as he turned and walked away.
Kagome turned with a heart-broken look to see Inuyasha's retreating form with Shippo following him. She reached out her hand and went to say something but no sound came out. Retracting her hand, she turned back around and continued to cry on Sango's shoulder.
"Kagome . . ." whispered Sango, "tell us what's wrong . . ."
"I can't," she sobbed in return. "I just can't . . ."
"Why not?"
"Because, I just can't . . ."
Sango sighed and nodded. "Alright. But, Inuyasha —"
"I can't see him," Kagome answered quickly.
"But, why?"
"Because of what he is . . ."
Sango's gaze snapped up to Miroku. "Demon?" he mouthed suggestively.
"Because he's a demon?"
" . . . Yes . . ."
"But that's never bothered you before." She didn't answer. "Did it bother you before? All this time?"
"No . . ."
Miroku and Sango blinked and looked at each other. "Then, why don't you want to see him?"
"Because of what he is!"
Miroku took a baffled step back, alarmed at Kagome's answer. Neither he nor Sango could understand what Kagome meant by her outburst.
"And what is he?" Sango tired to pry gently out of Kagome.
"He wouldn't understand . . ."
"Kagome, you didn't answer my question."
"He won't understand . . ."
"What won't he understand? What is he to you? Kagome."
Kagome's eyes snapped open and she blinked, looking up at Sango. Sango took in a short breath of air at the light she saw in Kagome's suddenly dry eyes. It was . . . harder, indifferent to her surroundings, contrasting greatly to what existed before. "I'm sorry," Kagome apologized as she stood. "Since I'm here we might as well start searching for the jewel shards."
"Kagome, we don't have to immediately," Sango stated as she stared up at the girl, not quite getting over her initial shock of Kagome's sudden change.
"No, we should," anything to get her mind off her current situation. "Go and tell Inuyasha and Shippo. They'll want to leave as soon as possible. And tell them that I apologize about the delay, I just had a lot to think about but I'm better now."
Miroku stared dumbly at Kagome, standing rooted to the spot. He didn't believe her in the least.
"Kagome . . ."
"Miroku, please! Let me forget about this!"
"But Kagome . . ."
"GO, Miroku!"
Miroku did not argue. He immediately stumbled to her command and raced after Inuyasha and Shippo, not wanting to face Kagome's wrath. Sango, on the other hand, stared at the young girl as she stood. She didn't like the way she was acting before, but she certainly did not like her current personality. The change in the young girl was so drastic that Sango's eyes became indifferent towards her. The caring they once held within them completely disappeared; died as Kagome's tears died, faded as Kagome's tears faded, became a mask to her true feelings, her true concern, as Kagome masked the truth of her actions and masked her true feelings. She could tell the girl was trying to hard to be strong in her time of weakness, but she started too soon and in the wrong way.
Although, soon these thoughts escaped Sango's mind as she saw Kagome's eyes soften and she walked over to where her bike was resting. At that time, Miroku returned with Inuyasha and Shippo. Inuyasha still didn't look at Kagome and not a work passed between any of them as they started on their way through the forest. With time, however, Kagome slowly made her way from the head of the group to the back and Miroku lead the way. Inuyasha looked over his shoulder to see Kagome ever so slowly dropping further behind the group with her head bowed dispiritedly. Sango, too, noticed this and realized that Kaogme's short burst of strength had sputtered out and left just enough to allow her to bring herself to be around them. She sighed and walked p to Miroku's side, gesturing him to look at Kagome. He did so before they exchanged worried looks towards each other. Miroku sighed and looked down as he walked. Inuyasha, however, continued to stare back at Kagome and for once concerned crossed his eyes. Grabbing Shippo, who had been floating on an enlarged leaf that was of course just an illusion since he wasn't allowed to sit on the basket on Kagome's bike, he jogged up to Sango and Miroku and dumped the kitsune onto Miroku's shoulder.
"Keep going," Inuyasha whispered. 'I'm going to try to talk to Kagome."
"You're insane," Miroku stated simply.
"So I'm insane!" Inuyasha hissed, careful to make sure Kagome didn't hear, not that she was paying much attention anyway. "At least I'm not a pervert like you!" Miroku merely smiled at his comment as Inuyasha dropped his pace to match that of Kagome's.
"Something's up and you're not telling me what."
"Inuyasha, I don't need this now."
"Well, too bad, you're getting' it! Now tell me what's up with you or I will stop this entire thing and we'll camp right here until I get some answers!"
Kagome glared at Inuyasha, and either it was his imagination or the gap between them was slowly widening, as Kagome seemed to pull away from him. "Then you camp here, I'm going to keep looking." She sped up her pace, thankful that for once she was downwind of him. Inuyasha growled and leapt up to meet her.
"All alone? You wouldn't stand a chance out there. This world is a lot harsher than yours."
Kagome turned and glared at him, tears threatening to brim her eyes. Inuyasha couldn't help but blink at her in shock for a brief second or so before he regained his usual composure. "You think my time is all peace loving and gentle?! TRY LIVING THERE SOMETIME!!" With that, she turned sharply around and walked at a brisk pace. Inuyasha stared at her in shock before he scratched his head in confusion, unable to decipher exactly was she had going through her head.
"FINE!" he yelled. "HAVE IT YOUR WAY! MIROKU!! SANGO!! WE'RE CAMPING HERE!!"
Miroku and Sango, with Shippo and Kirara, who had recently come back from some time to herself, following suit, looked back puzzled at Inuyasha and then to Kagome. They shrugged and retraced their steps towards Inuyasha's position. Kagome turned and glare dangerously at him, something she rarely ever did. The fire in her eyes was intense, and yet for some reason Inuyasha knew that whatever it was she was going through, it was slowly smothering the flames and so her glare wasn't as extreme as it would have been normally, not that she normally glared at him in that way anyway. Be that as it may, Kagome turned and leant her bike against the trunk of a nearby tree before she turned and disappeared into the forest. Inuyasha went to follow but Sango held out her arm and he bumped into it when he went to pass her.
"Leave her be," Sango ordered. "You've done enough."
Inuyasha didn't answer. Instead, he looked to where he last saw Kagome before he turned and disappeared in the opposite direction. Everyone, aside from the obvious two, watched him go and sighed.
"Whatever's wrong with Kagome, it's affecting Inuyasha too," commented Shippo. "He just doesn't want to admit it, the idiot."
"Doesn't anything at affects Kagome in turn affect him as well?" Miroku stated more than asked as he looked up at the sunset, a small smile tugging at his lips. "After all, there are some things that he won't admit to. Some things that I think this time Kagome needs to hear."
Sango smiled. "All too true. If only his pride wouldn't always get in the way, things would be a lot different."
"Please stop this talk," Shippo grumbled with his arms crossed. "You're making me sick."
Miroku and Sango chuckled light-heartedly.
Kagome slammed into a boulder before she fell to her knees. Her lungs were burning, causing her entire body to scream out in pain. The stitch in her side was not helping much either. She gasped in the welcome cold air and clutched at her aching heart. She could not let them touch her; she couldn't let them near her. If they ever found out, if they ever knew the truth, she wouldn't know what she would do. Her heart yearned for them and yet at the same time she was terrified of what they might stumble upon. She wanted them to hold her lovingly; she wanted to know that she was safe and everything was going to be all right. Yet the slightest touch caused so much pain that each time her soul broke that much more. Even little Shippo, if he ever found out, if he ever realized what was wrong with her, if he ever knew she wasn't . . . no, she couldn't let that happen. She had to distance herself from them at all costs, even if she had come to seek protection from them. The demons lurking around every bend in this time, which could surely kill her in one swipe, did not begin to compare to the demons waiting for her in the future.
Just the mere thought of these things caused her to break down into tears. She sobbed into her hands; part of her wishing that Inuyasha were here to try to make her stop, while another part of her screamed that he shouldn't come anywhere near her. If it were bad if Shippo ever found out, she dare not think of how Inuyasha would react. She did not want to know what he would think of it, what he would think of her. He was so unpredictable; to be safe, how could she ever tell him? How could she ever let him know? He would be . . . she didn't know how he would be and that made her cry more. What if he pushed her away, not ever wanting to be near her again? Conversely, what if he became compassionate and showed her that he was there for her? But how could she know all this for sure? She wanted to be near him, she wanted it so badly, and yet . . . She just could not risk it.
To save herself from the trouble she could easily go home and lock herself in her room, but she couldn't face her family. She had to stay here. Miroku . . . Miroku's attitude towards women mirrored that of . . . he completely represented . . . she wouldn't dare go anywhere near him. He may mean well but the similarities were too striking. There were a few major differences, yes, but the similarities were just too striking. Sango would understand so she could bring herself to be around her. Inuyasha . . . would be Inuyasha and there was no telling what she would do around him or him around her. The only thing she knew about him was that he would eventually be able to sense it; from there she did not know what would happen. Shippo would try to understand but he either would be completely confused or consumed with anger, she wasn't sure which. She wasn't sure about anything anymore. She was lost in the darkness with no way out. Lost. Lost. She screamed and grabbed her head, wishing with all her might that the memories would go away. But the more she tried the more they reappeared, just as clear and just as fresh as before . . .
Inuyasha started in his tree, his eyes searching frantically through the forest in front of him. He had heard Kagome scream, of that he was positive. He would be able to hear her scream from miles away if the situation ever arose. But where had her scream come from and why? The shrubs below him rustled and out popped Sango and Miroku with Shippo and Myouga not far behind. They looked around frantically before they finally spotted Inuyasha as he jumped from the tree and landed gracefully on his feet.
"Did you hear – Kagome —"
"I heard, Sango," Inuyasha replied quickly and sharply as he glanced at their surroundings. "I heard . . ."
"Is she okay," Shippo asked as he darted back and forth, his tail bristling as he readied himself for an attack that did not come.
"Miroku . . ." Inuyasha practically growled. "I'm only going to ask this once. Which way did she run?"
Miroku studied their position before finally pointing, "There." Inuyasha took off immediately with his friends close behind him.
"KAGOME!!" he shouted when they reached the clearing Miroku and Kagome had been at. He sniffed the air and caught a whiff of her scent, it was just enough. Instantly, he darted in her direction. "KAGOME!!"
Kagome gasped and looked up from her fallen position by the boulder. She saw Inuyasha, with her other friends not far behind, and nearly screamed. "NOO!!!" she cried out and instantly tied to run away. Inuyasha was there in a second. He caught her in his arms and held her fast.
"Kagome! Tell us what's wrong!" he commanded as he held back the impulse to shake her.
She looked up into his eyes and his soul nearly shattered at what he saw. Fear. Pure fear directed at him, at him! His eyes widened in his own fear for a split second before she cried out again and forcefully pushed him away, tears falling freely from her eyes. And he let her push him away; he let her run from him, anything to get that fear out of her eyes. He had never seen anything like it from her before. She had never looked at him that way. Sure, she was afraid of him occasionally in the past but it was nothing in comparison to the primal, soul-wrenching terror he saw now. He watched helplessly as Sango caught Kagome and wrapped her arms around her, gently bringing her to the ground; Kagome did not try to run away. Hurt filled his eyes as he watched Kagome cry into Sango's shoulder, her whole body trembling.
Miroku, who had been standing near Sango, went to try to console Kagome as well but she stopped him instantly with one hoarse scream, "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"
Sango looked up at Miroku apologetically before she tried to shush Kagome and rocked her in her arms. Kagome only cried harder and held tightly onto Sango as if she was her only lifeline left.
"Is she possessed?" asked Shippo. No one answered. No one knew.
"Kagome . . ." Sango soothed. "What's wrong . . . ? Tell us, please. You know we are always here for you. Tell us . . ."
Kagome shook her head.
"Kagome . . ." Shippo whispered as he walked up and tried to touch her. She whimpered and clung onto Sango tighter. The light in Shippo's eyes dimmed and he backed away.
"Kagome . . ." Inuyasha tried. His exterior was strong; a little concerned but strong nevertheless, while inside he was desperate. He took a few steps forward only to see Kagome push against Sango as if she were trying to get away. Now it was Inuyasha's turn to receive an apologetic look from Sango. He stared at Kagome's shaking form, fighting back the emotions flooding through him. She didn't want to be near him, she didn't want to be anywhere around him. She didn't even want to look at him. "Fine," he said sharply as he turned and walked away.
Kagome turned with a heart-broken look to see Inuyasha's retreating form with Shippo following him. She reached out her hand and went to say something but no sound came out. Retracting her hand, she turned back around and continued to cry on Sango's shoulder.
"Kagome . . ." whispered Sango, "tell us what's wrong . . ."
"I can't," she sobbed in return. "I just can't . . ."
"Why not?"
"Because, I just can't . . ."
Sango sighed and nodded. "Alright. But, Inuyasha —"
"I can't see him," Kagome answered quickly.
"But, why?"
"Because of what he is . . ."
Sango's gaze snapped up to Miroku. "Demon?" he mouthed suggestively.
"Because he's a demon?"
" . . . Yes . . ."
"But that's never bothered you before." She didn't answer. "Did it bother you before? All this time?"
"No . . ."
Miroku and Sango blinked and looked at each other. "Then, why don't you want to see him?"
"Because of what he is!"
Miroku took a baffled step back, alarmed at Kagome's answer. Neither he nor Sango could understand what Kagome meant by her outburst.
"And what is he?" Sango tired to pry gently out of Kagome.
"He wouldn't understand . . ."
"Kagome, you didn't answer my question."
"He won't understand . . ."
"What won't he understand? What is he to you? Kagome."
Kagome's eyes snapped open and she blinked, looking up at Sango. Sango took in a short breath of air at the light she saw in Kagome's suddenly dry eyes. It was . . . harder, indifferent to her surroundings, contrasting greatly to what existed before. "I'm sorry," Kagome apologized as she stood. "Since I'm here we might as well start searching for the jewel shards."
"Kagome, we don't have to immediately," Sango stated as she stared up at the girl, not quite getting over her initial shock of Kagome's sudden change.
"No, we should," anything to get her mind off her current situation. "Go and tell Inuyasha and Shippo. They'll want to leave as soon as possible. And tell them that I apologize about the delay, I just had a lot to think about but I'm better now."
Miroku stared dumbly at Kagome, standing rooted to the spot. He didn't believe her in the least.
"Kagome . . ."
"Miroku, please! Let me forget about this!"
"But Kagome . . ."
"GO, Miroku!"
Miroku did not argue. He immediately stumbled to her command and raced after Inuyasha and Shippo, not wanting to face Kagome's wrath. Sango, on the other hand, stared at the young girl as she stood. She didn't like the way she was acting before, but she certainly did not like her current personality. The change in the young girl was so drastic that Sango's eyes became indifferent towards her. The caring they once held within them completely disappeared; died as Kagome's tears died, faded as Kagome's tears faded, became a mask to her true feelings, her true concern, as Kagome masked the truth of her actions and masked her true feelings. She could tell the girl was trying to hard to be strong in her time of weakness, but she started too soon and in the wrong way.
Although, soon these thoughts escaped Sango's mind as she saw Kagome's eyes soften and she walked over to where her bike was resting. At that time, Miroku returned with Inuyasha and Shippo. Inuyasha still didn't look at Kagome and not a work passed between any of them as they started on their way through the forest. With time, however, Kagome slowly made her way from the head of the group to the back and Miroku lead the way. Inuyasha looked over his shoulder to see Kagome ever so slowly dropping further behind the group with her head bowed dispiritedly. Sango, too, noticed this and realized that Kaogme's short burst of strength had sputtered out and left just enough to allow her to bring herself to be around them. She sighed and walked p to Miroku's side, gesturing him to look at Kagome. He did so before they exchanged worried looks towards each other. Miroku sighed and looked down as he walked. Inuyasha, however, continued to stare back at Kagome and for once concerned crossed his eyes. Grabbing Shippo, who had been floating on an enlarged leaf that was of course just an illusion since he wasn't allowed to sit on the basket on Kagome's bike, he jogged up to Sango and Miroku and dumped the kitsune onto Miroku's shoulder.
"Keep going," Inuyasha whispered. 'I'm going to try to talk to Kagome."
"You're insane," Miroku stated simply.
"So I'm insane!" Inuyasha hissed, careful to make sure Kagome didn't hear, not that she was paying much attention anyway. "At least I'm not a pervert like you!" Miroku merely smiled at his comment as Inuyasha dropped his pace to match that of Kagome's.
"Something's up and you're not telling me what."
"Inuyasha, I don't need this now."
"Well, too bad, you're getting' it! Now tell me what's up with you or I will stop this entire thing and we'll camp right here until I get some answers!"
Kagome glared at Inuyasha, and either it was his imagination or the gap between them was slowly widening, as Kagome seemed to pull away from him. "Then you camp here, I'm going to keep looking." She sped up her pace, thankful that for once she was downwind of him. Inuyasha growled and leapt up to meet her.
"All alone? You wouldn't stand a chance out there. This world is a lot harsher than yours."
Kagome turned and glared at him, tears threatening to brim her eyes. Inuyasha couldn't help but blink at her in shock for a brief second or so before he regained his usual composure. "You think my time is all peace loving and gentle?! TRY LIVING THERE SOMETIME!!" With that, she turned sharply around and walked at a brisk pace. Inuyasha stared at her in shock before he scratched his head in confusion, unable to decipher exactly was she had going through her head.
"FINE!" he yelled. "HAVE IT YOUR WAY! MIROKU!! SANGO!! WE'RE CAMPING HERE!!"
Miroku and Sango, with Shippo and Kirara, who had recently come back from some time to herself, following suit, looked back puzzled at Inuyasha and then to Kagome. They shrugged and retraced their steps towards Inuyasha's position. Kagome turned and glare dangerously at him, something she rarely ever did. The fire in her eyes was intense, and yet for some reason Inuyasha knew that whatever it was she was going through, it was slowly smothering the flames and so her glare wasn't as extreme as it would have been normally, not that she normally glared at him in that way anyway. Be that as it may, Kagome turned and leant her bike against the trunk of a nearby tree before she turned and disappeared into the forest. Inuyasha went to follow but Sango held out her arm and he bumped into it when he went to pass her.
"Leave her be," Sango ordered. "You've done enough."
Inuyasha didn't answer. Instead, he looked to where he last saw Kagome before he turned and disappeared in the opposite direction. Everyone, aside from the obvious two, watched him go and sighed.
"Whatever's wrong with Kagome, it's affecting Inuyasha too," commented Shippo. "He just doesn't want to admit it, the idiot."
"Doesn't anything at affects Kagome in turn affect him as well?" Miroku stated more than asked as he looked up at the sunset, a small smile tugging at his lips. "After all, there are some things that he won't admit to. Some things that I think this time Kagome needs to hear."
Sango smiled. "All too true. If only his pride wouldn't always get in the way, things would be a lot different."
"Please stop this talk," Shippo grumbled with his arms crossed. "You're making me sick."
Miroku and Sango chuckled light-heartedly.