Chapter 6
Christmas eve brought with it a glorious snowstorm. Viola woke to the sound of the old building creaking under harsh gusts of icy wind, groaning as if it would collapse. Her first thought was pure innocence. It was Christmas eve! She felt childlike fervour bubble up inside her, until she wanted to squeal in delight.
She shivered against the cold in the room, and cursed the cheap apartment vaguely to herself. She wrapped her homemade quilt tightly around her body, resolving not to get out of bed until noon, when she and Randy had planned on going out last minute shopping, something they did together every year.
She had a good three hours left until that time though, and she fell back into the most wonderful sleep she had been blessed with in a long time.
Viola met Randy later in the hallway, and they set out together to the mall, bundled up into warm winter coats and scarves. The mall was overflowing with people, and the air carried all the familiar Christmas smells, cookies and fresh snow, which was still coming down in fluffy swirls. Viola loved her Christmas excursions with her best friend. It was a chance for them to be muggles for a while, and not worry about anything school related. It was like getting back to their roots.
Before they could do anything else, Randy grabbed her wrist and pulled her into Mairy Jaines, a small store which sold paraphernalia. Christmas had always been full of traditions for Randy and Viola, and the first was always buying new pipes for each other. Then they got their picture taken together with Father Christmas. Afterwards, they entered a clothing store to try some things on.
The clothes in this store were expensive, and strange. They loved to go in and try a bunch of things on, and buy none of it. It was a fun way to spend the afternoon, and also to get the employees angry.
"Do you kids even have money?" A lady asked incredulously, eyeing the pile of clothing the two were planning to try on.
"Of course we have money!" Viola tried to look huffy, but could hardly contain her laughter.
In the tiny cubicle Viola threw off her clothing, conversing animatedly with Randy who was in the next stall.
"What are you wearing?" Randy called across to her, pulling a terribly flashy shirt over his head.
"Something quite tasteless." she laughed, doing up the pants.
"Lets see then!"
They flung open the doors at the same time and stepped out. Randy was wearing tight, studded leather pants and a v-neck purple shirt. Viola had selected striped pants with a thick belt and a black corset style tube top.
"I look like a whore." she did a quick turnaround in front of the mirror, assessing her appearance.
"And I," Randy drew himself up proudly, hands on hips, "Look like the owner of the best Gay Bar in London."
"You look great, Babe," she told him sweetly.
He seemed distracted suddenly, as if he was thinking about something else. She gave herself another once-over in the mirror, then turned back into the dressing room to try something else.
Randy looked around quickly, to make sure no one was staring at them. He moved closer to Viola, as if he was going to tell her something in her ear. She shot him a confused look, but didn't move away. He took this as a good sign, ad continued to move closer. He placed a hand on her cheek, and pulled her face gently up to his, placing his lips softly over hers.
Viola was a bit put out by this, as it was definitely not another of those friendly little kisses she exchanged with her friend. He was actually kissing her, clumsily, since as far as she knew he didn't have much experience with that sort of thing.
She was shocked, and pushed gently on his chest, trying to extract herself from his embrace. She found herself staring into the eyes of her best friend. The boy who had toddled around with her in diapers when they were babies, and who was her blood brother in third grade. He was the world to her, but kissing him was like kissing a family member, and she couldn't do it.
He was too smart to not notice the look in her eyes. It was a sympathetic look, nervous, and a bit ashamed. He pulled away from her quickly, biting his lip in embarrassment. His face reddened furiously as he mumbled an apology.
She hated to see him like this, so unhappy. It broke her heart. He knew by now that he had made a terrible mistake, and was overcome by how stupid he was. He hammered his brain to find something to say to her to shatter the tension between them, but he didn't think there were any words in the English language strong enough to erase what he had just done.
She opened her mouth to speak, to somehow say anything to end the awkward moment, but before she could even open her mouth he had backed off, back into his dressing room. The click of the lock turning brought tears to her eyes, and she dejectedly turned back into he own change room to get into her normal clothes and go home. She knew Randy would leave before she finished changing, and she was glad. It would be hell to sit through dinner in the food court with something like that hanging freshly over their heads.
Sure enough, when she left the store a few minutes later, Randy was nowhere to be seen. She went home alone.
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There was three circles. The innermost ring contained thirteen people, hooded and masked, spaced evenly on the ground. Behind them were thirty others, closer together, also hidden behind black silk. And then, last of all, a larger circle, full of people standing shoulder to shoulder.
Voldemort was standing in the centre, revolving slowly, looking them all over with moderately scourging red eyes. The mood was sombre, but not yet threatening.
Snape was in the first circle. He hadn't stood there in years, since before the first downfall of the Dark Lord. He rejoiced at having Voldemort's trust again, because surely that meant more information he could get for Dumbledore, which might change the old man's mind about getting Snape out of the country.
"These past three days have been interesting, if nothing else." Voldemort started to speak in his hollow, deathlike voice. The sound rolled through Severus, causing him to shake slightly. The other Death Eaters were reacting similarly, but Voldemort loved it when they were afraid, he wouldn't have it any other way.
"Over these past few days, I have learned very much, about all of you. Where there was doubt, now some of you have redeemed yourselves. Some of you I was sure of, but now I am reconsidering. Congratulations to all of you standing here, though, because you made it. You'll notice that our number is slightly fewer than it was on Friday." He paused, allowing himself an evil smile. Little beads of sweat broke out on Snape's forehead. He held his breath.
"Before you disperse, back to your families for Christmas, I would love to show you what happened to those who didn't make it." the voice was a low growl now, and the eyes glowed brighter red. Severus wanted more than anything to just close his own eyes and not look, but it was impossible. He tried so hard, but his eyes were glued open by some invisible force.
He looked. They all looked at what happened to disloyal Death Eaters.
He bit his lip hard behind his mask. So hard he tasted his own blood, but he didn't care.
It was all he could do to keep from screaming.
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Viola was sad. Sad in the most severe way she could manage. She lay on her bed in her tiny blue room, her headphones blaring System of a Down into her brain. There was a razor blade in her right hand, and her left arm was draped across her lap, palm facing up. The sweater she had placed underneath the arm was soaked with blood.
Viola was crying. She was crying hard, dry sobs. No tears, just painful heaves in her chest that made her want to scream.
She felt bad for Randy. She knew that she had hurt him, and couldn't stand that. She loved him, more than anything really, and now they might never forget what had happened. Thinking back, she knew it was her fault. She could recall the vague conversation that they had back in September.
"Okay, have you ever felt something that you knew you weren't really feeling?"
"Like what?"
"Like, um, physical attraction."
"Well, you're either attracted to someone or you're not. . ."
"But what if you know you can't possibly be attracted to this person, but for some reason you can't let go of this . . . fancy of them in your mind?"
She cursed her obscurity violently. He thought that she was talking about him. It made sense. She hadn't used names, and he must have put two and two together in his head, however incorrectly. He thought she was attracted to him, and he acted on it.
Oh gods . . . how long has he been seeing me like this? She thought to herself, slicing a rather deep gash into her skin. He must have been harboring his crush on her for months. She felt even worse.
Gods, what's Brandon going to do if he finds out? This thought sobered her instantly. She shuddered, suddenly very cold. Brandon's ire would be easily taken out on her friend if he knew what had passed between them.
She heard the door slam in the other room. Her parents and brother were home. She hadn't realized how late it was, but a glance at her clock told her it was nine, time to go to church.
She wanted to laugh. Church! It was so strange how she kept going every Christmas with her parents, when she had long ago given up the constricting governance of organized religion. It was a way to keep her parents happy with her. If she stayed as normal as possible on holidays, they would allow her to keep going to Hogwarts. Apparently, they told her, normal people go to church on Christmas.
Frantically she strove to clean herself up, flinging her closet open to find her church clothes. Blood was still leaking out of her arm, dripping onto the carpet. Red on blue, it stood out horribly. She knew she would never get the stains out.
Darcy was calling her. It was time to go, but she wasn't ready. She was looking for her wand now, rushing madly to remember a healing charm to get herself fixed up.
Someone was pounding on the door. Shit! She swore in her head. Shit shit shit! She couldn't find the damn dress.
Viola, it's time to go." the gruff voice of her father rang out from the other room. "Hurry up." he was sounding a bit annoyed. She could have cared less though. She had finally located the stupid dress, but in her rush she accidentally spotted it with blood. She was starting to feel a bit nervous, since she was bleeding heavily, and was beginning to feel lightheaded and dizzy.
Yes! The wand! It had fallen under her bed, and only by chance did she spot it, while inspecting the blood on the floor. The healing spell had completely slipped her mind though. If only she had access to Snape's class, she mused sadly to herself, she would be able to have a potion made in ten minutes.
Her mother was getting impatient, and strode across the living room to her daughter's bedroom door.
"Viola, are you coming?"
"Just a second, mum. . ." came her distracted reply.
Felicia sighed, then pushed open the door. Her exasperated visage transformed immediately to one of horror. Viola was standing in the middle of the tiny room, a wand in her hand and her right arm dripping blood down to her fingertips. The girl's eyes were red rimmed and sad, and she looked scared, like a cornered animal, desperate to get out of the confrontation which was looming ahead of her.
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Severus was forced to linger at the Riddle House a little longer than he had expected. He wanted more than anything to run away, with the sight of the punishment which awaited him burned into his brain, ensuring that he would never forget what he had coming. Oh gods, he thought, the image floating in the back of his mind. Their eyes.
Don't think.
Their poor eyes.
Keep moving.
He paced around the empty house, dark and forbidding with scurrying shadows playing over the walls. He was listening to the wind outside, waiting for Wormtail to finish his business with the Dark Lord and find him so he could leave. He wanted his wand back desperately, such an urgent need to no longer be defenceless, and it was starting to pain him. The sky outside was dark, but he had no idea what time it was. The past three days had been somewhat of a haze, the only solid memory he possessed of it was the sight of the disloyal Death Eaters. It had scared him deeply.
He vowed to kill himself before allowing himself to be caught and punished like that, shredded and mutilated, eyes carved ruthlessly out of his skull . . .
He shook his head, trying to dispel the dark thoughts. He had been a double crosser all his life, and only the fact that he was a good liar had kept him alive. But not for long, he knew it would catch up with him eventually.
Wormtail emerged from the darkness behind him, causing the usually stolid man to jerk uncharacteristically in surprise.
Wormtail smirked evilly at him. "Nervous, Sev?" he teased. Snape ignored his remark, and instead turned his languid gaze towards a window, waiting for Peter to explain himself.
"Everyone's left." he started. "I want you to get the wands."
"Where are they?" Severus asked sharply, without hesitation. He couldn't afford to show indecisiveness.
"Mulcibre has them in his pawn shop." he glanced apprehensively at the ground as the huge snake Nagini moved ominously down the hallway, giving the two men a reproachful look. Wormtail flexed his silver hand and shivered.
"Quite a show today," he said quietly, his voice carefully blank. He was no doubt thinking the same paranoid thoughts as Severus. Snape didn't answer, instead he turned on his heel and stalked off, in a dreadful hurry to leave for London.
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"I'm not missing school to go to a goddamn halfway house!" Viola's harsh words pierced through her parents defences. They weren't prepared for her to retaliate so fiercely to their decision, when they were only trying to do what was best for her.
But often when parents try to do what is best for their children it blows up in their well-meaning faces, and this was apparently no exception. Darcy had locked himself in his bedroom for the argument, his headphones turned up loudly to drown out the noise in the adjoining room. Viola's parents had forgotten completely about church. They sat stiffly in their nice clothes, Felicia tying a bandage rather tightly around her daughter's arm.
"Viola," her father spoke up firmly. "We warned you about this last time. We need to send you somewhere where you can get some help." his voice carried a note of pleading that almost broke his daughters heart, but she stood fast in her fury.
"I can't just not go back to school, I'm graduating this year!" She added to her defence.
"The only reason we let you go back t that damn school year after year is to keep you happy." Her mother's blunt words caused Viola to crumple. She stared at her mother in shock.
"To keep me happy?" she repeating in disbelief.
"But it's obviously not working, so we're going to try something else." Felicia crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw set. "Anyway, all this nonsense about magic and palm reading and potions - "
"Those classes are important!" she protested. "I won't get my wizarding licence without those."
"They aren't teaching you anything useful there. You should be in a normal school, learning things like science and math."
"What good are those things ever going to do?" Viola sneered irately, her face contorted as she fought back tears. "If I can't be in control of my magic - "
Her father interrupted her. "All that shit you pulled off when you were younger you mean?" he asked incredulously. "That stuff you did when you were a kid? You think that was magic?"
"Of course it was magic! Things don't just burst into flame, or disappear whenever they want." she looked at her parents as if they were idiots. How could they have not recognized the raw magic she was capable of as a child? The way things that angered her had a strange way of destroying themselves shortly after, or how things would crash off their shelves in stores when she walked by, how could it have been anything but magic?
"We'll send you to a nice place, honey, not far from home, and definitely not a halfway house." her father tried to reassure her, but she shook her head.
"No." was all she managed to say. Actually faced with the prospect of never going back to Hogwarts, she was quite afraid. She found that she was prepared to do almost anything to get back there, even if it meant going directly against her parents, no compromising, which was something she had never done, or indeed thought she would have to do.
"I refuse to be institutionalized." her final words were hard, but she managed to choke them out.
Her father was suddenly enraged. "Then get the hell out." he spat at her.
Viola ran from him, afraid he was angry enough to become violent. She paused at the doorway long enough to grab mittens and a scarf, and left the apartment with her wand clenched tightly in her hand.
She looked up and down the dark streets of London, the snow still coming down to mute the bright Christmas decorations hanging from street lamps.
Great work Viola. She congratulated herself. Now you have nowhere to go.
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The crowds were just starting to disperse on the London street. The Christmas cheer, the glowing lights and the fluffy snow filled Viola with a sort of inner warmth she so desperately needed. None of these things, however, seemed to touch the man on the other side of the road. He wore a black leather trench coat which swirled ominously around his black leather boots, his collar flipped up against the cold, concealing his sallow face. His broad shoulders were hunched and his head bowed against the harsh wind, lank hair whipped around his head, his hands stuffed into the deep pockets of his coat.
He seemed to repel the lovely falling snow, and his presence darkened the busy street, making it seem more like winter and less like Christmas eve, but Severus Snape hated Christmas anyway.
Severus had paused on the snowy London sidewalk. The thoughts were dark, just like they always were. All he could do was stand there, overcome by the tidal wave of intense transgression coursing through his throbbing veins.
He was freezing, the muggle clothing he had donned offered enough protection against the bitter cold, but he was freezing from the inside. He thought he was going to die out in the street like some pathetic drifter. His entire body ached from exertion and repressed sobs. He wanted to weep, he wanted to die. There was no reason not to. He had survived his three days of testing, but what now? Just keep going back again and again until he was found out and killed? He didn't want to do it anymore.
He closed his black eyes tight, hiding further inside his billowing coat, trying to block everything out for a minute.
Where had everything gone wrong?
He leaned back against the streetlight, lighting a cigarette with shaking hands.
What horrible sequence of events had led him into this hell? What bad decisions could have possibly caused everything to go so unbearably wrong?
Then he saw her.
Viola could feel his eyes on her as she tried to enter the Leaky Cauldron in search of a room. After trying unsuccessfully many times to hail the Knight Bus, she had resorted to finding lodging in the only wizarding establishment she knew of in London, as shabby as it happened to be, it was warm so she didn't really care.
The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she was compelled to look over her shoulder at the man across the street. He was still looking at her, making her slightly uneasy, like an icy hand squeezing the breath from her lungs, his gaze captivated her. His liquid black eyes drilled through her, flashing dangerously from behind a windblown lock of hair.
He watched her enter the pub, and he never moved from his place across the street. He would have to leave eventually to get the wands, but for the time being he needed to wait, finish his smoke and try to calm down.
He tossed the butt of he cigarette onto the ground in disgust. He had never smoked so much in his life, as far as he could recall, and his throat was scratchy and raw, but he didn't care, as long as he was able to loosen his muscles slightly.
He was just about to start moving again when the door to the Leaky Cauldron swung open again. The innkeeper, Tom, had Viola by the arm, and was forcefully leading her out.
"I'll get money tomorrow, I just really need a place to stay!" her frightened statement floated across the street to his ears.
"Go home." the agitated old man insisted, closing the door forcefully in her face.
"Fuck!" she yelled in frustration, kicking the closed door violently, as if it would do any good. Snape found the sight of her getting kicked out of a pub in the middle of the night on Christmas eve disturbing. He watched her with interest as she looked around, attempting to hail the bus again, without success.
He shook his head in pity. The Knight Bus was never out on Christmas. She was stuck in muggle London with no money. She looked like she was going to cry, and she appeared very cold. She was in trouble, he decided. He was pulled out of his dark reverie just by the sight of her. She was like an angel to his inner demons, and he had to help her, if not just because Dumbledore would kill him if he didn't, but because he needed to do something right.
He had one more evil thing to do for the night, but he would help her first. In the midst of every vile thing he had managed to accomplish, he would do one good, and take her to Hogwarts.
Viola was getting herself into a right panic now. It was late, so very cold and stormy, she had nowhere to go, and the man across the street was still watching her. He was giving her chills, so different from the cold of the winter night. The chills were familiar though, but she couldn't remember how.
Her fear increased tenfold when the man began to walk, seemingly towards her. She almost collapsed with relief, however, when the sharp wind blew the long hair away from his face, and she recognized him.
"Professor Snape?" she asked stupidly, taking a cautions step towards him. He was the last person she had expected to run into in a situation like this. She could have laughed at her idiocy. She had thought he was some sort of madman.
"Why aren't you at home?" he asked angrily, halting in front of her.
She looked at the ground, unable to face him. She shivered in the cold, hugging herself to keep warm. She didn't really fancy explaining her current situation to her Head of House.
He eyed her repugnantly, taking in her attire before shucking off his long coat and draping it gently over her shoulders. She was enveloped suddenly by the leather coat, which was wonderfully soft velvet on the inside. It was full of lingering heat from his body, which warmed her to the bone. She wrapped it around herself protectively, breathing in his scent which clung to the fabric, so masculine and alluring.
"What the hell are you playing at?" he asked her, now quite cold himself. He had nothing on underneath the coat except a thin white shirt. Without warning, he started walked again, and she had to almost run to keep up with his long strides.
"I'll take you to Hogwarts." he said simply, without looking at her. He slowed his pace slightly so she could keep up.
"Thank you." she mumbled appreciatively. She wanted to ask whereabouts they were going, since they could just apparate to Hogwarts, but she didn't think he was in a good mood for conversation. After about ten minutes of walking in silence he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
"Keep your face covered until I say it's safe." he instructed her. "And don't say anything." she flipped up the collar of the huge coat, pulling her scarf up to her eyes, glancing up at him to see if he approved.
It seemed he did approve, because he started walking again, twice as fast as before. They arrived at a seedy looking pawn shop. He gave her a look that seemed to reinforce his prior commands, and opened the door, standing aside so she could enter and then following her in.
The shop was dimly lit, and full of things which Viola would bet her broomstick were stolen. She peered around curiously, intrigued greatly by the present events. She desperately wanted to ask Snape what he was doing here, of all places, in the middle of the night, but told herself it would have to wait until later.
He seemed loath to leave her alone, but strode purposefully to the back of the shop and pounded a fist loudly on the counter.
"Mulcibre!" he shouted through a door heading into the storage area of the building. A short, rotund sort of man with shifty eyes meandered out to face Snape across the counter.
Viola tuned out their conversation, thinking it rude to eavesdrop. She wandered around the dank little outlet, keeping her eyes down and her hands concealed in the wide sleeves of Snape's coat. As her observation of the wares brought her closer to the two men, she overheard intriguing little bits of their dialogue.
"Am I the first one back?" Snape asked him quietly.
"Yes, Wormtail told me you would be getting the wands." Mulcibre murmured, one of his strange eyes following Viola as she moved uneasily around the store. Snape noticed him watching, and lashed out, grabbing the front of his grimy shirt and pulling him over the counter.
"Look at her and I'll kill you." he growled. "Keep that lazy eye of yours on more important things, and get the goddamn wands out here." He let go of his shirt like it was a piece of garbage, glancing at Viola out of the corners of his eyes, which appeared slightly amused. She smiled slightly under the scarf, her eyes twinkling in fascination.
Mulcibre disappeared into the back room for a minute, then emerged with a brown paper bag.
"You and your whore can clear the fuck out Snape." he uttered irately. Snape nodded, grabbed the bag and exited the shop after Viola, guiding her to the door with a strong hand on her lower back.
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They are gonna hook up soon. The romance is tangible! He he . . . I am watching the hockey game as I write, and I've realised that the 2002 Stanley Cup Playoffs will be traceable later, by reading my notes at the beginning and end of these chapters, by me reporting on every game Toronto plays. The game is tied now in the third period, I hope they go into overtime, I love it when games go into overtime! It gets so intense. The series is within the grasp of Toronto.
Sorry, I feel extra Canadian today. It's snowing, and its May. Oh freakin Canada. Do you hear me God?! Oh FREAKIN CANADA!